r/selfimprovement 4d ago

Other I want to live my 20s in my 30s

I am in my early 30s. I wasted my 20s stuck in my head, not getting out of comfort zone and being stagnant in life, just working.

I am 32 now, and want to experience what people in their 20s experience - making new friends, going on fun dates, partying, growing out of my comfort zone.

However, I also have my own responsibilities, which includes caring for my family, getting married, working hard for my career.

I wish I didn’t waste my 20s, with no drive and addicted to porn.

Is it even possible to experience 20s or should I just move on and focus on being 30?

1.1k Upvotes

139 comments sorted by

1.5k

u/Maang_go 4d ago

Try living your 30s so that you don‘t regret it in 40s

106

u/abnormalpurple 4d ago

What would you suggest I focus on so that I font waste my 30s chasing after the wrong things?

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u/Maang_go 4d ago

1-Exercise (Brisk walk daily, Gym 2-3 days in a week.) 2-Invest and build wealth ( Save money, Invest as per your risk taking ability, also invest in learning new skills.) 3-Try building connections with Skilled, Intelligent people. Surround yourself with them. 4-Show energy and happiness on your face, doesn‘t matter what‘s happening inside, it’s contagious. Never compromise with your self-respect. 5-If you do these you will live your 20s and 30s together and build for 40s.

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u/That-Pie-4841 4d ago

I agree with all these except 4. I dont think you should fake your emotions. If youre sad, be vulnerable with people and show it. All our emotions are valid and by expressing them honestly, people get to know who we actually are.

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u/clanindafront_ 4d ago

I learned to stay positive but not to bottle my emotions. I get sad from time to time and I acknowledge it and move on but I always try to maintain a positive attitude

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u/Academic-Goose1530 3d ago

That's the way to go. If you did 3, you'll have people to talk about it. But to coworkers and random people, you should always try to leave them better than you left them. And that usually means smiling and being positive and understanding

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u/clanindafront_ 3d ago

3 has been the hardest for me. I have fairly good social skills or I feel like I do but I guess I need to look somewhere else

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u/Maang_go 4d ago

Why not try both ways for a month each and then decide what works for you.

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u/Technical_Return9607 4d ago

Studies prove that smiling tricks your brain into being happier

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u/KelloggsFrostedFcks 3d ago

A friend of mine hung himself. He was always smiling. It doesn't work. 

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u/3rd_gen_somebody 2d ago

Because his brain formed the connection of smiling to being miserable. Thats not the same thing. Most people dont have that disconnect from smiling = happy.

Im sorry that happened to your friend. But exceptions arent the rule. Its been scientically shown that smiling can make you feel happier. Doing it too much to the point of being completely fake hiding misery, is a huge step beyond that.

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u/morning_bliss_8156 4d ago

LISTEN to "Maang." That right there is called FREE WISDOM, which is priceless.

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u/AbyssalRedemption 3d ago

Disagree to an extent. Ultimately, perhaps unfortunately for some, most people want to be around others who exude positive vibes and energy. Unfortunately, especially as a man, frequently displaying sadness or other negative emotions is not taken well by many. However, I'm NOT saying now to express and display these emotions, as doing so is healthy and necessary: simply saying that there is a time and a place to do so, and that place isn't in casual settings with people you barely know, or in public. "Fake it till you make it" still generally works better in casual/ public settings.

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u/Easy_Help_84 1d ago

Correct and incorrect. At the end of the day honey attracts better than vinegar.

Only hot people get to act depressed/vulnerable, wallow in their own emotions, and still get energy invested into them graciously by others.

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u/Hopeful-Routine-9386 4d ago

I would edit 3 to add kind people. Dont waste time on toxic relationships

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u/KelloggsFrostedFcks 3d ago

A friend of mine did all this and he hung himself from the stress and pressure.

Please just do what the hell makes you happy and try to save some money.

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u/Mindless_Shape_8036 4d ago

Sign up under every point

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u/Ok_Return_7282 3d ago

Got any advice on where you typically look to find skilled and intelligent people?

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u/FFrog101 3d ago

I'll probably get downvoted for this but I don't care. This is my voice, experience and my two cents. Take it or leave it.

Number 3 neglects the fact that a lot of successful people are judgemental and gate keep. If you want to befriend skilled intelligent people you need to prove yourself to them and have something bring to the table otherwise forget it. If you try and fail with such people, don't let it get you down. Focus on what you can control outside of other people like your fitness and your own quest to educate yourself. No one is going to save you.

Number 4 is very difficult for people like myself who have always been outsiders and who carry that wound with them. The truth is social interaction isn't always safe, and your vulnerability won't always be respected or reciprocated. In my opinion it's unreasonable to ask someone to force feeling happy, energetic and charismatic when people are such a gamble these days. Not everyone deserves your warmth right off the bat, most people won't be willing to give it back to you anyways if you don't fit their narrow criteria.

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u/silentboy7599 4d ago

And date and fun?

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u/sad_handjob 3d ago

Do you really think anyone is capable of investing? I feel like I have a learning disability when I try to read about finance and feel like it’s a liability for me.

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u/asharma90 2d ago

How to do #4

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u/swampshark19 4d ago

They probably do have some catchup to do or they'll probably never get it out of their system

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u/Maang_go 4d ago

Sometimes our nostalgia and "What we have missed“ make us waste our "What is happening now.“

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u/abnormalpurple 4d ago

Since I spent most of time in depression and loneliness too, I feel I don't have much social skills or emotional intelligence. But I am in a new phase of my life and looking to experience new things in life.

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u/Giantandre 3d ago

This is sage advise. OP listen up.

I don’t give advice because I’ve made all the bad decisions possible.

I’ll work till I die because of that. You don’t want that.

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u/No_Kangaroo26 3d ago

Honestly you can still do a lot of the things you feel you missed out on age doesn’t stop you from making friends trying new experiences,or stepping out of your comfort zone the difference now is you probably have more self-awareness and stability than you did in your 20s which can make those experiences even more meaningful. Don’t think of it as redoing your 20s think of it as living fully in your 30s so you don’t carry regret into your 40s

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u/morning_bliss_8156 4d ago

Right on 🎯

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u/silentboy7599 4d ago

Maybe 30s is not for date fun but if regret for this then what should be do?

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u/Silver_Site_9282 3d ago

exactly, stop mourning your 20s and start owning your 30s, you can still do all those things but if you keep looking back you’ll waste another decade the same way

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u/Responsible-Sun4462 4d ago

Don’t think that you wasted anything. Focus on your present, and try not to dwell too much on the past. You did the best you could with the knowledge, mindset, and circumstances you had at the time. That’s a part of life that we all must live with. We all have regrets looking back on our past; nobody has lived a perfect life. Think of this: maybe you didn't do anything great, but worse has happened to people, and you have saved yourself from that, so consider yourself lucky.

And to answer your question, Age isn’t a barrier for adventure, friendship, fun, or self-discovery. You can still experience all of that now and maybe enjoy it even more, because you’ve grown and know yourself better. Yes, you have responsibilities, but that doesn’t mean there’s no space for joy, growth, or new experiences. You don’t have to choose between fun and responsibility; you can find a balance that works for you.

So don’t try to relive your 20s. Just start living fully now. It’s not too late at all.

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u/jjstrap 4d ago

Realist thing I’ve read in a long time

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u/kidpoker00 3d ago

And here's a bonus. Nobody knows what the fuck they're doing. We're all living this life for the first time. We try out best to control everything but we really can't. You didn't waste time. It led you to finding out the things you need to do so just go do it.

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u/_theMAUCHO_ 1d ago

Goated answer 🔥🔥🔥

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u/PatientLettuce42 4d ago

33 here and I have done all that. Countless friends, drugs, parties all the time, adventures and all that stuff.

Sure, I probably would feel like I missed out in your shoes too, but it is truly not as wonderous and life altering as you imagine. Most of those friends are gone from my life now, many people I know from those times never outgrew them and ended up with addiction issues, unwanted children and other things. 2 even died.

I had to go to therapy to work through my bad choices with women and drugs and do a lot of homework for myself and now the only thing I personally long for is a peaceful and quiet life. I got my partner, I curbed the drugs, reduced my friend group to a few people I keep in touch with and started regularly exercising and living healthier.

I could say I wasted my 20s too, just from the other point of view.

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u/ElCafeJero 4d ago

As somebody like myself who's in a stable tong-term relationship at 27 years old, I sometimes feel like I'm missing out on that "adventurous" single lifestyle that a few friend's (who are single) are currently living at the moment.

However, when I was single and fit and was going out weekly to meet women and laying in bed with them, that too didn't really give me all that much satisfaction either until I found my partner and have experienced what real 'intimacy' feels like. Idk I'm a weird guy who's kind of indecisive sometimes and gets stuck in his own head wondering the "what ifs", you know?

After seeing your comment, that brought a refreshing perspective on the negative side of being "young, wild, and free" who also yearns for a peaceful and stable lifestyle with my partner and hopefully a future family. So thank you for sharing that!

Sorry for that random rant that I went on haha I was just kind of venting a little bit trying to get out of my head for a bit. I hope life is going smoothly for you and your partner!

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u/PatientLettuce42 3d ago

Wondering about what ifs doesn't make you indecisive mate, more like open minded to different paths you could have went down. That is natural and everyone does these things. The only issue comes up when you think you would have done things differently if you had the chance, which doesn't sound like it in your situation.

I can just say that I am content with what I did. I made a lot of mistakes and I suffered some pretty horrible things as well in my 20s, but experienced a lot of special moments with special people as well. It made me who I am today and I like that version of me. I don't know if I would have found my partner if I hadn't done things exactly how I did and that gives me more than I need for a peaceful mind.

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u/NIN-pig 3d ago

Love this answer bro.

Same boat.

32 year old male.

I was a huge party hound, heavy into coke and drinking, plus a lot of casual relationships and infidelity.

It all takes a toll man.

Those friends all disappear, you start seeing actual physical health deteriorate, and you leave a wake of emotional damage in your wake by being careless with the feelings of others.

All compounds into immense guilt, shame, and aimlessness.

All I want to do now is work on myself, address my patterns of behavior, be kind, workout more and get 8 hrs of sleep

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u/Lemondrop1995 3d ago

Thank you! I needed to hear this.

120

u/koneu 4d ago

You do know that there's no playbook that prescribes what things to do at what age, right?

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u/jmlipper99 4d ago

It sure feels like it sometimes

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u/Bonfire_ofDreams 4d ago

Watch less TV and follow less normies on social media.

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u/sushisho 3d ago

It really, really does.

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u/Fit-Avocado-342 3d ago

You can’t control other people’s reactions to whatever you decide to do, but you can control your own actions.

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u/koneu 4d ago

But the only one giving yourself that pressure is yourself.

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u/The_journaljourney 4d ago

Why is it a waste? You’ve learnt what you don’t want to do because of how you’ve spent your 20s. I don’t think that’s wasted time, that’s growth.

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u/Embarrassed_Peace277 4d ago

Aww man, please dont try and live a life of ‘what if’. We all go at our own pace. I’m 28 and only recently sort of ‘flourished’ in these areas you regret. I kinda went from porn addict and directionless to a balanced person that does both typical ‘20’s’ activities and 30’s. Got responsibilities, a relationship, satisfying career, im in a band, got a good circle of friends that i occasionally go on nights out with. It all sort of exploded outta nowhere and feeling stuck just like you. Variety is the spice of life and never too late to start taking action towards, become open to opportunities and seek them:)

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u/papaoftheflock 3d ago

what are your typical 20s activities that you are into now?

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u/Odd_Obligation_1300 4d ago
  • making new friends - you can do this in your 30s
  • going on fun dates - sounds like you are getting married? Lucky you, you have someone to take on fun dates!
  • partying - host some parties at your home
  • growing out of my comfort zone - try a new hobby

None of the things you listed are hard to achieve with a family and responsibilities. Is there more to this? Are you actually saying you don’t want to settle down?

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u/WiseRabbitoftheAlley 3d ago

Was wondering the same. I don't think these things OP said he wants to do are mutually exclusive to being in one's 30s or even 40s. People should do whatever gives them joy at any age, as long as it isn't compromising their future happiness and well-being.

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u/skullspinexx 4d ago

U wanna get even more responsibilities while complaining that you had too much to live your 20's?? Stop taking life so serious. Don't get married till ur 40. Don't get that promotion. Dont see things in life as rules you must accomplish. All you need is a stable income. Nothing else really matters other than having fun

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u/_theMAUCHO_ 1d ago

Best attitude ever 🔥😎🔥

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u/sikeleaveamessage 4d ago edited 4d ago

For the partying - you can still definitely do that in your 30s lol partying is any age, you just need to go out. Set aside a weekend to go all out if you want to experience it.

The new friends part, i do get it because responsibilities and life does get in the way of that. Its definitely not like school or college where it provided that environment to make friends easier. Youre just going to have to find a different source for that environment - whether it be some kind of class/hobby, work (be careful ofc), etc.

Imo the difference in being 20 and 30 is time management as well as expected to know better to be more "responsible" i.e. youre not coked out in some strangers house, not putting yourself in danger, doing bar fights, etc.

Go out and have fun dude.
But also trust me when I say partying is also not that cracked up to be if youre not naturally a partyer, doesnt matter what age. Its tbe same way as drinking a whole bunch isnt for everybody

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u/messychica 4d ago

Saving this at 29.

I want my thirties to be full of life experiences.

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u/papaoftheflock 3d ago

same chica. I'm not totally regretful about how I spent my 20s, but it's still pretty distanced from the life I had imagined living. My number 1 goal is creating that life now, no matter what, and divying up the rest of my goals to make that happen - especially since it's not a life I believe should be limited to my 20s.

What I wish I did more/less of, taking that to heart and acting on it. Taking more risks (moving, quitting job, adventures+experiences), spending less time avoiding (video games, drugs, etc...)

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u/Sumo_Cerebro 4d ago

32 is not that old bro.

But you live and learn. That's life.

We all do stupid s*** when we're younger, you learn from it and move on.

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u/SpicyLustVibes 4d ago

Age is but a number, my friend. Embrace your 30s as your new 20s. There's no timeline for growth and adventure. Responsibilities and fun aren't mutually exclusive. Live your life at your own pace!

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u/magnoliamarauder 4d ago

The reason a lot of people in their thirties taper back on those things is because they’ve realized a lot of it is hollow.

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u/Ainzip 4d ago

Trust me when I say partying and all that isn’t fun, specially if you haven’t done it much until now. If it was fun you’d be seeking to do it sooner. I’m in my mid 20s and I’ve done my fair share and it’s exhausting. I’d rather have the money I wasted to have been spent on my future(stocks/crypto) and continue to live the way I enjoy living, which is stay at home, outdoor training, work and maybe once a month go out with friends. If I had invested the money I wasted in my early 20s in stuff I was thinking of investing back then, I’d be pretty established already.

Anyways invest in your future that’s the tldr

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u/PrimoScarab 4d ago

People always think the grass is greener on the other side. Those who partied alot regret they didn’t invest their money on other stuff. Those who did invest regret not using the money to have more fun

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u/DavidCza 4d ago

Why not just embracing and enjoying the present moment you didn't miss anything you may even have been saved from some of the bad things that could have happened you never know why you had to miss out some things in your 20s

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u/seekAr 4d ago

I did a lot of stupid shit in my 20s and I’d never go back. You are where you are. Underneath this desire what is it you’re actually looking for? Probably not hangovers, risky behavior that could ruin your life. You probably feel that yoke of adulthood and responsibility. We all have it … it just means it’s time for new hobbies. You have to take time for yourself with all this building you’re doing for your family and your retirement.

Sounds like you want an escape from responsibility. Not throwing any shade … I am turning 50 and still feel the same lol. I have found trying new hobbies has helped.

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u/Hegeric 4d ago edited 4d ago

Not OP but I think underneath the desire is a proof of having lived. Having done stupid shit IS having lived, and having stories. It gives memories, it gives things to cling onto, it gives a stabler sense of time progression instead of a blur from monotony.

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u/Opening_Molasses_932 4d ago

You talk about your family, but do you have kids ?
If yes, then you absolutely won't be able to live these experiences, as most of your free time would (and should !) be with your kids.
If no, then just go for it, and do whatever sounds fun to you.

Just make sure to hit sport and get some good sleep, as your 30's body won't be able to be as efficient as your 20's went it comes to heavy dancing and wild stuff.

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u/abnormalpurple 4d ago

I don't have any kids, and also single right now. Although I am 32, I still feel like I am 20 because in my 20s, I didn't really do much growing mentally and emotionally.

I am working out and doing yoga, and some occasional sports. I started gym at 26, and do feel like my body is more tired and heals slower than compared to 20s

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u/Opening_Molasses_932 4d ago

Well then, there's nothing between you and your dreams of a wild life.
Just go for it, try everything you want.

I went the same path : my twenties were only studies and trying to settle my carrier.
I was in relationship with my girlfriend since i was 18 and it was nice, but when we reached 27 we both felt bored.
We had the talk, and decided that we were tired to be this perfect couple, beeing everything society wants us to be : paying rent, going on restaurant date once a week, playing some videogames (but not too much), having a good job, and starting thinking about kids.

So we said "fuck all this", we kept the good job but went crazy with everything else : we started by spending 7 days at a psytrance festival (even though we didn't listend to spytrance before lmao) it was a blast and since then your life went wild.
Since then we spend all our free time trekking in the moutains or at rave and music festivals, we learned fire juggling and sometime play acts at my parents homevillage weekly market (and at music festivals ofc), our sexuality went absolutely wild, we started trekking more and more diffcult paths and ended up doing high altitude climbing in the Alps (we're french), and we sometimes take psychedelic drugs (2 or 3 times a year).
Life is much more fun now ! Work feels boring honestly, and i'm not that engaged into my carrier as my goal is to get as much free time as i can, but i d'ont care as long as i'm still doing it well and my boss is happy (i work in steel framing design).
Go for it dude !

PS : i don't see it ending with age, only having a kid could stop us but we're not planning that...

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u/[deleted] 4d ago

[deleted]

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u/x-files-theme-song 3d ago

r/stopspeeding join us brother

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u/josefbottoms 3d ago

I just did dude! Thank you

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u/wrenwynn 4d ago

Don't waste your life thinking the grass is always greener on the other side and pining for time gone by. It's gone. You can't get it back. That's ok. Focus on the present and living the life you want now. Or else you'll be here in another decade posting "I wasted my 30s trying to recreate the 20s I thought I missed, now I want to live my 30s in my 40s".

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u/Haise2z_ 4d ago

That’s what im doing, luckily i dont have any kids or no marriage, and i have enough money to travel and im dating ppl rn, im also 32. I wasted my 20s and dont want to live in my 40s regretting my entire life.

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u/Full_Pop4236 4d ago

The first thing you should do is stop criticizing yourself ! Everything is part of learning and growing in life. And you are never late for anything. A positive mindset will help you more to get what you want now in life.

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u/lostwoods95 4d ago

Im in the same boat mate. After several extensive mental and physical health issues im finally doing well at 30 - good group of mates and a girlfriend and we all love our raves so were out multiple times a month smashing it hahahah.

Not as awkward and anxious as my 20s and life is a lot of fun. Most of my other mates are settling down and having kids but that comparison doesnt bother me too much

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u/ab216 4d ago

Do a 2 year MBA

3

u/Mundane-Host-3369 4d ago edited 4d ago

What's stopping you from doing that now? Everyone always says 'I regret, doing this and that, I should've done it this way'. Now is your chance. There is no age limit on doing what you want. I turned 30 this year and I just started embracing it. I do as much fun things as I want, I have the means and money too. I am childless and enjoying it. Are you healthy and of sound mind? As Nike says just do it!

edit* I partied alot in my late teens and early twenties and it was okay but nothing to brag about. If that is something you want to try you should go to your local club. Plenty of people in their 30s still club. I am opposed to heavy drinking now though as it is so detrimental on our health

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u/mrdocnm 4d ago

What’s your definition of “living”?

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u/Allexandyr 3d ago

How about you just live your life without obsessing over your age?

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u/KelloggsFrostedFcks 3d ago

I'm doing the same thing, but with two kids in tow. I highly recommend doing it before you have kids.

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u/Apprehensive_Tale659 3d ago

Go out. Meet people and with dating people you’ll meet people and have a life

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u/VisibleShred 3d ago

I am in the same boat and right now I am 27.

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u/Carloverguy20 3d ago

As a wise person once said, the best time to plant a tree was 20 years ago, the second best time is now.

Now this is your time to do the things you want to do.

As they say, life begins at 40. Your 30s are way better than your 20s I hear.

Your 20s are supposed to be bad and suck tbh. You finished college, probably have debt, are very directionless in life, trying to compare yourself to others your age, and feeling behind in life.

You say your 32, but you also have to remember that we were in a major pandemic for almost 3 years, so nobody was going out and doing things, and if they were, they would get sick and end up in the hospital. Your late 20s was most likely during a tough time in the world.

Go out and make friends, go on dates, you can party responsibly, don't go overboard like young people do. Getting out of your comfort zone you can start small with it.

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u/Fine_Organization_17 3d ago

You can do whatever you wanted to do in your 20s in your 30s…it’s harder but you can do it.

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u/lalahair 3d ago

....Do not do this if you want to get married and have a family. Act like a 30 year old cause you are making 30 year old choices. 20s are about being selfish, hanging out with friends, going out days on end, random memories. You are not compatible with this.

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u/Snake2k 3d ago

Age isn't the point... Just experience life. Looking at life in these kinds of phases is nonsensical.

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u/Mindless-Service8198 3d ago

Just live what fills your feelings fulfillment, chasing nostalgia of missed opportunities sounds bad.

Age milestones and limitations are just ego projections. Live your intent without framing it through age.

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u/Mittens_nl 3d ago

Just some thoughts:

trying to relive your 20’s is like living in the past. It’s done and you cannot change anything about it. What you can do is learn from it. And you’re already doing this by saying you don’t want to make the same mistakes as you’ve done.

Go and live in the present. In this moment. And live the improved version of yourself. Enjoy your 30’s with the knowledge you have now!

Life shouldn’t be about reliving the past. There’s no shame in making mistakes and feeling you’ve ‘wasted’ years. You’re just trying to learn life itself and please enjoy the learning curve. See your 20’s as a valuable lesson and make those 30’s count!

By the time you’re 40, there will be mistakes you’ve made in your 30’s as well. And you’ll implement those improvements again. The same way. Enjoy these moments for what they are; growth!

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u/Mozartmodified 1d ago

You're never too old to realise that you've gotta live - start doing that and accept whatever may come to you with open arms, I guess that can help. Just be more outgoing, it's gonna be tough but it's doable.

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u/Carl_Ransom 4d ago

I feel you. Only thing is I’m 26 and i did waste my early twenties like you did in your entire twenties being a sloth, stuck in my head and being stagnant. Going to college and not making friends in HS were the probable factors in that time. I will say that after I turned 25 I started seeing shifts and slight changes like finding another job and working with people and having conversation with them

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u/Technical_Return9607 4d ago

Enjoy the wisdom you attain with age yet maintain your youthful spirit always-forever

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u/cryanide_ 4d ago

I've had a bit of the fun and exploring phase, and while I'm not demonizing anything or anyone, I really didn't need to do all those "fun things". Put it simply, not everyone will be there to help you clean up during the after-party. Easy to shrug that off, but yeah whether you're the host or not, you'd always have something to clean up after. I'd say, focus on cherishing the relationships that'd be there for you, although the bigger priority is being that person for yourself. The rest would follow naturally.

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u/Skyogurt 4d ago

well I'm trying to live my 40s in my 30s, so that I can live my 20s in my 40s or 50s or whatever

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u/iamthemanimall 4d ago

Id say you can do that but maybe not to the same degree. At the end of the day you don’t want to then hit your 40s and feel behind since you messed around too much in your 30s. Just reserve the partying for weekends, and maybe do a date during the week. Dating and partying can get expensive so it would be smart to do your best to keep the cost down.

Best of luck!

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u/GrandTie6 4d ago

It sounds like you are still stuck in your head.

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u/shquidwaters 4d ago

In my early 20s I tried to focus. I did, for about 3 years. I worked in a trade that I wasn't particularly good at and worked with men I struggled to get along with. Then everything started changing, I guess I got depressed. After years of partying and binging, I finally let it all go and just left, I worked and travelled around. I got jobs in ski fields and met people from all over the world. I did this until I turned 31. It was amazing and it was definitely easier to get along with the younger transient folk while I was in my 20s.

I really do not drink at all anymore or take drugs. It would be much harder for me to go through it again in my 30s as I've done enough damage partying too hard and wasting my time. And a waste it does feel like as you get older. I'm glad I did it in my 20s

Being in your 30s feels a little bit more grounding. I'm a bit wiser and even though my life is still a mess, I am hoping that I'll be able to navigate out of it.

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u/Substantial_Fee_684 4d ago

Well do you want to get married or are you getting married? If you are single lol enjoy it. Focus on whatever you want. You are FREE to make your own choices as long as they don’t harm you or someone else. Explore 🙌🏾

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u/abnormalpurple 4d ago

Nope, not married and do want to get married one day, maybe by 35? Right now, my goal is to learn new skills, for my career, and also for life, and be emotionally strong and mature.

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u/StudyingAt3AM 4d ago

Just enjoy life my dude.

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u/southeasternAZhobbit 4d ago

I have the same issue. I dated a girl I met when I was 19. We didn’t split till I was 23. I was broken hearted and moved up to northern CA and grew herb for about 7 years. I spent a lot of that time alone. I had one short course of a fuck buddy who likes drugs as much as me so that was a fun fall and winter. Once summer came she was gone because she was at college where I lived in Chico. So she went home for the summer.

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u/NoCommunication7 3d ago

I want to live my teens in my 20s

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u/KaylaRoberts__ 3d ago

Age is not a hindrance, there is a group of people who live the experiences of their twenties in their thirties or even forties you can try new relationships and get out of your comfort zone and at the same time maintain your responsibility

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u/EveryDayCountsCoach 3d ago

♧ Literally doing that now, I'm more complete than I've ever been, I'm a happy and still very motivated human being at peace with myself and the world around me, every month brings me more joy and satisfaction, despite difficult moments

♧ There's 4 elements you need to get that done. You need to know: who you are, who you're not, want you want, what you don't want. If you articulate them and model your life path according to them, you'll get there

Ad meliora

Mike

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u/Apprehensive_Tale659 3d ago

Date a bunch of people. Don’t fear rejection people are weird I learned the most attractive people are usually the nicest anyways

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u/Tight_Landscape4372 3d ago

Y’know I feel similar at 29. But then I remember how I wanted to have a “do-over” of high school, in college. Then I realized; high school’s done, can’t go back, gotta move forward. I went on dates, took my health more seriously, started working, got my driver’s license, worked hard on my grades, joined extra curricular, and got with study groups to work on socializing. I even brushed waves in my hair to make up for the “boring” haircut I had the last 4 years. It didn’t happen all at once, I just made a list of what I wanted to change, and took it a step at a time. Don’t worry about the time you missed; worry about enjoying the time you have now.

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u/Equivalent_Vast_1717 3d ago

I’m in my 50s but enjoying life like I’m still in my 40s. All good. All the best for you !!!

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u/Thecurious_soul_55 3d ago

True freedom , comes out of discipline and self improvement, going out, drinking, waisting time with cool kids, forget it my friend, if you not cool , handsome and rich , live the life and discover your talents , that’s the hard an true way to freedom . You will never regret it ,

Hope you the lord will guide you through your search to freedom

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u/Vreas 3d ago

Hate to say it brotha but sounds like ya missed the boat a bit..

That lifestyle isn’t really compatible with having a full family. Having partied and done a whole mess of crazy shit through my 20s it had its pros and cons. The biggest positive was learning more self respect and boundaries against the toxicity that is present in a lot of party settings and loose free love dating practices.

It looks great and fun from the outside but isn’t all sunshine and rainbows. Stick with your family. Maybe dip your toes going to concerts and taking your wife out on dates more often. You can still have fun in your thirties you don’t need to go all in.

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u/[deleted] 3d ago

It’s normal to feel like you’ve wasted time and regret decisions. Who wouldn’t want to go back in time and change things. All you can do is focus on the future and build towards that.

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u/Most-Gold-434 3d ago

Dude, I totally get this feeling and you're definitely not alone in this. So many people feel like they "wasted" their 20s, but here's the thing that might help you reframe this. Your 30s can actually be way better than your 20s because you have more self-awareness and resources now.

You don't have to choose between being responsible and having fun. Start small by scheduling one "20s activity" per week, like trying a new hobby or going to a social event. The key is being intentional about creating those experiences while still honoring your responsibilities.

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u/chaigulper 3d ago

Ah, a prime candidate for mid-life crisis.

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u/Zen_Claymore 3d ago

Can someone maybe op explain what exactly defines porn addiction to them? Was porn such a prevalent thing in your life it stopped you from doing xyz? I see this a lot lately and I am curious to know.

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u/bluesydragon 3d ago

So tricky

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u/ItsallLegos 3d ago

Focus on being present. Not in some mind’s projection of what the past needed to look like. You’ll just end up chasing the wind. Direct your focus on learning how to be present in the current moment. Meditation, gratitude, forgiveness, mindfulness, equanimity…these are just some of the practices.

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u/reaver999 3d ago

You can't live your 20s now. Your brain wasn't fully developed, everything is still relatively 'new and exciting', comedowns and hangovers can be walked off relatively easily thus allowing for multiple day/all nighters etc, your social circle will likely not consist of people who are willing to do random things with you due to kids/work etc. You made your choices - family and career. Seek to enhance your work life balance, take more holiday, reduce working hours, take up new hobbies.

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u/Ghibli_Valkyrie 3d ago

was stuck in my head most of my 20s too (computer lab kid problems). few things that helped push me out:

climbing gym forced social interaction board game meetups way less intimidating than bars started saying yes to one uncomfortable thing per week

you can definitely experience growth at 32, just looks different than college partying

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u/BetterEachDay2 3d ago

this nagging sense that I’d “missed my window” to do the things everyone else seemed to enjoy in their 20s. What I’ve realized, though, is that life doesn’t really follow those neat decade timelines we imagine. Some people travel in their 40s for the first time, some find love later, some build friendships in completely new ways after 30.

What helped me was reframing: instead of trying to recreate my 20s, I asked, “what parts of that decade do I still want to taste now?” For me it was meeting new people and trying more social stuff. I started small, saying yes to one invite a week, trying out a hobby class where I’d actually meet people. It didn’t erase the past, but it built new memories that felt just as meaningful.

So yeah, it’s possible. You don’t need to chase the “20s experience” ,you can build your own version in your 30s, but with more awareness and balance.
This is an experience of one of my cousins

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u/MysteriousStable7859 3d ago

I would not concentrate on the age. There is no reason you can’t experience "making new friends, going on fun dates, partying, growing out of my comfort zone, etc. ". Don’t let the number of your age dictate your action.

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u/ClubDramatic6437 2d ago

You can live like your 20s in your 40s if you remain single. But dont pass up good things trying to cling to bygone years

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u/SwaeTech 2d ago

Stop worrying about your past and focus on your future…

Do things that stack and scale.

Workout (run longer and lift heavier over time).

Work on your career (make more money over time).

Work on building a business in your field or something you really enjoy if not (even if it takes 10 years, your forties will be amazing because of it and you will wake up lighter because of purpose).

Talk and spend more time with family (those relationships matter more and more as time goes on)

Invest 15-20% of your income religiously at a minimum (restructure your life or do whatever you have to do, your future self will thank you because of it, compound interest is amazing)

Plan one big trip a year (seriously, you don’t need to get drunk every weekend to have an exciting time. Planning and talking about the trip is half the fun, with other people ideally. It’ll expand your cultural awareness and solidify your friend group)

TLDR the things you’re focusing on aren’t worth focusing on.

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u/Proof-Collection5214 2d ago

Age is just a number, you can do everything that you want, 30 you are a young man hahaha

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u/HousePuzzleheaded866 1d ago

You will quickly learn partying/dating is lame & wasted time as well. Find hobbies/passions instead and go all in with those. Find groups interested in those same hobbies/passions. Way more fulfilling, you can build genuine long term connections/community, and long term skills!

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u/Altruistic_Gas_8561 1d ago

You’ve missed that sorry mate time to enjoy your 30s forget about your 20s

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u/Commercial_Ad_4607 13h ago

You could live your 20s even in your 60s. There's no age to go on fun dates, party and push yourself out of your comfort zone.

What are the places you'd like to go to or activities you'd like to do?

1

u/Unique-Grade-8675 13h ago

When you go out to make friends youll find a lot of people are in there mid 20s sometimes late 20s so if youre comfortable being around them there should be no issues! it'll def come up. Most recently I went on a camping trip and everyone was 23-27 and I'm 31 haha. I have the desire to be more active and im naturally driven so I end up being around younger folk.

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u/saito200 4d ago

an exercise in futility is what you're doing

the only thing that matters is: what are you gonna be doing in the next two hours? keep asking yourself that

"i should have done this" "why i didnt do more of that". waste waste waste

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u/FinanceOverdose416 4d ago edited 4d ago

Sorry you missed all the fun in your 20s.

My 20s rock! I was playing Counterstrike and made some online friends.

I also got to line up for an hour to get into the hottest club in NYC to spend time with my best friend in a totally empty club. (It turns out there were two sections of the club.)

I got to move out to live in a sun den with 3 other people in the apartment sharing the same fridge.

I cried a lot in my 20s.

Fuck it!

What I am trying to say is that living in your 20s isn't as what you imagine it would be.

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u/michaelx1xx 3d ago

Dude is getting married and acting like incel? Whats wrong with this society

0

u/rp5761 3d ago

Bro u didn’t ‘waste’ ur 20s, u just chose comfort n now u wanna relive em like ur 22. Life don’t work like that. U can’t chase partying n also want marriage/career/family balance at the same time. If u keep crying over a decade u missed, ur just gonna waste ur 30s too. Grow tf up, accept it n build a life now instead of daydreamin abt the past.

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u/MassiveMommyMOABs 4d ago

Not worth it. People act like it's super fun and movies make it seem like so as well. But vast majority of people I know who partied since 16 have 5 exes, a lot of trauma, and most of the women are single moms before turning 25. A lot of these kinds don't learn adulting and are not responsible enough to get a good job and then struggle in their 30s when youth and beauty wanes, CVs look barren, and their health has taken a hit.

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u/Mindless_Shape_8036 4d ago

30s is the time of middle life crisis and it's the time to develop a set of techniques and tricks to live happily the rest of your life. Youth and parents' advices no longer work, and you are thrown in the ocean. No one could drag you out, it's your turn now, you better learn to swim.

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u/vanillax2018 4d ago

And then live your 30s in your 40s? Doesn’t sound like a sustainable plan. Take what you learned and live your 30s. I think the 30s are much more fun anyway - you already know what’s important to you, dating is better because more people are serious about it, you’re done with college and being broke so you finally have money to do the stuff you like, and have little responsibilities without any kids in the picture. Why go backwards instead?

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u/Apprehensive_Tale659 3d ago

Fix yourself up. Look good. Date girls in their 20s

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u/FFrog101 3d ago

Yeah trying to ask out girls 10-15 years younger than you will totally not make you look like a weirdo.

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u/Apprehensive_Tale659 3d ago

Well he said he is only 32. He said he wants to live like he is in his 20’s. I don’t think it’s creepy for a 32 year old and 24 or 26 year old to date and get married etc

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u/FFrog101 3d ago

ok well maybe late 20s is not so unreasonable

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u/Apprehensive_Tale659 3d ago

It’s very reasonably he date someone 22 also. That’s not weird. 10 years ? That’s healthy

-7

u/morning_bliss_8156 4d ago

OP, your childhood is over. Without a time machine 🙄, you can't go backward in time, only forward. You should be working now towards stability. Building a career, having all the necessary insurance (car, health, home), buying a domicile, and paying off any credit card balances or loans. Know and accept that interest payments on credit cards will break you financially. Your childhood is over, OP. Welcome to adulthood.