r/sports • u/OkEscape7558 • May 26 '24

Golf Grayson Murray’s parents confirm the golfer died by suicide | CNN

https://www.cnn.com/2024/05/26/sport/grayson-murray-parents-death-suicide-spt-intl/index.html
7.1k Upvotes

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3.6k

u/BradBrady May 26 '24

It’s just so sad to me seeing someone taking their own life. I just always think about what their feelings are before doing it

Like he’s a pro golfer with money. Withdrawing from a tournament and then killing himself. It’s sad but baffling. You really never know what someone is struggling with

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u/urlach3r May 26 '24

There's a reason people refer to depression as a constant struggle. The bad thoughts only have to win once.

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u/bented720 May 26 '24

And it only gets harder every time they come back. The idea of possibly going through it again doesn’t seem worth it.

Hate the idea that I might be on a ticking clock against myself some days.

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u/Suyefuji May 27 '24

Not always. Mine has gotten more tolerable over time, starting with when I left the horrible abusive mess of my childhood. It's been a long struggle and assisted by a lot of therapy, meds, and social support, but it's gotten better. It's been almost 10 years since my last attempt and about 5 years since my last involuntary hospital stay.

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u/noodlenerd May 27 '24

Thank you for this

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u/Stunning-Test1848 May 27 '24

Do you think it’s possible without therapy?

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u/Br0metheus May 27 '24

It's possible but why do it on hard mode? Therapy can definitely help, you're only hurting yourself by not doing it if you feel like you need help

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u/Inevitable_Ad_4487 May 27 '24

Therapy is key in the beginning at least … finding a great therapist is hard so you may have to audition a few to find one that fits your style.

Any therapist will do in the beginning as they can help point out the ways you talk to yourself and give you things to work on

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u/metalshoes May 28 '24

Yeah, it can be a life long process if you want it to be, but a therapist should be instilling tools in you that you’re using at home to stabilize within weeks or months of seeing them. Learning how to change your internal narrative is key to making progress and talking that out makes it so much easier.

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u/Suyefuji May 27 '24

Yes. I made a lot of progress prior to therapy through introspection and support groups. I'm not sure I could have done it without the medications though, they take the edge off enough that I'm not going down the suicide ideation rabbit hole nearly as often.

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u/Stunning-Test1848 May 27 '24

I’ve been trying to do it on my own and it’s rough haha. I got on some medication while back but it felt like it made me worse, and when I felt like my doctor didn’t care to help me i didn’t try to get on a new ones. Sorry not looking for life advice just ranting maybe but thank you!

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u/AbhishMuk May 27 '24

Fwiw oftentimes SSRIs make it worse before it gets better. Though if your meds were something else I’m not sure.

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u/But_I_Dont_Wanna_Go May 27 '24

I been doing the same for a loooong time now, and things don’t seem like they’re getting any better. If anything they are getting worse. I’ve got no insurance, and my executive dysfunction makes it so I can’t even get started on the paperwork, the whole thing is way too overwhelming. Don’t really know where I’m going with this I guess, except to say that if I were you I would really try the doc/therapist/meds route, before you end up a 44 year old mess who occasionally fucks around with hanging themselves in their basement. Good luck.

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u/creepingcold Fortuna Dusseldorf May 27 '24

It's rough because it's hard to look at yourself from a 3rd person perspective to learn new things, and also because you can't exchange experiences with others/learn from them.

I've been there myself, tried it on my own for 2-3 years and finally got help and solved everything in 1 year, which is why I can only share the sentiment which was already mentioned.

One of the core issues is that routines, be it your daily routines or routines in your mind, play a big role for depressions. People wouldn't be depressed when it would be easy to overcome or switch those routines on your own, simultaneously those routines often trap you in a dark tunnel so that you can't see any exits. This makes it really tough to overcome them on your own.

It's not impossible tho, and if you want to stay on that path I'd recommend you to look for some books which can give you some guidance. I don't know any in particular, but there are a few out there from people who turned their lifes around on their own. Iirc there's one from a women who was deeply depressed, turned her life around and became a therapist herself, but I can't find the note where I wrote the title/her name down.

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u/jon-marston May 27 '24

Everyone’s brain is wired/chemically different - I had to try a few different meds before I found one that ‘works the best.’ Keep trying.

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u/Jim-Kardashian May 27 '24

Like wearing a wet tshirt all day.

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u/missandycohen May 27 '24

Happy Cake Day🍰🍰🍰🍰

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u/TernionDragon May 27 '24

Fucking only once.

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u/yankeeblue42 May 27 '24

That's the thing though... it's not just once... it's every day. When you suffer through depression, it's negative thoughts getting the best of you day in day out.

When something like this happens... it's usually a straw that breaks the camel's back...

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u/WittiestScreenName Washington May 27 '24

truth. And that’s why I won’t keep a gun in my household. All I need is a few minutes of thoughts to risk it.

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u/[deleted] May 27 '24

Yep. Haven’t won yet but man they come close as fuck a few times.

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u/urlach3r May 27 '24

Same here. It's kinda exhausting, ain't it?

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u/[deleted] May 27 '24

It’s so exhausting dude. If you want, I can share what keeps me sane.

I meditate for about ten minuets each weekday and give myself the weekend “off”. I do cardio and weights (both light) 3 times a week on M, W, F. Try to get to bed at a reasonable hour and make sure, even if I wake up early, to go BACK to bed to make sure I get at least 7 hrs.

For the last few years it has worked like a fucking champ. I also got into Alan Watts and it kinda helped me reframe some stuff I had struggled with for decades and decades going back to childhood. It take a long time to work thru all those mental knots.

Also, vaporized medical cannabis has been instrumental in pain relief and it also curbed any desire for alcohol which was huge. Alchohol takes me to dark places I never want to be again. Cannabis gives me peace of mind and ability to see some different options in dealing with it all.

TL;DR it’s so exhausting but breathe, exercise, water, weed have helped in ways I can’t properly communicate. Stay strong dude. We’re survivors of the highest order because we’ve fought our toughest enemies.

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u/captaincumsock69 May 26 '24

People really overlook that being successful and being well off financially can bring a lot of pleasure and a lot of temporary relief but there are a lot of things that can’t always be solved like happiness and good health

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u/FewWatermelonlesson0 May 26 '24

There was a famous actor from Hong Kong named Leslie Cheung who committed suicide, and his sister mentioned that near the end of his life, even he was baffled by the fact that he was constantly sad despite having a successful career, lots of money and adoring fans. External pleasure can only help so much when you’re suffering emotionally and mentally.

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u/Rainbowclaw27 May 26 '24 edited May 27 '24

This was how I knew I needed to be on anti-depressants. I'd done the hard work in therapy, changed my outlook and habits, had everything going for me, and my suicidal ideation had never been worse.

It took some time to find the right combination of meds, but once we did, it was like flicking a switch. I was suddenly ME again.

You can "have it all" but if the chemistry in your brain isn't right, nothing else matters.

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u/clownstastegood May 26 '24

I really liked reading this comment. Well done friend.

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u/TrixnTim May 26 '24 edited May 26 '24

Same my friend except I went the route of hormone replacement therapy and after 25 years of SSRIs not working for me. HRT + psilocybin microdosing saved my mental health. When nothing else did. And god did I put in the work.

Peace to Grayson. Been in the exact place he was at when he chose the route he did. Many, many times. No judgement here. Only compassion.

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u/Kiwizoo May 26 '24

You’re correct about putting in the work. So many people focus on wealth and success as if these are the only ways to build a better life. I’ve had those things and they didn’t make me feel any better. Mental health is something I have to work at constantly, through therapy, sometimes medication, and occasionally even a joint. Whatever works well for me. I know if I don’t make a huge effort, I am prone to deep depressive episodes and worse. Mental health does take work, or at the very least the self-awareness to say ‘I’m not feeling good, and I need to do something about it’.

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u/TrixnTim May 26 '24

Exactly. There is no quick fix. But in our society that’s what is pushed and accepted. Drugs, Rx, alcohol, shopoholics, consumerism, porn, etc.

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u/manicgiant914 May 26 '24

Nicotine, alcohol, sugar, meat and money! Wishing you well on your journey

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u/TrixnTim May 26 '24

Ha! Forgot those! I use many of them but in moderation and not for pain relief. 😝Great snark …

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u/TheDakestTimeline May 27 '24

Here to second BHRT over SSRIs if you have the ability to pay out of pocket for medical care.

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u/coldoldduck May 30 '24

I’ve always thought that combo would be working better for me than SSRIs and various other RX plus cannabis products. I wish it was as easy to microdose as to shop for weed every block.

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u/[deleted] May 26 '24

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u/[deleted] May 26 '24

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u/Kanye_To_The May 26 '24

Most of the newer SSRIs have very minimal withdrawal effects. Just FYI, in case someone is hesitant to start them

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u/[deleted] May 26 '24

Like testosterone?

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u/TrixnTim May 26 '24

Estrogen and testosterone. Very low doses.

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u/banjonyc May 26 '24

Exactly. I also was in those shoes and I just couldn't figure out why I was not getting better. There were days I would wake up and it felt like there was just this fog around my whole body and a big weight pressing on me. I always say to myself if I had to wake up like that every single day I would end it. But fortunately I got the right meds and my life is infinitely better. I still have those days but they do pass.

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u/SelfishCatEatBird May 26 '24

Man oh man, finding that light switch in the dark of your mind is such an amazing fucking thing. Took me a long while as well but holy shit. Feeling like “yourself” again could not be a truer statement.

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u/Dimius May 26 '24

For me it was like swimming in a dark lake where I couldn't surface and then one day there was a light and I was able to surface and breath

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u/caped_crusader8 May 26 '24

That's wonderful to hear. I wish I could feel me again. I'm not suicidal but I don't feel anything. It's numbness all day everyday. Nothing makes me sad or happy.

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u/ShutUpSaxton May 26 '24

I was stuck in that rut for like a year without even being fully aware of it. So you at least being aware is a great first step. What got me out was one day walking to my job in the pouring rain and feeling the rain on my skin somehow made me realize and simultaneously brought me back from whatever cavern in my brain I somehow tucked away into. I hope you’re able to find that as well

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u/caped_crusader8 May 26 '24

Nature in general I find very helpful, even if for a short time. Thank you for the kind words

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u/[deleted] May 26 '24

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u/caped_crusader8 May 26 '24

Thank you for your kind words. I've only recently learned of this word. Never knew others felt the same way.

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u/[deleted] May 26 '24

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u/The_Void_Reaver May 26 '24

For me the happier I was meant to be, the deeper I fell into my depression. I was supposed to be happy, but I wasn't. Then I'd feel worse because it hurt being unable to feel happy. If people saw and tried to help it'd get even worse because now I was bringing other people into my negativity.

I remember my friend had a camping trip for his birthday and for the first time in years I was genuinely happy just hanging out around friends. The day after was probably the hardest day of my depressed life because I got a taste of what life was supposed to be like and then got shut back into my own dark world with a much clearer understanding of what I was missing.

The "Should haves" are a large part of depression and typically only make depressed people feel worse about what they don't have.

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u/chemicalnot May 26 '24

Damn well said

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u/Sonoranpawn May 26 '24

So true. I was the life of the party and then suddenly I became depressed and full of anxiety. Didn't know how to handle it so I stayed in my room and slept all day until I got to the point where it wasn't helping anyone or me. I decided to get therapy, change my diet, exercise, get medicated. I'm so thankful I had the courage to make some changes because the path I was on wasn't good and I probably wouldn't be here today.

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u/imredheaded May 26 '24

These feelings can be incredibly confusing. You can sit there and think about things and there's no logical reason to feel this way. Life is good, you are surrounded by people that love you, you aren't struggling paycheck to paycheck and yet it persists. It just doesn't make sense.

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u/ResistSpecialist4826 May 26 '24

It’s so true. It’s messed up but looking back, often times where things have been objectively bad or even during a crises , I’ve actually felt ok or alreast not as terrible as I should. I think it’s the opposite phenomenon- feeling like there’s a real “reason” or excuse to feel depressed actually made me feel better. It’s when things stabilize or get good again that are historically bigger triggers for me. Because there’s “no good reason.”

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u/peatoast May 26 '24

That last line could not be more true. Depression is rarely attach to one thing. It’s a feeling of sadness that goes on with or without you knowing why.

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u/PelleSketchy May 26 '24

This is what people without depression don't know. It's the helplessness that you feel. I remember coming back from a party I really enjoyed and then my brain deciding I wasn't allowed to feel like that anymore.

To have that occur for years and knowing you can never truly enjoy anything because your brain might just decide 'FUCK YOU' and take it away...it's no fun.

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u/Vsx May 26 '24

When I am feeling depressed knowing that my life is objectively better than almost everyone else who ever lived makes me feel like even more of a worthless asshole. It is no comfort at all.

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u/violetigsaurus May 27 '24

It’s a disorder of the brain that you didn’t ask to have, don’t feel guilty.

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u/vegandread May 26 '24 edited May 27 '24

See Anthony Bourdain, Chester Bennington, Chris Cornell, Robin Williams, the list sadly goes on and on.

It’s easy for us to say that they should be happy because of their money and status, but the depression and demons were there before the success.

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u/0Rider May 26 '24

Robin Williams had a horrible degenerative disease I don't think he's fair to lump in with the others. Kate Spade tho would fit

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u/Beginning-Gear-744 May 26 '24

Robin Williams had his fair share of struggles with addiction and depression, but yes, what he was afflicted with at the end of his life (lewy body dementia) sounds like it was absolutely horrible.

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u/Grouchy_Permission85 May 26 '24

My mom has Lewy body Dementia. The ending of her life will not be pretty. I understand why Robin Williams took his life. If you have a family member who has that disease you are more sympathetic to his death by Suicide

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u/justprettymuchdone May 27 '24

So far I've seen a good dozen people with family members who had or are currently in the midst of Lewy body dementia, and every single one has said some version of "I understand why Robin Williams made that choice."

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u/manicgiant914 May 26 '24

My stepdad died of it at 72. Doctors all thought his symptoms were psychiatric, loaded him up on meds. No help. Finally got diagnosed at Stanford. Died peacefully at home in Santa Cruz RIP Paul

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u/Rough_Promotion9414 May 27 '24

I’m from SC, my thoughts with you and family

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u/Ok_Turnover_1235 May 26 '24

I think the more you achieve the more you realise how much you'll never achieve and how much you had to give up on achieving to achieve that. 

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u/JuzoItami May 27 '24

It's weird, but most of the people I've known personally or read about (like celebs) who committed suicide were in the "Why'd he do it? He had so much going for him..." category. It actually seems rarer for people to be in the "Oh, I totally get why THAT guy killed himself" category.

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u/[deleted] May 26 '24

As someone that deals with depression, winning the battle, it's a weight. Nothing gives you joy, you wake up wanting to go, you can't fall asleep... it's exhausting.

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u/Nordicarts May 27 '24

Some of the happiest memories I have in my life apart from the birth and experiences I’ve had raising my child, was as a starving student enjoying the work I was doing with my time.

I have a career now and can afford more luxuries and pleasures but I have been confused for a long while why I seem less happy than when I was financially stressing through that period

It came to me that it was no longer doing shit that really meant something to me, nor was I surrounded by a passionate community that also shared the passion for what we were working on.

Without a doubt happiness and contentment is created through your community, relationships and the fulfilment and practise of personal interests. Finances are just the board game we all kind of agreed as a species to play in order to moderate the value of our goods and services.

I am currently planning to resign and either change careers/go back to study. It’s time to find my happiness in life.

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u/SnooMaps1910 May 27 '24

Yes. And a good actor.

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u/Gunnar_Peterson May 27 '24

I love Leslie Cheung's songs. Tyson Fury had a similar experience, became world champion and almost ended up crashing his car into a ditch

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u/OSUfirebird18 May 27 '24

This is why people say money can’t buy happiness. Money can buy stability, comfort and peace of mind. For many of us, that would make us happy. But if you already have underlying issues, money won’t solve it.

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u/Wrong_Duty7043 May 27 '24

At the university he attended in England, flowers are left for him regularly and written tributes. https://www.instagram.com/pengshaoyu/p/CXqtC83sI09/?img_index=1

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u/Amikenochup May 26 '24

This is probably the most eye-opening comment I've read about the need to for therapy.

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u/a_lilstitious May 26 '24

Look at Bourdain. My man traveled the world eating great food and living what would be “the life” for a lot of people.

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u/LoganNinefingers32 May 26 '24

Especially for him. Worked his way up the chain from dishwasher to international star, exactly what his dream was when he was a young child and fell in love with food. Kitchen Confidential book tells his whole story and ends with him talking about living the dream. But in one of the early chapters he talks about nearly committing suicide, and later, even in his shows, he mentions how that feeling never really went away and it was just a matter of time.

Wish he had sought help, but he seems like the kind of guy that thought he could do it alone.

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u/Mongolian_Hamster May 27 '24 edited May 27 '24

It never does go away for some.

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u/killer_icognito May 27 '24

This right here. You have to externalize what's happening to you. The people I know that died from suicide, most everyone was shocked when it happened. There's a scene in a movie, I forgot which. Where the man is speaking to a psychiatrist, "I can solve this I can do this, this problem has a solution and I can find it." "No you can't." And he shouts, "Why not, why can't I!?" And the doctor fires back, "Because your mind is where the problem is in the first place!" It has always resonated with me.

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u/fml87 May 27 '24

Sometimes achieving 'the life' makes things worse. Before you're there, when you're still striving to achieve what you think 'the life' is, there's a hope that it'll get better. The real source of the pain isn't cured when you get there and it can make it far, far worse.

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u/JohnMayerismydad May 26 '24

Depression also just happens. It doesn’t require any extra pressure or whatever to make someone feel like they don’t want to live anymore. It’s a mood disorder and can affect anyone

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u/happykampurr May 26 '24

Sometimes people are just not happy. No matter what. It’s painful as a parent to watch a young person struggle with mental health. All the therapy and drugs in the world, parents, friends, siblings can sometimes do nothing to change that a person is struggling. This is a tragic story. It speaks to my greatest fear.

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u/booppoopshoopdewoop May 26 '24

People also overlook the fact that fame and success do not ever come without a cost and that sometimes this cost is paid involuntarily. And I’m not talking about financial cost. I’m saying every favour comes with a price and you don’t become successful and known without favours.

And all the money in the world won’t help you if you’re lonely. And it’s even more isolating because who are you going to feel like you can complain about it to? So that your can be further invalidated

I’m surprised it’s not more of an issue to be honest

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u/jimvo99 May 26 '24

I dont consider myself to be rich, but in the past few years I have managed to triple my income, and it is wonderful, the life I can give myself now compared to what I could do before, but that doesnt solve the fact that Im alone, and being alone leaves a huge hole in your life. Sometimes I feel that all that I have achieved is worthless, just because I have no one to share my success with.

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u/YounomsayinMawfk May 26 '24

The movie Into the Wild had a quote that I try to live my life by - "happiness only real when shared." Even if your happiness is shared with a stranger, it's still better than having no one to celebrate with.

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u/Arrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrpp May 26 '24

That’s not really saying what you think it does… 

If you’re not happy by yourself, relying on someone else for happiness is not going to work very well. 

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u/Agentflit May 27 '24

Bro if we were in the same room I'd offer you a hug.

Or whatever you're comfortable with haha

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u/60FootBoom May 26 '24

Well said captaincumsock69.

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u/jakeplus5zeros May 26 '24

I think an important question to ask is what the individual is doing for themselves. Doing anything you enjoy on a professional level can suck alot of the joy out of it. You need to be fulfilled in your own way.

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u/liluna192 May 26 '24

I was listening to something recently that stated that marathon running is great for your mental health unless you are consistently winning. No sources but it makes sense - if you put your value as a human on your performance because it’s where all your external validation comes from, then when you are no longer winning it’s devastating to your self worth.

I feel so much for his family and friends - such a devastating loss for everyone.

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u/[deleted] May 26 '24

I cant imagine this being true. The subject pool of marathon winners has to be quite small and consistent winners even smaller and consistent winners that would have participated in such a study even smaller.

I would take your claim with a grain of salt. Combining a questionable source of information with intuition is not a good way to model one’s beliefs. History tells us that good research often reveals counterintuitive truths.

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u/JExmoor May 26 '24

Marathon/Ultramarathon runner who's crept up towards the front of the pack in local races in recent years, and I think I can put some logic into this. Listening to actual competitive runners talk about their races feels almost like a completely different spot. I'm obsessing about my goals and executing well on what I know I should be capable of. They're talking about everyone else at the front of the pack and how they were doing in relation to them. If I'm passing people towards the end of the race I feel good because I know that probably means I'm executing my race really well, but I'm not out their hoping other people are having a bad day and am actually happy when I see someone in front of me still doing well.

I ran a small local marathon last fall where looking at the results from 2022 my goal pace would've won my age group by a couple minutes and been top 5 overall. I hit my time goal, but ended up being the 4th fastest person of my exact age because of who showed up and that day and how they performed. I did exactly what I came to do, but because of factors completely out of my control I ended up further back than I was hoping and was a bit surprised at how that felt compared to previous races where I'd been further back.

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u/notkevin_durant May 26 '24

The beginning is surely a typo right?

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u/[deleted] May 26 '24

According to Reddit, no one should should have any problem if they have money, and redditors only have problems because they are poor.

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u/resuwreckoning May 26 '24

The odd thing about Reddit is that I actually think it has less of a depressed hopeless outlook because its denizens are constantly aggrieved about something, to the point of tribal anger, which keeps them going lol

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u/Phazon2000 Brisbane Broncos May 26 '24

Yep and I’m a testament to that being bullshit. I was depressed as fuck. Out of pure habit continued to work hard, went up 30k $AUD in salary (I was entry level initially) and finally bought a new car and made it a decent one too. Felt nothing buying a car I always wanted when I was a teen.

Felt nothing finally achieving a position of sustainability I always wanted.

Nothing changed. I didn’t expect it to solve anything overnight but it didn’t even make a dent.

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u/flammafemina May 26 '24

Reddit is but a microcosm to the rest of society.

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u/[deleted] May 26 '24

Not really. It’s a better class of idiot we have here.

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u/jordanscollected May 26 '24

It’s the simplest of saying but it’s roots are deep. “Money can’t buy happiness”.

For every huge mansion with a happy family, there’s many without. Strive for happiness, and the solution isn’t being rich or famous.

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u/logicpro09 May 26 '24

Depression follows you everywhere throughout your life. Sometimes it catches up and overtakes you. Regardless of how well you are doing in life.

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u/sharipep May 26 '24

Yeah mental illness doesn’t skip people who are famous or wealthy. It’s not like depression is scanning people in the crowd and bypassing people that make over a certain amount of money or who have a certain amount of followers on social media.

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u/LiberaceRingfingaz May 26 '24

The real bitch is that it has to be alienating as fuck. It's easy to look at famous or talented people across sports/acting/music/etc. and think "what the hell do they have to be sad about," but the truth is they exist in a reality that is fundamentally separated from everyday life, and I think a good number of us would probably end up killing ourselves too if we couldn't go walk down the street and interact with other humans without it being a whole thing.

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u/sonia72quebec May 27 '24

There’s a lot of people who hate what they do. Even if they are really successful at it.

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u/[deleted] May 27 '24

All the money in the world can’t buy happiness when you find no joy or happiness in anything

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u/Gideon_Laier May 26 '24

It's easy to overlook when the majority of my problems are financially related. I'm depressed and poor, so being depressed and rich and famous sounds like a step up.

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u/Advanced-Blackberry May 26 '24

And being a pro golfer brings a ton of stress … 

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u/[deleted] May 26 '24

Golf is ridiculous. Yo, you need to get this little ball in the hole 500 yards away. And do it 4 strokes. Also people are watching. Also there are other people behind you that are DEFINITELY going to do it in 3 strokes so you’re holding them up. That’s hell right there

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u/aoifhasoifha New York Knicks May 26 '24 edited May 26 '24

The part you're missing is that professional golfers are essentially solo contractors. Basketball players, soccer players, football players, baseball players, hell, even top level Olympians are more like salaried employees with a whole corporate support system and the corresponding benefits behind them. They work with a well-oiled machine that has decades of experience, get on the charter plane, compete under the guidance of a team of seasoned coaches, and then come back to train with an entire staff of trainers and doctors who carefully plan their meals and workouts.

Golfers have to show up and win or they don't get paid (other than endorsements, which you also don't get if you don't win). Not only that, they have to arrange and pay for everything themselves- scheduling and traveling to tournaments, finding somewhere to stay in a bunch of cities you've never been to before, finding a flight back that might be Friday if you're bad but Sunday if you're good. Oh, and also if you play badly you might not even be in the PGA next year. Even the best players will have stretches where they're literally losing money to compete, and all but the surefire Hall of Famers have struggled with even keeping a PGA Tour card, let alone winning/staying profitable (and a few Hall of Famers too).

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u/cfgee May 26 '24

Stress of the Tour. If you miss the cut you Dont get paid.

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u/[deleted] May 26 '24

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u/Palmerize May 26 '24

As someone who has competed in both golf and other sports, golf is a bit of its own beast because you're all alone on an island essentially competing with yourself. It's not a team sport where others share in the emotions with you and you're not lined up across from someone trading volleys like tennis. It's a bit tough to put Into words but competitive golf was way more nerve-wracking to me than any other sport I competed in.

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u/Im_Daydrunk May 26 '24

I feel like baseball is probably the worst of both worlds in that way. Stuff like batting/pitching (and even fielding in many cases) is both like being on a distinct island (having no direct support, lots of eyes directly on you) and having the additional internal pressure of teammates relying on you immensely. I love baseball and it's fun to play non competitively but I absolutely hated the pressure of it when I actually played for the team at my school

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u/Dudedude88 May 26 '24

I like it cause you have full control.

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u/Dr-McLuvin May 26 '24

It has to be one of the most mentally stressful sports.

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u/Tzukkeli May 26 '24

Money can't buy happiness, even though it helps

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u/beebsaleebs May 26 '24

Or did he even want that? Is that the life he wanted for himself? Many of us feel trapped. Just because his cage looks so pretty to some of us doesn’t mean he felt free.

Rest in peace, Mr. Murray.

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u/bjaydubya May 26 '24

If anything, being successful actually makes things so much harder. Especially if you have a strong imposter syndrome and you genuinely feel like you don’t belong here. It can just get so amplified when you find some success and people are telling you how you can be top 50 in the world soon.

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u/seanmg May 26 '24

Yeah. When you have success and have money and you STILL feel awful it’s hard to not feel worse.

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u/waterboy1321 May 26 '24

Rob McElhenny talked about that on their podcast once. His take was that it can be especially hard, because some of the time your surrounded by impressive people in exciting places with the best food available, competing at a high level. Those things just pump serotonin and adrenaline into your brain. And then the rest of the time, your just alone with yourself. Like when you’re crouched over your countertop in the dark, eating a crappy quesadilla that you just made, can you still feel that good about yourself?

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u/Ieateagles May 27 '24

Kurt Cobain taught me this story when I was really young..

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u/futuredrake May 26 '24

Especially awful seeing him miss that putt and then head off the course. His playing partner asked the PGA to go check on him, so he must’ve known that something was certainly wrong.

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u/andrevvm May 26 '24

We as a society put disproportionate value on money and success. To the point where if you have it, and still feel like shit, you blame yourself and feel wrong or broken.

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u/talking_phallus May 26 '24

Reality is family and a sense of communal belonging are the most important things but those have become right-wing coded in our modern pop culture.

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u/djmakcim May 27 '24

The irony for anyone in that position is your worst enemy lives in your brain, and success feeds its lies. 

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u/[deleted] May 26 '24 edited May 26 '24

There is a poem I used to read to my high school classes called “Richard Cory” and it’s all about a wealthy man who seemed to have everything who “went home and put a bullet through his head.” And my students questioned why he would do that when he had it all..

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u/grh77 May 26 '24

Simon and Garfunkel’s version of that on Sound of Silence is so good.

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u/No_Inspector7319 May 26 '24

I’m fine now - but I don’t think people realize it’s not sadness. It’s this hurts and I need it to stop and there’s only one way.

If someone reads this you’re pretty and don’t deserve pain

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u/Sometimes_Stutters May 26 '24

One of my best friends attempted suicide (hanging himself) but ultimately failed because someone found him.

He’s talked openly about what was going thru his head, and to him suicide was the only thing in his life he felt that he had control over. He didn’t want to die, but he wanted some control in his life.

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u/djmakcim May 27 '24

It's like that reference to David Foster Wallace's work Infinite Jest that has seemingly described it so well:

"The so-called ‘psychotically depressed’ person who tries to kill herself doesn’t do so out of quote ‘hopelessness’ or any abstract conviction that life’s assets and debits do not square. And surely not because death seems suddenly appealing. The person in whom Its invisible agony reaches a certain unendurable level will kill herself the same way a trapped person will eventually jump from the window of a burning high-rise. Make no mistake about people who leap from burning windows. Their terror of falling from a great height is still just as great as it would be for you or me standing speculatively at the same window just checking out the view; i.e. the fear of falling remains a constant. The variable here is the other terror, the fire’s flames: when the flames get close enough, falling to death becomes the slightly less terrible of two terrors. It’s not desiring the fall; it’s terror of the flames. And yet nobody down on the sidewalk, looking up and yelling ‘Don’t!’ and ‘Hang on!’, can understand the jump. Not really. You’d have to have personally been trapped and felt flames to really understand a terror way beyond falling."

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u/ThreeRRRs May 26 '24

Look no further than Kate Spade if you think money and success can prevent it.

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u/adullploy May 26 '24

Yeah the mind is a powerful, scary thing if it turns against you. Heartbreaking, simply devastating.

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u/ELEMENTALITYNES May 26 '24

I’m no expert (not a first responder or dispatcher), but I did specialize in mental health in my med school. From the dozens of anecdotal reports from families of attempted/completed suicides it’s the near-instant switch in emotion from feeling trapped without an escape to looking/feeling almost completely at peace you have to watch out for.

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u/djmakcim May 27 '24

You can end up at that bridge a million times, and all it takes is that one time you don't stop yourself from jumping. 

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u/um_chili May 26 '24

How many stories are there of people who reach the pinnacle of their profession, earning fame and riches, only to find that it didn't make them happy? Seems that if anything, when you get everything you always thought you wanted and you then realize you're still not happy, that's the lowest possible point. Because you know that the problem is internal, not external.

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u/Dame2Grow May 26 '24

Prior to the multiple times that I tried and that of people that I know the most overriding thought is "what is the point in carrying on?" as when you truly believe that there isn't one then it actually makes logical sense to end your life.

Obviously it's illogical in the sense that there usually is a point and it's just that people at the time are not connecting to that point for whatever reason but in that moment it feels like there isn't and so ultimately people need to be convinced in general and at a time of crisis that there is a worthy point to enduring whatever it is that they are going through and thankfully it is now apparent to me - and I can only hope that it will be to many more people too one day - that there is a very worthwhile point to life and personally I've been free from these kinds of thoughts for a few years now.

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u/[deleted] May 26 '24

https://www.tiktok.com/@freeseedfilms/video/7258428550401854747?lang=en

Norm MacDonald

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u/CHUD_Adams May 27 '24

Him and Mitch will always be leagues above every other comedian in my book. Almost every joke was funny and if they weren't funny they would turn them into something that would still make you laugh uncontrollably. Jesus I'm sad now.

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u/jolness1 May 26 '24

Depression is illogical. Even if there is no real reason to be so sad.. you are. I believe he had drug and alcohol problems as well which can absolutely contribute, even after getting sober as it takes time for the brain to adjust.

It’s tragic to see anyone get that desperate and hopeless that they feel their only option is suicide

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u/[deleted] May 27 '24

Could have happened when his brain is adjusting to being sober. Withdrawals from drugs are no joke, it’s absolute hell on earth, your brain chemistry is out of balance as your brain is adjusting without the drugs and being out of balance causes a host of issues, I bet a lot of suicides happen in that state, currently going through something similar myslef

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u/SomePoorMurican May 26 '24

I have never been so sad and close to what he did as when i had the most amount of money ive ever had at once, not that they correlate i just think it’s interesting to think about. I always thought “money doesn’t buy happiness” was bullshit, but nah.

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u/NowFook May 26 '24

Serious demons dont get fixed but things like money. You gotta fix the root of the problem which is a lot tougher and deeper.

Like in rehab its not about not doing drugs. Its about fixing yourself mentally to the point you dont feel the need to medicate on drugs.

If u dont u will just go back to them

Just going to rehab to just physically sober up for a month doesnt fix the problem

Just like money, success doesnt fix serious mental demons

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u/CatFanFanOfCats May 26 '24

Couldn’t making money make it worse? For example, one would think that having a lot of money would bring happiness, but if you find that it doesn’t. It must be devastating. Like, if money can’t even bring me peace, what can?

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u/NowFook May 26 '24

Yeah it could definitely make matters even worse if u arent in right head space. What you said and he apparently partied a lot. Booze and drugs probably just put him in an even darker place.

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u/theblockisnthot May 26 '24

The silence of death is more appealing than living with the noise is my take as someone who’s thought about suicide. Money doesn’t buy happiness but gives you a better chance at happiness with all the resources available to you.

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u/[deleted] May 26 '24

Money ain’t everything

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u/flamaryu May 26 '24

Alot of people equate money to happiness and it's not. There are a lot of rich people who deal with depression. No amount of money can overcome that. My cousin was drafted to the NFL and even played in the super bowl but flaked out because his meds couldn't keep up with the pressure of being able to perform at such a high level. It really showed when he OD on his antidepressants not that long after getting a new contract with big money attached.

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u/Madmandocv1 May 26 '24

Exactly. He was a lot more than a golfer with money. In some good ways and some not good ways. We don’t really know our friends and neighbors, much less an athlete on TV.

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u/colin_7 Philadelphia Eagles May 26 '24

And here I made a point in a thread in /r/golf yesterday where I mentioned that being a professional golfer is a hard lifestyle. Very mentally demanding and easy to get down on yourself- and I was downvoted into oblivion because a lot of these guys are very wealthy. Goes to show that money doesn’t fix everything

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u/forumbot757 May 26 '24

But I think if you ask someone in that field like a psychiatrist or therapist, they would probably have like a pretty good understanding of what was going on in their head. I’m sure they’ve made some progress in understanding by now.

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u/drdudah May 26 '24

And most don’t understand what it’s like to feel that hopeless bc many have never been close to it.

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u/hase_one May 26 '24

I read somewhere once that when some people take their own life, their friends and family often say they had never seen them happier, and that’s what makes it so hard to understand. But for the person struggling, it does make sense because when they are in a good place mentally, the fear of returning to the darkness can be the initiation of ending it before falling back to these depths. I think I read that after Chester Bennington or Chris Cornell’s death. Please let’s all make sure we are mindful of our loved one’s high and lows, and recognize that just because someone seems to have it all, doesn’t mean they don’t have issues they need support with, as we all do.

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u/Impressive-Yak1389 May 26 '24

Mental health =/= your bank account!!

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u/Beebs5288 May 26 '24

My wife has attempted several times in the past and we've had some really deep, dark discussions about those times and it's absolutely crushing. No one deserves to feel that way.

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u/thepronerboner May 26 '24

It doesn’t matter anymore, nothing does. I’m sure that’s how he felt. It’s all nothingness.

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u/Anal_Recidivist May 26 '24

This is a first for PGA, no? Like at this point the org has to pivot into a full on mental health campaign

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u/allmotorcivic May 26 '24

Men between the ages of 21 and 50 biggest killer is them selves. I lost 3 friends to suicide 6 friends to drug addiction. Men are trained to think if we talk about our feelings to people it shows a sign of weakness. I would much my have my friends cry on my shoulders then have thier parents cry at thier funeral.

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u/SlipperyWhenWetFarts May 26 '24

I have no idea if this was the case or not, but I think some people fall into the trap of thinking that once you achieve a certain goal and/or ascend to a certain level, then they will be happy and all their problems will be solved. But when they get to said level and it doesn't fix everything like they thought...like where the fuck do you go from there? I don't know if that makes sense, but it's something that I have dealt with, and it comes with a profound sense of hopeless. I'm rambling, but this shit really does me in. I just wish that people didn't have to suffer like this.

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u/_BELEAF_ May 26 '24

Sad to you? It is far and well beyond sad for them. I understand the sentiment. But you have NO IDEA what he needed to be released from. The hell he's gone and fought through.

I am happy for him. For sure sad for his family. But I am happy for him. That he has released himself from facing the abyss every single fucking day.

The stigma of it all sucks ass. And most of you are so clueless to the uttlerly deep toll such deep mental struggles exact upon you.

This is the only way out for many. And I can't judge anyone for that final decision. Nor should any of you.

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u/Special_Loan8725 May 26 '24

I always wonder if it’s the fact they have it all and the happiness still isn’t there that they realize it won’t be.

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u/outoftownMD May 26 '24

Nobody wants to end their life. They want to end the pain. Unable to see or act on that pain, life becomes the surrogate approach for ending it. 

But that pain doesn’t end, it spills everywhere 

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u/GeneralTree5 May 27 '24

I really don't mean any offense, but my depression doesn't get better when I'm doing well financially. My brain will pick some other problem to beat me around the head with. It's only baffling because you don't seem to have experienced depression to a serious degree.

Every day my brain makes me choose between killing myself or spending the day thinking about killing myself. It only takes one bad day, one bad hour. You can only lose to depression once, there's no leeway there,no makeups.

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u/MEuRaH San Francisco 49ers May 27 '24

It's not that baffling tbh. Not if you've been thinking about doing it 24/7.

I'll do it someday too. It's whatever.

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u/Broskah May 27 '24

Mental health is a silent killer. Even with millions it won’t save you.

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u/f-Z3R0x1x1x1 May 27 '24

I know he was engaged. I realize this is just my opinion and is likely not based in fact...but I'm well aware a lot of very mean crap can get said in relationships...and in fact, men often are on the receiving end of vitriol. We don't tell people this..because pride, and I've been on the receiving end of such things myself. It's easy to chalk it up to 'she is having a bad day, or she is just being emotional, etc...' but some statements really hit at the core of your being and do leave a scar. I hope this didn't happen with him. I know he was fighting many demons, but withdrawling from the tournament citing 'illness' tells me he had his mind up about what he was going to do. It's just so sad.

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u/rockemsockemcocksock May 27 '24

It’s honestly such a distressing state to be in. It’s like everything is decided and you’re convinced that nothing can be done to change the situation. After coming out of a psychotic depressive episode, it’s like suddenly other options other than ending it all came back all at once. It was so bizarre and scary.

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u/hothoochiecoochie May 27 '24

Sometimes the ball doesnt go in the hole

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u/[deleted] May 27 '24

I’m not even into sports and I came across this.

I’ve been in years of therapy, through so many medications, nothing works. I’m not saying I’m suicidal, but it’s very hard, no matter how much or little you have.

Crying is an every day part of life and that weighted vest that depression brings is sometimes too much for a single person to burden.

Even if he wasn’t depressed and something else was afoot, I’m happy they’ve found peace.

Sometimes living normally is a struggle, and those with everything means nothing at all.

I wouldn’t wish what I go through to my worst enemy. My condolences to him and his loved ones.

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u/Bacon_Bitz May 27 '24

Because clinical depression is an illness. It cannot be looked at logically. Your brain fully convinces you you are better off dead and all your friends & family will be better off without you.

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u/MartiniCommander May 27 '24

I don’t think he was rolling in the money

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u/[deleted] May 27 '24

I never understood how anyone could do it. I was never in that headspace in my life, until recently after I went through the worst hell imaginable. Now, I get it. I truly get it.

It’s just one of those things where you have to be there to understand, for me it was brain damage, but I’m sure Grayson had his own valid reasons

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