Respect Gruntilda (Banjo-Kazooie)

[u/rangernumberx]

"Why do I talk all the time, it's really hard to make these rhyme!"

She is green. She stinks like an onion. Her name is Gruntilda "Grunty" Winkybunion. She's a powerful witch, and is a bit of a... bother. In an attempt to become an admittedly hot babe, she kidnapped a little bear, and for that, a price she has paid. Tooty was the name of the bear, with Banjo as her brother. Banjo felt no scare from the witch, he was heroic like no other. He also had a bird friend named Kazooie, and together, they made the old hag go kablooey. The witch and the duo of bear and bird would go on to have a rivalry that could get quite absurd. Looking for revenge, she always came back, never giving up, always on the attack. She also rhymes often whenever she's speaking, so I'll try to go through the same effort, cause I'm not a weakling!

Most rhymes come from the thread's origin, so thank /u/Godofyawn for the contents within.

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^{From Series Start To Series End, Find Feat Sources Through this...}

Legend

1 - Banjo-Kazooie starts the show

2 - Banjo-Tooie continues it so

GR - Grunty's Revenge for GBA

BP - Banjo-Pilot for flying away

NB - Banjo-Kazooie: Nuts and Bolts, because there's no Banjo-Threeie you dolts

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^{Although She Prefers Potions and Spells, Gruntilda Still Possesses Impressive...}

Physicals

• Takes hits from eggs that Kazooie spat out, she can't wait to make that bird shout¹
• Gets hit by Kazooie's flying rush, but it doesn't even make her hush¹
• Rammed into several times by the Mighty Jinjonator, falling a large distance as the ground rushes to meet her. A boulder falls on top to prove she's out of luck, as while it shifts a little Grunty's well and truly stuck¹
• [Mecha-Grunty] Takes the bear and bird's attacks, she is still able to flee, and soon comes back^GR
• [Mecha-Grunty] Has holes blown in her mechanical body and several parts of it demolished, but she comes back later, repaired and polished^GR
• [Skeleton] She'll emerge from a drill to fend off a foe, but grenades to the face will become her new woe²
• [Skeleton] After the massive drill she was in gets destroyed, her head still survives, and is treated as a toy²
• [Skeleton] Having an eye pop out doesn't ruin her determination to win, she can simply pop it back in²
• [Skeleton] Goodness me, what a shock, as a disembodied head, she knocks away some rocks^NB
• [Skeleton] Her skull's hit in the air, with her body right there^NB
• [Nuts & Bolts] Kicks a cat a good distance, and does so with no resistance^NB

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^{When You Face Gruntilda, Your Fate Will Surely Be Tragic. You Better Look Out For Her Devastating...}

Magic

• Shoots a spell that will follow her foe, once it hits them, they will scream "Oh no!"¹
• If you provoke Gruntilda's mighty ire, she will shoot balls of fire¹
• Forms a magical shield, it might just get her enemies to yield. But while Kazooie gets blocked off, a Jinjo can pierce through well enough¹
• Blows up Banjo and Kazooie's home, thus letting her great power be known²
• Accidentally demolishes the massive drill she was in, if you ask me, that's one heck of an explosion²
• Sealed the doors in her castle, they're only unlocked by gathering Notes, what a hassle¹
• Uses magic to have her body and soul separated, this is a spell that Banjo is sure to have hated^GR
• A mind is like putty when she wants you to race them, she shows this with Mumbo the magical shaman

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^{Gruntilda Isn't Nice, She Is a Bit Naughty, She Also Has Used Multiple...}

Bodies

• [Standard] With all of the beauty of a worm, she is normally portrayed in her green form¹
• [Mecha-Grunty] After suffering a failure in health, her ghost once possessed a robotic version of herself^GR
  • Now here is something to unravel, she is capable of time travel^GR
  • When she really wants to try, she has the ability to fly^GR
  • Has an energy shield, with batteries to keep the party grooving, but if she doesn't have them with her, she'll just need to keep on moving^GR
  • To make her victims cry, she can shoot projectiles from her eyes^GR
    • Her soul is wicked, her heart is hollow, and for some of these projectiles, their target will be followed^GR
  • Look out for her airstrike, if you can't dodge it, take a hike^GR
  • Out of her body, she can fire her spirit, what a terrifying attack, wise men fear it^GR
• [Ghost] After her robotic body was no longer a viable host, she kept on fighting as a ghost^GR
  • For this feat, I recommend you stay seated, her ghost can go through objects and possess robots if needed^GR
  • Hooray and yippee, she can split her soul in three^GR
  • When bodies were running low on stock, she returned to her original one trapped under the rock^GR
• [Skeleton] After being trapped under a rock for 2 years, she became a living skeleton, one of my greatest fears²
  • As a skull, not only can she still hop around, she spent 8 long years as nothing more than a head on the ground^NB
• [Nuts & Bolts] When she was stuck as a skull, to let her roam, she was given a mechanical body that can move on its own^NB

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^{When She Wants Her Foe's Lives Over And Done, She'll Attack Them Using The Giant...}

HAG-1

• Its giant drill breaks through a rock slide, the quake shaking a house's inside²
• Foes near and far better watch out, when a shattering mortar launcher comes out²
  • They're in for a scare when she reveals it's a pair²
• It spins on the spot, handles a dream, firing two or four energy beams²
• The poison gas it disperses has a delectable taste, mustard and cyanide filling an area with haste²

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^{It's Not Just Drills That Bring Her Thrills, She Pilots...}

Other Vehicles

• Owns a living flying broom, with it she will spell Banjo's doom¹
  • It can grow sharp teeth and go rather fast, she finds a joyride to be quite a blast¹
  • Creates a new broom with a laser to spell doom^NB
• Carrying a laser and the pointiest of all, one vehicle rams aside giant balls^NB
• Flamethrowers and explosives, this pyramid's a fortress^NB
  • Banjo and Kazooie can't fight back when it turns invisible for a stealth attack^NB
• Trouble's to be found when she's bouncing around, reaching great heights and giving moles frights^NB
• Can pilot a plane, letting her fly like the swans, plus it can deploy living bombs^BP
  • As if that wasn't enough fun, the plane can also fire a gun^BP
• One plane will shake off the rust when it hits Banjo's with a powerful gust^NB
• Sails on purple slime while dropping out mines^NB

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^{Most of These Feats Will Make Her Enemies Scream for Mother, and Some Can Only Be Classified as...}

Other

• She loves the thrill, she'll test what you know, intruders will play a board game quiz show¹
  • Grunty crushes her sister and sticks to the rules, they may change mid-quiz but she keeps it fair, fools²
  • She'll even keep up the questions mid-fight, slowing attacks if you answer them right²
  • Wrong answers cause pain and leads Grunty to laugh, with some squares causing an instant lava bath¹
  • You can't call her a goof, she'll escape with a rocket in her booth²
• In order to succeed in her plots, she built an army of robots^NB
• Using cheat codes is really lame, if you do it too much, she will delete your game¹
• Has a pet named Piddles the Cat, her tummy is something that I wanna pat^NB
• Not only is she the most dangerous of them all, she's aware of the fourth wall²
• There is no reason to keep up the rhyming, tell her to stop and she'll do it²

[u/Proletlariet]

FORGET THAT PESKY SCRIMBLO BEAR

NOW HERE'S A THREAD THAT'S REALLY RARE

WITCHY FEATS IN RHYMING PROSE

PUT THE CURL IN GRUNTY'S TOES

THE SUB HAS PEAKED, NO MATCHING THAT

'TILL SOMEONE DOES THAT DAPPER CAT

[u/KalebtheSantos]

Top 10 rappers Eminem is too afraid to diss

[u/CoolandAverageGuy]

ranger understands the beat, for these are all of the witch's feats