r/lungcancer • u/RoomEquivalent1 • 8d ago

Mom is half delirious

Man, I really want to run away. I’m going to lose my composure. I can’t tell if my mom is lucid or not - she prob has some delirium. She’s been accusing me of being an ingrate (and other nasty names). Shes been insisting she wants to go home and doesn’t want treatment anymore. I mean yes that matches what she wanted before she became a bit delirious, but now I’m not sure bc she was the one who wanted to keep treating too…my dad has already lost his shit multiple times. I’m so tired, but can’t sleep bc mom would wake me up and demand some things like a child (well can’t help with that when you are end stage). My dad is gonna lose his shit again when he gets here. Like legit the nurses noticed how he’s speaking for mom. And I’m stuck in the middle

Doctor says he’s comfortable discharging her today but just needs to arrange transport. I think my dad wants hospice facility but mom wants to go home. She keeps saying she wants the wheelchair. I’m so tired. But I can’t even complain because my dad has been dealing with this for three days straight and I just one. I just want to sleep on a bed. I woke up at 7 yesterday and spent the whole day stressed out trying to get to her. She thinks everyone including me wants her to die. Sigh

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u/Atlantis_442022 8d ago

Suggest you and your dad meeting with the palliative care team. They can help you out with the consideration of an inpatient facility. We know what we are capable of, and not capable of, when it comes to home care. We are usually not medical professionals. We are usually working full time. We are often not equipped for psychological and physical full time care of a very very ill person.

Have grace with yourselves. Be honest with the palliative care team. 🩷💚

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u/RoomEquivalent1 8d ago

Yeah I think hospice definitely will be best. But she’ll yell at us for abandoning her tho :( this is so hard

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u/Atlantis_442022 8d ago

Cancer can ruin families. It is absolutely evil like that. I would imagine that having her at home would possibly tear you and your father apart in many ways as well. Which she would not want under normal circumstances.

I also imagine what she’s envisioning as “going home” is not likely reality. Even home hospice nurses only stop by here and there. The rest of the feeding, cleaning, pain management, diaper changes, mental health crisis will be 100% on you and your dad if she’s home. I personally worry about that a lot when the time comes for my partner. I know that’s not right for anyone but it’s so hard.

Sorry you are going through this. 🩷💚

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u/RoomEquivalent1 8d ago

She’s calling everyone she knows that she wants to go home. My dad is going to flip when he gets here and sees her coworker showing up. I definitely think having her at home would tear us apart. I’ve only spent a day with her with her in delirium, I already can’t take it. She’s paranoid and agitated. So frustrated. This fucking sucks. I didn’t think end stage delirium is this bad

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u/Atlantis_442022 8d ago

It sounds like her palliative care team will recommend inpatient care. That behavior is beyond normal management.

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u/RoomEquivalent1 8d ago

10000% we are not equipped to deal with this. I feel so bad we can’t take her home. I wonder if I’m being selfish (I know I’m not but the guilt ya know?)

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u/missmypets 8d ago

You are not being selfish. You've learned what your dad has gone through 24/7. Neither of you have the skills to manage her outbursts and her care. It is safer for her (and both of you) to be in a facility.

Caring for someone in this condition can destroy you health. You and dad can't help her if you're sick and worn out.