r/stopdrinking • u/soberingthought 2283 days • Jul 22 '25
'Tude 'Tude Talk Tuesday for July 22, 2025
Hello, fellow Sobernauts!
Welcome to 'Tude Talk Tuesday, where you're invited to share what changes you've noticed in your attitudes and perspectives since you've gotten sober.
I once heard someone say "What I really wanted to feel was safe and share my drinking woes" and that resonated with me.
As my drinking grew further and further out of control, I felt so scared and alone and broken and I didn't know what was wrong with me.
When I finally decided to get sober, /r/stopdrinking was the first community I found where people talked about drinking the way I understood drinking. They shared their pain and success so openly and vulnerably. I felt save for the first time in a long time.
So how about you? What where you wanting when you first started getting sober?
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u/solstice_moonling 58 days Jul 22 '25
Well, I’m about a week in. I’m more of… a few times a month event binge drinker and I use other substances a few times a year too at raves and parties. But I’m wanting full sobriety from everything.
I’ve been using Reddit to search for all kinds of things related to fomo and missing out. Can I still rave without drugs and alcohol? Is it okay that I’ll likely get tired early and won’t be able to stay up late? Will I still be fun at parties or will I be lame? How can I still be fun? Will people stop inviting me out? Do I actually even want to still party? Are there celebs who don’t drink or do drugs? I think I’m looking for reassurance that quitting won’t turn me into an older more boring shell of myself. But also, I am nearly 38 and like early bed times and waking up early. Why am I afraid of that? Maybe my priorities are changing and fomo is getting in the way of that. I don’t know how else to have fun. How I feel is confusing and I’m here searching for answers.
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u/Electrical-Gold-3277 Jul 24 '25
Me too and I'm just being patient a while as we go through this and find the new fun. I'm a newbie too but go all out for your goal. Maybe it's a great thing exploring the new world of emotions and managing them without alcohol? You're the only thing that matters....let go the past, it's gone.
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u/shellys-dollhouse 71 days Jul 22 '25
for a long time, i don’t think i wanted to be sober. i’d come here, i’d try AA (i even had a sponsor at one point 😵💫), but if my friends invited me out or offered me their drink, there was no way i was declining. i interpreted strangers offering me their drugs or alcohol as proof i was ‘good enough’, or worthy of generosity or kindness. i never told my friends i wanted to be sober, i think maybe because i didn’t want to be sober. i wanted to be ‘normal’ — someone who could drink without shame, could moderate or control their drinking, who didn’t roll the dice each drink that i would trigger an alcohol-induced psychosis. i was scared of becoming boring or unlikeable due to my sobriety, i was scared of losing my social lubricant (as someone with autism) that allowed me to be outgoing & digestible to strangers i’d meet. my first attempt at sobriety in 2020 was for an ex that i desperately wanted to get back by going sober. it wasn’t for me in the slightest. i wanted to be ‘inspiring’, not healthy or recovering.
this time around, i am finally feeling a little excited at the idea of not drinking. i’m a lot more conscious on how alcohol has been physiologically damaging. i can see how harmful it is to the way i view myself & the person it turns me into. it’s destroyed my skin, hair, physique, confidence, social skills, so on. it’s easier this time, too, because my substance abuse burned most of my bridges — no need to worry about friends who invite me out for drinks or how to break my sobriety to them, because those friends couldn’t handle my drinking & already left. i was rabid. i don’t blame them.
i still am terrified & ashamed / guilty of my behaviour when i was in the throes of substance abuse; & i am still horrified at the idea of being far more boring or unlikeable as a 23 year old sober person. i got a cryptic message from an old friend who i haven’t spoken to in like, four years (the last time we spoke being a night i got way too drunk & nearly choked on my own vomit lol), saying he wished we could’ve worked through things. & i’ve ghosted him! not because he’s a bad person because he isn’t at all, but because i am so afraid of being such a totally different person to the one he remembers me as. i’m worried he’s referring to something we talked about i have no memory of, i’m ashamed if i’ve potentially forgotten something that’s stayed in his head for years. i don’t mask nearly as often as i once did; i am more anxious, more antisocial & awkward, & my interests have evolved to atypical shit for someone my age, like birdwatching & seashell collecting & junk journaling & doing crosswords. i’m objectively less attractive these days — & that shit affects me & my anxiety more than i feel comfortable admitting to.
i hate that everyone in this small town are all interconnected with each other; i hate that most people my age know me or at least of me, & i hate that it’s so different compared to who i might be when i allow myself authenticity or growth. i imagine that my ugliness is a sign of how horrible i am, & old mates will see it that way, too. i fantasise about moving interstate where nobody has preconceived notions of me — the deeply traumatised, severely unsupported kid i was, who desperately needed to be loved by everyone at the cost of sincerity or self-love, who was used & taken advantage & justified it because somebody wanted me enough to treat me that way — & i can grow into a brand new person surrounded by brand new people, unshackled by places that haunt me & people i’m terrified of running into; but i struggle with understanding the difference between moving forward & running away.
that’s my ramble for the day over lol. i’m glad i’m in therapy & glad i’m finally accepting i could live a life without substance abuse. i do wish i could leave this town, though, at least for a few years until i’m more at peace with the person i was & could be.
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u/tttwee-in00 186 days Jul 22 '25
I just wanted to feel better. I wanted to be able to put brainpower into other areas of life. I felt how small alcohol was making my life and I was not enjoying it anymore. Everything sucked. So getting sober has unsucked everything and now life is getting normal.
2
u/KnotGardens Jul 22 '25
Fear of death and not being around for my family was what got me thinking about sobriety.
After attempts, something stuck and I managed 2 years 10 months. Then I reverted back to old behaviours by allowing alcohol back into my life. It’s been 9 months and I keep on trying and trying.
This is a new username. New start, or so i thought.
It’s all part of a longer process and journey. No quick fix … now I’ve learnt the lesson of complacency.
Maybe it’s something I’ll never conquer but at least I keep on trying and playing around trying to find a new hook in to some notches under my belt. I feel if I can get a month in I’d settle myself in.
My new potential hook came yesterday from Homer’s check-in - I smile and laugh more sober.
When you know, you know.
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u/Worldly_Reindeer_556 68 days Jul 22 '25
48 days, brief relapse, 19 days. about 10 days of alcohol since late April. I am less moody, less on edge for sure. I feel like my sense of humour is returning. I want to be able to help others. Small problems I just want to get them done rather than getting pissed off. My dog barking in the house isnt bothering me anymore. Hes a good dog.....IWNDWYT
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u/supremeshe 54 days Jul 22 '25
I finished a website I've been working on for over a year in 4 days of being sober.
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u/WindshipPirate 49 days Jul 22 '25
As a day one-er, I have hope for the future because I'm overdue and ready to make this decision to stop. While drinking, I'm fake happy -- but depressed and pessimistic when I'm not. I hear it takes up to a year for heavy drinkers' brains to recover from their daily abuse... So I'm ready to have a better attitude and outlook on life.
1
u/Visual-Wish-6317 121 days Jul 22 '25
I wanted to feel proud of myself again. I may not have did or said the wrong thing every time I drank, but I hated the feeling of embarrassment, regret, and self loathing after a bad night of drinking. I had to do it for my self worth. Now I still don’t drink for that, but also for my health. I’m tired of treating my brain and liver like garbage. These are precious organs I need for many more years! IWNDWYT.
2
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u/SavvyUnicorn11 Jul 24 '25
May be silly but I was/am wanting some small victory to hold on to that I can achieve in a short period. A month seems very difficult right now (only just finished day 2)… just hoping if I can make it longer that something will stand out enough to help me keep going. Like sleep quality, energy, less guilt or self loathing for my bad decisions (ie. a bottle of wine a night).
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u/Electrical-Gold-3277 Jul 24 '25
Well done! I'm about the same stage as you. My victory this morning was that I looked in the bathroom mirror and saw something different.....someone that was happier (not euphoric) than I'd been for a long time. May all your wishes come true.
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u/Regular_Amphibian_54 82 days Jul 22 '25
Just over a month in. My body and brain are doing some serious cleanup/maintenance. Trying to kick vaping too. Need to be healthier for myself and my son. He needs me right now