Brunch was fabulous and when I got there, a few families didn't mind taking some photos for me. I returned the favor of course. I'm a photographer and I love capturing moments.

I was early, but the ship took me in early. I sat at the bar and I was talking to the bartender. I told her that today I am celebrating my job anniversary, as well as celebrating making the right choice for myself by ending an engagement, celebrating the end to one of my classes, and the end of summer. She thought that was beautiful and sounded like great self love. We should celebrate ourselves.

I got promoted at my job in December. I'm now a legal assistant. When I was still with my ex fiance, my promotion was never celebrated. It was all about him and his roommate. He couldn't hold down a job and didn't want to congratulate me at all.

I said I was celebrating a promotion as well and when the waiter brought out the gelato (I'm celiac), he lit the candle and congratulated me. I told him what I do and he was impressed. I also shared how my research found an innocent man not guilty and he was acquitted. That was a real highlight of my promotion this year. I really helped someone.

And that brunch felt really good. It felt great celebrating myself.

In my experience I achieved something and I also started saying no and having actual boundaries.

People do not like that. Either receive passive aggressive comments or silent treatment.

I have said boundaries as kind as possible and when I don't follow what other people want. I started to notice their true intentions.

I thought self love was in achieving something and saying no but actually there are many layers to it. It is in how my mind wonders when being given the silent treatment, challenges, adapting to changes, getting to know myself, reparenting, inner child healing, standing by what I said, understanding how people have manipulated me, looking past the illusions, seeing relationships for what they really are, the roles everyone was playing, observing and not absorbing and most of all having compassion for myself during these moments.

SO I STILL CHOOSE MYSELF FIRST.

I’ve been coming to this sub a lot, especially on days when I feel completely lost, stranded or a little bit harsh on myself. The more I read, the more I notice how beautiful all of your hearts are, hearts that have been hurt, misunderstood, neglected by people who didn’t know how to treat them. And yet despite that pain you keep showing up for yourselves. You pick up your broken pieces, gather courage and rebuild yourself over and over again.

My own story is something similar. I’ve spent much of my life feeling out of place. I’ve been called the black sheep, difficult, too crazy, even mad by my own people simply because I didn’t fit the way they think or function. For years I internalized all of that. I doubted myself, questioned my worth and beat myself up for being different. I constantly tried to shrink myself, to mold myself into someone they would accept. But no matter how hard I tried, I never felt fully seen or understood. That sense of isolation is crushing but it also forces a kind of introspection that you don’t get in more normal circumstances.

Over time I started questioning why I should measure my worth by someone else’s standards. I began to see my own patterns, my own strengths and the ways in which my perspective though different had value. Slowly I realized that I wasn’t broken. I wasn’t the problem. I was just unique. Different yes but unique in a way that no one else could replicate or fully understand. That realization didn’t erase the hurt or the judgment I’d faced, but it gave me something even more important, peace with myself. Genuinely at peace with myself.

And that’s the truth for everyone here. Each of us carries something completely our own, a light, a way of being, a perspective that no one else has. This is what I’ve come to understand about self-love, it isn’t just about forgiving yourself or picking yourself up after every fall. It’s about protecting that light, standing up for who you are and refusing to let the world dim the essence of yourself. It’s about recognizing that your experiences, your quirks, your differences they aren’t flaws. They are what make you whole.

Practically it means taking responsibility for your own sense of worth rather than letting others define it. Learning to set boundaries with people who drain or dismiss you. Choosing environments, people and habits that nurture your growth and resilience instead of constantly trying to fit in where you don’t belong. And showing up for yourself in small everyday ways, listening to your own needs, honoring your emotions and giving yourself permission to exist exactly as you are.

At its core self-love is standing up for yourself every single day. Rebuilding after setbacks, forgiving yourself when you fail and continuing to hold your own hand through the storms. And when you do that, you begin to realize the world may never fully understand you and that’s okay. You don’t need validation to exist, to shine or to carry your own light.

At the end of the day, being yourself fully and unapologetically is one of the strongest acts of love you can give yourself. Every time you choose to honor that uniqueness, to care for your heart even when it’s been hurt, you’re not just surviving, you’re building a life that truly belongs to you.

So for anyone reading this who has been told they are too much or too difficult know this, your uniqueness is your strength, not a flaw. The ways you experience the world, the ways your heart feels and responds, the way you think and move through life these are all parts of your essence. Protect them. Honor them. Love them. That is what gives your life it’s depth, the courage in simply being yourself and the essence that only you bring to the world.

Yesterday I tried cooking for myself for the first time. The recipe did not come out perfect but the satisfaction I felt was something else.

Earlier I used to always look for flaws in everything, but now I am slowly learning that celebrating small achievements is also self love.

Do you guys also appreciate yourselves for little things like this. If yes, what was the last self love moment you created for yourself?

I used to bend over backwards trying to be understood. Now I just protect my peace. Growth looks like silence sometimes. 🤍

I could have wallowed in sadness or bitterness but being rejected force me to see my own worth/value irregardless of What another thought. Just because someone else isn’t there to value you, support you,etc…doesn’t mean you can’t be that person for yourself. In this experience i was able to reconnecte to myself and my own emotions because i’m not trying to appeal to another person. Not trying to impress someone else is freeing in that sense.

Today I wore an outfit I liked without thinking about what people would say. Honestly I felt more confident the whole day. Sometimes self love is as simple as being happy with your own choice. the best part was people actually gave me compliments. Maybe the real glow comes when we are in our own comfort zone.

Choosing to leave someone who doesn’t put in enough effort is painful because you lose the fun times and company, and it can make tomorrow feel empty. Sometimes I stay in bed all day, not because therapy or meds would help, but because the loneliness comes from lacking attention and support from the people I want around.

I know what would make me happy, but when I can’t have it, I’m left with self-love routines that feel hollow. All I really want is to be loved and have someone who cares enough to know me. When someone only gives you half-effort, it hurts more to hold on than to let go, so cutting them off is the only choice.

Being independent and self-sufficient sounds good in theory, but from my experience, being content without love feels like a pipe dream. And there’s nothing to be said but to seek professional help. Nah, just go to bed because you’ve been around the same block of trying to get everything straightened numerous times just for you to still be depressed after years of therapy and meds. Go to sleep, take a nap. It works. It’s the best thing ever.

My therapist was telling me about when she did a stint at a place focusing on yoga for people suffering from PTSD. She said the language was even different in how they directed the attendees, before moving into a new position, the teacher would say “As you are ready, stretch your …..”

It struck me as such a beautiful set of words. It asks us to shed expectations of ourselves, to tune in and hear our body and to take a moment to enjoy the process. As someone who is constantly pushing myself to muscle through life, it’s such a breath of fresh air to remind myself that I can love myself enough to respect my own pace.

How can I healthily love myslef and not inflate my ego?

I have started creating in my spare time are here are two samples.

More healing and growing has made me realize all I need is me and I have to love myself because no one else will.

I’ve given up on romantic relationships and I am starting to let go of friendships as well. It’s painful, but it’s so freeing to finally be able to control who I have in my life. I plan on cutting my toxic and abusive family in a few months when I move out.

I finally be alone and free. I do plan on getting a dog as a companion, but I literally don’t need anyone else. This era of self love is going to be glorious.

I, M (Mid-20s), have been doing a lot of self-reflection recently about my hangups with sex and the extreme shame I've felt about it. I think the catalyst for this was last year when I had a "friend" who ended up sexually harrassing my partner, M (Mid-20s), and I, probing a lot into our sex life, and generally being a sex pest. She's no longer in our lives, but I've been feeling a lot of shame in my sexuality since. I just want to love myself and treat myself with compassion. I can be very cruel to myself.

I try to be sex positive but I feel gross for having kinks, I feel like I don't perform well in bed, I feel gross for being fat, and I think a lot of it just goes back to poor self esteem and poor self image.

I've been in a monogamous relationship for most of my adult life, and my partner and I generally have great communication and we've been talking about this issue, but the extent of it is something I've only realised recently. I've been wanting to get therapy but unfortunately therapy isn't an option right now. I got denied by insurance. Does anyone have any advice or sources (books, sites, authors, academics, etc) with good resources on this?