r/lungcancer • u/ThisSelection7585 • 18d ago
Responding to the smoking question
Any advice on how to respond when someone thinks/asks if I smoked. I never smoked, I detested the idea of smoking and resent the question. Of course it’s only been from two people who hardly knew me and it is probably because they’re puzzled too about this. I don’t feel there was any malice but the implication sets me off. Maybe not everyone reacts that way. However I would love a great way to succinctly educate that there’s a lot of lung cancer that’s not due to a smoking history and convey that it could be offensive (it is to me) to some yo imply smoking so that they’re aware of that. I know there’s lots more to be concerned about 😁
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u/Anon-567890 18d ago
I am a never smoker 10 years out from a stage IV diagnosis with 7 recurrences. Not once have I felt disdain for anyone asking me if I smoked. I’ve never believed they have asked this question with any malice. Life is too short to allow questions like this to rattle you. I just shrug my shoulders and say, “if you have lungs, you can get lung cancer.” And “I quit asking why a long time ago. It doesn’t serve me.” Hope you find peace on your journey 🤍🤍
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u/GiaStonks 18d ago
Stage IV NSCLC dx'd 2014; I agree with you 100%. You only need lungs to be at risk for lung cancer. Full stop. Any further questions are just nosey. As a patient you are the only priority and you owe no explanations about any of it to anyone.
Cancers across the board are being dx'd to people younger than historically. Why aren't people screaming about microplastics? They're in every organ. In our bloodstream. There's so much more for the general population to research but smoking is a known boogeyman & it takes the heat for all of it. Every cancer type lists smoking as a potential threat. The same harm reduction efforts need to be elevated regarding microplastics. They affect EVERY BODY. Literally.
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u/Anon-567890 18d ago
Glad we are both still here fighting the good fight! I’ve been fortunate enough to go to DC with the Lung Cancer Alliance (now Go2 for Lung Cancer) to encourage increased research funding for lung cancer. It gets only 6% of the federal research funding because of the stigma of smoking. It’s important for legislators to know that if you have lungs you can get lung cancer, and how it’s increasing in younger populations. Thanks for your reply
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u/Kat3nsclc 18d ago
The percentage of non- smokers with lung cancer has increased substantially over the last few decades. The gentleman I started chemo with was a non-smoker. I was a smoker. I'm now cancer-free. stage 3 non-small cell lung cancer.
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u/FlyingFalcon1954 18d ago edited 18d ago
Would you tell us a little about your journey. Your type. Any targetable markers. Your treatment. How long you have been NED?
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u/GiaStonks 18d ago
There was a bunch of us on an online support group who started immunotherapy around the same time. 2014-2017. Opdivo and Keytruda depending on the patient. In the beginning there were stories about how immunotherapy worked better for those who continued smoking vs not (something about the immuno mechanism). None of us bought into it. 6 years later - the non-smokers died before the smokers. Probably just coincidence. It was a very small group - no more than 30. But...
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u/Typical-Meringue-890 18d ago
My mom and both had long smoking histories, and both had lung cancers that very strongly correlate with smoking. People shouldn’t do it and it is bad for health, but it does not mean what happened was less bad or that they had it coming, because they did not.
My response when someone asks me if they were smokers is “Why? Does it mean they deserved it?”
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u/Direct-Di 18d ago
Smokers were ostracized for years so if course those folks say or at least think they deserve it. I hate those folks, like you drink too much so liver is gonna die quick or your fat so heart attack.
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u/ThisSelection7585 16d ago
I know, I was a very social drinker, and my liver is quite healthy I found out…maybe I should reply “never but I drank…”
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u/missmypets 18d ago
Tell her the fastest population of lung cancer patients is never smokers under 50yo, and it happens in women twice as often as men.
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u/AmazonMAL 18d ago edited 17d ago
Non smokers have up to a 20% chance of getting lung cancer depending on risk factors and exposures.
I said this wrong. Up to 20% of lung cancers are non smokers.
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u/Heathski 18d ago
I’ve never had a puff of anything, diagnosed stage IV in 2020, it’s often the first thing people ask, I hate it, but as others have said, figure it’s more about them than me. People want to find a reason, and reassure themselves they’ll be fine.
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u/Best_Cantaloupe556 18d ago
Stage 4 nsclc - smoked forever, quit twenty years ago, surrounding by a few very supportive friends and family. One of my supportive friends was visiting and after I rambled on about how horrible I was feeling after latest infusion turned to me and said “well, you did smoke.”
Yeah, wonder how long she was holding onto that.
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u/ThisSelection7585 18d ago
And I’ve had smokers tell me it’s crazy this uptick in non smokers being diagnosed. Wow how do you/did you respond to that friend?
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u/Best_Cantaloupe556 18d ago
I didn’t respond - I knew she was thinking it - everyone thinks it. just like when you’re with someone who’s overweight and they complains about their knees. Still, it was a rotten thing to say out loud.
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u/Atlantis_442022 18d ago
Sounds like it might be time to stop referring to her as a “supportive” friend. Honestly what is wrong with people.
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u/ziggy_starcat32 18d ago
The New York Times recently had a good article about the rise of lung cancer in non-smokers. You could attempt to show it to folks, or just get some good info to share & tell them to read the article?
I'm sorry you have to deal with ignorance on top of this diagnosis 💖 you got this!!
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u/onehundredpetunias 18d ago
I honestly think that they are trying to figure out if you "deserve" it. Like anyone deserves cancer.
I think that the best response is to just ask them "Why?".
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u/ThisSelection7585 18d ago
I guess that’s my initial reaction, why I’m offended even though I didn’t ever smoke , that it’s implying I somehow put myself at risk.
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u/magicpenny 18d ago
I don’t have any recommendations. What I simply say is, “No. I’ve never smoked, not even one time in my whole life.” Of course that’s met with shock and probably disbelief.
The question does feel very blame-y though, like somehow I’m responsible for getting lung cancer and less deserving of sympathy if I smoked.
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u/Patchouli061017 18d ago
I use it as an opportunity to educate people- no.. doesn’t matter if someone did or didn’t but there are other causes of lung cancer (most unknown) and lung cancer is on the rise in women without any risk factors including smoking
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u/Impossible-State6621 Caregiver 18d ago
According to the CDC, 10-20% of lung cancers cases are among non-smokers.
https://www.cdc.gov/lung-cancer/nonsmokers/index.html
The only requirement for having lung cancer is having lungs.
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u/CharacterLeather3584 18d ago
I use it as an opportunity to educate people on lung cancer. I think people ask it to reassure themselves that it won’t get them. I let them know that the greatest risk of getting lung cancer is having lungs.
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u/ThisSelection7585 18d ago
Blame-y, that’s correct. And I think you are also in to something, that they’re reassuring themselves that it can’t happen to them. I need to step outside myself and state no I didn’t and it’s actually on the rise among non smokers and there’s no screening for it like there is for breast, colorectal, prostrate or cervix. I guess we have to educate the uninformed/ignorant in a receptive way every chance.
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u/dedmonst 18d ago
It depends on what I thought their motivation was…
If I thought they were just interested, but didn’t understand much about lung cancer I’d say “No, anyone with lungs can get lung cancer. You could get lung cancer to”
If I thought they were looking for an “out” for not caring I’d say “Why do you think that is relevant? If I said yes what would that change?”
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u/Menopausal-forever 18d ago
I was diagnosed with lung cancer 2 years ago, and literally the first question asked by EVERYONE is whether I've been a smoker. A close friend was diagnosed a week later with breast cancer. Literally nobody asked her if she'd smoked or drunk alcohol, the two biggest risk factors for BC. It is inherently unfair.
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u/Psychological-Eye864 8d ago
I was diagnosed in July of 2023.
I’m a nonsmoker with lung cancer and I get the insensitive question all the time. So many times, I stopped counting. I found it irritating, too. However, if I have time, I tell people what I truly believe but can’t prove—I got lung cancer from COVID, which I had in January 2023.
Between January and July that year, Washington DC was covered in smoke caused by Canadian Wildfires. So, COVID, bad air quality, and having lungs.
Then I found out I was in a specific demographic with a higher incidence of lung cancer with the initials FANS which is Female Asian Non Smoker.
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u/ThisSelection7585 8d ago
I hadn’t heard of FANS specifically but I believe there’s a big uptick in female non smokers as it is, I think it’d be really fascinating to research the circumstances like geographics and demographics. Fortunately most everyone who knows me didn’t think smoking it was just a couple folks who don’t really know me. Besides better screening for non smokers I think some reeducation and awareness is in order.
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u/RoomEquivalent1 18d ago
“You know genetic mutation is a thing?” What I say “Our lungs take a lot of shit everyday [in terms of bad air etc.]” What my oncologist friend says
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u/ThisSelection7585 18d ago
I hadn’t heard that one yet
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u/RoomEquivalent1 18d ago
I mean, statistically if you live long enough you’ll get cancer, because our cells divide so much it’s mathematically impossible for something to not go awry once in a while. Even if I use this to try to rationalize my mom’s stage 4 cancer (she’s 58, never smoker), it’s still hard. OP, I totally get why you get offended. I think all of us thought lung cancer is reserved for smokers only, and getting diagnosed with it as a non smoker seems like a huge betrayal. But we have a lot of pollution in the air, microplastics everywhere, and chemicals in our everyday food and objects that are contributing to more gene mutation. I don’t think I’m answering your question, but I just want to say I see you and I feel you. Hang in there and don’t give up.
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u/ThisSelection7585 18d ago
When I was in college (I’m a healthcare worker) we always learned how prostrate cancer is in every males future if nothing else gets them prostate is inevitable. I used to think that was cruel but it makes more sense like you stated if you live king enough.
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u/DenseEggplant487 Stage IV NSCLC - EGFR Exon 19 Deletion 17d ago
I think it's a natural question. Just say "No, I am a never smoker. There currently is a dramatic rise in lung cancer in never smokers."
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u/GrapefruitUpper6770 16d ago
I just say - you know if you have lungs you can get lung cancer. You could get lung cancer. Then I change the subject.
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u/Wide_Criticism_771 2d ago
My response is I never smoked, lung cancer in the 50+F population is increasing for unknown reasons, and that’s why there are so many billboards now about getting scanned for lung cancer.
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u/Atlantis_442022 18d ago
I feel like people are just trying to rule it out as a possibility for themselves. If they didn’t smoke it can’t possibly happen to them. That’s my diplomatic take on it.
My un-diplomatic take is that I find the question incredibly offensive on behalf of my partner. Mostly because he did smoke.
I personally try to avoid answering the question but sometimes my frustration with it gets the best of me. Do we ask people if they drink? If they eat deli meat? If they exercise?