nobody is willing to help me, irl and online, why?

[u/gatamente]

TW: abuse, violence, suicidal thoughts

my life has always been like this. since i’m a kid, nobody has ever been able to be there for me when i needed it. not even my parents, classmates, teachers, friends, nobody. all i have was my grandma, who lived away from me. i have always been independent, because i had to stood up for myself, so even when i was in a crisis, i went to work.

eventually, this was beyond me, so my mental health decreased badly. i started to go to therapy and to the psychiatrist, they found out i have always been autistic. i started with chronic pain soon after. when i left my mom’s house, after all the DV, all i wanted to do was to unalive myself. since then, i have been in several situations where nobody cared about me, even though i’m disabled. i have asked for help in many ways, but nothing happened. so i wonder, is it me or people will never give a fuck about me?

i have posted in several subreddits requesting for donations, even for a loan, since about two weeks ago. first, it was because i was short on cash for my meds. then, my grandma died and my priority was being able to bury her, so she can rest in peace. she was the only family member i had left, because my mom is narcissistic and violent. she abandoned me and my grandma, her own mother, many years ago, because we both were a burden for her, due to the fact that we both are disabled and neurodivergent. now, my grandma is gone and i can’t afford to pay for her burial, because i’m unemployed and the money from government assistance can’t cover it all, and even if it would, i couldn’t survive an entire month without it.

i have been doing online gigs, applying to jobs since a long time ago, nothing. i have asked for money to my only two friends, but that isn’t enough. my parents aren’t paying me child support, so i’m all alone and broke.

why does it have to be like this? why can’t i have a normal and boring life? all i want it is to be able to cover my own things and living in my own roof, but honestly, i don’t think i can make it that far.

all i want is put my grandma to rest and start improving my life condition, but i’m starting to give up. i can’t cope with the fact that my grandma will be thrown in a bag just because i couldn’t afford her coffin.

i’m devastated.

[u/30for30im30for30]

It sounds like your grandma loved you very much. And I'm sure she knew/knows just how much you loved/love her. It's hard for me to imagine she would be hurt by you prioritizing your needs right now and skipping a coffin. It might be helpful to know that many funeral offerings are simply there to make money off of people in vulnerable times. Letting your grandma rest in the arms of the earth is a lovely way to lay her to rest. Getting support for yourself is important. Are there any community centers near you? Libraries? A church you feel connected to? Unitarian Universalist churches are very welcoming and non-judgemental. I'm so sorry for all you've been through and wish you so much good amd peace in your future.

Also, there a subreddit for folks who just need some support from a mom-like figure that can be really nice. I'll try to find the name...

Edit: the subreddit is /MomForAMinute

[u/pinksocks867]

It is very rare for random strangers to give money to anonymous strangers. I'm having trouble understanding why you are shocked that panhandling online has not been fruitful and rewarding

[u/lawirenk → u/pinksocks867]

Especially when there's, at minimum, 2 billion people in need of money. Instead of hoping for a cash infusion it would be better to work on community cost saving efforts. 

[u/Hungry-Emergency8992]

Dear OP,

You have a beautiful heart and are a gift to others. You are way too young to think about giving up. You have a great life ahead and life will get better!

Please don’t worry about the expenses for the final arrangements for your grandma. Every state in the US will provide final arrangements for anyone who is indigent (I am assuming your grandma has no assets to pay for final arrangements.

You (or other Families) that can’t afford final burial services for their loved one may also benefit from other various government federal or state burial assistance programs and a one-time federal death benefit payment. Look up “getting state government assistance for a funeral or cremation online for the county or state your grandma passed in.

Your grandma lives on in your heart and through the difference you make in other people’s lives.

I am so very sorry for your immense loss. Please take good care of you! That is the best final goodbye you can give your grandma.

[u/gatamente → u/Hungry-Emergency8992]

thank you for your kindness, it means so much to me right now

sadly, i’m not from the US, so that isn’t an option in my country, but i appreciate the thought

best wishes to you

[u/Particlebeamsupreme]

Just know that someone is resting in the exact same way no what the state of their burial is. Burials are more for us than them. Your grandmother would understand and I would guess even want you to go the cheapest route to not put a strain on your own life. Give yourself a break on that.

[u/Sagacious_Zhu]

If your grandma cared about you as much as you say she did, do you think she would want to get stuck on giving her a proper burial? Or would she be happier seeing you working towards bettering your life?

Stop wasting your time venting to Redditors, and start actively improving your life.

Speaking as someone who came from a shitty home, and had the entire world against him, life can be great, if you stop thinking of yourself as a victim to be coddled and supported by others, and realizing your shitty upbringing doesn’t define you, or how your life turns out if you become stubborn enough to not let it be that way.

Perpetual victimhood sounds like a miserable way to go through life.

[u/lawirenk]

I don't understand people's desire to bury others. I'd say just burn the body or do a hydro cremation. 

At best one will look upon a symbol of the person's death (the tombstone) once a month. A picture would be a better symbol and could be free - $.15 to have. 

[u/Correct-Reindeer-948]

Give me money first and then I’ll consider giving you some

[u/Conscious-Evidence37]

Outside of weddings, funerals are the biggest scam in town. I can promise you, your recently deceased grandmother does not care about the pomp and circumstance. She is now gone, you need to focus on yourself and making you well, not spending money to bury your grandmother.