r/lungcancer 10d ago

Mom is half delirious

Man, I really want to run away. I’m going to lose my composure. I can’t tell if my mom is lucid or not - she prob has some delirium. She’s been accusing me of being an ingrate (and other nasty names). Shes been insisting she wants to go home and doesn’t want treatment anymore. I mean yes that matches what she wanted before she became a bit delirious, but now I’m not sure bc she was the one who wanted to keep treating too…my dad has already lost his shit multiple times. I’m so tired, but can’t sleep bc mom would wake me up and demand some things like a child (well can’t help with that when you are end stage). My dad is gonna lose his shit again when he gets here. Like legit the nurses noticed how he’s speaking for mom. And I’m stuck in the middle

Doctor says he’s comfortable discharging her today but just needs to arrange transport. I think my dad wants hospice facility but mom wants to go home. She keeps saying she wants the wheelchair. I’m so tired. But I can’t even complain because my dad has been dealing with this for three days straight and I just one. I just want to sleep on a bed. I woke up at 7 yesterday and spent the whole day stressed out trying to get to her. She thinks everyone including me wants her to die. Sigh

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u/cavs79 10d ago

I’m so sorry! That sounds so hard to deal with.

Is your mom open to hospice? They could help give her meds to calm her down and keep her comfortable.

Home hospice can be a great thing but it’s also mentally exhausting and traumatic. The nurses only come once a week or maybe more depending on how close the patient is to passing. But they don’t do a whole lot and the rest of the time it’s on the family to do the feeding, bathing, giving meds every hour or hours. It’s exhausting.

My brother wanted to pass at home and that is where he passed. I was with him holding his hand as he died and I can’t get it out of my mind. Although peaceful it was traumatic to me and I just can’t forget it. Watching what the body goes through as it shuts down over a period of days is terrifying to me.

I’m glad I was there for him but it’s an experience that has left me very upset and traumatized. I’ll never be able to get over it.

I think this is something you and your dad will need to discuss and decide what is best for your family.

Personally, I would choose to go to a hospice facility. After this experience I would never want to put my family through this again. I almost feel like Home hospice is cruel to family to have to witness everything.

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u/RoomEquivalent1 10d ago

We got home hospice - 1) mom wants to pass at home and we have to respect her wish 2) insurance does not cover room and board at facility.

It is absolutely exhausting. I’m seriously worried for my dad’s wellbeing. I cracked a few times today when we tried to bring her home. The hospice team will send bed and wheelchair to us so at least shuttling her around the house will be easier.

I think the hospice team told us when she’s really close we can come in for inpatient, but l will cross that bridge when I get there.

No one prepared me for the end stage delirium. This is fucking awful and heartbreaking to witness. Everyone should be able to die with dignity. I know I’m preaching to the choir here, but seriously fuck cancer for eating people’s brains from the inside out. Like fuck cancer. None of us is prepared to witness a loved one deteriorate to a shell.

I thankfully have a good support network and regularly seek psych help. I’m going to try to push my dad to get a therapist. I get that generation doesn’t believe in mental health, but this is too much. I seriously worried he’s gonna commit suicide right after mom’s passing.

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u/missmypets 8d ago

The hospice may have a social worker your dad can talk to.

Playing easy listening music from my mom's early adulthood helped keep her calm. It's worth a try.

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u/RoomEquivalent1 8d ago

They def do, but that requires my dad to believe in mental health 🥴🥴🥴 (dark humor is how I cope) I mention there’s usually grief counselor available but he said maybe later