When I was little, my mom would use me as a therapist all the time. Whenever I was home, I was basically an on call psychologist that she had access to at all times. Multiple times a day she would barge into my room and rant about what was bothering her for an hour straight. And if I didn't immediately drop what I was doing and start comforting her, she would get furious.

And she saw absolutely zero problem with this. When people told her she needed to see a therapist, she would literally respond with

"I don't need a therapist, I have my daughter."

This is literally me.

I still have hell to take care of. It's nice sometimes that they rely on me but sometimes I get so pissed it's like why do you need ME when you're life is fine, and why can't you be more of a safe place for ME.

But they feel safe around me or telling me about their problems or seeking love and attention from me because I've been through every dark thing? It's also the same with lovers- and at first it's so easy to think like, oh they want me to be THEIR ride or die so it means they'll also be mine too. NO.... not really :\

Why do you think this happens?

My husband, (53) is dying. He has courageously battled cancer and we made the terrible decision that hospice was the right thing. He’s been home a week and his time is very short. Like our sons and I won’t leave the room short. We are devastated and broken. But my mom wanted me to know that she cancelled her cruise for next month. And, the best part is that she had “cancel for any reason” insurance so she gets all her money back. A full refund! And she has a year to use her miles to rebook the airfare! Isn’t that great?

I can not.

I hate how people feel terrible for me when I’m abused and then the moment I tell them it’s my mother doing it—they are no longer interested or helpful. “She’s your mother—she just worries about you.” No, she worries about herself and flaunts it as being motherly. I’m not the only one, am I?

Being an only child certainly never helped my case.

I'll never forget one time, years ago, I was still living with my n mom and one of my friends who I hadn't seen in years comes into town and we decide to go out to celebrate. We go out and starting around 11:00, I began getting "Where are you? When are you coming home?" messages from n mom. Ignored them, continued to have a good time, went out for drinks, went to a few clubs.

1:00 rolls around, my phone is BLOWING up with the same messages. I text my n mom that I'm out having fun, I'll be home later or I'll spend the night with my friends.

2:30 rolls around, and I get another angry message. This time, it says something along the lines of "I've been up all night waiting for you, you need to come the fuck home now so I can go to bed". I tell her to go to bed, I'll stay with my friends tonight.

4:00 am, we're finally leaving the club and going home. I check my phone again, to find my n mother threatening me that if I didn't come home immediately, she was CALLING THE POLICE. I text back being like "You can't call the police, I'm not in danger". She then SENDS ME A PHOTO of 911 pressed into her keypad on her phone.

I make up a lie to my friends and leave humiliated. When I got home, my mother was sitting in the living room waiting for me. Screamed at me when I got in, told me I wasn't allowed to go out again like that.

I was 29 years old, by the way.

I would like to ask this community if you are/were blamed or called "cruel" or "cold-hearted" when you decided to go NC. I have been called all those things by friends who had good and caring parents or mothers who were not raging psychopaths. And it's always in the form of an innocent question, like: "but don't you miss her even just a little bit?" or "she may need you now, can't you forgive and forget?"
Do they think we like this? Do they think we chose to go through this life without the support of loving parents, without the safety of knowing that no matter how badly you stumble or fall or how dark things become, you can always turn to a mother or a father who will catch you and lift you up, and tell you the magic words (I know I'll never hear) "I got you!"?

one time got this random phone call from my NMom ( she lives in another state ) she was like what does the word narcissist mean. And to be fair I didn’t know what to tell her cuz at the time I didn’t know how to explain it in detail especially in Spanish. So I did a quick google search. after reading about it I was quickly much like “girl this you” 🤣. I didn’t say that obviously cuz it was going to bring up a pointless discussion. so I ended up just giving her a short explanation. Which she than end up calling my brother a Narc because he doesn’t listen to her 🙄. So now I’m here in this subreddit trauma dumping with all of you guys lol. I also just went no contact ✌🏽.

I am in college and living in the dorms for the first time. My university is a 1 hour and 15 minute drive away from my parents house. They are vile people and extremely abusive, which is why I of course moved out. It has been only two weeks since college move in day and my mom has been texting me about coming to visit. I want some space from them so yesterday I lied saying I had work and tutoring, so she didn't come. But today, she texted me in the MIDDLE of the day, saying that they are coming to visit. I said no that she should have told me sooner and lied saying I had a weekend class. She insisted but then texted fine and it's okay. I was relieved... THEN

My mom texted at 4:30 pm saying: I am here where are you.. I was flabbergasted. I was in the library studying and she was apparently waiting right outside my dorm complex to catch me walking around I guess. I didn't respond for a full hour, and was stressing out. I called my room mate asking her an hour later if someone was still outside the dorm and she said no it was clear. I was relieved then later my mom texted me saying: I waited for 40 minutes to see you but you didn't respond to me, now I am leaving campus. I texted back saying: I explicitly told you that I couldn't meet you today. We need to schedule a proper day and time in advance because I have my own schedule. She just left me on read.

I am absolutely furious. My parents drove ONE hour and 15 minutes TO my campus, waited 40 minutes, then drove BACK another hour. They wasted 3-4 hours of their day hoping to catch my face. I'm disgusted. How do i deal with this.

So I've been attending DBT because of my BPD for almost 5 months now. And the inspiration behind it was because I really REALLY hurt my ex boyfriend. So I've been in therapy.

But the problem was I was still making excuses for my behavior. I won't go into detail, but basically I was telling myself the abusive behavior I forced on my ex was justified because he was happier now without me and he was doing fine.

Then my therapist hit me with this.

"You were raised by a narcissistic mother, and the logic you're using right now is the same logic she used to justify her treatment of you."

And....

She was right.

I started crying. I NEVER cry. But I cried because my whole life I had been trying to run away from the way my mom treated me, only to become just like her during my episode.

I really did need this therapy, because I'm learning so much of my behavior and the way I treated my ex was NOT okay, and I'm starting to understand that now.

They still deny they ever kicked me out but I will never forget packing all my shit because I didn't have the money they demanded at the time. I would have in a couple weeks but that wasn't good enough, they threatened a lot of other things and i didn't know my rights but they had been physically abusive at this point so I decided to leave for my own good. I don't know why I'm posting this, maybe because my therapy has been delayed for a month and a half now. About the photos, I was so grateful that anyone took me in at the time, and rightfully wanted nothing to do with my own parents in the moment. I should add I got kicked out for throwing one small party in high school. I cleaned and was willing to accept my punishment and make up for it, but their punishment was to demand money I didn't have.

Hello I am currently 15 years old and I am just looking for advice on where to get money to completely move out of my toxic household (my parent and whoever she brings home abuse substance, I don't really have any other relatives, and if I do they are the same and far away, mom literally forbids me going to school now because I need to help around the house and will abuse me further if i try to go to school) . I am in a really urgent situation, currently I'm staying at a friends house (she is 18 so she can help move out if i pay half the rent) . I have escaped 3 days ago and I have to start saving up to move out. My parents know that I am gone but they don't really care, my sister escaped almost the same way when she was 16 in my country and the legal age of working is 16 but I only turned 15 two months ago so I can't get a job. I really really cannot go back there as the abuse has moved to being physical and very intense. Before I get this advice no I cannot js report it to any authorities they will just put me in an orphans home where the liveing conditions are insanely bad and I WILL lose my last belongings. I live in post soviet country and the whole system here is fucked up so trust me I have tried everything I can already. They justify beating children. I went to a school physchologist last year and she just told me I deserve it because if i get beaten it meant i did something wrong. Are there any worldwide sites where I could get money no matter my age because literally no one will hireme here. Would literally do anything. I know english, russian and my native language (dont want to mention in reddit), I can write and read pretty fast, I am F15, I can draw and animate somewhat, but not too good. I am desperate.

also sorry i have never posted to reddit so idk how to use it yet

Thanks in advance.

So I'm constantly thinking about what will happen if I do something and my anxiety is so bad, I'm just feeling paralyzed. It feels kinda like analysis paralysis and I'm trying to figure out all possible outcomes, which keeps me stuck and I don't take any action to do anything. This has been happening for more than 2 years but nobody knows.

I constantly watch different videos on self help saying "do it anyway" or "accept the fear" but for some reason I just cant force myself to do anything because I'm in survival mode constantly seeking for the next threat. Every. single. thing. is somehow dangerous. I have schizophrenia and I take my meds but it's not about that. I just hold myself back from doing the things I want to do. As if there is a "stop" sign.

I just want to make it sound funny but I don't know how. If I keep on being fat, they will keep on telling me Im a pig. If I lose weight, they will keep on telling me I look sick.

The realization of being alone and lonely sinked in last night. I have a boyfriend and few friends but I don’t really connect with my friends in a deep level. I connect with my bf but he has kids and I don’t want to put more on his plate.

I miss having an emotional support. I live alone in my late 30s, I’m an introvert, cut of my mother two years ago, my dad past away 2019. I’m trying my best but I’m having a hard time connecting with people, even with my own boyfriend’s family.

I’ve tried reaching out to family members to build a connection but all they can talk about is my mom, which is frustrating because they are aware I have cut off my mother.

I’ve been out camping, paddle boarding, hanging out with friends hoping that would help but I still have that emptiness. I keep trying ways to fill in that gap but it seems like nothing really works.

Ever since I was a kid I couldn’t rely much emotionally on my parents and I had to rely on myself in that department. Sometimes I’m just tired of relying on myself emotionally and I just want someone who I can take that wheel.

Hi Reddit, I need advice. My family thinks I’m overreacting, but I’m really worried.

My 6-year-old nephew is nonverbal and shows signs of autism. My sister has never had him evaluated and “homeschools” him by letting him watch random YouTube videos all day. Her other kids are in school.

Recent incidents: • He ran outside unsupervised for 10 minutes until police found him. • He bolts in public, including into traffic. • He pushed and slapped my 2-year-old son. • All of his front and bottom teeth are rotten, and he hasn’t seen a dentist.

My sister’s “solution” is to have her 13-year-old daughter sleep with him every night to keep him safe. My niece is in school and needs rest — she shouldn’t be responsible for him.

She’s very anti-doctor, anti-vaccine, and drama-prone — she once cut off my mom for six months over a suggestion my nephew should attend school. She’s also planning to homeschool my 8-year-old niece.

I feel like this is medical neglect, educational neglect, and unsafe parenting. Am I overreacting for considering reporting this to CPS, even if it causes family fallout?

—- edit— I am going to call on Tuesday!

I was talking to a friend who’s currently in the thick of it with her husband and kids and she said “you’re right in your decision not to want kids or a man” and proceeded to tell me her life was miserable.

It got me thinking, is my choice to be alone really my own? Or did my nparent just suck the life out of me so much growing up that those things never pinged on my radar as a result?

I basically parented my nparent since I was around 7, I have hyper independence and struggle to let anyone help me do anything because “it won’t be done how I want”.

I have zero desire to be in a relationship and when guys show me interest I shut it down. I don’t want kids either, there is nothing in me that screams “I need a baby!!!!”- Im a 29F for context.

Im aware its not too late for me, but I just wanna clarify, I have absolutely NO desire for a relationship or child, Im more so just saddened by the fact that my formative years and young adulthood was spent fanning the flames of my toddler nparent-I feel resentment for what could have been I guess?

Any advice to deal with these feelings would be appreciated.

I’m 18 and in college. Recently, my parents discovered that I have a girlfriend. They saw pictures of us kissing and being close, and they completely lost control. They beat me for hours, spat on me, screamed at me, and told me to “go die.” My mom says she wishes I was never born, and my dad has told me to die almost every time he’s angry for years. The emotional abuse has always been there, but this time the physical abuse was the worst I’ve ever faced. The beating was really bad, like the cutting board and vegetable holder they used actually broke, and now I have bruises and a constant headache. I’m worried about the physical damage too, but I don’t have anyone at home I can turn to for care. They’re extra furious because my girlfriend is Muslim, and they hate that. They’ve threatened to stop paying for my education if I don’t break things off. They also keep telling me to quit studying and go work “in the streets,” even though all I want is to finish my education and build a future. To survive, I lied and told them we broke up back in March. The truth is, we’re still together. She’s the only person keeping me sane right now, and I need her support to survive what’s happening at home. On top of all this, they accuse me of things I haven’t even done, like recently, when they blamed me for “stealing” my mom’s earring, which she had actually lost herself. It feels like no matter what happens, I’ll always be treated as the villain in their eyes. Now they’re threatening to take away my phone and computer, which I rely on for all my college work. I’m trying to convince them that I need them for studies, just to hold on to the tools I have left. I feel trapped—stuck between abusive parents, financial control, and constant emotional attacks. I want to focus on my studies, graduate, and become independent, but living in this environment is crushing me.

TL;DR: I’m 18. My parents found out about my Muslim girlfriend, beat me for hours, told me to die, accused me of stealing, and now threaten to take away my education and tools. I lied about breaking up just to survive. How do I cope until I can be independent?

Edit: thanks for all the support and concern you guys have shown me. It really means a lot to me. For some extra context: I’m Indian, male and I’m still able to access Reddit even though my parents took my phone, because I have an old one they don’t know about.

It wasn’t even a pay check it was a credit card.

But even then paying off debt is selfish. Having debt was selfish. Having anything was selfish.

If I bought or had a consol I usually had buyers remorse and returned it because it was just so selfish of me to have.

When I bought for myself.

A mattress.

Pots and pans. Cooking things that made cooking easier or fun.

Everything I did was about pleasing others and making my life just barely survivable.

Towels blankets.

Why because I was never given one. That was just mine.

Fuck my mom.

Sorry but fuck her.

Fuck anyone else for saying or thinking I don’t know what’s going on with my body or my mind. I’m not crazy.

I know what hurts and dismissing it will not change anything. I’m done being dismissed and forgotten.

I have to see my nparents and they always go all the way doing ridiculous stuff on special occasions. I was wondering if anyone has recorded them (video or audio) successfully.

I am checking discreet bodycams that stream to the cloud or voice recorders with autonomy and long memory.

I will feel safer and I will be able to remember as I tend to erase those from my memory due to trauma. I have only written down a few of those and it is quite a read.

Any thoughts on this? Where I live, it is legal to record a conversation you are a part of.

Thank you.

I was house sitting for my parents to look after the dog this following week. No big deal. I don’t have to be around them. And I can avoid them for the most part.

I arrive about 8:30AM Saturday morning.

They’ve packed the car up, set off and everything is nice and calm. Dog is just chilling. House is nice and quiet and at long last I can relax.

Get a phone call about mid day just a few hours after they left on Saturday; “Oh yeah” “So we are turning around and coming back home already”. No reason given. They’re just speaking in code and refuse to elaborate as to why.

They arrive back home in an absolutely foul mood about 2PM.

Tutting and whining about everything with that petulant child like tone as if something drastic has gone wrong.

The reason why they came home?

My mother wants to; “Do some housework”

I’m not even joking.

I nearly started to cry of laughter when they said (but had to hold myself together)

The reason they stopped their entire week long vacation is so my mother can just huff and puff all day long flipping over random objects in the house and screaming at them when she finds the tiniest speck of dust on it.

I stayed for about another half hour to collect all my stuff and they then spent the entire time I was there moaning about how they never get to go away and that it is not fair about how they never “get a rest”.

How life is unfair and the world is against them, the usual spiel. That everybody else is so lucky and they work so hard but never get a break.

YOU LITERALLY JUST WENT AWAY AND STOPPED GOING THROUGH YOUR OWN DECISION MAKING

The entire time my mother had the vacuum cleaner going and was shouting and screeching at everything “what is that” “for god sake” “Stupid thing” “uhhhhhhhhh” “ahhhhhhh” absolutely losing her rag at a freaking carpeted floor.

So I just left as soon as I collected all my stuff, said good bye and they were like “Why are you going? we thought you’d stay all week”.

THESE PEOPLE ARE FREAKING MENTAL!!!!!!

I do not want to sit and watch somebody else with (obviously undiagnosed OCD) clean their entire house from top to bottom for an entire week.

If I had to subject myself to another week of what I just witnessed I think I’d end up going stir crazy.

My life is not normal. I swear this is not what everybody else’s parents are like.

Do they really not see the irony? Just a month ago for the nth time she told me about a situation 20 years ago when she really needed help and her parents had all the means to help her but didn't. And now I'm in a situation where they could easily help me with my very difficult situation but they just won't. For no reason at all.

And it's just one example. My whole life is hearing about her parents' wrongdoings and then her doing the same. How do they not see it.

I recently realized that "feral" describes pretty well how I've always felt.

I wasn't parented very well. There are many things about life that I wasn't taught, and I've always lacked guidance. There are many aspects of life in which I lag behind my peers, and I'm still having to reparent myself.

I've always felt like an outcast and like my family only tolerated me, if anything. Because of their contempt toward me, and because they would often criticize and insult me, I would often choose solitude, where I felt safe, and where my nervous system had a chance to calm down.

Since I come from this small cult-like family, and since I never had an outside support system, I learned to be afraid of people. When I approached strangers, they would often sense that there's something off about me, and I would understand their consequent hostile attitude toward me as evidence that I'm broken.

Do you feel feral?

I just turned 17 like 2 days ago and it hit me like a truck about how boring my life really is, for example i have never had a sleepover, never gone or invited any of my friends to my house before as well as most of my talking stages end up failing because my parents don’t let me leave the house at all because they are “scared” that i will get kidnapped or something even tho i’m 6 feet and have a good physique for my age to defend my self they still think i’m a child.

The only time i get to interact with my friends is during school and now that i have moved to a completely different school i have become depressed because i don’t know if i will make any friends there or if i will even like the school.

Most of my friends have bank accounts and they have jobs and regularly have something to keep their self busy with, mean while me on the other hand i just go to school come home study and repeat, i asked to get a job and to have my own bank account they said when i have matured up and takes my studies seriously ( i have passed and doing well in every subject except for maths). It got to the point where i sneaked out of the house and went out with my friend with a couple of girls and we went to buy something from a shop before going to the place, i stood outside the shop because i don’t have any way of paying nor have any money on me so it was really embarrassing for me.

I also wanted to start playing basketball so i asked my parents they said basketball is a waste of my time and i should focus on my studies, i said i’m 17 and i’m not allowed to leave my house and go outside and there is nothing to do at home they just told me to shut up and that i am ungrateful and i should leave my room.

I honestly don’t know what to do because i don’t know if they will keep on treating me like a child when i turn 18 now

I (26f) got in a bad fight with my mom about a month ago where she gaslit me so badly about my childhood I had my worst panic attack in years. I hadn't spoken to her since then and I blocked her number.
Last night at like 2am I was out with a friend for her birthday, I was super drunk and enjoying the night out when I started getting text messages from a random number saying "it's mom, I'm stranded in [city where I live] and all the hotels are too expensive. I need to take a shower." at first I'm like ?? because it's a random number and the texts said that they knew I wasn't home because they rang my doorbell a bunch, which freaked me out.

Drunk me for some reason decides it's a good idea to call the number so I step out of the club where we were at and turns out it is her. she starts berating me because she's been trying to contact me for hours and she needs to stay at my house. she didn't even ask if I was available or prepared (I was over an hour from home at that point), she literally just assumed she could show up at 2am randomly. for what it's worth my mom is crazy bad with money and she knew she would be traveling, I live almost 5 hours from my hometown, but she didn't bother to plan ahead and book a hotel. I start to get really stressed out because of how much she's yelling so I spent last night on my friend's couch.

The next morning (today) I went out with the friend I crashed with and ran some errands, got food, came back home to shower at 3pm. Not 15 minutes later, I'm literally naked and my doorbell starts ringing 30, 40, 50 times. immediately I get a bad feeling so I peek out the window and see her car. somehow she manages to get buzzed into my building and then she starts banging on my door demanding to get in, screaming at me, and I'm yelling back at her through the door telling her to get the fuck out of my building and that I don't want to talk to her. She was refusing to leave my building so in an attempt to de-escalate I texted my sister and she managed to talk my mom into exiting the building.

and then a few hours later I realized: how did she manage to show up right after I arrived home? And then I remember that I'm still on my family phone plan (she has refused to take me off when I've asked) and that service comes with GPS tracking. I literally think she watched me all day and waited for me to come back to ambush me. I honestly feel really sick and I'm scared she might try to come back

Tl;dr: I attempted to go no contact with my mom and she responded by calling me in the middle of the night demanding I cater to her and then she showed up at my house, banged on my door and refused to leave

Im 20f, and working towards saving for a car(my get away vehicle) and as im working towards it my mom just made a claim today that nearly set me off. She said 'we'll share both these cars(hers and my furture one)' She has her own car. Its 2011 and its in amazing condition so theres no need for her to ever need a new car. Shes 60, shell be in the nursing home before needing a new one. that was my htought process as i took in what she said. I quietly replied with,

"then whats the point of having my own?" I said this because she always has to share everything i have. 'my car' would be hers actually and i should be grateful she allows me to have it(she uses that on everything I own even if i bought it myself, that i should be grateful to be ALLOWED things).

She replied with something like 'well, it'll be YOUR car. plus we can split the insurance on it' aka shell pay half of MY car. To that i firmly denied, 'no, ill be paying for my car myself." Because i dont wanna be trapped with her in a joined insurance.

About two years ago? I mentioned having to use her car just occasionally to get to work or idk a event i want to go to etc. she screeched at me, saying she worked her whole life for this car and im such a brat for even ThINKING i get to ever use her car. she just repeated that in 50 different iterations for an hour. so jump to now it took me for a fucking loop where she thinks she can just declare she gets free use over the car I WORK FOR whenever she wants to.

The hypocrisy with these people is fucking insane. If i brought that 2 years ago thing she'd deny ever saying such a thing. fucking bitch

Listen, if her car broke down and needed to be in the shop for a few days and she needed a car to get to the grocery story(the only place she goes) fine. Ill probably drive her i dont mind. but fuck the hypocrasy here pissed me off to no end.

have yalls parents been like this and how did you skirt around it? them using your car and trying to pay for the insurance?

This isn’t me writing a fantasy or having any ill intentions about this post; it’s just become an ongoing issue for me, and it makes me feel disgusting.

My mom has always had an issue with my chest, and it’s been going on for a long time. What’s weird for me is that it’s inside the house where she has the biggest issue. I used to be able to wear just a top with no bra, but once her eyes go onto me, she can’t stop looking at my chest. It’s incredibly uncomfortable. She will stare to the point where I think others will catch on.

If it’s just me and her alone, she will harass me about why I’m not wearing a bra: “It’s too tight, you’re exposing yourself.” She gets physically angry, her voice raises, and her face tenses up. This is all while there’s no male figure at home.

After this, I started wearing bras at home, and I have three overused hoodies that I constantly wear whenever I leave my bedroom so my chest and figure aren’t exposed. When my mom barges into my room, I hold the door back so I have enough time to put one on. I don’t think I’m describing just how mad she gets—you guys, it’s concerning. I’m only going over the basics.

This summer, I stayed at my cousin’s house because the house we were renting was near theirs, and they often asked me to sleep over, so I did. It was only my mom and sisters in the other house. Not in a perverted way, but I noticed how the girls didn’t have to cover up around their mother and sister. It wasn’t weird for them to not wear a bra; they didn’t get slut-shamed.

However, days later my mom came to the house. When she did, I wasn’t wearing a bra, but I had a scarf around my neck. Once her eyes saw me, she practically scanned me. I put my hand underneath the scarf to block any figure from showing. It was awkward—she just stood there looking at me like she could see right through me, with a cold look on her face. I just turned around and went to the balcony, waiting for her to leave.

There are more instances of her being obsessed with my chest. For example, before we went to Egypt, she was adamant that I get a bra that’s really tight on me to hide the fact that I have a chest. She bluntly advised me to get sports bras or ones with tight elastic, little to no padding, and no wires. She accuses me of not wearing a bra when I go out like its something you’ll forget . I think she’s hinting like Im trying to be weird even though when I’m around my dad or any men, I’m always wearing loose clothing and a bra. P.S. I don’t wear revealing tops, and I always leave the house with a bra on. I know it’s a problem, but I don’t know what to do.

EDIT: I was just thinking about this and felt I should add it in to see if it holds any relevance. I don’t know what it is, but when my mom changes in front of me, it disgusts me in a way. It makes me start to think maybe I’m the one who’s wrong, and I try to avoid any situation like that. When people talk about having a “naked mom” their whole life, it makes me feel sick, even though it really shouldn’t. I know how I feel isn’t usual. She has no problem exposing herself in front of me, but in most cases I don’t think it’s necessary. She could just tell me to leave the room, but instead it feels like she blocks the door. In those situations, I just look away and silently beg her to finish. But maybe it’s not just her—if anyone changes in front of me, it makes me feel revolted. I absolutely hate it. Men, women, children, older people—any gender. Being forced to sleep next to someone who isn’t fully covered makes me feel incredibly uneasy, to the point where I feel like I could throw up just thinking about it.