r/nursing • u/Suspiciliscious • Jun 21 '25
Nursing Hacks How do you respond when a pt’s family makes it well known that ThEy aRe a NuRsE?
I always just say “oh good, hope you’re enjoying your day off” and ignore them while I start a convo with the patient.
Did that one time and said family member did the “exca-uuuuuuse me” and I reminded them I can 100 percent fulfill my job duties without them in the room.
Had to have a talk with my manager after 🤣reminded them that my duty is to the patient and no one else. Was worth it and I’ve done it again and again and again.
Curious to see how everyone else handles these situations.
Edit: I am asking this related to the Karen’s and Kevin’s who say this to try and weaponize their presence in the room.
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u/Apricotplum34 Jun 21 '25
I play nice and thank them for being here to advocate for their family. It seems to diffuse them pretty well.
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u/Tarothoe BSN, RN 🍕 Jun 21 '25
That is a very mature and holistic care response. They do just want to be heard.
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u/sweaty-spaghettti Jun 21 '25
Yes this. I have to remind myself that it’s their loved one and they are scared too.
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u/ALightSkyHue BSN, RN 🍕 Jun 21 '25
absolutely. letting them know you hear their concerns and validate their worries ie q2h turns, finding the person they want to talk to, getting the pt out of bed etc. sometimes they're not wrong and they're just worried and know their family member doesn't advocate for themself very well.
still annoying tho but i get it
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u/AnytimeInvitation CNA 🍕 Jun 22 '25
I get annoyed when pts have a huge number of visitors but at the same time I'm happy they have that support network. Just as long as I don't have to get them all ice waters. They can go to the vending machines for that.
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u/Pamlova RN - ICU 🍕 Jun 22 '25
And like .. as a nurse? I've been at bedside like wtf on multiple occasions. So I cut them a lot of slack.
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u/Thin-Sheepherder-312 Jun 21 '25
Great! Can you help boost your dad?!
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u/Worldly-Yam3286 RN 🍕 Jun 21 '25
I stayed with my mom when she was in the hospital. I told people I was a nurse, but that was cuz I wanted to let them know that I could help with stuff like walking my mom to the bathroom, boosting her in bed, getting her iced water, etc.
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u/WhatsYourConcern8076 ED Tech, Nursing Student ❤️🔥 Jun 21 '25
This! Visited my grandma today and said I was a nursing student (I am). She happily told me the plan for my grandmother and let me help boost her
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u/Pineapple_and_olives RN 🍕 Jun 21 '25
I work postpartum and recently taught a husband how to help boost his wife! She was post c section and on mag for pre eclampsia so sis needed some help to move. He was cool.
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u/snarkrn RN 🍕 Jun 21 '25
“Oh cool! We have a lot of those here! Lolz”
Or, “Where do you work? How long have you worked there? Oh, before the merger, how do you feel about that? Still a good place to work?” I ask 10,000 questions while I’m doing care and they are either overwhelmed and don’t want to say two words to me the rest of the time they’re there, or they prove they are not, in fact, a nurse and now we both know it.
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u/Laughorgtfo RN - L&D Jun 21 '25
Yup. Depends so much on the tone of voice. I think some people are just excited about their career, or let it slip somehow, and making conversation with them is actually really fun. Sometimes it's even a relief to be able to speak to them about their symptoms without having to explain every little thing. I had a PACU nurse as a patient the other day and I was like, "yo, your urine output has been less than 30mL for the past 2 hours, gotta let the doctors know." And she was like, "yup, absolutely." That was it. No explanation. No questions. She got it.
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u/lmcc0921 RN - Informatics Jun 21 '25
I will out myself as a nurse if I’m the patient and I want them to speed the explanations along lol. I was diagnosed with trigeminal neuralgia and I had the sweetest doctor with a great bedside manner who was really good at explaining and teaching but I just wanted to lay back down in the dark and for him to order the meds and leave me alone lol.
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u/wallbrack RN, BSN - Cardiac ICU Jun 22 '25
Patient’s daughter claimed she was an ED nurse so I started speaking a bunch of nurse-lingo to her. She asked me what a troponin was. Sweet summer child.
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u/Academic_Message8639 RN - ER 🍕 Jun 22 '25
I had a similar situation happen. Child was very overbearing, speaking for the patient, etc. They said they were a nurse but I suspected they were not just based on their reactions to some things and not anticipating things that I felt a nurse would anticipate. However, I gave them the benefit of the doubt for a while. I switched to speaking full nurse lingo. They asked, “what is a troponin?” I explained it nicely but inside I was like yeah lol, you’re not a nurse and now we both know.
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u/Efficient-Chest-3395 Jun 22 '25
A coworker once said "I have medicine here, it's called Hydralazine, maybe ht e"nurse" here can tell you all what it's for."
In my experience "nurse" means their cousin's neighbor's best friend's niece is thinking about going to CNA school. 100%.
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u/nadafradaprada LPN to S-RN Jun 22 '25
Isn’t it wild how often they are not in fact a nurse??
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u/Purple_soup BSN, RN 🍕 Jun 22 '25
I’m a nurse, but I work at a school. When my dad was in the hospital my mom told all the nurses that her daughter is a nurse (she’s a proud retired lpn, not in a complaining way). When i got there I was like no sir, speak to be like I’m an idiot, none of my patients are over the age of ten. I’m out of my depth on cardiac icu.
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u/ChicVintage RN - OR 🍕 Jun 22 '25
Same, I ask the right questions and it will tip them off but I'm a pediatric OR nurse. I worked on an adult floor but that was over a decade ago, and I don't remember much about aging adults so please ELI5.
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u/Krelyx Jun 21 '25
Fart in the room and when they protest, just say “you’re a nurse you should know its natural”
Works 50% of the time every time
On a more real note, when they tell me they’re a nurse. I just say “Nice, me too”. I am a dad and it’s now ingrained in me to make these jokes.
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u/wazzledazzle RN - Med/Surg 🍕 Jun 21 '25
I say the same too!! (not a dad though)
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u/Krelyx Jun 21 '25
Being a dad is just a state of mind
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u/Doom_and_Drips RN - Cath Lab 🍕 Jun 21 '25
Ok Pedro 😂
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u/ProcrastinatingOnIt Nursing Student🍕/Paramedic🚑 Jun 21 '25
Heehee sorry, my other daddy is calling
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u/I_Lv_Python LPN 🍕 Jun 21 '25
i am a new grad (3 months). had a wife really super active in listening and you could tell she is a nurse by the way she was so active in care, when she went out, I whisper to her husband “Is she a nurse”, he nodded his head.
his icu nurse wifey helped me start an IV on her husband, even though it was not ordered just for me to practice. she said its okay, she said previous iv is at the wrong spot (wrist) We all consent. so I started. it was good experience. she was really encouraging and said I did a good job.
as a new grad I dont mind. 4 of my patients were icu nurse for 30-40 years and they were really encouraging. i disclosed to them when I made a med error in a shift and they were like ohh it happens make sure you do your rights next time.
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u/melxcham Nursing Student 🍕 Jun 21 '25
I saw a family member putting a gait belt on my pt and asked what they were up to. “Oh just going for a walk”. I’m like, cool let me help you. Husband goes, “it’s okay, she’s a physical therapist… at this hospital”
Ok, carry on then
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u/constipatedcatlady BSN, RN - ER 🚑 Jun 21 '25
Bahaha that’s great
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u/melxcham Nursing Student 🍕 Jun 21 '25
It was cute. She said she didn’t wanna bother us because we’re busy & she walks people every day at work anyway. That’s definitely me as a family member lol I won’t say anything but you better believe I’ll help them before pushing that call light!
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u/BabyTBNRfrags EMS Jun 22 '25
Whenever I’ve been in the hospital personally, I feel like I’m in preschool again with how much stuff I have to ask for help with. They’ve made me use the call light to go to the bathroom(which was in the same room). That’s probably more to due to the fact that ambulatory micu patients aren’t normally a thing.
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u/HauntMe1973 RN - Med/Surg 🍕 Jun 21 '25
This happened to me before too! I work nights and never see PTs lol
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u/07072021m_t Jun 22 '25
Yes, this is how we should help each other- so glad you had that experience! I still remember back when I was a new grad and shortly off of orientation. I was on a neuro step down unit and got a young adult TBI right from ICU at the start of my shift. The patient was more complex than I had on my own- trach and tube feeds, lots of meds and behaviors due to his injury. A few minutes later one of our really experienced nurses stopped by- it was her family. I was initially even more nervous but instead of judging me or taking over, she stayed for a couple hours after the end of her shift. She helped me get the patient settled and spent alot of time helping to educate the rest of the family, many of which had not seen the patient yet due to visitor restrictions in icu, and bridging the language gaps. It was a great learning experience- both on how to settle that type of patient but also how to support another nurse from the family role. I have tried to pay it forward over the years when in the patient/ family role.
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Jun 21 '25
LMAOOO..."hope you're enjoying your day off". Can I borrow that?
When someone says that they are a nurse, I just nod. I wear a mask at work and I think people who inform me of their nursing career have no idea how to read me because they don't see my facial expression. Then I move on to the patient. My favorite time someone said that to me, she later told me she had no bedside experience, but worked as a case manager and knows complex care better than I do. I don't know if she thought that would intimidate me, but I had a good laugh out of that one. She also freaked out when a bag of LR was done because the pump said "air in line" and she said I'd given her husband an air embolism. Good times.
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u/Effective-Hat-7255 MSN, RN Jun 21 '25
Oh for F’s sake, what an idiot. I’m an RNCM and I swear we’re not all that bad (read: arrogant and dumb).
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u/sexycann3lloni RN - Hospice 🍕 Jun 21 '25
Same!! I’m an RNCM and can definitely admit I have like 2 acute care skills that I can do
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u/Local_Historian8805 RN - Med/Surg 🍕 Jun 21 '25
Look up their name on state board website.
Usually they are cna
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u/Pepsisinabox BSN, RN, Med/Surg Ortho and other spices. 🦖 Jun 21 '25
Just remind them that its a protected title and thats illeeeeegal woho
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u/Babypeanut808 CNA 🍕 Jun 21 '25
I’m a CNA and like my dad will say I’m a nurse and I’m so quick to be like “No! NO IM NOT.” idk why people be “I’m a nurse” and they not. One AH daughter did it and she was a podiatrist MA. 😒 GIRL IF YOU DONT—
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u/joshmalonern Jun 21 '25
My wife can’t stand it when the physician office workers call themselves nurses in social media. She got so mad one time when she saw a news article talking about one running for a public office position and it said they were a RN. She wrote a scathing letter to the author to correct him. It was hilarious. He apologized.
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u/mkmcwillie RN - Hospice 🍕 Jun 21 '25
THIS. I am allllllways checking those claims for truth.
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u/Local_Historian8805 RN - Med/Surg 🍕 Jun 21 '25
lol recently, I was a family member at bedside.
I was visiting dad post avr 2v cabg. His nurse asked the rehab doctor “what about his stitches? When do those come out?”
And I said “the note said they should be removed on the 24. If you think he is stable enough to go home, I can bring a kit home on the 24 and remove them.”
To which the doctor had a look of wtf and said “no no no!”
My boss was also visiting my dad and she smiled and pointed at me and said “she is one of my nurses “
And he said “oh. Well then. Ok”
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u/AgeTurnipseed Nursing Student 🍕 Jun 21 '25
What is "2v"?
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u/RuckusRN RN - ICU 🍕 Jun 22 '25
Maybe this would look more familiar (it’s how we would refer to it at our facility lol): CABGx2
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u/worldbound0514 RN - Hospice 🍕 Jun 21 '25
This one used to work in employee health. On the paperwork side. Not medical at all.
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u/FearlessCicada1056 RN - ICU 🍕 Jun 22 '25
I had TWO patients of mine who discreetly and nicely told me they were nurses on the same day. So, I looked them up, thinking they were trying to be cute... Actual RNs. ☠️ But they were so cool about it. They didn't give me shit at all. Lol
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u/teresatt07 RN - ICU 🍕 Jun 22 '25
I've done this. A patient's daughter was giving us hell and said "I am a nurse". Looked her up and she had given up her license 10 years prior for getting multiple DUIs 😑
it's crazy, the BRN website will have all the files/documents detailing the incidents lol
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u/roboeyes RN- CVICU 🫀🍕 Jun 22 '25
Lollll my friend always looks people up who claim to be nurses 😂
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u/Dark-Horse-Nebula Intensive Care Paramedic 🇦🇺 🍕 Jun 21 '25
I do this and I’m so surprised how often they’re lying to me. I shouldn’t be surprised anymore.
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u/SillyBonsai BSN, RN 🍕 Jun 22 '25
My favorite one was a visitor who tried to assert some form of authority and said she was in “medical school”… come to find out, she was studying to become an MA 🤦♀️
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u/Remarkable_Ad_6716 Jun 22 '25
YUP
Told me she worked in ICU... Her last job was 5 years prior at a clinic.....
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u/Signal_Glittering Jun 21 '25
“That’s great. Where do you work?”
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u/AZ_RN22 RN 🍕 Jun 22 '25
This! I have a need to sus out their relevancy to bedside patient care.
It helps give me an idea how much I trust their insight, how much they can help me when I’m not in the room with ADLs, and whether or not I can speak high level medical jargon.
More often than not they have zero credibility in this particular situation, but I have had a few that I’ve greatly appreciated the insight and extra hands.
I don’t like people knowing I’m a nurse unless I’m saying it to make their job easier (take on some responsibilities, free them up, or give them context that I have a good foundational knowledge, but I make it very clear where I’m out of my league)
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u/perpulstuph Dupmpster Fire Responder Jun 21 '25
I've really only had pleasant interactions in this capacity, thankfully.
One patient's daughter did a straight cath on her mom because mom only wanted female staff. My part of the ER was only male staff. Turns out she was a retired L&D nurse.
Usually they're involved in family care, and I am telling them to just relax, we got this.
Did have one patient I saw twice, adamant she was a nurse, but nothing she said about her experience made any sense. Set of my BS meter.
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u/Few-Instruction-1568 BSN, RN 🍕 Jun 21 '25
I see a lot of these posts and I’m curious if tone is important to these responses?
I tell other providers I’m a nurse but it’s usually when they are explaining something to me I understand and I’ll just say it’s ok I’m a nurse also you don’t need to break it down for me, I’ll ask if there’s something I don’t understand.
I haven’t had anyone act annoyed with me yet they usually just talk to me like they are talking to a colleague which I appreciate but maybe it does annoy them
Inversely, I get annoyed when people ask me about nursing stuff and I explain and then after the fact they will be like oh ya I know about x y and z and I’ll be like oh do you work in health care? And then they say yes I’m a nurse too. I would have changed how I spoke to them if I had known
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u/august-27 RN - ICU 🍕 Jun 21 '25
Absolutely the tone is key. Like you say, some people say it for good reasons: sparing you from having to break things down into laymen's terms, or even just as an innocent conversation starter. Then there's other people who say it as a flex or to try to put you on "alert".
I can always tell from the context. For example if a family member has been snippy with me, questioning every little thing I do, complaining about literally any aspect of the care, and then they throw in the tidbit "I'm a nurse" then yeah it's pretty obviously a power play lol and in those cases I think a gently snarky "oh no way, me too!" is fully warranted.
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u/kingnotkane120 Jun 21 '25
I do this as well (or did, retired now). I know how busy things can get on the floor and feel like if I can give my nurse or my family member's nurse an extra few minutes by not having to explain virtually everything to me, it helps everyone. I don't assert it up front though. I don't intend to make it sound like "you better watch yourself", more like just hit the high points for me and if I need clarification, I'll ask.
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u/Hydrogenuine__ Jun 22 '25
I like to know if they are a nurse or doctor, I change my instructions and pass over basic things.
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u/sweet_pickles12 BSN, RN 🍕 Jun 22 '25
Yes. People being defensive about this is kind of ridiculous.
The longer you practice/more confident you are, the less of a big deal this is. I used to dread taking care of physicians and now I just use it as a springboard for interesting conversations. They’re all just people.
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u/ajl009 CVICU RN/ Critical Care Float Pool/USGIV instructor Jun 21 '25 edited Jun 21 '25
Im not insecure so i dont let it affect me.
My mom had a rare stage 4 cancer (serous carcinoma of her cervix) and her nurse tried to insert a foley catheter after she voided for a PVR bladder scan of 110.
She also tried to put her in a small hard chair the morning after her surgery.
You better believe I did some education.
My mom is currently in remission but it has an over 80% recurrence rate and most people pass away within 2 years. When she had gotten diagnosed my grandpa had recently passed away and she spent 6 years taking care of him and my grandma who had ALS before then.
I have alot more empathy for family now.
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u/WRStoney RN - ICU 🍕 Jun 21 '25
Honestly it's hard being a nurse family member. My mom was admitted for sepsis in an ICU I worked out of as a research nurse, but I have been an ICU nurse previously.
I'll never forget walking into her room every morning with my dad as he asked "is she getting better yet?" I'd eyeball the pumps and the drips and had to tell him (I never touched them, I knew better) "no dad, not yet."
It's heart breaking to know how sick your loved one is and to feel so helpless. I made sure to focus on my dad and make sure he was taking care of himself, because I knew my mom was in good hands.
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u/ajl009 CVICU RN/ Critical Care Float Pool/USGIV instructor Jun 21 '25
Yes. Seeing my dad's face was the worst. I love my family so much. Theyve done so much for me and worked so hard. 😭😭😭😭
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u/MotherEnthusiasm Jun 22 '25
And how I wish every child had parents like yours! What a difference that would make for the world.
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u/lmcc0921 RN - Informatics Jun 21 '25
I agree, it’s so hard to have all that knowledge about what’s happening
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u/curlygirlynurse RN - ICU 🍕 Jun 21 '25
My brother was dying of cancer and I was staying the overnight, his nurse tried to hook him up to an uncapped IV line that was laying, open, on the hospital bathroom floor. Threatened to have me kicked out when I asked her to get new tubing and also clean his PICC before a connection, said I didn’t know anything.
That’s the only time I was like, no I’m a nurse and that’s a sepsis risk in the making. She was so rude the rest of the night. Honestly still pisses me off years later.
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u/Evening_Bite3670 Jun 22 '25
Accessing lines improperly is my pet peeve. If an iv port of any kind is left open to air, it's gotta get scrubbed before it's flushed. Its such an easy precaution to take.
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u/Jolly_Tea7519 RN - Hospice 🍕 Jun 21 '25
One time we had a parent of a pediatric patient tell him her pediatric intensivist that she went to med school so he can speak in medical lingo to her. He said, “oh! What school did you go to?” She meant to say that she was a medical transcriptionist coder…
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u/Alarmed_Historian878 BSN, RN 🍕 Jun 21 '25
I am the nurse who told all the staff that I was a nurse. My husband (who is also a nurse) was critically ill and for reasons unimportant to this comment, he needed a caregiver and advocate 24/7. His care needs were intense and his ability to communicate was severely impaired. I stayed at the hospital 24/7 and helped the nursing staff in every way I could (and was appropriate). I helped feed him, bathe him, care for his brand new ostomy, keep track of I &O, communicate with nursing staff, physicians and support staff. I made sure to communicate my husband’s needs when he was unable to and made myself available to nursing for anything they needed.
I’m proud to say that we all worked together as a team so my hubby could have the best possible chance at recovery. We almost lost him 3 times in a six week period and had we not developed an excellent relationship with nursing and other hospital staff I am sure he would have died.
I will be forever grateful to the amazing nurses who worked with my husband and treated me with dignity and respect. They made an absolutely horrifying situation bearable. They allowed me to be a part of his care team rather than a helpless bystander, and I will never forget their professionalism, expertise and kindness.
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u/Kimchi86 BSN, RN 🍕 Jun 21 '25
It kind of depends.
Once I’m aware they’re in healthcare, I ask them what they do. Then I have a pretty scripted response: “I clarify because I can fill you in without the focus of layman terms, of course if patient is okay with it. Patient are you okay with it? You are? Cool. They’re here for a NSTEMI, trops peaked at 4 and are trending down, on heparin and cardiology is planning a cath on Monday. Till then we’re just hanging out and monitoring AFXas.”
If they’re being over protective, I acknowledged their fear, which is their family member will slip through the cracks. “Hey, I can sense you’re a little on edge. I get it, we have ALL seen the horrible stuff that happens in healthcare. I want you to know I’m going to provide the best care possible, the kind I would want my wife/mom/dad/kid would get. If you have any questions or issues, please feel free to speak up. My goal is to evict them from here as soon as I can without compromising safety.”
The one time I can remember having an unreasonable scenario, I had just received a patient from the ICU s/p CTS. Their daughter was the Director of OB Nursing at a smaller separate facility. Lunch had been delivered to the ICU, but before I could call, their next door neighbor coded.
All hands on deck, got ROSC, and I went to go sit down just for a minute. The daughter was mad I didn’t make the phone call and the tray wasn’t delivered. Lucky enough on Director had intercepted and handled it.
Lost all respect for the daughter. Was the last day of a 6 day stretch, so it was whatever.
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u/coffeeworldshotwife Granny dust Jun 21 '25
I had a PA try to step to me when I used to round at long term care facilities/SAR. She was the daughter of the patient and trying to dictate his care. She had never worked in that setting before and specialized in liver transplants or something…also hadn’t worked in like ten years. I shut her ass down real quick.
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u/Trinx_ MSN, RN Jun 21 '25
Last time I had this, it was the patient's mother, and the surgeon had really screwed up in the surgery. I knew she knew this wasn't normal. She was respectful, yet firm in staying apprised of care, and very helpful and kind. I would give report and get to "oh and her mom is a nurse and in the room" and I'd get a groan, and like no, she's great. It'll be fine.
On the flipside, I never bring it up, but my family has to tell everyone all the time. I always follow it up with "yes, but postpartum, so this isn't my area."
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u/ahrumah RN - ICU 🍕 Jun 21 '25
Maybe I’m just too much of a baby new grad, but I don’t get all the snark/bitchiness in this thread. The nurse family members I’ve had have been great. They help with turning and ADLs, it’s easy to explain what’s going on with their loved one’s care, and they understand the rhythms of the job and of being in a hospital.
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u/yourdaddysbutthole RN - ER 🍕 Jun 21 '25
Keep that outlook. We get jaded around here. Hopefully you won’t know what that’s like ❤️
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u/nosyNurse Custom Flair Jun 21 '25
I agree. I have disclosed my profession before but only so they would stop talking to me like a lay person. And not get antsy when i help mom to the bathroom. Ima keep my mouth shut if i’m ever in icu or something complicated is going on that i know nothing about.
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u/pulsechecker1138 BSN, RN 🍕 Jun 22 '25
Yep this is the only reason I’ll mention it. When my wife had our daughter I basically did all her ADLs. I also made it super clear I know nothing about L&D lol.
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u/little_canuck RN 🍕 Jun 21 '25 edited Jun 21 '25
It all depends on the context when "I am a nurse" is said. If it's antagonistic when making demands, that's entirely different than when it's to show their level of medical literacy when talking about treatment plans etc.
Edited to add that 99+% of the time in my career the patient family member wasn't being problematic with it. They often wanted to clarify their contextual knowledge of what's going on, or why I shouldn't worry when they help their loved one move their IV pole when getting to the bathroom.
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u/MrAssFace69 RN - Med/Surg 🍕 Jun 21 '25
Oh yes, family members run the whole gamut. I love when there's "the mean son and the nice one" 😂 Some people have REALLY bad control issues. (My mom for example)
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u/10mg-aripiprazole RN - Psych/Mental Health 🍕 Jun 21 '25
You're right. As I commented, one of your duties as a nurse is also to act professionally. This is a professional field. Every person is an individual. No need to automatically turn up the snark just because a family member is a nurse, maybe they will be helpful, maybe they will not. You won't know until the interaction has started and you get to know them more.
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u/ajl009 CVICU RN/ Critical Care Float Pool/USGIV instructor Jun 21 '25
I think it is just insecurity. I dont mind at all when a family member or patient tells me they are a nurse, doctor, cna, whatever. Its not a big deal.
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u/Necessary_Tie_2920 Jun 21 '25
I agree and tbh even when it's frustrating when families act like they know better, they have often been caregivers and helping their loves ones for a long time. They just met us that day. And a love of them have had bad experiences in health care, so I don't take it too personally. More often than not tho, nurse relatives and patients are very helpful and understanding.
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u/sexycann3lloni RN - Hospice 🍕 Jun 21 '25
It gets frustrating when they try to dictate care, touch things or overall act like they are better than you. That’s actually really sweat they did ADLs for you. I remember specifically the patients nurse family member was telling me everything I was doing wrong while providing care when I was a new grad
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u/CJ_MR RN - OR 🍕 Jun 21 '25
We're only jaded because the ones who announce it are typically lying. And if they're lying, their intentions are dubious. I once had a patient's daughter tell me she was a nurse. I told her that her mom is NPO. She yelled, "Don't you use obscure jargon with me!"
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u/jdscott0111 MSN, RN Jun 21 '25
In a room doing a quick bed change while they’re in MRI. Daughter is in the room and struck up a conversation.
“I’m a nurse too!”
“Oh, where’d you go to school?”
“I learned on the job after a six week course.”
“…So you’re a CNA?”
“…Yes.”
“In our state, it’s fraud to claim the title of nurse when you aren’t one.”
“Well, I pretty much do the same job as you.”
🤯
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u/alissafein BSN, RN 🍕 Jun 22 '25
When I get that “well I do the same job as you” I love saying “oh good so I can review everything with you” then rapidly blather off labs, radiology reports, med changes and interventions. Lol
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u/AG_Squared RN - Pediatrics 🍕 Jun 21 '25
My mom had cancer and multiple surgeries where I stayed with her. She told everybody I was a nurse. I don’t really care tbh. I like when they know because they talk to me like a professional instead of like I’m stupid? If a family member tells me that then i do change the jargon I use when we talk because they understand on a different level. I don’t really change the way I do care other than know they’re watching a lot closer for mistakes. But only when they’re nice about it. I wasn’t obnoxious when my mom was inpatient, I stayed in my lane and kept my mouth shut, but I was a bitch when her pcp insisted she come in for a BP check 1 day post-op when we had a cuff at home and she had a gigantic abdominal incision. I spoke with their nurse after going back and forth with the receptionist, explained im a nurse, my husband is a medic and was with us, yes we understand these cuffs aren’t the most accurate but we were managing her meds and BP at home and didn’t feel like it was worth a drive to the pcp for a BP check when she had an incision larger than a c section across her abdomen.
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u/sexycann3lloni RN - Hospice 🍕 Jun 21 '25
My mom does this too. She asks them if they like their job and what they do on a daily basis then she reports back to me cause she knows I’m always trying to change jobs
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u/becbec89 RN - Preop Assessment 🍕🍩 Jun 21 '25
My mom did that too, all the time. Always made me feel self-conscious, knowing that might think I was going to be “one of those” type of family members. Though honestly, I was the one constantly reminding my mom that I was A nurse, but not HER nurse and I would defer to the medical team’s judgement on all things.
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u/Cool_Combination2998 RN - OB/GYN 🍕 Jun 21 '25
My dad just got put on hospice and he’s off his rocker now but before that throughout his cancer treatment he would constantly say at literally every hospital stay and doctors visit “she doesn’t like me saying this, but I’m gonna say it anyways…she’s a nurse!” Most of the time people were cool about it and nice, just asking where I work, what type of nurse, etc. But I’m always fearful I’ll get interpreted as being like that! I try not to be though.
I do have to say it is very different when it is your own family. Especially watching them deteriorate. I want to help the staff but I also feel weird about seeing my dad’s butt and penis, you know?
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u/AG_Squared RN - Pediatrics 🍕 Jun 21 '25
For my mom I don’t mind too much but yeah it’d be weird for m my dad. I had to help her shower and stuff at home so we got quite acquainted.
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u/Cool_Combination2998 RN - OB/GYN 🍕 Jun 21 '25
Yes, my mom passed away from leukemia in November and it was much less weird helping with her care. I gave her a suppository even, and didn’t really even think twice about it. But my dad was also helping me at the time (we took care of her together)…and idk, it was just less weird with my mom.
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u/Beanpod79 LPN 🍕 Jun 21 '25
Same, I like when they know too. When I moved and had to get all new doctors it was one of the first things I told them. Only so we can speak the same language and they don't feel like they have to simplify things for me.
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u/Strict_Photograph254 Jun 21 '25
I usually just say oh okay and that's it. Lol
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u/cinesias RN - ER Jun 21 '25
My response to about 75% of the shit most people say to me is, "oh, ok". It works pretty well.
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u/fuzzypenguin11 Jun 21 '25
I work on an inpt hospice unit, and for obvious reasons people have their guard up when they initially meet staff, mostly because they don’t want their loved one over medicated, to stay lucid, etc etc. You can always tell the nurses apart because they always want to be hands on, ask questions no one else would think to, so I’ll say “oh do you work on healthcare?” If they say yes I’ll ask what kind of nursing they do, make small talk, and then tell them “listen, I get you have the nursing mentality, but when you’re here I want you to be the family member and be present with your loved one and let us worry about being the caregivers now. You did your part; let us take over so you can be with them.” Most just don’t know how to give up reign since they did all the care before coming to the unit. I’m always honest and say “hey I want you to step out while we bathe your mom/dad, take this time to get something to eat/drink/decompress. You’re on an emotional roller coaster and need some time for yourself.” And if they have bad wounds, which we get often, I tell them that I’m going to do wound care with the bath and that’s not something I want them to remember during their loved ones last days.
Other times, I want to throat punch them 😬 I love my Job but I’m still human and can only take so much 🤣
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u/IndecisiveLlama RN - ICU 🍕 Jun 21 '25
I would ask what specialty they’re in. That way I seem interested but I can also sus out if they are familiar with certain things.
For example, I’m working CVICU and a relative is breathing down my neck with every little thing I do. She tells me she’s a nurse and has been one for 40 yrs. I ask what specialty to which she replies that she is a school nurse.
Nothing wrong with it, it’s a noble job (I’ve done it myself), but please don’t act like you’re gonna check me on how this impella is set up.
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u/slappy_mcslapenstein Correctional Nurse 🍕 Jun 21 '25
I ask them what kind of nursing they do. Nine times out of ten it's in a doctor's office or some low acuity position. Most of the ones who work high acuity, like me, don't want staff to know. It's usually the patient who outs them.
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u/TheAdhdChronicles LPN 🍕 Jun 21 '25
I had a fellow “nurse” tell me her father obviously had ammonia. She could hear him rattling, he def has ammonia. She’s a nurse, she knows when people have ammonia. Gotcha, buddy.
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u/lululynn-7 Jun 21 '25
Omg one of my friends had a patient on an amio drip the other day and heard it start beeping then suddenly it stopped. She went into the room and found the pump turned off. She said, “who touched the pump?” And after a few moments of silence the family member said, “I diD bEcaUse I’M a NuRse.” Omg she was so pissed after that like if you’re enough of an idiot to touch an amiodarone drip you should NOT be a nurse😭
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u/AlphaLimaMike RN - Hospice 🍕 Jun 21 '25
Any time a family member tells me they are a nurse, I grin and immediately stop dumbing down what I’m talking about. I use the big names for things. We are no longer talking about mom’s gallbladder surgery we’re talking about her cholecystectomy. We’re not talking about dad’s urine tube, we’re discussing his three way Foley catheter. We’re both nurses, right? We’re talking business, now!
My greatest delight is watching the light leave their eyes before they’re finally forced to admit they don’t recognize those words.
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u/VictoriaWelkin RN - ER 🍕 Jun 22 '25
I tend to ask them what type of nurse, how many years they've worked, where they went to school, etc until they admit they are a CNA, it was actually some random family member that was the nurse, they were called a nurse because they helped their grandma to her chair once, only have experience in a specialty not germain to the situation, etc (99%) or learn they know their stuff and treat them like every other visitor. I don't really espouse the idea of giving anyone special treatment in my profession. If I have time, I do more, if I'm understaffed and the department is on fire, they probably are going to wait for their warm blanket or extra pillow, even if they are a board member, donor, corporate executive, etc.
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u/Last-Remote532 RN - ICU 🍕 Jun 21 '25
I 1000% had all plans to stay quiet about it, but my sister told every nurse who I was and what I did while I was there for her surgery. Pre-op, surgical RN, short stay RN, you name it. Only one quizzed me as if she was going to catch me being a CNA.
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u/jessl112 Jun 21 '25
I had a pt who’s daughter came in and made it known she was a nurse and I was like oh ok nice. I proceeded to do my job and she questioned everything I did as if I didn’t know how to be a nurse. I kindly turned to her and said pt is a 76 y/o F came in for CHF, prior medical hx of such and such… daughter stoped me and said I know my moms information, I said oh ok I thought I’d give you hand off since you clearly want to take over. Of course she asked to speak to my manager and my manager had my back all the way.
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u/FunnyLoss2608 Jun 22 '25
I have always welcomed families input and collaboration. Even better if they are a nurse. Let’s think of all the things and do everything we can to provide outstanding care to the patient.
We have all had providers who shut down collaboration, questions, feedback, etc. I refuse to be one of them.
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u/DumbBlondeBitch96 Jun 22 '25
My cousin, who’s a bratty little bitch, is in nursing school. My grandma had surgery in February, and there were… complications. Like they nicked her Vena Cava and she almost bled out on the table. Anyways, after the surgery and while she was still in the ICU, the doctors came to talk to her and my Mom. Now, my Mom has been a nurse for 32 years. My cousin is in nursing school. This little brat goes “well how could you hit an artery are you that bad at your job?” And my mom turned to her and said “if you’re going to be a little snot then get the fuck out.” That shut her up so quick. I’ve never wanted to be a fly on the wall so bad lmao
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u/Elizabitch4848 RN - Labor and delivery 🍕 Jun 21 '25
“Oh nice. What kind of nurse?”
9/10 they’ll stutter that they are actually in nursing school or haven’t worked bedside in 20 years or are a secretary who wants to go to school. Most of us don’t tell on ourselves lol.
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u/Aerinandlizzy RN - ICU 🍕 Jun 21 '25
It depends on how they come across, the situation at the moment.I normally ignore it.
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u/NOCnurse58 RN - PACU, ED, Retired Jun 21 '25
I’ve had family members who were nurses and a few who were doctors. Never had an issue with them. I actually prefer having someone who is knowledgeable in the room.
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u/No_Relief_1229 Jun 21 '25
As a nurse I avoid telling other healthcare providers that I’m a nurse, unless I am the patient and they are dumbing down information for me. 🤣
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u/Antique-Bet-6326 Jun 22 '25
I’ve taken care of doctors, nurses, coworkers, family members, coworker’s estranged loved ones. The worst to ever care for by far was hospital executives.
You talk to them like everyone else. You provide the same education as if they were a clueless simpleton. And you remember that they’re the person in the room who is having the second worst day today.
At the end of the day 99% of the time they say it to try and gain some control back into the situation and advocate for their loved one. If they (correctly) call something out you acknowledge it apologize and fix it. If they call out something that’s not a big just explain why it’s not, that your unit, your hospital etc. does it this way and move on.
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u/Theroadthe Jun 22 '25
I also want to know how to handle it when my mom tells every single staff member that enters the room that I'm a nurse. I can't deal.
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u/poppurplepuff Jun 22 '25
One time, a particularly rude patient was listing off all of her family members who had some kind of medical-related jobs. Her daughter was a nurse; her cousin was a doctor; her nephew was a pharmacist; and her other nephew was a phlebotomist. I knew she wanted to come across as intimidating, but I wasn't in a "play it nice" kind of mood, so I just started listing off all my family members with medical-related jobs. I have quite a few nurses, NPs, PTs, and a doctor in my family. When I finished, she asked why I told her all that, and I told her, "Oh, I thought we were just listing our family members and their medical backgrounds." She fired me by the end of the shift.
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u/lizthebeaz RN - NICU 🍕 Jun 22 '25
I work in NICU. I ask what type of nurse. And 99% of the time they are NOT a NICU nurse so tadaaaa none of your education is relevant here! Like literally NICU is 95% on the job learning because nursing school only teaches what’s on the nclex. I haven’t had any negative experiences with nursing family members, luckily they have been understanding that this is not their specialty and are humble enough to just listen and learn about the care the baby is receiving.
That being said, as a NICU nurse if I give birth and had MY baby ends up in the NICU, I KNOW I would be psycho. I have seen some shit, and I wouldn’t trust some of the nurses in my unit to take care of my baby. Luckily if we have a staff members baby in our own NICU typically they only assign really good nurses to them but still I have a shit list of nurses I wouldn’t trust.
Now if another family member of mine is in the hospital the opposite is true! I deal with NICU so honestly I don’t think I would tell anyone I was a nurse. I don’t do adults, I don’t pretend to know what to do with adults so I’m just there to keep a watchful eye and learn!
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u/juneandhenry RN - Med/Surg 🍕 Jun 22 '25
I’m 50-50 on this one. If they’re telling me because it’s useful then I don’t mind. For example, they’re going to help their family get washed up and they understand that the doctor will not appear immediately. They understand and translate the test results for the patient. That kind of stuff. If they are telling me because they think it’s going to give them special privileges or I’m going to treat their family different, I’m annoyed instantly. It’s a case by case thing for me. If they’re nice and helpful, I am interested in their lives their jobs their professions and their perspective on things. If they’re assholes, I ignore it completely.
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u/Suspiciliscious Jun 22 '25
Yeah I am the same way. I’m not specifically speaking about someone making it known for ease of communication, I’m speaking about the Karen or Kevin who use it to try and weaponize their presence.
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u/bodie425 PI Schmuck. 🍕 Jun 22 '25
Same for me. Most nurses, I’ve found tell me so I’m not left guessing when they know and understand more than the usual visitor. And that’s why I tell them I’m a nurse when I’m a visitor or a patient. It’s not the words but how they’re said and how the visitor/nurse acts from that point on.
OTOH, if they regally announce their profession arriving to court and watch everything I do with the intent of “catching me” that is annoying. If they’re a close family member, there’s not much you can do about that, so I go into overkill mode. I explain in extraordinary detail everything I’m doing and every med I’m giving, including the dose and reason given. If I’m holding a med, I give the reason why, as in hypotension, bradycardia, bradypnea, etc. If they’re not close family or just a friend, I smile and nod, maybe ask innocuous questions about their practice experience and then ignore them.
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u/svenkaas Jun 21 '25
I kinda was that nurse when my 80 year old grandma had her heart attack. She told them i was a nurse and that I knew more about her medical history than she did and i should be their contact point.
I also pointed out small risks they missed like her red heels when staying in bed a couple of days. (She had a bad bleed so no walking for 3 days after she got her stand placed)
But I also made sure not to take over their work. They where in charge of the health part I did the ensuring all the details where correct all the info was centralised and visible fit family since my grandma her memory is deteriorating.
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u/lqrx BSN, RN 🍕 Jun 21 '25
"Oh, thank god - at least one of us is! I was getting nervous - quick, how do you do this [xyz] thing?"
Or...
To the patient: "It must come as great comfort knowing you have some good support in your corner!"
Gives side eye the rest of the shift.
Reminds me, there was an accident right in front of me when I was going home from nursing school. I was still in university scrubs and everything. I saw a car run down a woman on a bike, and she got flown off the bike and hit her head on impact. I put my car in a position to block traffic from hitting her while the other driver fled the scene.
A crowd of maybe 6-8 people came up and just stood in the lane staring, commenting like they knew it all, as I was trying to assess like a good baby nurse would. The "pt" was lying still on the road, initially unconscious but quickly regaining consciousness a few seconds after I reached her. When she was more alert, she still wasn't moving a muscle before she was assisted to the stretched. She never did get to a&o x4 by the time EMS arrived.
In the crowd throughout all of this, an unkept mouthy lady started early on repeatedly saying there was nothing wrong with the woman in the road. She knew that because she was a nurse. I chose to not pay attention to her, which made her double down and get louder.
I only wish I had xray & CT vision. I've been at this nurse thing 11 years and that is a super power I never did pick up. 🤪
Anyway, I never did quite understand what her point was. Whether it was necessary I stick with the "pt" or not, I was there to be kind. Getting knocked off your bike in a hit and run is not exactly something I would want to go through alone, and no one else was providing an ounce of support to her while she was just laying there.
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u/stephan1emar1e MSN, APRN 🍕 Jun 22 '25
I was recently hospitalized in the SICU and floor, and didn’t tell a damn person I was a nurse practitioner. I don’t know if it would have made any difference, but the number of nurses who tried to change IV bags, hang antibiotics, and dis/connect my IV without any gloves blew my damn mind.
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u/Twomboo Jun 22 '25
I don’t understand why we need to be automatically defensive about it? Maybe the whole purpose of someone saying they are a nurse is to so that you, as the nurse, know they can understand what you say and help.
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u/OpenWhole2740 Jun 21 '25
maybe im a newish grad but ill say, is there anything that you would like me to bring up to the team? Ill also ask if they need anything :)
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u/thundercloset BSN, RN 🍕 Jun 21 '25
I ask a million questions - where are you a nurse, what unit are you on, what school did you attend, how do you like it, when did you graduate, how involved are you in your loved one's care, etc. It usually gets people to shut up, surprisingly.
My dad used to throw me under the bus when it came time for neurology appointments and once when we were in the ED when he aspirated. One neurologist was NASTY to me during that appt. It was like he was quizzing me, when I just wanted care for my dad when he started getting symptoms of lewy body dementia.
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u/jon-marston RN - OR 🍕 Jun 21 '25
It makes me nervous to start their IV’s & I automatically assume they know more than do. Imposter syndrome.
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u/ManifoldStan RN - ICU 🍕 Jun 21 '25
Had this happen years ago, and then they followed it with a question asking about why we weren’t using the arterial line to feed the patient.
surprise. they were not in fact a nurse
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u/ALightSkyHue BSN, RN 🍕 Jun 21 '25
i always tell them that the patient is really lucky to have an extra nurse on hand!
cause if family is gonna be up my ass about making me do more shit, you better help out too jfc.
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u/10mg-aripiprazole RN - Psych/Mental Health 🍕 Jun 21 '25
Your duty is also to be professional while on the job.
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u/CarbsPuppy RN - ICU 🍕 Jun 21 '25
I say “oh me too” without making eye contact and continue withwhate er I'm doing. Bc honestly I don't give a fuck.
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u/Living-Factor6704 Jun 21 '25
I’m cool with it as long as I don’t go in there and they fuck with the pump, and then tell me oh I’m a nurse. Or they act like it’s 5 star hotel when we are in the ER.
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u/Never-Retire58 Jun 22 '25
Usually, the pt or other family member will tell staff that so and so is a nurse. Sometimes they are a nurse, sometimes they’re a CNA.
I’ve only told one nurse “I’m a nurse!” My dad had been on a high dose PCA post op. He was on it for days. Then they abruptly removed it. I swear he was in withdrawal. He was diaphoretic, confused and in pain. I told her that I was a nurse and questioned her about the PCA, pain meds, BP and anything else I could think of. She really pissed me off!
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u/Booktokbestie Jun 22 '25
I usually withhold that I’m a nurse. I just let them do their job.
Except when my husband was in the ICU. It’s the only time I ever stepped on another nurses toes. A few times I did tell them how to do their job but it saved my husband’s life on three separate occasions so I don’t really care how it came off. I was with him 24/7 when things got lost in shift report, I was the only constant for weeks.
I don’t have an ego nor do I have a problem with a family member being a nurse. Patients need advocates and I dont mind another pair of eyes keeping my patients safe.
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u/holoman123 RN - ER 🍕 Jun 22 '25
I usually just say ok and continue with what I'm doing normally. I don't really engage.
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u/summer-lovers BSN, RN 🍕 Jun 22 '25
Depends on their attitude. If they're saying it to convey that they're willing to help boost and happy to clean up incontinence, and that sort of thing, then great.
If they're being assholish, then I generally just passively acknowledge and be respectful, but also set boundaries. It can be difficult, as I've had physician's parents, siblings, and other situations.
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u/LAvfdRN Jun 22 '25
Unless they were questioned your abilities, pretty rude response. I get it, but agree we need to not initially move to a pizzin' match ~ nursing ingrains in us a 'eat your young/others mentality' from day one of nursing school. I do ask what type of nurse or where they work ~ just to get an idea on knowledge level. Respect your knowledge but know you don't know everything - ICU nurse but I know nothing about those foreign little objects in Peds nor pushing out one of them. With that said, if they tell me they are a nursing home nurse (just an example), I know we're my conversation then starts if all of their experience in that field... I am that nurse (borderline Karen ~ lol!) if you had responded to me that way I would have been speaking to a manager or higher also ~ js!
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u/earlgrey89 RN - Pediatrics 🍕 Jun 22 '25
Most of the time my experience is that actual RNs never tell me but I guess because they say something medical that an average person wouldn't know. I've had moms swear me to secrecy because they don't want anyone to know they're a nurse and think they're going to be difficult.
Meanwhile when someone makes a big deal out of being a nurse, they're usually not. A few weeks ago a mother who claimed to be a nurse grilled me about how long I had been working there, said "oh you're a baby nurse then," I visibly cringed at that phrasing, and said not anymore, I was when I started a year and a half ago. Turned out after further conversation, she was a tech.
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u/Corgiverse RN - ER 🍕 Jun 22 '25
Oh great! Then you can help me change your mom!!” Said with wide eyed Mary sue esque enthusiasm
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u/Teensy RN - ICU 🍕 Jun 22 '25
Yeah I don’t mind. I always ask them what kind of unit they work on because sometimes they are a burn icu nurse and sometimes they are a psych LPN. I’m going to discuss ventilator settings differently depending on the answer.
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u/Academic_Message8639 RN - ER 🍕 Jun 22 '25
If they are in fact, actually a nurse, then I can switch to using more healthcare language, they can see in our interactions that I’m a competent nurse taking good care of their family member and aware of what’s going on, and it usually goes over pretty well. Often they end up leaving and feeling confident with me being there instead.
If they are 1) A super terrible/rude/hostile human or 2) lying and not actually a nurse (this is weirdly common) this approach won’t work. In those cases I try to make it brief and emphasize speaking with the patient and not them. I’ve had some terrible interactions with people like this in these cases despite my best efforts and even got ‘fired’ once for something really stupid. You just gotta move on.
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u/alotgoingon9 RN 🍕 Jun 22 '25
Before my husband died, I cared for him for a long time. When we would be in the ER or admitted, I’d always say “hey just a heads up, he’s an MD, actually an anesthesiologist, and I’m a NICU RN. I understand a lot of what you’re saying, but I have actually never taken care of adults other than family members so I might ask some dumb questions. And he might try to change out his own IV fluids, because after his TBI he doesn’t understand that he’s not working. 😬🙃”
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u/AardvarkFantastic360 Jun 22 '25
Ive never run into this. Every time I can just tell and say something first.
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u/Capable-Leg4938 Jun 22 '25
Just smile and say thats nice. If u are giving good care and doing what u are supposed to be doing then it really does not matter.
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u/scandal2ny1 Jun 22 '25
I just say “oh that’s awesome, your mom or dad is lucky to have you” and then continue with the convo
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u/Environmental_Rub256 Jun 22 '25
My ears turn off and all I hear is the teacher from the Peanuts cartoon.
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u/Absurdity42 RN - PACU 🍕 Jun 22 '25
I’ve had a few say it in a way to be like aggressive but most of the time it’s just people saying “hey I’m one of you”. I just ask them where they work. I work surgical and if they work in something totally different (heme onc, peds, hospice, etc) I’ll reference the vast difference and say if you have any questions just let me know. I think sometimes people’s egos can get in the way of asking questions so I often treat it like one nurse teaching another nurse a new skill.
A lot of people tell us what they do for work. I think it’s weird nurses get so defensive when patients or family members say they work in healthcare.
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Jun 22 '25
We had a family member make sure everyone knew he was a doctor one time. I asked him what his specialty was. He said farm animals. 🤣 he was a veterinarian! I just looked around at the shitshow that is Friday night ER, looked back at him and said, “yeah. Mine too.”
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u/Irishbangers14 Jun 22 '25
goOoD 4 yEWwwwww. And to me this is less of a statement to say “I get what you go through” as much as it means “I am going to be a nightmare for you”
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u/nuttygal69 Jun 22 '25
I say “oh thats nice to have isn’t it!”
My MIL is pretty sick and whenever I’m at an appt or hospital with her, “yep brought my own personal nurse ha ha ha” 🫠
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u/curious3357 Jun 22 '25
That is definitely the thing I never divulge…I am just family at the bedside
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u/lightedgiraffe RN, BSN Jun 22 '25
I usually use it as a way to connect, ask them about their specialty, etc.
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u/Potential-Cut-8934 RN -CVICU/ICU/PCU/MS/PACU/RRT/Float/Travel Jun 22 '25
I tell the patient they are lucky to have skilled help after leaving the hospital. I tend to try and keep the patient the center of all conversation unless they are not conscious. I think it’s rude to ignore the patient.
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u/ironmemelord RN - ER 🍕 Jun 21 '25 edited Jun 21 '25
Idk I assume they’re making small talk so I do my best to act like a normal human. “Oh nice, what kind of nurse?” “Oh cool, how do you like that?”
Sometimes my social awkwardness flares and I accidentally say “nice, me too” I’m not trying to be snarky, I’m just a potato