My partner struggled with addiction the whole 5 years I was with him. I didn't have a clue until after over a year into our relationship and living together. He hid it very well. He's been in a cycle of addiction/recovery/relapse.

He was addicted to oxy...which he mixed with Xanax a lot of the time. It was rough when he was using as he was a completely different person. I distanced myself every time I knew he was using during the last 6 months. I would sleep in another room and we just didn't really talk until he was ready to end that current cycle. Everything would be great...until the next time.

This past June he got clean again and was even talking about going to counseling. He didn't make it to that. 3 weeks in I started noticing the shift. On July 25th..he went from work to the house he was selling... I didn't text him because I knew he had relapsed. I will live with that guilt the rest of my life. After a few hours went by....my heart started pounding. His location hadn't moved. I texted him asking if he was okay and he didn't even open it. No matter what he would always respond to me. I called him and no answer. I immediately grabbed narcan and drove over there. When I got there his truck was in the driveway and all the doors were locked..he always locked the doors. I was pounding on the doors and windows and nothing, His sister and husband arrived shortly after I did (I called her) We got into the house through the garage and I ran in and immediately saw his legs and feet coming out of the bathroom. I saw him with his head leaning on the tub and foam/blood coming from his mouth and nose. I'm a nurse and I immediately gave him the narcan and started CPR. I was too late...he was already gone. Probably for a few hours. I was screaming for him. I am haunted by these images. They play on a loop in my head over and over every second of the day.

It's still hard to accept he is gone. We had never been apart for more than a day in that 5 years. We had a routine, we had a life, we had trips planned. I just cannot accept that I will never get to see or talk to him EVER again.

All of his things are where he left them, waiting for him to come home.

I just found out from the toxicology that he had Oxy, fentanyl, Xanax, Benadryl and 7Oh in his system.

So I know he ended up with a fake oxy and had no clue it was laced with the Fentanyl.

I don't know...I just needed to get all that out. I'm so broken after this...I don't know where to go from here. I just hope he was blissfully unaware of what was happening and that he is finally at peace.

I can now see how people choose pills to silence their minds....I'd take anything to turn this off for even a minute.

I have so many regrets the week leading up to the overdose. I could have done so many things differently and he could still be here. But I was so mad that he relapsed again and was denying it.

I miss her, every single fucking day.

My niece (21) died of an accidental drug overdose last night. I've been spiraling all day. I live in another state and am driving up there tomorrow to be with her mother (my sister) my brother in law, my parents and my siblings. My biggest concern is my sister. How do my other sister and I best support her through this? We're all heartbroken but I just want my sister to be supported. I am at a complete loss.

My (24F) mom (52F) was 4 years sober from opioids and benzos. She was an addict my whole life, and she tried to end her life multiple times during my childhood. I was always the one to find her and call 911. I resented her for so long and after I moved out at, I built up the courage to cut her out of my life for a year or so. I told her she had to be sober to be in my life and she did it. Finally. Which hurt worse in a way, like you couldn’t get better for me when I was 9 and needed you but now that I’m calling the shots you grow a pair?

I’ve mourned my mom dozens of times. I’ve seen her dead and brought back. Her vessel represented a woman who was too selfish to see the damage she inflicted on me. I mourned her corpse long ago.

I’ve mourned our relationship when I started trauma therapy, and I accepted that she was never going to be the mother I wanted or deserved but she was the one I got. I was her caregiver then I was her friend. She never really matured emotionally after 22 years old.

When she finally got her life together she started body building, and went to all of my powerlifting shows that I had, and was finally showing up for herself and me in a huge way. She was halfway through nursing school, finally pursuing her education she always wanted.

On Wednesday this week she drank a few drinks, took her sleep meds, and took an over the counter drug called kratom. She texted me a photo of her dog right before she went to bed at 8:30. She was dead by 9:30.

She died the way she wanted to all along. She died just like her mom and her great aunt did. Three generations of addicts. All overdoses. All too young.

While everyone is grieving their friend and family member, I am waiting for them to catch up. I’ve worked through this process for the last 8 years in therapy. My mom was a ghost who haunted me in every aspect of my life. She was already dead before Wednesday.

This angel day anniversary/week was heavy. Not overly emotional or anything… (which then feels sad, disconnected, strange )

But heavy like stuck hot humid air pressing on me.

2 other people I know (1 acquaintance from school, was likely OD) and the other a close family friend (not drug related).

They both passed on my persons Day. Now I know 3 people who passed on that day. It feels odd. For many reasons. Almost like that date … it’s significance… idk something changes knowing that. It’s not mine. I attended the funeral for the family friend and realized I have had the most experience with confronting death. That I’ve been to more funerals than my older siblings and parents.

It was meaningful to be there for my siblings who were closer with this person… but wow… all the funerals I’ve attended in my 20s/30s were due to overdose. This one wasn’t. Celebrating their life felt a bit different. It was SO full and accomplished. I fe sad so many of our people were young and didn’t get to experience those things.

Was glad to feel grounded to be there for others. I had selfish thoughts, like ‘oh wow, it would have been so nice if someone came with me on a plane to attend HIS funeral back in 2016.’ I was on my own, with his family and friends in a state I only lived in for 2 years.

Feels so surreal the time that has passed. All of it…. All of the others who died from drugs , my friends, my clients (I’m an addiction counselor), my now-husband’s friends.

I wish I could reach everyone struggling in active addiction to help them. But there are no jobs available at livable wage .. despite all the “opioid money” the government has to help. It’s defeating…

Thanks for reading.

lost my Dad to alcohol in 2005

lost my the father(39) of my son (17) on 11/30/2023 (accidental fentanly OD)

lost my sister (35) on 12/04/2024.. (fent)

I'm almost 38 and finding it hard to find support groups near me so I was wondering if anyone knows of an online resource / support group ?

the local GRASP group is 40 mins from me and only meets the last Wednesday of every month.. I think i need something that meets more frequently.

I'm so sorry we are all in this shit club... thanks for any leads.

It's been 7 years...I still cry everyday. I thought this got better...or hurt less as time passed, but it doesn't. My best friend died at my house, and even though me and my dad tried everything to bring him back...we just couldn't. That morning I woke up early and had to pee and I remember him asleep and snoring loudly, mouth open and I thought he had smelly feet. 3 hours later I again woke up and he was not on the couch anymore...me and my dad found him in the bathroom unresponsive,and I called 911 but they just asked me if he was a drug dealer and told me they wouldnt send an ambulance. I kept calling back and screaming into the phone I needed help but...it took 45 minutes for the ambulance to come, nonchalantly...no sirens...no sense of urgency. I had to tell his mother...I promised her I would make sure he was ok...and I'm still so sorry I couldn't keep that promise. Then the police came...put me and my family in hand cuffs and searched my house ...for what idk ..they searched my house...asked us questions and then they just left.

7 years and this is burned in my brain...my heart will never beat the same. I don't blame myself...but I'll never know why...I'll always hope he knows he still lives in my heart...and dreams. Not one day has gone by that I don't wish he were here. Life isn't fair...and death isn't either. I'm not sure if I'll ever be ok...it's fucked me up in so many ways...but I fight through the sadness, loneliness, depression, anger, hopelessness and I don't let stupid people and their assumptions break me down anymore. People are cruel and live kicking you when your down.

I'll never regret one second of sharing our lives together. I love you Rey... always til I die.

he was 18. he was out of his third stint at rehab. he bought cocaine. and i KNOW most fentanyl poisonings are manufacturing issues when they want the user to get addicted and accidentally killed him. i've seen the pictures of how LITTLE fentanyl it takes to kill you. this powder he bought was almost all fentanyl. somebody killed my brother. and took him away from me. and i won't let myself die until that man is demolished. i'm so tired of it.

We’ve been best friends since we were 13 years old and she died a month and a half ago from a drug overdose at age 25.

I watched her slowly slip into addiction in our teen years. I never used with her because I had lost my dad from an overdose when I was a kid, it was my pledge to never try drugs. We would occasionally drink when we were older, but I had no idea it would ever turn into anything more than that for her. In hindsight, I feel so guilty for that. She lied to me a lot when it came to her drug use and I didn’t realize how bad it was until she was in too deep.

Her parents never really liked me much, mostly because I didn’t come from a “good”(Christian) family. They would frequently sit us down and tell us that they didn’t want us to be friends anymore. I tried my best to be a good friend, I encouraged her to make good choices and to attend post-secondary. I encouraged her to be sober once I realized that was an issue. I always respectfully addressed her parents as Mr and Mrs (last name), I would frequently attend church with them, I’d proudly tell them about my academic and extra curricular accomplishments, hoping they’d see that I was heading in a better direction than my parents.

She spent over 18 months in different Christian rehab facilities after her close friend died of an overdose. Each time she’d get out, she’d buy cigarettes and alcohol first thing, because she just couldn’t help herself. I still tried so hard to be there for her despite feeling annoyed with her choices, often staying on the phone with her from the time she got off work until she was going to sleep so she didn’t feel lonely and thus less likely to use. We lived 2 hours apart once I left for university, neither of us with a vehicle, so FaceTime is all we really had most of the time. I sometimes regret leaving her to go to school and feel like if I never left then she wouldn’t have been in such a bad place mentally. She was no longer welcome at her family’s Christmases, thanksgivings and Easter’s, so I would spend them with her when I came home.

Her dad knew enough to message me and tell me that they found her lifeless in her apartment one morning and that she could not be revived. He said he would let me know what happens next, but I never heard a thing and he never answered me again. Her obituary said they were going to have an intimate service with close family and friends, but a couple of weeks before she died, they told her that if she ever lost her life to an overdose, that there would not be any sort of funeral. I honestly don’t know if they followed through with that or not at this point. But why would they write about one in her obit? She cried so much over that comment and it bothered her deep into her core. She put herself on a waitlist for a public rehab facility but just never made it in time. She wanted to get better so badly, she wanted to be apart of her family so badly.

I know I tried so hard to be a good friend but I can’t help but feel guilty for not doing enough. I don’t know what to do with the hurt. I wish I knew where she was so I could say goodbye. I don’t even know if she was buried or cremated, and I doubt they’d ever tell me. I just feel lost and left hanging. I know ‘closure’ isn’t really a thing, but I feel like seeing some sort of memorial for her would help me process the fact that she’s gone. Right now, it just feels like she hasn’t texted me back. I loved her so much and she was such a big part of my life for such a long time, I can’t help but feel resentful towards her parents for not allowing me the opportunity to just say goodbye. I wonder if they thought that I was the problem. I feel so uncomfortable carrying these negative feelings and I don’t know what to do. I don’t even know what I expect to gain from writing this. I guess it just feels nice to let things out.

My ex passed away a couple of years ago while I was in prison. I knew the moment fentanyl became prevalent that it would be the end of her. Like many suffering from addiction she didn't know moderation and any slip up with fent would surely be the last slip you made. Here's the thing, there's no record of her death as an overdose, there's no record of her death whatsoever. There are no social accounts when you search for her, no obituary, which i can understand that due to cost. Her family has shut off the world from any information whatsoever. Her sister went off the deep end and is now MIA. I found someone who made a Facebook group in memory of her, and that is vague as well. I messaged the guy who created it and he told me he's been searching for answers for a couple of years now. He told me something i found bizarre. He said that her family has some deep involvement with the government and that they are still investigating her death, that her death records could be held up ten years? Or something like that.

I'm looking for suggestions, theories, ideas whatever you got. I'm just confused cause it doesn't make sense. Maybe she was involved involved with some unsavory people and got got. Who knows.

She passed a little over two months ago. I knew she was using, she knew WHAT she was using as I carry narcan/fent test strips with me everywhere. She had a previous attempt at her own life 6 months prior to her passing. We had a strained relationship because she was not a great mother, but she made up for it by being the best grandma (or Honey as they called her) to my kids.

I feel like I had been grieving her for a long time before she actually passed. We're still waiting on tox report and I guess they're going after her dealer on charges related to her death. It still doesn't feel real most days. I wake up and I've forgotten, and then it hits me again like a punch in the gut,

I don't really know what I'm trying to say. It's been hard, especially on my kids who are 7&9.
I genuinely thought she would outlive all of us out of pure spite and hatred.
I will say though, she had gotten me super into a show and two days after she passed it was cancelled. I feel like it was her fault, her spiteful ass is somewhere saying "If I can't wait it, neither can you" lmao
She would have found that joke hilarious, btw.

I’m Amanda, and I’m grateful to have found this space. I lost someone I love deeply to overdose, and the grief has been a journey that changed me forever. I know how heavy it can feel to carry this pain while also wanting to honor their memory and help others.

I made this photo that says, “With wings of hope, we rise above overdose. Awareness saves lives.” It’s a reminder to myself and others that we can turn our grief into action, compassion, and connection, even on the hardest days.

I’m here to learn, share, and support others walking this path, and to remind us all that we are not alone in this. If anyone ever needs a safe place to share or simply to be heard, I’m here. Sending hope and love to everyone navigating overdose grief

Saturday marked one year. I still have nightmares reliving that day. They’re so vivid that I wake up sweating, heart racing, and already in tears or on the verge of them.

I’ll never be able to forget the gut wrenching feeling when I saw him, or scream sobbing, “I fucking hate you, don’t do this to us,” when giving CPR & mouth to mouth, waiting for EMTs to arrive. I’ll never forget having to call all my friends, our friends, his best friend, his mother. Telling them the heartbreaking news that he was gone, having to explain that he relapsed and overdosed. That I found him too fucking late.

Most of, I’ll never forget him. I know the person in active addiction wasn’t the person I spent years loving and building a life with. The last month & a half leading up to that day will never overshadow the 5 years of good times, memories, and love we shared. It doesn’t overshadow the love I still have, and will always have, for him.

He would have turned 31 last month. He had so much love and life left to give, but that was ripped away from him. And he was ripped away from me. I try to remind myself that he’s no longer struggling, no longer battling his depression or the addiction. But that doesn’t change the fact that he should be here.

I’m still trying to figure out how to navigate life without him, and who I am, post-trauma and loss. I’m by no means thriving, but I am still surviving.

I spent Saturday with friends, where we talked and laughed about our memories with him, where I could cry while being surrounded by love and support, and where I could cheers a tequila shot to him.

I’ll always love you, bean 🧡 I’m sorry our story got cut short, I miss & think about you everyday.

He OD , in October, it will be two years. I feel like it's my fault even though I wasn't there. We were no longer together. When we were together, I tried my hardest to keep him clean. I evan took him to rehabs, hospitals. Memories mixed in with nightmares. Is it my fault? He was the one that left me. Afterwards, he of course was with several other women using the hard drugs with them. I couldn't see this coming. I loved him even still after he left me. Cried myself to sleep many nights when he was out doing his own thing. Was this destin to happen to him? Could I have stopped it? I know I will never know. I just feel pretty damn awful now. I knew he was still actively using. We have children together. So, I wouldn't let him come over, I was afraid something might happen to our children. He did see them a few times before, ( but, those were the first few times I found out he was still using and stopped allowing him to come over) Yesterday, was a very difficult day (father's day). I feel like I'm just rambling now. It all seems like a dream, waiting to wake up from. I'm posting here, because I have no one in my life I can talk to. No new significant other. I've been alone ever since he left me. And , I don't think I can ever bring myself to be with another. Day in day out , trying to to the best I can for our children now. I'm a loner (not evan one friend thats a woman). I know it's not just me going through something like this, or going through something in life in general. We all are here on this planet, and we all have feelings and alot of times we are hurting. Trying to figure out how to cope with such an extreme form loss or situation. Trying not to let our lives fall apart. And if it does, rebuilding and putting everything back together better than before this all happened. Asking yourself why is all of this happening? Possibly looking to your higher power if you believe enough to have one. And if so, why it , he or she let you down? Or maybe that's the way it has to be and there's just no answer to this at all. Every emotion fighting all the others emotions inside of you, as they all scream out loud why? It didn't happen yesterday , but it sure felt like it did. Where do I go from here? I did and still and will always love him. thank you all kindly, for taking the time to read this. any guidance and or suggestions is greatly appreciated 💜

My grand-sponsor passed recently from non-substance use disorder related illness, and exactly two months prior my partner passed away. It has been a horrible time overall. If it were not for the other people in my community who have survived the loss of someone they loved so much I would not know it was possible to go on. I had no choice- I had to keep putting one foot in front of the other, one breath after the next- even when I did not want to.

The memories and the love I have for my person remain- I don't say I "loved" them- I love them still even though they are not here. The space I created just for them remains on my heart, in a room that I didn't know existed before, and now it is opened and it cannot be shut. It sears and it burns sometimes more intensely than others - like when it was fresh- but by accepting the pain and not running from it, turning into it and not away, getting to know it and becoming acquainted with it - we take away it's power, nurture it in healthy ways, and provide it with what it needs to heal.

If we can do that, then what we are left with is something beautiful, like a tattoo rather than an ugly scar that we try and hide from the world while it still oozes with infection and pain - that can spread like a cancer and eventually we succumb to it. Sometimes quickly and sometimes not.

i am 22 and i lost my mom in August of 2023. she had been going down a drug path for about two ish years before that. we had always had an up and down relationship because of her mental health issues that presented as border line personality disorder. she was doing well and was healthy for the most part when i was 15, and then things took a turn (trigger warning) when my stepdad took pictures of me changing from under my bedroom door and our whole family kind of unraveled. for a few years she wasn't on drugs and then she started dating a guy who was, she was saying she wanted to help him get clean, and truly she was. she had a huge heart, and he took advantage of that. he told her that if she wanted him to get clean she had to use and get clean with him. it happened slowly at first and then quickly went downhill. i had gone to college out of state to try and get away but when i made that choice i hadn't known yet that she was on drugs. i have 6 younger siblings who were in her custody and i had to constantly call cps who did nothing until my youngest sister who was 10 months at the time (and who she had with her drug addict boyfriend in order to keep him) OD'd on drugs in the house. she had to be revived three times and is luckily alive and thriving today, but that was when she finally lost custody of them all. i had stopped talking to her quite a few months prior due to me begging her to go to rehab and warning that i would have to cut contact otherwise. she truly wanted to get better but the drugs had their hooks in her. i blame myself now because she thought that i hated her (i found some of her journals from when she was using and she wrote in there about it). the last time she had tried to message me was on my birthday and i did not respond. then on her birthday a few months later i emailed her but i dont even know if she got it because at that point she had become homeless. then 6 months later she died. i looked back in a journal entry from may like 3 months before she died and i said "i am not really mad anymore, i just miss her and hope she doesnt die or do too many irreversible things to her body"... then she died just a little bit later. i did not get to say goodbye to her and she died thinking i hated her. now i have intense fears of my family dying while i am not with them and not spending time with them. i also have horrible guilt because she always wanted to spend time with me when i was in high school and because of our rocky relationship i would avoid it sometimes. she was incredibly lonely though and had i spent time with her i truly believe she would not have ended up with the drug addict boyfriend that she did. i also have been recently diagnosed with autism, and she had believed that she might be autistic in the end times but i didn't know enough about it at the time. learning more about it now, i know that girls with autism are often misdiagnosed with BPD and now i am sad that she was most likely one of those cases and it just adds even more to how she was misunderstood and could have been helped. i am graduating in a couple weeks and this is the first big life event that i have had since she died and am having to come to terms with the fact that 1. she won't be there, and 2. that every big life event in my future is going to be tainted by missing her. i tell myself that she is still here in spirit and her and i always were very spiritual together so i talk to her like she can hear me. but half the time i think i am kidding myself and that she is not actually there nor can she hear me. then the other half of the time i am hopeful that she can. i still have not come to terms with the fact that we never get to make amends and i never even got to say goodbye or let her know that i did not in fact hate her. i hated what she was doing and i wanted my mom back. my gma said something to me when we were crying about it together one time, i told her that i was angry that she died because she was supposed to see that we were angry with her and then go to rehab. and she said "yeah, we were supposed to be angry with her and then she was supposed to get better." and that has stuck with me because it feels so true. being in college i took a drug use and abuse class and learned that cutting addicts off is actually a way to push them deeper into drug use rather than help. and logically i know that it was not my responsibility as her child and as a teenager/early adult to have that on my shoulders. but it wasn't on anyone else's shoulders and there was no one else to do it. had i not gone to college out of state she could very well still be here. had i not cut her off, she could very well still be here. my therapist and other people try to tell me that i can't put blame on myself like that, and i know that that is partially true, it isn't my fault that it happened. but i could have helped prevent it had i known better what to do. so when people tell me not to blame myself or feel that guilt it just makes me more upset because they don't understand that she could have been helped. we gave up on her and that was the opposite of what she needed, her feeling alone and like she needed that boyfriend for company and fulfillment was what got her on drugs in the first place. and there were things that our family and I could have done to change that course. i miss her, and i am not going to k*ll myself over it be with her again because i have a lot of other loving family that i don't want to leave. like my younger siblings who need me and ESPECIALLY my dad, who is literally the most amazing dad in the entire world. but it just hurts so bad that she is gone and i do not know how to come to terms with it. still to this day, a year and a half later it feels like it is a dream and that i am going to wake up and she will be here. or that i will wake up at 16 and get to try again. or when something good happens and there is a tiny split second where i forget she is gone and think "i want to tell my mom about this" and then i remember that i can't. part of my autism is that the emotions that i feel are incredibly intense to the point of physical pain and that is really extra not helpful when it comes to this. i just wish that it had gone the way my grandma had said, we were supposed to be angry, and then she was supposed to get better. it is not fair that i don't get to be angry anymore and that i just have to miss her. she was not supposed to die. her stupid ass dead beat druggie boyfriend who has been on drugs his whole life should have been the one to die and it is not fair that he got to take her from us and is still alive and not in jail. i hope he dies a horrible painful death, alone.

I will always feel guilty on how my last conversation with my husband was kicking him out after finding another needle in the garbage. I have 2 little kids and at that point I had enough and wanted him to go to rehab again for the 2nd time that year. He told me he would go that day and went upstairs used again and went into massive cardiac arrest..I was downstairs feeding my kids breakfast when our whole world changed in an instant. I will always ask what if I gave him the chance to talk to me that morning. I was giving him tough love like everyone had told me to do. What if I said he could come food shopping with me and the kids..I always replay this in my head wondering would that have changed the outcome and also the fact that we never got a chance to fix us this time

   I'm a 46 yr old female 

I recently lost my mother in February of this year. Due to addiction. My mom was 67 yrs old.

  Throughout my life my mother  battled with addiction. My father was not in the picture . I lived with multiple family members from the age of  5-17 yrs old. During this time I was  separated from my mom and  little brother  due to  my mom's addiction. As a young child , I  bounced from house to house school to school not knowing when I'd have to move from one day to the next.There would be times when I would see my mom and times I wouldn't see her for years . In my mind as a child ,  I was always waiting for her to come get me . 

     When I was 11 yrs old there was a brief moment I was able to live with my mom and  my brother . My wish came true , I had my mom back!!!  We were able to live with her for a good 2 yrs until one day she stopped coming home. My brother and I were left alone for months with no one. The only way we survived was by acting like nothing was wrong. We quietly got on the bus and went to school so we could at least eat lunch.  No one check on us for a long time.

My brother and I never said a word to anyone. I guess we didn't want to be separated again. Eventually my family found out and we were moved again to different households . At that time I was 13 yrs old , I didn't know/ understand that my mom was an addict until then. My family never talked about it until that moment .

    Throughout my life my Mom's addition chose when she was in or out of our lives. At 20 yrs old I had moved from the Midwest to the East Coast . At times my mom would come live with me.  I would take care of her and help her get sober.  It was  the best feeling in the world to see the  woman I love so much become sober . When my mom would have a good stretch of  sobriety under her belt ( usually a year or two ) she eventually would want to move back to the Midwest and she would.

    As I grew up, I realized I  was the child that became the mother to my mother. I always wanted to protect her , take care of her,  keep her safe and in our lives.

However, It was a devastating cycle of sobriety and relapse chaos.

   The last several years of her life she was living with her older sister,  they were two happy peas in a pod together . My mom was  sober and thriving for 6 yrs ! I was so proud of her , life was good!  

April of 2024 my Aunt unexpectedly passed away. My mom and I were devastated. I was so worried about my mom and how she would handle everything. I tried to help her through the grief as best as I could. I felt being so far away from her was a problem. I immediately flew out to be with her for a few weeks and begged her to come back home with me. I didn't want her to be alone .

  My  mom decided she couldn't  leave at that time.  I understood She  had  built a  healthy sober  stable life with a good  job , friends and our remaining family that she didn't want to leave. I understood how hard she worked to achieve all of her goals. 

 We talked several times a week, everything seemed to be okay. I however , was quietly distraught . I could feel something was not quite right. My mom and I talked on the phone several times a week especially on Sunday's .  As our mother daughter convos continued , it was Sunday night.

I called my mom and she told me "I miss my daughter , lets look into flights for me to come visit you. "
I excitedly started looking into flights right away! We both were so excited to see each other soon! I told her I'd call her back when I found a good flight. We said our goodbyes and love you and hung up the phone.

  My mom passed away  that night ....  accidental overdose...... Feb 2025 

I'm Completely heart broken..

I feel like I lost a mother and a child all in one moment 💔

He passed away of an OD in 2020 after our 17th birthdays, we met in grade three and became fast friends due to the fact his birthday was the day before mine. We were close till I moved away in grade 5 only to reconnect in our early teen years and have a classic middle school romance, he was my first kiss and I’d sneak out to walk around town with him. After we broke up we stayed friends and kept in contact despite him being in an active addiction and me being in a toxic environment up until he passed away.

Here I am growing up, starting my adult life and going to be 22 in afew weeks while he’s just still a teenager, heavily listening to “gone away” by the offspring as of late and finding an insane amount of dimes heads up again like I do every May since he’s been gone. God I miss my friend

Hi Babe,

I wore one of your favourite T shirts to the cake tonight where I gave our friend, and my sponsor, her medallion. Last year when I did it, you sat right next to me on my left hand side and I loved how it felt knowing that we were together in love, and I was so proud and happy to be with you. I never imagined in a million years that you wouldn't be there next year. Sitting there, holding back tears and also letting them flow from time to time, I glanced down at my phone at the end of the meeting and saw a text from a woman I connected with one time in another area's meeting - she is pretty sure her partner is in a relapse and things are getting crazy and what should she do?

Not everything happens for a reason, you died from the disease you bravely fought because you loved other people and you knew they were hurting as a result. After 20 years of struggle, in and out and up and down, the body said "No More!". I understand how and why, but it wasn't FOR some greater purpose that you died.

My love for you, which still and always will, exist, is inversely not for nothing. Our love made us happy, it enriched our lives, it inspired others, we had the best times and we got to experience the one thing you told me you had yet to experience in the crazy life you had lived before me. Loss does not, can not, exist without love- love has to come first. I can; however, CREATE PURPOSE FROM OUR PAIN through my actions going forward. A peer has reached out for help and I can take our experience before your death and help her keep herself safe, maybe have fewer regrets than us, and not feel the fear of isolation - in a place that feels like it is asking one to let the other drown while saving themselves. It doesn't have to be that way for her - so I didn't text her back, I just called.

Mi expareja falleció de una insuficiencia respiratoria teniendo en sangre cocaína, marihuana y benzodiacepinas en sangre una noche que vino a mi casa a dormir. Cuando me desperté al día siguiente me lo encontré azul en la cama. Lo vivido posteriormente fue horrible, los amigos con los que se drogaba iban diciendo por ahí que yo lo había matado, la madre decía y me dijo a mí que yo lo había matado. Mi cabeza no entiende como pueden echarme la culpa a mí después de todo lo que hice por el y como sabían que el me trataba. Han pasado ya dos años y todavía no supero el estigma que provocaron en mi, la crueldad y la inhumanidad con la que se comportaron conmigo. Es surrealista. No sé si es algo habitual o soy yo que he tenido mala suerte

My boyfriend died of a meth and fentanyl OD in April of 2024 and on March 25 of this year I made the decision to go to rehab. Again. For the 5th or 6th time since he died. Yes, I have been trying to get clean for a year, with not much success, admittedly. But this time, it feels different. I had been crying myself to sleep every night since David died. I had been looking at our pictures and wearing his clothes, comparing everyone to him (which is so futile, there will never be another soul like him in this world), etc etc. I hadn't been letting him rest in peace, that is for sure. I had also been using although I had experienced first-hand what could happen if I didn't stop. I was using to cover up the pain of my loss, and pain from several other sources besides his death, too. The thing is, the pain only slightly faded, sometimes. Other times, the drugs intensified my grief. When I'd come down, the grief and emotional pain were still there, staring me in the face and making my life hell. I had heard the saying, "The only way to get over it is to go through it," or something to that effect. While I'll never "get over" David's death, I finally realized that I have to go through the pain in order to accept his death and move forward in my life. I have to accept it because I want to be able to remember him and smile. I want to be GRATEFUL for the time I did have with him. And most of all, I don't want to be bitter and full of resentment. Resentment makes us addicts use again and again, even in the face of serious and deadly consequences. Finally, I can breathe and smile when I think of my amazing boyfriend. I think about all the fun times we had, the silly words we'd make up, the things only he and I understood, and I feel nothing but love and gratitude. I miss him so much. I will love him until the day I die. But I'm letting him rest, I'm living my life instead of being miserable trying to hold onto the life he and I had. People we love die. It's a sad fact of life, but a fact nonetheless. I have 6 weeks clean now. I will always be an addict, but I'm a recovering addict now. I feel that David is so proud of me, and I know in my heart he wants me to live my life to the fullest, without the heavy weight of drugs bringing me down. He also would never want me to live my life grieving every day. Grief is the price we pay for love, it's going to be in our lives if we've ever loved at all. But it doesn't consume me now, I can feel contentment, happiness, even joy now without feeling guilty. I will still cry over David. But I know he's free, and now that I'm sober and practicing acceptance, I can feel free too. Thank God.

Lost my little brother back in March. Still having a hard time dealing with his loss. He is so missed. Sometimes I struggle with the fact I shared his story and if he would approve of it. It's just to honor him and highlight how he passed in hopes of helping others.

https://www.westwoodfuneralchapel.com/obituaries/jacob-isbister

6 years ago I lost my partner of 10 years to an OD. We both had been clean for sometime. He traded his addiction for gambling. He skipped rent and i was so upset. I asked him to leave for the night. He left and a couple hours later asked to come home. I told him I just needed the night. Well a couple hours after that i decided to call him- no answer. Long story short the next morning the police showed up at my door telling me they found him in his truck and he had OD. I thought i would never want to find love again.

Two years ago i reconnected with an old friend. We fell in love instantly and were inseparable. He had been clean for years until December and he OD twice. Luckily i was going to see what he was doing and the fire department was a half a mile from our home. So I saved him. March 15th he went to take a shower and i thought God he is taking forever i went to check on him and he’s down on the floor. It took what seemed like forever for the paramedics to get there but he had been down too long. He had promised me he would never touch it again and this time i believed him. I shouldn’t have let my guard down.

I just can’t get past this. I am not ok at all. Luckily, i work from home and i just sit and cry at my desk all day. I cry myself to sleep at night. I don’t want to do anything or talk to anyone. I’ve never been the one to talk about how I’m feeling or show my emotions when anyone is around. The only reason why i have some faith is because I’ve made it through this before. It just feels so different this time. It was a love I’ve never had before. I just want to be ok again and not have to fake it… please tell me this will get better…

If you read this far thank you