Mom is going to hospice

[u/RoomEquivalent1]

Mom was hospitalized last Friday because her lungs have water and they needed to drain it. She hasn’t left and it’s unlikely she will now. She got pemetrexed Tuesday, but today the doctors say her cancer is likely so advanced that continual treatment will be dangerous (for context, she can’t even lie down because of the pain despite being on morphine). She can’t even get an MRI because of the pain, doctor thinks it’s likely her cancer has advanced far enough in the brain.

She also isn’t really eating right now and is either delirious or super sleepy. I got in a fight with my dad because I know my mom wants to be at home but dad wants her in a facility because he is afraid mom will eventually develop resistance to the oxy dosage and we won’t have morphine injection at the ready (he’s anxious - I can’t; he’s afraid she’ll develop resistance in the middle of the night and we won’t have anything. I mean fair but mom wants to be home for her last days???)

It’s so frustrating. Fuck cancer man. I think I’m literally going to die from a broken heart. I’m the youngest in my work / friends group but is the first one going thru death of a parent. So unfair. I saw how this disease ate my mom from the inside out and left her a skeleton with only skin and bones. Fuck this man.

[u/missmypets]

When my mom went into hospice, they gave us an emergency pain kit. It contained liquid morphine which we were instructed to put on her tongue in the event of severe pain.

Do you live with dad? Would you be able to spend the nights with her to change the diapers, dress her, clean her bottom of fecal matter, give her a sponge bath? She also insisted we move her, despite the great pain, to a commode. My mom hallucinated. She would try to get out of bed and wander in the dark. At one point she refused to use the commode or toilet and tried to climb on the sink to pee.

A hospice facility may be able to give her a private room. She could fill it with things from home that she wants around her. It's an alternative you could consider.

Sending hope that they find a way to give her relief. It may be that she needs to be on a strong dose of morphine and sleeps most of the time. May her landing be gentle.

[u/RoomEquivalent1 → u/missmypets]

I don’t but I’m going to move back home for a bit. I actually stayed at the hospital with her last week, rotating night shifts with my dad. I’ve been helping her with commode and bed pans (lol so I’m past that - this is some serious mother-daughter bonding experience - humor is how I cope).

At hospital she’s already mostly sleeping and my dad told me she hallucinated a bit yesterday. I know deep down she prob doesn’t have long. Her overall pain is managed right now thanks for stronger oxy dosage. She’s v constipated tho from the opioids (you win some you lose some). I think doc will prob recommend some facilities this week so, we will see. .-. I just hope when her time does come we can bring her home a bit before that.