r/multiplemyeloma • u/popsicle1001 • 21h ago
Getting a second (or 3rd) opinion, how to handle?
How do you approach getting a second opinion (for those that do)? Do you tell your oncologist? Only tell them if it differs? Do you continue to consult with a second Dr or just pick one team or the other?
It just seems so awkward.
For context I got a second opinion for a new diagnosis. They more or less concur with the first doc and both are myeloma specialists. I want to keep working with my current team but continue to consult with the second dr as they have access to a lot of clinical trials and are very knowledgeable, at a big center.
I told my primary I wanted to get one and they encouraged it but want to tell my oncologist now and not sure how to handle it. My primary said Drs should not be upset over 2nd opinions. Thoughts?
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u/clowncarl 21h ago
A reasonable oncologist does not get offended about a second opinion. Stop worrying so much. You literally have cancer.
On the bright side, most practices discuss new diagnoses as a group with each other. So each opinion you received is probably the consensus of like four or five doctors altogether. I hope that’s a comfort!
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u/WestRelationship415 20h ago
Hey, I’m reading between the lines when you mentioned the 2nd opinion is part of a large center w access to more trials. If true, this is what I have done. Initially, I interviewed MM specialists at UCSF & Stanford. We chose UCSF with a local oncologist for day to day treatment with the UCSF direction. This has worked very well for me for the past 14 years. I would rather have a team working on all aspects and sharing information. I wish you luck in your next step. It’s a journey.
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u/sf040581 20h ago
My doctor was not upset I went for a second opinion. And they were the same and I was much more comfortable with the first doctor team, been with them since.
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u/DirectGiraffe8720 20h ago
I asked for a second opinion from my surgical oncologist and they referred me to a different hospital. It saved my life.
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u/Maleficent-Swim-2257 9h ago
My son pushed me to get a second opinion, found me a doc at an NCI, who was old enough (but not too old), published, and of course an MM specialist. IN MY CASE, it was the best thing I could have done. I was on DVRd when my local oncologist would not have had that option as SOP. My doc is on front lines of current & future developments in clinical trials and sees 50 MM cases a week...and puts up with every stupid question I ask! Oh, and I just like him and his team.
I am a loyal person by nature so it was hard getting a second opinion, sharing that with my 1st doc, and changing docs, but I'm glad I did. It became more apparent when I moved and had to get monthly treatment at another cancer specialist, though I still travel to see my NCI doc quarterly. Comprehensive care is the way to go if you can get it.
It's like the old joke, you never want to take your car to a mechanic who pops the hood and says, "Golly, I've never see one of theses before!"😁
good luck
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u/Dijon2017 5h ago
It’s not unusual for patients to get a 2nd or 3rd opinion. As a physician, I can assure you that many doctors get 2nd or 3rd opinions, especially if it’s a field of medicine that’s not in their wheelhouse/specialty.
In my personal and professional experience, any doctor that gets offended likely has an ego problem. All of my oncologist (medical, surgical and radiation) knew I was getting a 2nd (and in one case a 3rd) opinion and they all encouraged it.
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u/popsicle1001 5h ago
Thanks. Do you mean physicans get 2nd or 3rd opinions for themselves, when they are the patient?
I just didnt tell my oncologist beforehand so don't want her to be offended when I tell her.
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u/Dijon2017 3h ago
Yes. Physicians do it often when they have medical issues that are in a specialty outside their field of practice, which is why most don’t take offense if their patients’ do. Even some physicians with a medical issue/condition within their specialty will get a 2nd/3rd opinion (within a speciality, there could be a further subspecialty). In general, physicians tend to be a collaborative group…they will bounce questions and ideas they have about themselves or a patient informally (curbside consult) with their colleagues.
When it comes to cancer, many hospitals actually have a tumor board, multiple physicians (oncologists, pathologists, radiologists, etc.) meet weekly (at my hospital) to discuss different oncology cases. It’s primarily done anonymously (patient initials, not names) where a physician with a complex, complicated patient, interesting or rare cancer is presented to the group. Presenting and discussing a clinical case is something that starts in medical school and usually continues throughout one’s practice (e.g. M&M, going to medical conferences, etc.).
In any event, it’s your health that is the main concern. You have the right to seek out a 2nd or 3rd opinion if you have questions, concerns, didn’t vibe/establish a rapport with a physician, want to consult with a doctor at an NCI cancer center or whatever reason. You have to do what is most important to you and what makes you most comfortable. I don’t think most physicians get offended. Caring and compassionate physicians understand and genuinely want what is best for their patients.
Secondly, many patients can have 2 oncologists. I had a local medical oncologist and one at MSK while I was receiving active chemotherapy (even though it was < 1 hr 30 mins away with heavy traffic). They communicated with each other.
The Radiation oncologist at MSK was my 3rd opinion because it took so long to get it to see them. I just wanted to make sure that I had their opinion to compare to the 2 others I had seen. She actually recommended a slightly different protocol which the local radiation oncologist I saw agreed to follow. I chose the local radiation oncologist that was a bit further than the first one because I thought we “got along better” as they made themselves and their staff very accessible and it would be 5 days per week for 6 weeks (30 sessions).
In short, your health is more important than a potential doctor being offended (being in their feelings) because you sought out a 2nd opinion. If that should be their response, you may want to reconsider if you want them to remain being involved with your care. This is because that response isn’t typical, especially in the field of oncology.
Although a categorically different experience, but think about it this way…many people shop (think “consult”) for a new car or home…looking for what is “the best fit” for them. And, there is absolutely nothing wrong with doing so.
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u/thisisscorpion 4h ago
Please get a 2nd opinion. I was led to believe I only had a few years left and then got a 2nd & 3rd opinion that confirmed I was misdiagnosed and was getting treatment that was actually making my cancer worse. I switched Drs and am now on the right treatment path and doing much better with a MUCH better prognosis. It is worth it just to be sure you’re getting the best care for your cancer. I didn’t tell my oncologist until after the 2nd opinion said I was misdiagnosed. My original doctor didn’t agree until I got a 3rd opinion that confirmed the same. The 2nd opinion was from MD Anderson and the 3rd from Sloan Kettering. I am now being treated at Sloan Kettering. Both MDA and Sloan were willing to collaborate and work out the best path of treatment because I live in a different state. I now travel to Sloan for appointments which is exhausting but has proven to be life saving for me. Best of luck and trust your gut!
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u/thisisscorpion 4h ago
Just to clarify, I saw this post in R/cancer, I have stage 3c ovarian cancer and was originally diagnosed and treated for high grade and it is actually low grade which requires an entirely different treatment.
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u/Andromeda921 21h ago
My dad is a doctor. Trust me, they want you to get a second opinion if you feel you should. It’s not competitive, and often leads to more collaboration — and in the oncology community, there are docs who specifically specialize in MM. Don’t be shy about it. It’s your body and your health. Ask your oncologist who they would recommend.