It's kind of funny to me that there is this blanket ideology that in order to be a good person you need to appear to be blind to the effort it takes. As if all people who are kind are naturally that way or have to be invisible or silent about it and I think that's harmful.
I have worked hard to be a sweet person. It takes a lot of reservation to not just go into what might feel good or be advantageous. And on that note that you must be silent on good deeds to be humble. I don't brag about good deeds but I don't hide them or pretend I'm not doing good things in my community. I think being open and visible while doing good is a great way to influence others and uplift your area as long as you don't advertise for self aggrandizing purposes.
I agree that it takes effort to be kind, sometimes, and that we should be more open about that fact, but I also think you fundamentally missed the point of the niceguys subreddit, which is about people being performatively kind, and usually turning out to be the opposite of kind when actually tested.
I fully understand that sub. I don't see how what I said exemplifies self aggrandizing or claiming status to receive any kind of preferential treatment or white knighting or performative. I only mentioned it to make a differentiating statement that blaming others is a pretty solid disqualifier, but self claiming as a sweet person itself is not.
That's where the blanket sentiment is; that if you even consider yourself a nice person in any context ever, you're "NiceGuys" material. "A real sweet guy would never call himself one" nah, fuck that, be proud of who you are. If you're sweet you can say fuck yeah, I'm a goddamn teddy bear! Good people should be proud of it and open to talking about it. That doesn't equate using it for leverage. That's the difference between self-recognition and self-aggrandizement.
Some of our best good people made entire TV shows displaying what sweet humans they are, broadcasting it globally and gaining huge celebrity status in the process. I'm pretty sure Steve Irwin, Mr. Rogers, Ms. Rachel, LeVar Burton, etc. would consider themselves sweet people, does that mean they're all "NiceGuys"?
I think about these kinds of things often because I work with children and ultimately I really want them all to be great people and I work hard on figuring that out. It really does come down to communicating your good deeds to others. Like I used to pick up trash at the end of an activity in the background, but if I say "Hey guys, it's super cool to pick up trash before we leave a place!" I get lots of kids helping and eventually I don't have to say anything and they start to tell each other. And I myself have been influenced by people being open with me about the goods things they do, like bringing an extra bag to pick up garbage along trails or having spare necessities that people commonly forget.
That's kind of why I felt like writing about it in the first place. Honestly if you want to post this interaction on that sub it might open a good discussion and help build definition of the term.
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u/64557175 1d ago
Naw, I recognize that I'm a sweet guy. But I definitely don't blame others for my actions, that's not our territory!