Same goes for people that say they're smart: Any intrinsic trait really. Sometimes skills too if they're not situationally relevant.
For example, someone who randomly brings up they're handy with home repairs is probably on mount-stoopid and should never be trusted to swap out a faucet, etc.
Same here. When I identity as a nice guy I was a major racist asshole, now I treat others exactly how I would want to be treated regardless of who they are. Now people speak up for my character and I don't have to back it up in words because my actions are way louder.
It's kind of funny to me that there is this blanket ideology that in order to be a good person you need to appear to be blind to the effort it takes. As if all people who are kind are naturally that way or have to be invisible or silent about it and I think that's harmful.
I have worked hard to be a sweet person. It takes a lot of reservation to not just go into what might feel good or be advantageous. And on that note that you must be silent on good deeds to be humble. I don't brag about good deeds but I don't hide them or pretend I'm not doing good things in my community. I think being open and visible while doing good is a great way to influence others and uplift your area as long as you don't advertise for self aggrandizing purposes.
I agree that it takes effort to be kind, sometimes, and that we should be more open about that fact, but I also think you fundamentally missed the point of the niceguys subreddit, which is about people being performatively kind, and usually turning out to be the opposite of kind when actually tested.
I fully understand that sub. I don't see how what I said exemplifies self aggrandizing or claiming status to receive any kind of preferential treatment or white knighting or performative. I only mentioned it to make a differentiating statement that blaming others is a pretty solid disqualifier, but self claiming as a sweet person itself is not.
That's where the blanket sentiment is; that if you even consider yourself a nice person in any context ever, you're "NiceGuys" material. "A real sweet guy would never call himself one" nah, fuck that, be proud of who you are. If you're sweet you can say fuck yeah, I'm a goddamn teddy bear! Good people should be proud of it and open to talking about it. That doesn't equate using it for leverage. That's the difference between self-recognition and self-aggrandizement.
Some of our best good people made entire TV shows displaying what sweet humans they are, broadcasting it globally and gaining huge celebrity status in the process. I'm pretty sure Steve Irwin, Mr. Rogers, Ms. Rachel, LeVar Burton, etc. would consider themselves sweet people, does that mean they're all "NiceGuys"?
I think about these kinds of things often because I work with children and ultimately I really want them all to be great people and I work hard on figuring that out. It really does come down to communicating your good deeds to others. Like I used to pick up trash at the end of an activity in the background, but if I say "Hey guys, it's super cool to pick up trash before we leave a place!" I get lots of kids helping and eventually I don't have to say anything and they start to tell each other. And I myself have been influenced by people being open with me about the goods things they do, like bringing an extra bag to pick up garbage along trails or having spare necessities that people commonly forget.
That's kind of why I felt like writing about it in the first place. Honestly if you want to post this interaction on that sub it might open a good discussion and help build definition of the term.
It’s like if someone ever asks themselves or someone else “am I a narcissist?” Or “am I a bad person?” They are almost guaranteed not to be. Worry about your impact on people and wanting the best for people is where that comes from.
My first ex wasn't even sweet and he had the "good grace" (heavy quotes here, this fucked me UP) to dump me five minutes BEFORE fucking her. And then he told me "oh it was just a break" and we got back together for six more months. Tl;dr: don't be sixteen, ever
Eh, I exaggerate. You'll be fine. I'm 30 now and survived. Try not to take things too seriously that young is what I wish I'd known. The HS boyfriend probably won't last, you won't know these people outside of whatever curated horseshit they put up on social media in 10-15 years. Just be real and try not to beat yourself up over stuff that won't matter once you're out of high school.
In a text, no doubt. He must've watched Ross & Rachel that week.... Wish you would've been able to tell him, "Oh babe, no need to explain. I was taking our break with my new love! Bye! It's been...!" (Even if you were lying!)
Some things just take time for us to achieve & overcome ... & you did!!
PS. Only saw that show when was on reruns at midnight or later. I realized why I never watched it & other insomniac shows when they were on prime time.
Reading this and then reading your username was quite the roller coaster. I went from "Wow that sucks, what an asshole that dude was" to laughing hysterically.
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u/FleurCannon_ 2d ago
sweet guys wouldn't cheat regardless idk what's he on about