r/montreal • u/Excellent_Bit4635 • Jul 31 '25
Événement A raccoon ran across the highway. Now I owe $31,000. Audi RS5: 0 — Raccoon: 1
This isn’t a joke.
Last night I was peacefully vibing in the right lane of the highway, cruising in my 2022 Audi RS5 — when a raccoon decided to spawn directly into my lane like it was GTA Online.
I didn’t swerve. Didn’t brake-slam. Just accepted fate and boom. Solid hit. Pulled over… and bruh. It wasn’t “some scratches.” That raccoon violated my car.
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💀 Damage so far: • Front bumper = destroyed • Radar/lane sensors = unplugged from existence • Radiator = leaking tears • Front camera = blind • Parking sensors = having a panic attack • Underbody = dented • Active grille shutters = no longer active, just shutters • And there’s coolant everywhere — like the raccoon bled antifreeze
Estimate from Audi:
“We’re looking at around $30,000… if you’re lucky.”
I have full coverage with Belairdirect (thank the gods), but my RS5 is now chilling at the dealership like it’s in a coma, and I’m here wondering if that raccoon had a vendetta against luxury vehicles.
⸻
Questions I now have: 1. How does a raccoon do 30k in damage? Was it made of steel? Did it have a side quest? 2. Is this the most expensive raccoon hit in Canada? Should I be in a record book or something? 3. Will Belair send me a therapist? Or at least a raccoon warning system?
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Final thoughts:
I paid $291/month to insure this beast… Now I’m out a grand in deductible and a piece of my soul.
To the raccoon:
You were small… but your impact was massive. You didn’t just cross the road — you crossed into legend.
Rest in grease, little homie.
⸻
has anyone else been personally victimized by wildlife?
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u/RealNomAnor Jul 31 '25
30k? Highway robbery
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u/Excellent_Bit4635 Jul 31 '25
Facts. Except this time the bandit had fur, tiny hands, and zero insurance.
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u/EarthOk2418 Jul 31 '25
Nah bro…the bandit looks just like you and me but he has no soul, thus no morals, and lives in a building adorned by 4 rings.
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u/Tony-the-teacher Jul 31 '25
Is it dead? I mean you kinda killed one of our masked bandit, did you?
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u/Excellent_Bit4635 Jul 31 '25
I loved raccoon bro….
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u/Tony-the-teacher Jul 31 '25
Me too… Man I can still remember when they had the vigil for the one in Toronto!!!
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u/ParfaitEither284 Jul 31 '25
This is why you have insurance.
And that’s like a $100k car, hard to get sympathy from anyone here
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u/Comrad_Niko Côte-des-Neiges Jul 31 '25
Making yourself the victim here is diabolical
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u/Midnight_Maverick Jul 31 '25
He's not, he's just trying to find some humor (albeit dark) in this unfortunate situation (both for him and the raccoon).
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u/Excellent_Bit4635 Jul 31 '25
Bro crossed the highway…
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u/Kerguidou Jul 31 '25
Faque tu roulais à 160 ?
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u/Excellent_Bit4635 Jul 31 '25
130
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u/SenseDue6826 Jul 31 '25
Huh, maybe speed limits exist for a reason...
No, it's the wildlife that's wrong.
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u/kensan22 Jul 31 '25
100 ou 130 rendu là, doesn't change much does it. The little guy wouldn't be less dead as for the bumper! we'll fuck the bumper. OP were you paying (really) attention to the road or a space cadet very easy when the road is monotone) ?
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u/psykomatt 🐳 Jul 31 '25
At 100, the car and the racoon wouldn't have been on a collision course.
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u/Excellent_Bit4635 Jul 31 '25
Maybe in a perfect simulation, yeah.
But real life doesn’t run on physics textbooks. The raccoon darted out from the right shoulder into my lane, and it happened in a split second — not even time to flinch.
Whether I was doing 100 or 130, that raccoon had one mission: take the car with him 💀
Sometimes it’s not about speed it’s just bad timing and bad luck.
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u/psykomatt 🐳 Jul 31 '25
What I'm saying is that had you been going 100, you would've arrived at that same point in the road later, after the raccoon had finished crossing.
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u/Excellent_Bit4635 Aug 01 '25
Yes i get it bro i would say just 10 seconds difference could have changed something
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u/kensan22 Jul 31 '25
Sur thin, yes, ten racoon timed its movements to the speed limit but OP was having none of it.
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u/psykomatt 🐳 Jul 31 '25
Are you suggesting that the raccoon intentionally darted out in front of the car?
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u/Excellent_Bit4635 Jul 31 '25
It came out of nowhere , popped out from the right straight into my lane.
I had someone else in the car with me, and honestly, there was zero time to react or “manage the situation” any better. No swerve, no brake slam, just pure bad timing.
It wasn’t about not paying attention… it was just one of those freak moments where even full focus wouldn’t have changed the outcome.
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u/kensan22 Jul 31 '25
Out of curiosity where exactly did this happen? I tend to drive a lot when it's dark, I've never seen racoon on the highway (autoroute), des marmottes oui mais pas de ratons. Parcomètre je les vois souvent sur la 116.
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u/Kristalderp Aurora Desjardinis Jul 31 '25
Nah even if he went the speed limit, the bumper would of still got fucked. Sports cars crumple/break easier and look a lot worse off than using a normal car.
If dude hit the racoon in a regular car would of been an easy fix or a "Ah well, that sucks. No need to tell l'assurance, we'll keep going."
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u/DoublePlusGood__ Saint-Laurent Jul 31 '25
Most people who buy luxury cars don't fully grasp what a financial liability they are.
RIP to the raccoon
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u/jaylikesjays Jul 31 '25
30k is absolutely insane, get a second opinion. And if it's still 30k, buy a used car and save 10k lol. RIP to the raccoon, gone too soon.
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u/Who_Dat_1guy Jul 31 '25
the lawyers around me would line up to sue the raccoons family while promising you millions in compensation....
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u/Odd_Assumption_8124 Jul 31 '25
Car repairs are getting absolutely ridiculous, clearly a scheme to get money from insurance companies and also sell more cars. If you had a broken headlight your car would almost be considered totaled which doesn’t make any fucken sense.
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u/Excellent_Bit4635 Jul 31 '25
Yeah, they must’ve gold-plated the bumper and hand-blown the coolant reservoir glass. Either that or German engineering is just that bougie.
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u/Adirondack587 Jul 31 '25
About 10 years ago I drove a taxi in a remote town. About 4 am one morning , just cruising down the highway in my new Grand Caravan and same as you , a small fox crossed and did lots of damage to my bumper
Van’s drive ability wasn’t affected , a month later in a bigger city, found some dude who had replacement Dodge parts . Under $100, unpainted , just ripped off the old one and clipped the new one on, didn’t care if my van was “2-tone” now
I know COVID has severely affected inflation , and you drive a sporty German import , but yeah , $30K damage from a raccoon ? Wild
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u/RamboTaco Jul 31 '25
30k for what ? These people have no shame
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u/Zealousideal_Cup416 Jul 31 '25
If someone's willing to drop 70-90K on a car, may as well fleece them for all they got.
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u/RamboTaco Jul 31 '25
The issue is that luxury car practices influence repair industry pricing. We all end up paying more....
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u/AbhorUbroar Notre-Dame-de-Grâce Jul 31 '25
Almost getting your car totalled by a raccoon is hilarious.
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u/Ashkandi_ Aug 01 '25
New cars have way too many sensors and shit like that. Same shit would happen to my old car it would be under a grand.
Also going 130...
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u/Thesorus Plateau Mont-Royal Jul 31 '25
- How does a raccoon do 30k in damage?
Racoons are not that small...
Speed, inertia and plastic and aluminium parts and the fact Audi can charge you whatever they want to repair your car.
Also, it's a probably part of the crumble zone, it's made to absorb impact forces.
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u/Montreal4life Jul 31 '25
it's good you didn't swerve, you could have ended much worse... it's also illegal to swerve for small animals like racoons
who quoted you this? insurance is paying so wtv I guess, pay to play... modern cars you probably have radar detection and a bunch of other crap so the price quote sadly doesn't surprise me
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u/Excellent_Bit4635 Jul 31 '25
Exactly all about the freaking tech …. But yes, you are totally right
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u/Kristalderp Aurora Desjardinis Jul 31 '25
Wait, Illegal to swerve for small animals? Whaaa? When was this law put in place?
When I got my license it was reccomended to not swerve to avoid smaller animals at high speeds & multiple lanes with the exception being for deer or larger sized animals as those will kill you if you plow into them.
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u/Kerguidou Jul 31 '25
C'est pas illégal. Comme tu dis, c'est plus sécuritaire de frapper un petit animal que de changer de voie. Si c'est un orignal, tassez-vous de d'là par exemple.
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u/Montreal4life Aug 01 '25
peutetre j'ai mal compris mais dans les lois t'es au moins obliger d'appeler quand tu frappe un animal sur la route quand ils depassent un certain poids... j'ai penser aussi t'a pas le droit de "swerve" quand c'est petit... en tout cas, comme tu dit, c'est trop dangereux de swerve quand c'est un petit animals... meme des fois avec les plus gros swerver n'est pas la meilleur option... faut toujours savoir quescequ'il est a notre gauche et droit quand on conduit sur les route, "always be aware", et tu peut toujours faire les meilleure decisions pour la situation
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u/Montreal4life Aug 01 '25
swerving/reporting... example if you see a deer maybe swerving is still not the best idea however you should report hitting it, a racoon or something never swerve and no need to report
for the larger animals all dependent... always be aware of your surroundings imagine swerving right into an 18 wheeler to avoid a deer? you might end up dead... but if you're in a yaris and there's no one in the lane next to you do what you need to do, deer and moose can be fatal in cars
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Jul 31 '25
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u/Excellent_Bit4635 Jul 31 '25
You’re right… RIP to the raccoon.
He died a warrior — took on a 444h German coupe head-on and left a $31,000 legacy.
But let’s not forget: my car didn’t cross the road. It just got crossed by fate, fur, and fiberglass carnage.
So yeah, I mourn the raccoon…
But insurance just mourned their quarterly profits.
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u/Academic-Comparison3 Jul 31 '25
Un bumper de la cour à scrap @ 75$ sur ma fit 2013 🫣j’espère que ton véhicule te procure beaucoup de plaisir