r/news • u/MIngmire • Jan 09 '18

Dad turns in teenage son after finding child pornography on cell phone

http://www.kmov.com/story/37226711/dad-turns-in-teenage-son-after-finding-inappropriate-pictures-on-phone
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u/funsizedaisy Jan 10 '18

What's confusing about men being more afraid of being falsely accused of rape is that they actually have a much higher chance if being a rape victim than being falsely accused of rape.

Sorry I'm changing the subject, I agree with what you your point was just gonna rant a little. It pisses me off that men drown out women's rape cries because they're afraid of being falsely accused (and that they think being falsely accused is more relatable). Men can't seem to grasp that they themselves can be raped. The probability of a man getting raped is much higher than the probability of a man getting falsely accused. End rant.

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u/Kurokotsu Jan 10 '18

A lot of men just assume is that they can't be raped. That, somehow, they're immune to it. Or that, if they are, it's with another guy. It seems there's this huge thing on not being able to be raped by a woman, for...whatever dumb reason people come up with. But it happens. And it happens when you least expect it. And even if you go 'Oh my god, I'm getting raped', you can't just stop it, or keep it from progressing. Things happen, abusers learn their targets sometimes, and it's so insidious. That's how it happened, both times. It was known that making a fuss would be outside of comfort levels, so things escalated without bringing others in.

...But men seem focused more nowadays on being accused and trying to defend themselves, rather than having to be the ones living in fear of ever accusing someone else, or how they'd be called liars for trying.

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u/whelpineedhelp Jan 10 '18

Yeah it just doesn't FEEL that way to them

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u/Aleucard Jan 10 '18

It's a cultural thing I think. Regardless of statistics, for most people men getting raped just does not compute. It's far more likely in the minds of the public for males to be the aggressor there, and females to be the target (with the singular exception of child rapists, in which case all bets are off).

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u/whelpineedhelp Jan 10 '18

Patriarchy strikes again

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u/jumperpl1 Jan 10 '18

I think it stems from a misguided feeling of control.

You see the same thing with people being afraid of airline travel even though driving is statistically more dangerous.

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u/funsizedaisy Jan 10 '18

I think it comes from men being in denial that they can be raped. Society still hasn't caught up to the fact that a woman can rape a man. We raise men to think it can't happen to them but it does. And they won't be believed either just like women aren't. Rape causes different struggles between men and women but it creates struggles none-the-less.

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u/jumperpl1 Jan 10 '18 edited Jan 10 '18

That denial is what I mean when I say it's a misguided feeling of control.

If you ask a random dude on the street if 'a woman can rape a man' they'd likely respond in the affirmative, but rephrase the question to 'if a woman could rape them' and you'd get a similar answer to if you'd asked 'what would happen if you had to fight a wolf?'

People generally have a inflated sense of their own ability and it messes with their ability to empathize with a situation.

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u/_illusion Jan 10 '18

Sure but at the same breath these men are appalled women can be cautious bc wtf they’re not rapists these women must just hate men.

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u/jumperpl1 Jan 10 '18

Ignorance is easier than empathy, unfortunately.

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u/SleeplessinRedditle Jan 10 '18

I've experienced both. Getting forcibly buttfucked by a broom def didnt feel good. But when it was done it was done.

Years later I was breaking up with a girl. It wasn't going well. I was bleeding and bruised by the time she said she was going to tell them I raped her. The physical was nothing. The absolute, utter panic that gripped me when she said that will never leave me. There is no record of that. It isn't included in statistics. She didn't follow through on it. But I had nightmares for weeks.

That doesn't mean I automatically disbelieve women who come forward. But I have to be at least as skeptical as I would have wanted people to be with me then.

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u/funsizedaisy Jan 10 '18

I'm so sorry you had to go through that :/

Nothing wrong with being skeptical when you don't know all the facts. But damn, dudes will be saying the chick is lying even when there's facts. I saw a video of a dude chasing a chick in a store and he literally said, "I hate to do this, but I need some pussy". And dudes commented on the video still in straight up denial that he was trying to rape her.

I'm sorry you had to experience both and I hope you're heads in a better place now.

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u/SleeplessinRedditle Jan 10 '18

Thanks. I'm fine now. Rarely think about it. But once in a while something reminds me that there is a darker timeline where I'm still in jail.

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u/Hoffmeister25 Jan 10 '18 edited Jan 10 '18

This only makes sense if you’re treating men as a uniform category instead of disaggregating them into individuals for whom the likelihood of being raped vs. being falsely accused of rape can vary wildly. The sort of guy who would have a relatively higher probability of being accused of rape may be very different from the sort of guy who would have a higher probability of being raped.

Rape isn’t just something that has an equal chance of happening to anyone at any time; there are circumstances that can significantly increase or decrease the chances of a rape occurring, and many men - as well as many women - can be confident that the types of circumstances they are most often faced with present a relatively low probability of being the victim of rape.

Similarly, there are factors that can make a man more or less likely to be put in a position where he’s at risk of being falsely accused of rape. (A gay man who never has sex with women, for example, can be highly confident that he will probably never be falsely accused by a woman of raping her.)

So, it stands to reason that the men whom you see raising alarms about false rape accusation are probably from a demographic group or lifestyle community in which they’ve calculated that their odds of being accused of rape are significantly higher than their odds of being raped, and it’s pretty reasonable to think they might be right.

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u/funsizedaisy Jan 10 '18

You make a great point and may be right. But why do all the men who comment on rape news stories say she's lying? Ok maybe not all, there's always at least a few dudes who show sympathy for the woman. If men in group 1 are more likely to be accused, and group 2 are more likely to be raped, I just wanna know why only group 1 ever feels the need to comment on rape stories? It's so rare to see group 2 pop in and show sympathy to the rape victim. Even with stories like Brock Turner who was found guilty I very rarely see guys commenting on it. Group 1 don't comment on it but neither does group 2. It's like the only time men feel like talking about rape is to bitch at women for lying about it.

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u/GhostBond Jan 10 '18

I agree with a lot of your post, but -

(A gay man who never has sex with women, for example, can be highly confident that he will probably never be falsely accused by a woman of taping her.)

Even women disguised themselves as men have been accused of raping women with their (non-existent) penis:
www.bbc.com/news/amp/magazine-39705424

"I was called Uncle Hussein, I didn't tell anyone my actual name was Pili. Even today if you come to the camp you ask for me by that name, Uncle Hussein."...Pili says that nobody suspected that she was a woman..."I acted like a gorilla," she says, "I could fight, my language was bad, I could carry a big knife like a Maasai [warrior]. Nobody knew I was a woman because everything I was doing I was doing like a man."...A local woman had reported that she'd been raped by some of the miners and Pili was arrested as a suspect..."When the police came, the men who did the rape said: 'This is the man who did it,' and I was taken to the police station," Pili says...She had no choice but to reveal her secret (that she was actually a woman and not a man). She asked the police to find a woman to physically examine her, to prove that she couldn't be responsible, and was soon released.

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u/pacifismisevil Jan 10 '18

It's like how people talk much more on reddit about the risk of being murdered by the police than by a civilian. A civilian murdering somebody is not an interesting story, but the police are expected to protect us so it is an extremely newsworthy topic by comparison. Doesn't matter that unjustified police killings are probably 1000 times less likely than civilian murders. Things that are abnormal generate more interest.

Terrorism generates more interest than traffic accidents, even though traffic accidents are far more likely. The news is far more likely to cover mild corruption in Israel, than the execution of gays in Palestine, because Israel is a civilized country. And yes this leads some ignorant people to think Israel is worse than Palestine since it gets criticised more but if the news started to cover both sides equally, people would stop paying attention because it would be far too boring.

Everyone already knows that people can be violent against us, but there's something extra offending in a false accusation and in how easy it is to get away with. The justice system simply can't cope with the fact it's easy to frame somebody, or it'd have to let out the vast majority of inmates and the guilty people would mostly go free too. Lots of people don't realise the risk of being falsely accused. Would you like to see every rape case in the news? You'd turn it off.

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u/Older_Man_Of_The_Sea Jan 10 '18

How does “men complaining about false accusations” drown out anything?

To other men, yes, being falsely accused is relatable. Just because it is something that they can relate to doesn’t mean that they can’t comprehend that they can be raped themselves. Yes, men can relate more to something that is statically less likely to happen to them. Being falsely accused of something is a situation that a lot of people have actually experienced. Everything from stealing office supplies or lying on a resume, to assaulting someone or murder, when it happens it can be horrible on different levels. Not everyone has been through anything even remotely close to rape.

People don’t examine statistics when they decide to think about how they would act in a situation. Also, a man getting raped doesn’t make the headlines, a man getting falsely accused does.

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u/Mobely Jan 10 '18

True, but that rape is most likely going to happen in jail. Which is where you go if a woman accuses you of rape.

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u/oberon Jan 10 '18

I would rather be raped than be falsely accused of raping someone else.

If I'm victimized, then I can control who knows. I can decide who to tell, and when. Sure I'm not in control for the few minutes of the rape, but once it's over I can at least exercise some control over how I deal with it. (And frankly I've already been sexually abused, harassed, and assaulted; twice by women. I have the tools to cope already in place.)

But if I get accused of rape, I have zero control. Over anything. My life, my future, who finds out, who believes whom, etc. My remaining years on Earth are in the hands of strangers, most of whom do not have my best interest in mind.

So yeah, the chance that it will happen is tiny. But if it ever did, the fallout would be life shattering in a way that being a victim would not.

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u/Arreeyem Jan 10 '18

I'm not saying you're wrong. I have no evidence either way. That being said, you have provided zero evidence for this claim.

People don't like to talk about it, but the nature of rape makes it IMO the most difficult crime to consistently enforce. The only difference between rape and sex is the mentality of both parties during the act and since thoughts can't be quantified, it's really a matter of who you believe (something which can be easily manipulated). So to claim to have a definitive number of false rape allegations, or even an approximation, is bullshit.

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u/funsizedaisy Jan 10 '18

Source.

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u/Arreeyem Jan 10 '18

Thank you for the context. I would like to point out this paragraph in the source.

The determination that a report of sexual assault is false can be made only if the evidence establishes that no crime was committed or attempted. This determination can be made only after a thorough investigation. This should not be confused with an investigation that fails to prove a sexual assault occurred. In that case the investigation would be labeled unsubstantiated. The determination that a report is false must be supported by evidence that the assault did not happen. (IACP, 2005b, pp. 12-13; italics in original)

So while you are technically correct, you'd be more correct in saying that a male has a greater chance of being raped than being exonerated of rape.

Edit: I would like to point out that I do believe most unsubstantiated rape cases are NOT false allegations but to say none of them are is ridiculous.

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u/Theslootwhisperer Jan 10 '18

Ah, men. That homogeneous group of people who all think alike. The patriarchal mind hive... Sarcasm aside, I honestly don't know what would be worse for me. Being raped or ending up in jail on false rape claims...Both extremely traumatic events.

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u/funsizedaisy Jan 10 '18

Both really are fucked up situations. I don't think one is worse than the other. It just bothers me that every time a rape story comes out men come out of the woodwork to say she's lying. If only they could see from the perspective that they'd most likely be in which is the rape victim. Men aren't doing women, or themselves, any favours by responding to rape cases like that. It's even harder for men to press rape charges and those dudes are making it even harder.

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u/GhostBond Jan 10 '18 edited Jan 10 '18

It just bothers me that every time a rape story comes out men come out of the woodwork to say she's lying. If only they could see from the perspective that they'd most likely be in which is the rape victim.

We're force fed a series of stories that are exclusively meant to push a gender warfare "straight white males are all evil" narrative while being designed to make women feel scared and helpless.

At the same time one of those later-proven-false stories was being pushed, a different woman at a different college was clearly raped by several men. It was clear, they were convicted, and jailed. It was a back page story that almost no one heard about. Because it didn't fit the narrative. It was clear what happened so their was no drama for the news. The men were not white so they didn't fit the narrative.

The reason you so consistently see men saying the stories are fame, is because the clear rape stories never reach you, while the very dubious stories ate pushed at us. And then carefully edited to fit a narrative, and spun to sound as frightening as possible.

If there was a weekly story about how all women are crazy greedy mentally unstable bitches out to get you, all carefully cherry picked for maximum hysteria, leading to a situation where a man could simply say "she's crazy" and the police would haul her off the years in jail while telling everyone she knows that she's a morally corrupt degenerate -

You wouldn't be saying "we should support this" either. We're not getting a random assortment of stories, the stories the stories that specifically encourage gender warfare are the ones being pushed.