I’ve been over a year sober but I cannot break the cycle of being up all night since quitting alcohol. Was curious how it impacts your bodies circadian rhythm.

Got a buddy whose been clean for 2 years, as of Tuesday, off pills/opiates and he's going through a nasty breakup and trying to find some kinda outlet. I told him to find a place to volunteer and mentor people on their first few steps in recovery bc he's really outgoing and has randomly made friends and kept in touch with ppl before trying to clean up.

Problem is, we both work like 60-70 hours a week and we have to be at work, but while we're there, we sometimes have hours where we don't do anything but can't leave either(crane operators).

He said he wished there was an app (I already told him about reddit) where ppl struggling could reach out and talk to someone whose been in their shoes. I said it sounds like omeagle for addicts. He's older and not great with technology but he got excited when I explained what omeagle was, even tho I don't much about it either.

So my question I'm asking for him is: is there an app for ppl in recovery similar to omeagle or some kind of messenger app where they can reach out to talk to or message people who have once been in their shoes and can understand their struggles?

Anybody watch a movies or a series again AFTER you got sober and it’s like watching it for the first time. I’m finding that out more and more since I quit drinking. Just wondering if anyone has had the same experience

Yeah thats a very oddly phrased question. But im being serious. Small background so you can kind of understand what im getting at, im 23m, have had depression for literally as far back as my memory goes, mom committed suicide when i was 12, have struggled with suicidal ideation, selfharm, bulimia and anorexia for almost 10 years now. So now that you’ve got that, back to the question. Ive never had a “regular” perspective on the world, and clearly havent led much of an easy life, so ive always been curious, to the somewhat normal people out there, how do you wake up every morning and your first thought isnt “Why, why again”? How do you properly know when you’re hungry and its not just stomach pain? How do you guys push away the bad thoughts in order to exist in a “regular” day to day life? I truly dont understand. Maybe this is me rambling and trying to grasp for a string of sanity, I dont know anymore. All i know is, I dont understand what motivates people to keep going. What, waiting for a new episode of a show, a movie, a videogame?? Waiting for a chance to date someone you like? The opportunity of a happy future? But what is a happy future, does that even exist? Or are we all just grasping at straws.

My teeth are all broken because of my mental health and addictions. Three teeth broken, one embedded in my gum. i don't want to take drugs but I kinda feel it a reason to drink or to go off the rails a little , i am just want to have any excuse to drink really, i going to ask for all of them to be removed there is no point keeping them also see no point in not drinking any more but then id lose my friend and my husband those are the reasons the only reasons i am not doing this for me as i don't feel I am worth it (i have very low self-esteem and a lot of hate for myself )

I'm wondering how abnormal my step 5 work was. I've been through all 12 steps as of a couple years ago and I'm kind of reflecting on what happened.

Since I was born into an AA atheist family in 1971, my journey has been one of "used quite a bit in high school and early college years, but sobriety was always a priority and got mostly more and more sober through the decades, mostly without meetings." I decided to fully join AA for lack of a better description at age 51 and then went through the steps in a year with a sponsor, grandsponsor and several other old timers.

So, although there was some confessional stuff on my end in step 5, it became more of other people exposing stuff about themselves, religion, sexuality and other things. I'd say it did create some kind of greater connection and/or understanding of other people, but it was not what I was expecting.

So, I guess I've been processing that for 2 years now. My science based careers are just more physical than all this messy human stuff. And I've been in business for over a decade although it is a micro sized business.

I guess I'm wondering if others have been experiencing this thing that I have about a deviation perhaps from the literature about it not being about my character defects per se, but well, the word "tolerance" is on the wall by the analog clock at the club and it's kinda funny that if you put a clothing tape measure on it to try to measure pi, you'll notice it's pretty crook-ed!

I was on 10mg methadone. They wanted me to take 8 mg subs and work me up higher!???

I only took 4 and got way too high- nodding & itching.

I'm now on 3mg and barely feel it.

Is it wise to go back on methadone and taper down? I've only taken suboxone for 5 days time... I want out of copies! I'm in rehab right now too..

From what I'm reading the sub dose is waaay higher than the methadone dose?

Will I even find relief in my methadone dose again?

I have so many questions

Thought I'd do okay with mates today but I went down the path of too much drink and whatever else. Lying in bed full of remorse and ashamed

Without those lads I have no social life but I know I need to change.

What advice can you give to help me sever the tie?

I've had an amazing new look at page 66 in the big book of AA this evening. I want to add before I write about it that modern AA is not exclusive to people who are just addicted to alcohol. At least with the meetings I go to, almost everyone there had done the whole spectrum of drugs and alcohol. It's more about atmosphere than the chemical.

So, it gets summed up in the very last line at the bottom: "We realized that the people who wronged us were perhaps spiritually sick."

It's saying that in doing a fourth step, it isn't just about the wrongs that we have done, it's everything. Good and bad. You and them. It's exhaustive and continues in a lifelong practice of rigorous honesty because life goes on and it's a moving target. It's a way of life if you choose to do it and it's certainly not the only way to be sober, but I really like this page 66. I like a passage on the middle of the page too.

I was raised in an atheist sober AA household, so I like to speak up on some of this so called God conflict some people have with AA. It says clearly on page 52 (not even checking that because I know that is it) that without the almost childish faith that the Wright Brothers had that THEY would be able to make a machine that would fly, nothing would be possible. That concept is not too hard to understand. It doesn't matter if you call it God or Higher Power or Spiritual or Childish or amature. It's simply "This makes sense, I think it'll work. Not sure, but someone has to do it and we've made some progress."

Christian religions can be like a barking watch dog. But then there is some magic thing about being alive and just look at all these other life forms around. Life is crazy cool? How did we get born into this age? Like we're all on this generation boat!

Back to AA and the journey that brought me to this page tonight. I'm 54yo and have been pretty dang sober for 20+ years. I grew up with AA so, I've had a fairly different journey than most and went to just a couple meetings in 30 years. But I decided I'd try the full experience finally to see if it would crack my introversion and see what it was all about. I had an odd time with it. Met a large group of amazing people, but no lasting personal close friends and the group pushed me out. Whatever that was, I enjoyed it and then enjoy being back in my more normal introversion now.

A couple years ago I did a step 9 call. I had attempted 20+ years ago, but hadn't done the sponsor part before and well, it's complicated, but the second attempt went pretty dang well. I had been feeling tension, so I buckled down and confronted it again and there was release in me. It is more about me than them. If I had wronged someone financially or physically, it can be like a business writeoff on their end. I've done it several times with clients of mine. They don't pay, flake out, screw a project up. I have in my budget that they owe me this month and I plan to pay my bills with it. They flake out, I make some credit move to pay the bills and kick the can down the road a month. Next month, same thing. Then one gig pays and the debt thing resolves. I'm still cursing about it, but what can I do? Eventually I give up on it and move to greener pastures, if I can locate them.

So it's not just about my faults. Sometimes I think that I owe someone a ninth step when actually they owe me. But it's not about that either. I'm not waiting for someone to apologize. Mostly.

Inventory is kind of a detached list. The step 5 for me was crazy messy. Very distressing stuff. I felt like I made a huge mistake with how I did it. I left it completely scared with a totally new perspective on other people. And it sent me on a crazy emotional roller coaster. Not expecting that step 5 would do that.

But steps 1-3 with my sponsor was a major healing thing for me. I thought that was step 5, but it wasn't. And it wasn't about a higher power or God either, at least from my perception. I had been keeping secrets for several reasons. They were actually totally legitimate reasons, but it was good to work them out in those weekly sessions.

Then, recently cause all that was a few years ago, I made another ninth step call, but this one was calling out others who had wronged me. I wouldn't ordinarily do this. As I said before, I consider these business write-offs and they become a thing of "Lesson learned. Don't do that again with them and be careful with others to not repeat that." I'm really quite forgiving about these things cause keeping a resentment causes ulcers, right?

But my profession demanded I do this move and even with my formal, personal, ninth step, this one had to be done. It's essentially a lawsuit. I hate this corporate stuff, but our world has this as a huge component. I hate the idea of people abusing it, but it exists for a reason and when it's right it's right and you just have to suit up and get these done in life. It's not like I was avoiding responsibility before. This is just crazy high level stuff about business. I'm not out for revenge or personal satisfaction. It just needs to be done so I take a step, see what happens, adjust and make the next step.

Would love to hear other people's take on these steps or cool with others just reading too. Sometimes it doesn't make sense to find a way to insert this kind of thing into a meeting 5 days from now when you don't even know if you'll get the chance to share.

I am currently 19 and enrolled in my local community college. I find myself missing the life I used to have even after attempting to rebuilding it as terrible as it was. I went to college a fent user quickly transitioned to cocaine after my plug got arrested and I did not want to make the side quest to a different city everyday. As terrible as my life was I still had friends and a social life. Now I've moved back home, finished late community service that I was convinced was going to get me sent back to jail and got a part time job while doing community college online and staying Cali sober for about the past half a year. Even though everything seems to be on the up I miss my junkie friends and the stupid shit we used to get into. Unfortunately im still a thrill seeker at heart so im wondering if anyone has any ideas other than trying to remember what it was like at the time.

I’m not who I was. I’ll never be who I was again.

I lied for oh so very long. Now I can’t. The mere thought of lying causes a physical reaction.

I was a severely negative person for oh so very long. Now being in the presence of negativity causes a physical reaction.

I treated my body like a dumpster for oh so very long. Now it’s my temple. Putting unhealthy food in me causes a physical reaction.

I used to operate on a moral deficit for oh so very long. Now my morals and ethics guide my life, straying causes a physical reaction.

I’m allergic to my past self. And I’m SUPER fine with that

So some backstory, I’m an addict of cocaine of 10 years, I’m mid 20s, lost basically everything due to it, jobs, friends, family, living arrangements, all of it. I’ve gotten to the point where I can manage but after 2 weeks to a month, I’ll fold. This past time, I had an episode of psychosis or something, extreme paranoia, crazy thoughts, I sped around the city going speeds that would end me on a Instagram reel. I’m glad to be alive, I pulled up on a cop, got to the hospital, they transferred me to a crisis center. When I was released after a 48hr hold, I came out to square one, living back in my car. I went back to the place that I went, the resource helped a lot, I’ve found a sober living arrangement. Everything seems in place, I have a job, a car, a place to stay. It just, seems to normal for me, I haven’t been in this position in a very long time, and bunking with other recovering addicts, it’s new, but gives me anxiety, the amount of pressure given to the 12 steps, getting into a program, getting sponsored, staying in meetings while having a job that goes throughout the country, I don’t want to let anyone down, neither my employer or the sober living arrangement, but i don’t know what outweighs the other. I know my sobriety is key, I can’t be anything without it, but I also need employment to keep the ball rolling. Part of me wants to stick through it, but all of me wants to run, I’ve always ran, and for whatever off reason Im only feeling anxious while I’m in the sober living house itself, anything other than that and I’m okay. Is it just a matter of overthinking? Will these emotions and thoughts of anxiety ease over time? And has anyone else been in a similar situation? Im more so just unsure of what’s to come. Thanks anyone who takes time to read this, any comment would help greatly.

This is a serious question guys. When you think about going into rehab do you think about being scared. Maybe not for your money but what if it's a terrible place and terrible people? So many different things could happen but something good could happen. Just rambling, sorry guys

Hi! I'm Mark. After my fifth time in rehab I decided to make a REAL change and went to school to become an addiction counselor. Later I realized I could help people in my own way using my design and screen-printing skills so I started a recovery inspired clothing brand. The brand helps keep me accountable and it’s become a way to help myself and others feel good about recovery. I love the 12 steps but I think there are other great ways to obtain and maintain sobriety. I’d love to hear some feedback or hear some ideas! amendapparelrecovery.com

Hey guys.

I just want some input. I am back in early recovery from substance abuse. During my relapse, I ruined a really good, 4/5 year long relationship. I was talking with her today, and she said the sole reason that we can never work out is because I’m an addict.

Now, I know recovery is possible and that people do in fact live long, happy, fulfilling lives in recovery. However, I did not want to argue with her about it - I just wanted to end the conversation and work on moving on from it.

However, the more I think about it the worse I feel. I feel like I’m a broken human being that is unworthy of love or a good partner. And logically I know that isn’t true but it’s how I feel.

Does anyone identify with this, and if so, how did you cope with it? I don’t ever want to use again but this scenario did put the thought in my head that “if I’m going to be blamed I might as well do it”.

Any experience, strength and hope out there?

Almost 3 years clean and I feel more depressed then ever. I have a full time job but its just above minimum wage. I even owe the college and cant go back to finish my degree. Any tips on how you paid your debt down would be great

offers some hope

Hello, everyone.

I am graduating rehab soon and have been accepted into an Oxford house. I am very nervous, 3 months ago I was in insane denial and now I’m here.

I’ve used the search bar and appreciated the input there but many of the threads are multiple years old. I also know there’s quite a bit of variety but any information the current members of the sub can give would be so very appreciated. Thank you in advance.

.. or any other mind or mood altering substances.

And now I’m teetering on the edge of getting some ice to make all this go away. I know what will happen. A decade ago, I got off of iv pill use by switching to ice. I stayed on that for 6 yrs. Got clean from everything for 4 yrs. Been on doctor prescribed Norris for a year for diabetic neuropathy and of course I thought I could handle it and I am now running out in less than a week every month. My ex has relapsed and is back on the street and I actually sought him out today and told him I was having a weak moment and that I was going to get with him tomorrow. I thought this would NEVER happen to me again.