r/stopdrinking • u/soberingthought 2283 days • Jun 03 '25
'Tude 'Tude Talk Tuesday for June 3, 2025
Hello, fellow Sobernauts!
Welcome to 'Tude Talk Tuesday, where you're invited to share what changes you've noticed in your attitudes and perspectives since you've gotten sober.
I once heard someone say "It helps me to be the person I want to be" and that resonated with me.
As my drinking progressed, I slid further and further from the kind of person I wanted to be. I became isolated, full of guilt and shame, and slowly shirked an ever growing number of responsibilities, all while lying and sneaking around in order to drink more and more.
In sobriety, I felt I had a fleeting opportunity to start making myself back into the kind of person I wanted to be, the kind of person I hoped I'd become before I got derailed with alcohol.
It was (and still is) hard work for me to make the necessary changes in my life to put myself on a path to continual (although sometimes glacial) progress. I have a lot of self-esteem and perfectionism issues I'm working on, but I think a major motivator of my sobriety is that this is the closest I've ever been to being the kind of person I've wanted to be and I see it as a direct result of getting and staying sober. Being sober allows me to be a better me and being a better me helps me stay sober.
So how about you? How are you doing being the person you want to be?
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u/WHSRWizard 141 days Jun 03 '25
Last week we went to an amusement park, slept over in a campground (KOA FTW), and then went to a water park the following day.
It was a freaking blast. I noticed two things about my attitude:
1) I was able to let the little things that invariably happen during a family trip just roll off my back. Instead of stewing on them for sometimes hours, I was over them in minutes.
2) I was an absolute goof ball and I loved it. Instead of floating down the Lazy River with a pounding headache and wondering if I had time to go get a beer, I was pretending to be a crocodile hunting down my wife and kids. The squeals of laughter were soooooo much better than the sips of beer.
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u/creizitoby Jun 03 '25
Avoiding the drinking habit and instead spending time with family and reflecting on it makes me realize how empty those bottle moments were
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u/PearExternal3059 58 days Jun 04 '25
I love that! I was worried that I wouldn't be a goof ball anymore but...nope. That's in my DNA as it turns out.
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u/dayman763 99 days Jun 03 '25
That's awesome. That's a good one. š
IWNDWYT
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u/dayman763 99 days Jun 03 '25
Where's my flair? š
Does it take 24-48 hours or something?
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u/Pbio_1 Jun 03 '25
Sounds like a blast! Surprisingly one of my barriers to quitting has always been that my family always sees me drinking. I act a certain way. If I completely change the way I am around them they will judge me for it. I know it's a lie. I'm sure your kids LOVED the fun and had great memories.
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u/00sparrow00 127 days Jun 03 '25
Less self loathing. I'm tired this week, I was away on holiday with the family and then at a festival at the weekend last week and I'm now absolutely knackered. But I don't hate myself! I'm just...tired! And that's fine.
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u/HExM_ 121 days Jun 03 '25
I'm still in my early days of sobriety but I'm already seeing how I'm way more calm and level-headed. My mind feels clearer.
Also, the ENERGY. I'm tackling way more shit in a day than I used to in a whole week. I thought my chronic illness was the cause of me being constantly tired but it turns out that alcohol did me so dirty.
Having to deal with my social anxiety upfront without drowning it is tough, but I'm learning so much about myself in the process.
Still a long way to go, but I already feel the benefits for sure.
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u/Sleepless321 Jun 03 '25
Coming back recently after 5 years sober. So many people in AA told me that coming back is harder than getting sober the first time. I expected to feel absolutely horrible, but the fact is I donāt. I feel like knowing I did it before means I can (and will) do it again! And itās easier this time because I know whatās worked for me in the past!!! That shift from feeling defeated before Iāve even started, to feeling generally optimistic and hopeful is huge! Yes, still battling with guilt and shame, but 5 years of sobriety gave me the tools to fight back! IWNDWYT.
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u/featherstrong Jun 05 '25
I had 5 years before a major trip-up early last year. With over a year under my belt this time I slipped last week but found it so much easier to get right back on track. I'm not really in the mood to count days. What seems to be important for me is how quickly I identify the pull of the poison and how quickly I make the choices that put me back on track. You've got this. š
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u/Cassie54111980 1859 days Jun 03 '25
I am much more able to make Ā decisions that are Ā for my best and highest good now that Iām sober. Iām off to bed and looking forward to feeling great when I wake up tomorrow. Stay strong everyone!
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u/xdirtyboots 101 days Jun 03 '25
I'm trying to be more social. Even people I used to drink with regularly have distanced themselves from me because I would always overdo it when we were together.
So! Now that's not an issue, I'm trying to rekindle HEALTHY relationships before I take on the daunting task of meeting new people...
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u/HotRaisinSailor 99 days Jun 03 '25
I honestly didnāt think Iād get through day one without caving. But here I am with many days without alcohol ahead of me if I decide so each day. I think I can. That might not sound super confident but itās a huge attitude shift from where Iām coming from.
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u/dayman763 99 days Jun 03 '25
My day one (yesterday) the decision needed to be made on my way home from work. Even if I was thinking about it all day. I had to decide not to go to the liquor store to buy seltzers and vodka. My tummy was saying I was "hungry" which usually meant usually it's about time I start drinking. I decided to get a couple tacos at the little Mexican restaurant instead.
We'll see about today. One day at a time.
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u/HotRaisinSailor 99 days Jun 03 '25
Letās do this man. Today, at least. Weāll fight tomorrowās cravings tomorrow. I tossed my vape yesterday too. It was a 1-minute feel good that always left me feeling worse in the end. Iām so done.
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Jun 03 '25
I have finally noticed a very subtle shift in perspective. Before, anything that wasnāt part of my plan for the day would be plenty of reason to drink. After denying myself that option for long enough I think I am witnessing myself becoming comfortable with letting things go. Avoiding the instant gratification of the bottle has given me a small boost of self-esteem which feels huge since I was so starved of it.
I still have a long way to go to put the pieces of my life back together, but the shift in perspective is finally making me feel like itās worth doing.
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u/Own_Spring1504 225 days Jun 04 '25
Yes! Self esteem is an amazing new experience for me after years of self flagellation related to drinking
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u/Balrogkicksass 1488 days Jun 03 '25
When I left rehab I had no idea where my life was going to be heading aside from my living situation.
I knew I was going to get a job but my dad told me to take a while getting used to the "real" world now that I was sober so I could test myself a little bit and make sure I could handle how my life was going to be.
Now almost 4 years later I am in a great position at my job making alot of money and I really didn't think id have the opportunities to do what I do there.
My personal life has me just being antisocial often mostly for lack of people around me outside of work or my home with my father but I do my share of talking on here to help and journal a bit to help myself out.
Everyday may seem familiar at this point but its still a journey and who knows where I can go. I am 38 but I certainly dont act or feel like it (aside from minor body stuff I mean I am getting older haha) and I think that is kind of comforting to me. I may not be exciting or anything but sometimes safe is what I need.
IWNDWYT!
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u/Ok-Potato-4758 Jun 03 '25
Same here, nothing special, mostly alone, but I like peace and my comfort.Ā
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u/phonybolagna_ 743 days Jun 03 '25
Being honest, I've lost a lot of friends to recovery. There were countless entrances and exits in my life, from as young as I can remember.
That's fine, right? Kinda sad but fine? I got so used to this that I essentially stopped caring about it. People come, people go.
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u/coIlean2016 304 days Jun 03 '25
I actually found I started to see myself after about 1.5 months of sobrietyā¦ in the mirror, like a veil had been lifted and I could see my eyes as if it was my true self. My sobriety actually came from listening to my heart. I heard myself saying I didnāt ever want to drink again and I knew that was me and not the addiction. I made a promise to myself 25 years ago almost to listen to my heart. ā¤ļø Iāve never looked back from there.
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u/penholdtogatineau 3011 days Jun 03 '25
One thing I heard in AA that stuck with me was, "Do I want to be right or do I want to know peace?" I used to be so argumentative. Now I let a lot of things go, because I would rather just let people be wrong than use my energy trying to argue.
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u/thunder-cricket 1849 days Jun 03 '25
I was way more sentimental and tolerant of shitty relationships when I was drinking. I was never a mean or belligerent person when I would drink but the bullshit sentimentality I carried for bad or dead relationships was just as toxic, probably.
One example is I would get drunk and call old 'friends' who would never be the first ones to initiate contact. I had a mental rolodex of people who I would cycle through when I was drinking on a weekend to 'keep in touch.' Now, people get one call from me and then it's their turn to reach out. That's it. Maybe sounds cold, but I like myself better this way.
Another thing I would do is maintain friendships with people who I used to be close to but who have embraced horrible political views. I would keep in touch to argue with them, most of the time buzzed or drunk. Now I let them go. I'm not wasting energy trying convince fascists to change their ways.
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u/Clean_New_Adventure 251 days Jun 03 '25
I also observed myself slipping into being someone I didn't like: I was constantly complaining and blaming others, and I was so, so tired. I'm recovering myself.
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u/Ok-Potato-4758 Jun 03 '25
I can relate to this description. I didn't like myself when I've drank - just leting the time pass by,Ā surrounded with numerous empty cans and always blaming others for my misery.Ā
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u/Pbio_1 Jun 03 '25
I think Allen Carr brought this up, so maybe I'm stealing it. But I try to think of my teenage self before drinking. I never even thought of alcohol. I enjoyed so many moments and memories. All throughout high school I attended events without alcohol and had fun. I was a dorky but fun loving kid. I LOVED music. I still do, but think alcohiol makes it better (which it doesn't). I loved going to concerts, playing several instruments, and just jamming all night. I was loving, patient, and accepting. Alcohol makes me angry, impatient, and selfish.
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u/ManagementNo7306 109 days Jun 04 '25
I feel like it hijacks my brain and keeps me from doing the things I actually want to do and being the person I can be. Every aspect of life is impacted - health relationships, work, passions, finances, and safety are all at potential risk and could come crashing down at any moment. It's time to step it up several notches. I only wish I could have had this resolve many years ago and avoided so many unnecessary problems. IWNDTWY or alone or in another situation . Peace Out! š
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u/meadowlakeschool 183 days Jun 04 '25
It relieves the shame I had. If I go to bed early itās because I was tired. If I forget something itās because I just forgot. If some task doesnāt get done today, itās because I ran out of time it or it can wait. I still have the voice in my head that I should do everything right but I tell myself that itās ok to make a mistake.
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u/PearExternal3059 58 days Jun 03 '25
I've got a fair way to go to be who i want to be! But I still see the glimmers of me that i hoped to not lose when i stopped drinking.
I love the ridiculous, and drinky-me had such fun conversations with friends and family while catching up over a wine or eight. I was expecting sober-me to struggle with embracing the silly, and for a few weeks I did. But now? Not at all!
My overall mood is more even. I'm more refreshed in the morning and that has changed so much about my day. I remember plans made. I'm waaaaay less procrastinatey than I used to be but that's definitely a work in progress.
I'm ever so slightly less fat.
It feels in these early days that I'm in the process of ditching the bits I didn't like, and I'm amplifying the bits I did like.
Self-esteem has a long way to go, and I need to figure out my hobbies now that drinking isn't one of them, but that's okay! I have time.