I feel like I'm the problem in social interactions, and I really want to change

[u/sakushi11]

This all happened online.

I recently had an interaction on a language exchange app that left me spiraling. The person said they had just started learning English, so I assumed they were a total beginner. I started teaching really basic stuff, but got frustrated when they didn’t respond in kind. Eventually, I sent them a beginner tutorial link and told them to check it out because I’m not great at teaching from scratch. I tried to be polite, but it was probably rude — and I couldn’t delete the message.

A few days later, they suddenly replied in really good English. I was so embarrassed and guilty. I apologized, but I kept thinking about it afterward.

That got me reflecting on other situations that didn’t go well — like when a friend vented to me, and I responded by sharing a similar experience. They went cold after that, and I realized I might have made them feel invalidated.

All of this, combined with past friendship struggles, made me feel like I’m the problem. I’ve noticed some patterns in myself:

• I often talk about myself and try to relate to others by sharing my own experiences — maybe too much.
• When someone shares something they like, even if I’m interested, I don’t know how to respond beyond “ooo that’s cool” or “I like that too.”
• I avoid being too energetic (like using all caps) because I don’t want to come off as annoying.
• Small talk feels awkward. I worry I’m interrogating people instead of having a normal conversation.
• I tend to realize social mistakes only after they happen.
• Sometimes I admire what others do, but I can’t stay interested or engaged — maybe it’s my attention span.
• Not exactly a pattern, but my sister told me that I can't accept the fact that I can make mistakes.

If anyone has advice or tips on improving how I connect with people or building better self-awareness in the moment, I’d be super grateful. Thanks!!!