Fan throws dildo on the court during Valkyries/Dream WNBA game

[u/A_MASSIVE_PERVERT]

[u/Dundalis]

I think it was you OP. User name def checks out

[u/A_MASSIVE_PERVERT]

Picture here

[u/aquatic_ambiance → u/A_MASSIVE_PERVERT]

Thanks you lil freak

[u/Justanotherturdle → u/aquatic_ambiance]

who you callin lil? This man is MASSIVE

[u/letitgrowonme → u/Justanotherturdle]

These awards are suspect.

[u/johnildo → u/Justanotherturdle]

He's lil, the perversion is what's MASSIVE

[u/lilboytuner919 → u/aquatic_ambiance]

The hero we needed but didn’t deserve

[u/Grape-Jack → u/A_MASSIVE_PERVERT]

Missed opportunity to throw one with a suction cup.

[u/fordman84 → u/Grape-Jack]

A legend would throw a suction cup dildo at the backboard.

[u/Grape-Jack → u/fordman84]

Or at least throw it more up than forward so it had a steeper attack angle

[u/UpdootDaSnootBoop → u/Grape-Jack]

It's all about the angle

[u/JustADutchRudder → u/UpdootDaSnootBoop]

Wonder how bad of seats you can sit in and still get a suction dildo to land mid court? Like with a decent arm and a weighted base, could you stand at the last row at the top of the arena and launch dongs?

[u/UpdootDaSnootBoop → u/JustADutchRudder]

Oh, we were talking about the throw?

[u/JustADutchRudder → u/UpdootDaSnootBoop]

You might not have been but I started wondering if I could launch a dong from the top seat and get it to suction mid court. Would probably hit someone in the 100 level

[u/Grape-Jack → u/JustADutchRudder]

Sounds like the next Dude Perfect video.

[u/UpdootDaSnootBoop → u/JustADutchRudder]

Did you ever think you would type such a thing? lol

[u/Adonisbb → u/JustADutchRudder]

This whole sub-thread is like that scene in Silicon Valley where they deep dive on how many guys they can jerk off at a conference lol

[u/red_team_gone → u/Adonisbb]

I'm convinced the entire first season of that Silicon Valley only exists because the creators/writers thought of that one joke. Nothing else in the entire series compared, but the first season is worth watching just because of that joke.

[u/Controls_Man → u/JustADutchRudder]

If you hit the parabolic arc just right…

[u/lopix → u/JustADutchRudder]

I'm seeing the opportunity for a new game at the stadium, something something "dong cannon"...

[u/goatnxtinline → u/fordman84]

You know they wouldn't have been able to get it either lol

[u/thejawa → u/fordman84]

A god would have blocked a shot with a suction cup dildo stuck to the backboard above the rim.

[u/Samwellikki → u/fordman84]

Because no one can jump high enough to pull it down? /s

[u/Th3-B0n3R → u/fordman84]

Just remember to lick the cup first.

[u/ztiam → u/Grape-Jack]

It hits the backboard and gets stuck. Get the ladders

[u/lukaskywalker → u/Grape-Jack]

Now the only response would be for a woman to throw a fleshlight on the floor of an nba game

[u/zidave0 → u/Grape-Jack]

That's what I kept looking for. One bouncing back and forth from landing and sticking

[u/SquimbusTheConqueror → u/A_MASSIVE_PERVERT]

Looks to be about 8-9 inches and bright green. Beautiful specimen.

[u/CharlieKinbote → u/SquimbusTheConqueror]

How dare you quote my hinge profile

[u/jokekiller94 → u/[deleted]]

r/thegif lives on!

[u/Powerful-Scratch1579 → u/[deleted]]

Shrek

[u/lkodl → u/A_MASSIVE_PERVERT]

Why was i expecting the official feed to cut to a shot like this?

[u/PVT_Stanley → u/A_MASSIVE_PERVERT]

Hate to say it but all I wanted was a close up the whole time

[u/K-LAWN → u/A_MASSIVE_PERVERT]

Ah, the Namekian model.

[u/King_Reptar_ → u/K-LAWN]

I think that’s from the “diccolo” line

[u/Dubsified → u/A_MASSIVE_PERVERT]

Name checks out

[u/Coupon_Ninja → u/A_MASSIVE_PERVERT]

Mrs. Hulk is gonna be pissed!

Also username checks out :)

[u/CoconutBangerzBaller → u/A_MASSIVE_PERVERT]

Thank you, A_MASSIVE_PERVERT for the dildo picture

[u/tehonez → u/A_MASSIVE_PERVERT]

Name checks out.

[u/Crookz_O → u/A_MASSIVE_PERVERT]

Nice cock bro

[u/TitotheBurrito → u/A_MASSIVE_PERVERT]

That, indeed, is a green dildo.

[u/Shoddy-Rip8259 → u/A_MASSIVE_PERVERT]

ENHANCE

[u/mattwookiee → u/A_MASSIVE_PERVERT]

Probably cost as much as the ticket tbh.

[u/LGR1994 → u/A_MASSIVE_PERVERT]

Name checks out, ty

[u/maplejet]

This isn't the Bills annual home game against the Patriots!

[u/Archduke_Of_Beer → u/maplejet]

How dare they!? This is ONLY acceptable when thrown by a Bills fan at Tom Brady!

Have some damn respect for TB12!!!

[u/Mr-_-Soandso → u/Archduke_Of_Beer]

I am so happy he left and got another super bowl! It changed everything! From everyone hating the Patriots, to ok fine Brady is the GOAT!

[u/drill_hands_420 → u/Mr-_-Soandso]

He really is

[u/isurewill → u/drill_hands_420]

I have a completely different opinion of this "person", especially after meeting him many years ago.

It's always been kept super quiet by his inner circle but in truth, Tom Brady has serious struggles with addiction.

He always does well to keep his life in check during the season but once football ends things completely unravel.

I saw this first hand years ago. It was early March up north. I was at this super hush after hours club doing rails, cramming x, and trying to fuck this crazy hot escort chick. We go into the bathroom to line-out some xanax to mellow our buzz.

Next thing we know the door gets kicked in and this absolute psychopath comes flailing into the room. Dude smelled of fresh fertilizer and cheep sod. He was dripping sweat and had bloody bald patches I can only assume were from ripping out his own hair.

Next thing I know this madman has me pinned against the wall with his forearm buried in my chest. He shoves his finger in my face and starts screaming,

"Do you know who I am? Do you know who the fuck I am? I am a fucking GOD! Where are they? Where the fuck are they? I'm here to fucking score and you're in my god damn way. Where are they? Where the fuck are they? You fucking shit, you tell me where they are!"

Completely startled I couldn't move, I just stood there muttering nonsense as I started pissing myself stupid.

As he began searching my jacket and patting me down I finally noticed the diamond encrusted rings adorning his spry, lanky fingers. They where bloody and woven in thick brown hair but they were unmistakably championship rings, Super Bowl championship rings.

"Tu, tu, t, t, t, TOm? Tom Brady?" I finally stuttered out.

"Well look who finally decided to show up to fucking game day. Congratulations dip shit, now how 'bout you stop pissing your pants like a little bitch and hand them over so I can fucking score. I need this, I fucking need this man. YOu dOn't fuckin' know Whhat I'LL fUCKing dO for THis. I'LL ClIMb mOUNTains FOr thIS Shit. I'LL use YoUR sCull to DIG THRourRH a ConCRetet WaLL to GeT theSE. You know what it's like being desperate? I'lL FUCKiNG mRUder uR fUCking FAMly"

Not knowing what the hell he was on about I just kept saying "yes, whatever you say, whatever you say, Sir".

Finally it dawned -- he must have overheard my blabbering about the xanax. "God dammit" I thought, "God damn my fucking deep voice carried through the walls again"

I reached in my pocket and pulled out my pill case -- fumbling around I finally got the small steal box to slide open. I poured the 2 dozen or so blue pills into my hand and said, "take them, take them all if you want"

His eyes widened, perplexed, he stood there gawking at them as I prayed they were enough to satiate his hunger. But there would be no relief, his eyes sharpened into jagged hatred. Slapping the pills away I watched in horror as Brady's wrath turned to the girl. With a snap of his head he gave her one immaculate, deafening look of pure, unadulterated, unfiltered, smoldering perfection. Her body began to convulse and tremble as her immediate orgasm came with such vigor as to levitate her an entire foot off the ground. For what seeming like a blissful eternity she hummed so pure and with such delight the room glowed of angel hair and quaffed of ecstasy. Then, like a big block V8 in a '54 Chevy without an upgraded rear-end her entire spine torqued with such ferocious violence she imploded, folding over again, then slipped into the void.

Crying from both fear and absolute adoration I threw myself upon his feet begging for forgiveness.

"Keep your fucking piety you inconsequential worm. Just give me what I ask and I'll allow you to live"

"w,w,w,wht? Anything, anything, anything Mr Brady"

"Where are they? Where are the footballs?" Tom commanded.

"footballs?"

"I heard you, I heard you say that you had footballs. Tell me where they are for I now hunger. I hunger for the one fruit capable of sustaining my power. I must feed, I must score, give me the footballs so that I may convert them. Touchdowns are all that I desire and I must FEEEEEEEEEED"

"oh, god, oh god I am. . . the pills Tom, it's the pills. I'm so sorry sir, but the pills, they, they're footballs, Tom. The pills are little footballs, Tom"

[u/burghblast → u/isurewill]

Sir, this is a Wendy's

[u/broncs11 → u/maplejet]

I'm glad I wasn't the only one to immediately think of the Bills haha (as a Broncos fan)

[u/Roberto_Sacamano → u/maplejet]

First thought was, "what is this, a Bills game?"

[u/iamthecheesethatsbig → u/maplejet]

I was about to say, not since Tom Brady versus the Bills have I seen such a brazen act!

[u/Figran_D → u/maplejet]

The Bill -Do!

[u/[deleted] → u/maplejet]

Go Bills

[u/MrPhantastic08 → u/maplejet]

LOL back in the dark days before Josh Allen that was all we had to hold onto.

[u/PointlessDelegation]

Imagine it had a suction cup and it landed upright.

[u/Junior_Operation_422 → u/PointlessDelegation]

Oh, I’m imagining.

[u/THIS_IS_NOT_SHITTY → u/Junior_Operation_422]

Great, now imagine harder

[u/wafflesareforever → u/THIS_IS_NOT_SHITTY]

sterling_archer has entered the chat

[u/classless_classic → u/wafflesareforever]

Phrasing!

[u/hypnotoad23 → u/classless_classic]

Wait are we still doing phrasing?

[u/Jeffrey_C_Wheaties → u/PointlessDelegation]

Or on the backboard.

[u/HyenDry → u/Jeffrey_C_Wheaties]

No. On the Ball itself

[u/DJ_Blakka → u/HyenDry]

Ball is life after all

[u/Kronzor_ → u/Jeffrey_C_Wheaties]

Extra funny because none of them could jump high enough to knock it down. 

[u/DJ_Blakka → u/Kronzor_]

Who said anything about knocking it down? If one of them just got up on another player’s shoulders…you know what Im just going to stop right there

[u/bananadepartment → u/[deleted]]

🧍🏻

[u/otcconan → u/PointlessDelegation]

Or a Fleshlight at an NBA game.

[u/PointlessDelegation → u/otcconan]

Historically speaking that would be a public service

[u/MaximumZer0]

Damn, Bills Mafia are traveling.

[u/Numberwang-Decider → u/MaximumZer0]

Circle the.. Sex toys?

[u/wafflesareforever → u/Numberwang-Decider]

The wagons are mostly for dildo storage

[u/dalby2020]

Stadium vendors take the caps off of water bottles so fans can’t throw them onto the court.

Because of this unruly fan, no one will be able to buy a fully intact stadium dildo anymore.

[u/Abdul_Exhaust]

That's gotta be against some penal code

[u/[deleted] → u/[deleted]]

They should share their load of the blame.

[u/toadphoney → u/[deleted]]

What kind of a dick takes to toying with such serious matters.

[u/daFunkyUnit → u/toadphoney]

The fans are getting testy.

[u/khube → u/daFunkyUnit]

Well they got what they came for.

[u/classless_classic → u/khube]

I hope the players don’t get the shaft.

[u/Blochamolesauce → u/classless_classic]

Penis… Am I doing this right?

[u/Oldjamesdean → u/Abdul_Exhaust]

That's a testicle foul, that dildo is getting ejected...

[u/hellalg]

my question is, where was this going though security 😆 🤣

[u/Silly-Leadership-456 → u/hellalg]

the one place they wont search… 

[u/PaddyT613 → u/Silly-Leadership-456]

One of two places, potentially.

[u/jesbiil → u/PaddyT613]

I think there's something wrong with me, I read this and immediately applied this thinking to myself....a man. Then had the mental image of a dude trying to get into a WNBA game with a big green dildo in his mouth, gargled speech "What this? No I always wear this, completely normal! Just here for the game..."

[u/manjar → u/jesbiil]

“Obviously you haven’t had Invisalign!”

[u/WhoDat-2-8-3 → u/hellalg]

metal detector cant detect Silicone material lol

[u/Fokewe → u/hellalg]

Inquiring minds want to know.

[u/CaptainLobot]

Kind of a dick move if you ask me

[u/jmaca90 → u/CaptainLobot]

Helped them play good D

[u/endfreq]

Of course we have to use the indefinite article "A dildo", never "Your dildo".

[u/CountOff → u/endfreq]

Great reference I just watched that movie again like two months ago

[u/mberk24]

Waiting until the last minute of the game… that’s the surprising part

[u/Suspicious_Time7101 → u/mberk24]

The patience of this man is astonishing

[u/capsrock02]

“Fan”

[u/CagCagerton125 → u/capsrock02]

Yeah. The word fan is doing some heavy lifting in that title.

[u/midwest--mess → u/CagCagerton125]

Spectator is much more appropriate in this instance. Public nuisance is also fair.

[u/Kbunz311]

Colonel, you better take a look at this radar, it looks like a giant, “Dick!”

[u/Marko-Darko → u/Kbunz311]

“Wang! Pay attention!”

[u/kalrok → u/Kbunz311]

Oh my god it looks like a huge, "Pecker!"

[u/NotTheRocketman → u/kalrok]

"That's not a woodpecker, it looks like someone's--'PRIVATES!' "

[u/Foryourconsideration → u/NotTheRocketman]

Two balls. What is that. It looks just like an enormous..

[u/OldenPolynice → u/Foryourconsideration]

Johnson!

[u/droffowsneb → u/Kbunz311]

Boobs!

Boobs, Ozzy?

[u/Tumbling-Dice → u/droffowsneb]

Wrong Austin Powers anatomical reference.

[u/droffowsneb → u/Tumbling-Dice]

Yeah but it’s the ozzy one rest in peace

[u/dumptruckulent]

Basketball is a game of inches

[u/phred_666]

Damn! If you watch the trajectory of the object, it had to have been one hell of a lob to hit where it did. Looks like it came from well above the camera well.

[u/OSO_oso1]

Someone has to throw a pocket pussy at an nba game .

[u/TheGrapeRaper → u/OSO_oso1]

Dude if a fleshlight ended up on the floor of an nba game the players would be crylaughing about it for minutes

[u/saml23 → u/OSO_oso1]

To be fair, there wasn't a lot of interest in it.

[u/zappy487 → u/OSO_oso1]

SVETLANA!

[u/Ryan1869]

I thought only Bills Mafia did that kind of thing...

[u/superhappyfuntime13 → u/Ryan1869]

Die hard Gradey Dick fans confirmed

[u/wafflesareforever → u/Ryan1869]

I honestly didn't realize that our cheeky little tradition was known outside of Buffalo.

[u/TennesseeJedd]

A_massive_pervert strikes again!

[u/SaphireComet → u/TennesseeJedd]

This man does two things only. He goons and he balls. Finally he gets to do both at the same time.

[u/grabemindabiscuits]

Was Tom Brady on the court somewhere?

[u/LegacyofaMarshall → u/grabemindabiscuits]

Were the balls deflated?

[u/Seanny69 → u/grabemindabiscuits]

I was just thinking it would have been great if “Tom Brady” was written on it

[u/JMole3]

That GREEN THING

[u/ThaUniversal]

Is "fan" the right word here?

[u/EZKTurbo]

I feel like this has different implications at a Women's game

[u/PaulsGrandfather → u/EZKTurbo]

yeah everyone's making jokes but it's honestly fucked

edit: If you're upvoting me because you think I'm making a "le reddit epic pun" you are wrong and frankly a bit stupid.

[u/TB1289 → u/[deleted]]

This happens at Bills games pretty frequently and it's funny.

[u/TheMerck → u/[deleted]]

Reddit always has these dudes trying to get their same old jokes in lmao its so annoying.

To the main point though, quite sad to see this happen at a WNBA game the sport already isnt taken seriously aside from CC and now this where everyone just jokes about it but its p wild this was done at a WNBA game and how did it even pass through security

[u/deweycrow → u/TheMerck]

Well its not going to set off a metal detector

[u/Talentagentfriend → u/PaulsGrandfather]

Yeah, its horrible that it took me scrolling this long before someone said something sensible.

[u/Deep-Statistician985 → u/EZKTurbo]

I'd agree if this wasn't a thing at football games already

[u/Gaebril → u/EZKTurbo]

You think a bunch of redditors would acknowledge how offensive that is instead of make jokes?! In this karma economy?!

[u/electricjeebus81]

I’m not saying there’s a perfect time to throw a dildo on the court but having it on you the whole game doesn’t seem like an ideal situation

[u/jarrodandrewwalker]

Wrong load in the t-shirt cannon

[u/wormsisworms]

Can’t bring in your own water but the dildo made it thru

[u/h989]

Is that glow in the dark ?

[u/darthrevan22]

I barely even saw it, that was an absolute travesty of a basketball possession, good grief.

[u/BMoseleyINC → u/darthrevan22]

Exactly was I was going to say. I didnt even notice it being thrown onto the court, that stretch of basketball was something you see in an Elementary school rivalry.

[u/gizeon]

Wow. There's like 500 people there.

1 in 500 people are dildo throwers.

[u/Kettle_Whistle_ → u/gizeon]

Cops say that 1/500 phallus-hurlers means that there are 199/500 potential schlong-slingers that are just as guilty.

I mean, that’s just Law Enforcement Statistics 101…

[u/youalreadyjonsnow]

Tied game. Under a minute left. You could cut the tension with a dildo.

[u/SquarePegRoundWorld]

The black floor is so unappealing to me. I couldn't watch a whole game on a floor like that. Just leave the wood floor, people were not watching the WNBA because the floors weren't painted, trust me.

[u/Suspicious_Time7101 → u/SquarePegRoundWorld]

COMPLETELY AGREE. I hate when the NBA does this too during the in season tournament. I just stop watching at that point because it is so distracting

[u/Ducksaucenem → u/Suspicious_Time7101]

The NBA tries to get cute and does the worst possible changes. Another one is the camera angle they started messing with a few years ago. Basketball has one of the easiest to follow set camera angles in all of sports. Just set the camera up high at half court and follow the ball. It’s so easy to see everything going on. Now they’ll switch to some floor level camera behind the player on the side and all you see is the back of some players head. It’s ridiculous.

[u/Wloak → u/Ducksaucenem]

The Lakers hands down have the worst camera setup, it makes me dizzy when we play them and it's their feed I'm watching.

The camera is mounted between the lower/upper bowl and moves up and down the sideline to follow the ball which feels like a carnival ride when someone does a half court pass. Like you said: just keep the ball in view, I don't need the camera up the players ass.

[u/MrWetPoopz → u/SquarePegRoundWorld]

I for one thought the green dildo contrasted really well with the black floor. To each their own I guess

[u/whiskydiq → u/[deleted]]

It's no lie. Terrible league.

[u/alexanderpas]

That's not a fan, that's an asshole.

[u/Clickar → u/alexanderpas]

It's a dick actually 

[u/HankHillPropaneJesus]

Is this like the squid in nhl games?

[u/tommyc463]

Dildon’t do that

[u/PuzzleheadedMode7517]

Those were some horrible shots tho

[u/McKnightmare24]

Disgusting, what's next, throwing a draft kings membership on the court of NBA games?!

[u/TacoTacoBheno]

I quite dislike these alternate court colors.

We need people watching, I know black court!

[u/human1023]

Without scrolling back up, can you tell me which two teams are playing?

[u/ly_044]

Are they searching at the entrance? I wonder where exactly he brought it inside

[u/hyrule5 → u/ly_044]

I bet there's one place they don't search

[u/TheRenaissanceKid888]

“Of course it’s company policy never to imply ownership in the event of a dildo. We use the indefinite article: a dildo, never your dildo.”

[u/Thats_an_RDD]

We always have to refer to it as "the object", not "her object"

[u/Cherrywood200]

Ok but like... Is nobody gonna mention that gigantic WHIFF of a 3pt shot at 8 seconds?

[u/GratefulReddit]

"Fan"?

[u/ProEra47]

Nice airball on the three too

[u/Looks_Good_In_Hats]

Ok, I don't watch WNBA at all, but that court is sick. Are they all like that? A bright green dildo is much easier to see on a black court.

[u/arcadiangenesis]

Who did they send to pick it up?

[u/BlinkDodge]

Who?

Who would do such a thing, OP?

/u/A_MASSIVE_PERVERT Could you please give us something to go on so that we can identify the one who did this?!

[u/MRintheKEYS]

“Regulstions require us to say ‘a dildo’ and not ‘your dildo’”

[u/fri9875]

Username checks out lmao

[u/Wejii]

Lol

[u/whistlepig4life]

Hey they do it in the NFL. equality at its finest.

[u/mstrdsastr]

Flying phallus aside, that was some ass offensive play before the break.

[u/SmoothBrainSavant]

Im just gonna point out that for tv etc - that court color is trash. 

[u/ErgonomicZero]

Who is the poor bastard that had to pick this up in front of thousands?

[u/Architecttt]

Someone please go to an NBA game and throw a dildo on their court... Seems only fair.

[u/whippet195]

What a dick

[u/GodWithoutAName]

Three reactions: Ew. Haha. And bites lip mmm

[u/Rileserson]

Nice of them to not show that fucking airball on the replay.  She was complaining like she was fouled lol she was just 2 feet short.  

[u/hughcruik]

Loved it when the announcer said: "There is no room for that, ever."

Um, how big was it??

[u/Tkinney44]

Is women's basketball always so..bad?

[u/Dogrel → u/Tkinney44]

Sadly, yes.

[u/JaggedUmbrella]

Wait, there's a team in the WNBA called the Valkyries?

[u/CanadianODST2 → u/JaggedUmbrella]

Yea. Golden state. This is their first year I think. (Maybe second)

[u/trekkin88]

The dong incident is more interesting than the game itself.

[u/LLMBS → u/trekkin88]

By a factor of 10. It’s like watching the (many) laughable lowlights of Bronny’s first NBA game, when it was immediately clear that he had no business being on an NBA court, but for all 4 quarters of every game across the league.

[u/AyahaushaAaronRodger]

That was horseshit aim tho

[u/Conman31 → u/AyahaushaAaronRodger]

Yeah, that 3-pointer was way off.

[u/CollateralSandwich]

Funny during an NFL game. Feels out of line in the WNBA

[u/TacoTJ601]

Brittney Hicks wouldn’t have air-balled that three

[u/Late-Maximum7539]

It’s a shame you didn’t post the full game, was waiting for that dildo for 3 minutes

[u/000Fli]

All I saw was traveling that didn't get called