r/selfhelp • u/PsychologicalCry796 • 4d ago
Advice Needed: Motivation FEEL LIKE I AM RUINING MY LIFE
I am 19 and currently am pursuing a course which will need me to study for months at end, i cannot just study the day before and get decent marks like before. The previous night i plan to study but the next day i continue to put myself in a cycle of dopamine and distraction. I have deleted instagram and youtube and currently only have pinterest on my phone. I used to have this ambition for achieving things making it big but that too now has disappeared. I know i am way too young to be feeling this way and i keep imagining myself making it big but i just imagine those...I take absolutely no steps to make my imagination into a reality. It has come to a point where i imagine myself journaling trying to get better but will not even spend a minute on a diary i bought recently. I feel like i have failed life and i seriously need help getting out of this rut. PLS HELP. I do not want to be 30 feeling like a loser feeding off of what my parents earned and getting by.
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u/BastionNZ 4d ago
Your obviously driven and only 19 and you have the ability to reflect and recognise some signs that your 'slipping' off a little.
Relax bro, you clearly have the right attitude that many people your age absolutely do not. You will be completely fine in life, don't be so hard on yourself!
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u/PsychologicalCry796 4d ago
Thank you!! But this has sadly been going on for the past 3 years...idk how to explain this but i know this will be a forever loop.
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u/Pale_Solid_6203 4d ago
Also, you do know that procrastination is a trauma response basically which means it would help you to to reflect on why you think you procrastinate. For me it was deep seated fear to grow up. Also fear in general, so I was always putting it off and constantly distracting myself to numb my fear with something so I wouldn’t have to face anything that had to do with having to study, etc.
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u/PsychologicalCry796 4d ago
I also have this extreme fear of growing up , having to get a job living a life completely independent of my family and friends being there to correct my mess ups.
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u/Responsible_Whole_90 3d ago
I know how terrifying it feels, I felt the same way too, we all do, it's completely natural! The unknown is always scary until it becomes known. Which means, you don't have to think about it now, once you reach that stage, you will find courage you didn't think you had. Who knows, you might even enjoy the freedom and independence! But don't think about all that now. For now, just look at the day in front of you, or even just the next 5 mins, and see what you can do with that time that will make the You in the next 5 mins thankful you did! Just take each day at a time, and don't think about the future too much, you only have the present. You got this!!
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u/Special-Bathroom-383 4d ago edited 4d ago
I’m 25 and I have felt very similarly from about 18-now off and on. I’ve got pretty significant ADHD, I have a hard time committing to things, making big decisions, or sticking to something I start. I have this constant stress in the back of my mind about wasting time. That Im Getting older so fast and I’m gonna end up in my thirties as a fucking loser, disappointed in myself for not acting on something sooner.
I also know that peoples interests change, people’s beliefs change, what’s important to people changes. There are things that don’t change in life but the way that I thought and behaved and what was 19 is a lot different than the way I think and behave at 25. (And that’s not a huge age difference.)
Things also happen in life that knock the wind out of you and force you to course correct. Likely you will stop feeling like this eventually, but whack things will happen and make you feel like this again.
So I’m not sure what exactly you mean by “make it big.” But you’re REALLY young. Don’t be so hard on yourself, practice taking action without overanalyzing, even small ones. Don’t stress yourself out the point where you forget to have fun. There are great experiences to be had when you are super young, without real responsibilities and kids ,car payments , etc..
Point is Sometimes shit wont pan out exactly the way you wanted it to in your head. It can feel like things aren’t working out the way you wanted them to all the time. But that’s life. Be grateful for what you’ve got in front of you and give yourself credit where credit is due, even if it didn’t take you to the EXACT place you thought your efforts would.
Good luck!
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u/PsychologicalCry796 4d ago
Thank you!! I am going to start incorporating smaller things like studying for atleast 30 mins a day so that it eventually becomes a habit instead of suddenly trying to become the best version of myself thank you
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u/dCLCp 4d ago
Hey there! Welcome to our community!
It sounds like you got a whole lot going on. It must be really stressful. But at the same time you are also doing incredibly well.
You are in college trying to better yourself. You are taking big strides to improve your position. You are aware of your problems and you are taking them seriously and you have big dreams. Please keep those alive :)
My hat is off to you. Nobody can ask for more. But I am going to anyways.
Please be kind to yourself. You are not ruining your life. You are running your life and it is hard and scary. You deserve some grace, some love, and some patience for yourself. If you haven't already maybe check in with your school's counselor or wellness team.
I am just an internet random... but it sounds like you might be depressed. I can't give medical advice but in my life depression has caused what you are describing in me. Making lists of all the things wrong with me (depressive rumination). Not being able to perform basic daily tasks (executive dysfunction). Even just having a hard time crying or being happy or feeling anything at all when it got bad (anhedonia). There are lots of things you can do besides medication if it is depression too.
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u/PsychologicalCry796 4d ago
Thank you so much! I did actually have thoughts of putting an end to it all when i was 18 but after having conversations with my parents and going to certain retreats i thought i was out of it, i felt great for days but found myself back to the start soon enough. Thank you for your comment i will be reaching out for help.
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u/dCLCp 4d ago
Please put those thoughts aside dear you are amazing and you deserve an amazing life. It just takes time and tools. You are 19 you have a huge abundance of time. Just need tools now. We have some here in the wiki, but also a therapist or psych can give you many more. With the right tools and a little time you will be right as rain.
Welcome to our community. If you need anything let us know :)
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u/Pale_Solid_6203 4d ago
My guy u need Dopamin detox & social media detox as MIND cleanse. Dopamin cycle has you in its chokehold! Have u ever checked if u might have ADHS? Some of us have unlearned to “work” for our dopamine which means not instant dopamine hit but delayed. So we are in a constant dopamine loop where we need those “fast dopamine hits” or else we basically crash out, have bad bood and no motivation.
I myself am now trying to break the cycle. I downloaded Streaks and I started a social media detox. And since two days, I started ADHD medication which works on your dopamine to stabilize it.
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u/PsychologicalCry796 4d ago
I also do think that i might have adhd but am scared of getting on pills, getting addicted and dependent on it. I also do know that my brain is kind of fried because of the regular dopamin hits reason for which i deleted almost all social media. Thank you so much! i will be looking into the app you mentioned.
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u/Pale_Solid_6203 4d ago edited 4d ago
Not everybody that has ADHD needs to take meds Just remember that there are other ways to work with a “neuro spicy brain.” Which just basically means you have to find out how you can work with yourself instead of working against yourself and this takes a bit of practice until you find the right methods that work specifically for yourself.
you don’t even have to install the app. It’s nothing special. It’s only counts your days like your streaks to inhabit new habits into your life if that makes sense but other than that, it’s nothing special. There are many similar apps to it out, but this one had super good reviews, but it’s super simple and nothing fancy. I can send you a screenshot to show you what I mean.
Also, have you ever checked your blood work? Maybe you have some kind of deficiency that also has a huge impact on mood motivation, etc.. For example, iron deficiency, vitamin D, vitamin, magesiu for example, iron deficiency, vitamin D, serotonin, testosterone, magnesium, zinc, Jod etc.
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u/PsychologicalCry796 4d ago
I actually do have iron deficiency and am on iron supplements. But thank you so much genuinely. I will try to find methods that will actually help me instead of being against me thank you. If you could please suggest what has been helping you.
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u/LionPsychological635 4d ago
Same here 19y.o. I feel getting a tablet to journal my emotions thoughts will save me from brainrot. Give me a personal space to call it mine. And maintain a close relationship with myself which I am avoiding. I know what to do but I keep pushing it coz maybe I am not important to myself or I am not nurturing myself. Not paying enough attention.
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u/anson_2004 4d ago
I was in the similar type situation as u when I was 19 and now that i am 21 i am completely different just by putting in the work for 2 years . U can definitely change just keeping on trying to improve and use fear
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u/FreedomStack 4d ago
I get how heavy this feels. You’re not ruining your life, you’re just stuck in a cycle. The trick is starting smaller than you think. Don’t aim for months of studying aim for 5 minutes today. That tiny step builds momentum.
Something that’s helped me is dropping the idea of “motivation” and treating habits like brushing my teeth non-negotiable, even if I don’t feel like it.
I also read a short weekly newsletter called The Quiet Hustle. It’s calm and low key, just little reminders to slow down and take small intentional steps. That gentle nudge has helped me more than any big motivational push.
You don’t need to figure it all out just win today with one small step.
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u/PsychologicalCry796 4d ago
I will be looking into the newsletter...Thank you so much as i really do relate to what you say and will be applying the same!!!!
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u/Ken69-69 3d ago edited 3d ago
Heyy bro i am 19 too , and i am on my self discipline journey too to improve mind, body and soul!
Every problem has a solution! Try Ai to help you get through your problems , refer to books , facts and solutions to problems you are facing and most importantly you have to execute your plan . Without action you can think and introspect all day with no gain. (Maybe have some kind of accounitbility system also).
Good luck mate!
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