r/technology • u/Choobeen • 6h ago

Society Research shows the 'compliment sandwich' is no longer effective - University of Western Ontario

https://phys.org/news/2025-08-compliment-sandwich-longer-effective.html
314 Upvotes

96% Upvoted

51 comments sorted by

270

u/rerunderwear 5h ago

Was it ever?

234

u/rostron92 4h ago

Going to college for graphic design, we all would critique each other's work, and one of the requirements was to come up with at least one nice thing to say. And it was always the least helpful or least genuine thing said during a critique.

188

u/faaded 4h ago

“I liked the colour schemes, the parts about bringing Fascism back though I would definitely dial down”

57

u/AxelNotRose 3h ago

You forgot to close the sandwich.

56

u/vote4boat 3h ago

Millennial toast

17

u/BurningPenguin 3h ago

But where's the avocado?

9

u/faaded 3h ago

It’s just open faced

1

u/cez801 9m ago

Least helpful is probably true.

Least geniue is probably not ( I am pretty sure that someone looking at your design did not hate everything about it - meaning that the nice thing would have most likely been true ).

I am not a designer, but did do software product management for a while. I used frame it with users as ‘while compliments are nice, things you don’t like are something I can do something about. So I’d prefer to hear about the annoying parts of the software’

60

u/Zomunieo 3h ago

🍞That’s an excellent question, rerunderwear.

🥓The answer is no.

🍞Thank you for your inquiry, rerunderwear. Your thirst for knowledge is inspiring.

23

u/0ttr 3h ago

People can tell when you are not sincere. That's what matters, IMO.

5

u/Krags 1h ago

It helps me. I easily experience rejection sensitive dysphoria, so I need this stuff as a reassurance.

I think there's a large minority of people like me.

49

u/AysheDaArtist 5h ago

It is time for the feats of strength 

18

u/ilikecams 4h ago

I got a lot of problems with you people, now you’re gonna hear about it!

-3

u/TheCatDeedEet 4h ago

I will only accept the teats of strength.

89

u/TheBurgareanSlapper 5h ago

The Compliment Chilupa is where it’s at.

14

u/mrpoopistan 5h ago

I'm more of a large and cheesy compliment enchilada type.

9

u/merRedditor 2h ago

Compliment baklava, with layer upon layer of crispy insults drenched in smooth and savory melted compliments.

7

u/BankshotMcG 4h ago

It's a hot August, so I'm more in the mood for Obsequiouspacho.

5

u/FlametopFred 2h ago

if it comes with truth croutons, I’m down

130

u/Berova 5h ago

How about treating people like adults and maybe with some openness and honesty as well as a measure of consideration and respect for a change? Just come from a constructive place. Empty platitudes ring pretty hollow.

37

u/GregTheMad 1h ago

Being treated as an adult requires that you can handle feedback like an adult, which a lot of people over 18 can not.

If I had an euro for every time a person I've met immediately took negative feedback personally I could eat out way more.

3

u/TheLifelessOne 54m ago

I feel like if you're too delicate to take feedback, you shouldn't be working.

Like, I understand that we need to work to live and that every adult in your life has failed to prepare you, but at some point you need to understand that you're an adult and you'll be treated like an adult.

-13

u/Specialist_Ad9073 52m ago

Your wife charges you?

Most women are happy to let a dude do it for free.

No wonder you’re upset.

8

u/seramasumi 1h ago

You'd be surprised how many adults really hate being treat like adults. Not Disagreeing with you but I manage a good amount of staff and often I'm told performance reviews are too cold and discouraging, so I gotta make some sandwiches to keep morale up.

Idk how this study was conducted but like many things that aren't generally useful in broad applications, somethings have a time and a place for best use. This principles time and place is usually tied to individuals.

4

u/KyleJayyy 55m ago

That's what I was taught when I was becoming a manager. Just be direct and tell people how to improve without being a jerk. Forcing compliments with complaints teaches that you only compliment when complaining, and that sucks.

5

u/thatmattschultz 1h ago

Exactly, be honest with people and don’t be an asshole, it’s not complicated.

2

u/FlametopFred 2h ago

yeah that is the better way all around. Decent. Direct. Two way collaborative conversations.

Anything else is toxic and damaging to everyone and the entire process.

-2

u/GamingWithBilly 2h ago

I like your comment but hate it's on Reddit

108

u/Jack_Spatchcock_MLKS 5h ago edited 3h ago

In the Canadian Armed Forces, we were given the literal opposite: the shit sandwich.

TL;DR - Basically, it means chew out the soldier for whatever he or she did, give them 5-8 seconds to "explain/apologize/whatever", then finish with another chew out.

That middle part is crucial; just being allowed some kind of retort or reply psychologically let's the person know on some weird level that "they've at least had a chance to be heard".

It works in my experience, as both the guy getting yelled at, as well as the guy doing the yelling.

15

u/FlametopFred 2h ago

ahh I see you’ve met my ex

you wouldn’t happen to have seen my esteem anywhere, would you? Might’ve been on the lawn

5

u/WatchOutIGotYou 2h ago

Shit ... I ate it. It was in the fridge, and there wasn't a label or anything, and it was getting late. My bad. Can I pay you back with a Crunchwrap Supreme?

2

u/cire1184 1h ago

Crunchwrap Supreme much better than self-esteem

5

u/Jack_Spatchcock_MLKS 2h ago

Oddly enough, I did date a chick from Western Uni, many years ago~

22

u/toukakouken 4h ago

These aren't physical laws. The receiver also has understood the sandwich technique. Once that recognition is there, he proceeds to ignore the bread. So, he can take offense at the criticism.

9

u/BuriedStPatrick 2h ago

I played in a band once where the drummer would just be brutally honest. I had written a riff I thought was okay and he'd just say "I think it sucks" or something to that effect.

In the beginning it does feel completely uncalled for. But later in life I've come to appreciate that kind of honesty. I've never had someone say it like that since then. Not saying this is an appropriate tone to deliver feedback, and it's not super constructive. But I do miss the clarity it offered.

27

u/Phssthp0kThePak 4h ago

Managers that need to resort to tactics like this for what should be normal conversations are completely transparent. People know when they are being manipulated by flattery.

6

u/My_alias_is_too_lon 3h ago

I'm not totally sure it's ever been effective... Doesn't matter how it's presented, most people don't like to be told they're doing something wrong.

3

u/yureiwatch 4h ago

I really enjoyed my ham sandwich with exception to the rotting ham in it.

6

u/Euphoric-Usual-5169 5h ago

Nobody likes a shit sandwich

3

u/JupiterandMars1 2h ago

This article has a strong point. It could do with tightening up in areas, but overall it’s a good read.

1

u/grippysockgang 2h ago

I learned that term from a teacher named Ms Ruben, lol. (True story)

1

u/im-ba 48m ago

I never do the sandwich thing.

Instead, I rephrase my criticism as a question. This gives the subject of my criticism a chance to correct me without feeling attacked or defensive.

Sometimes my criticism is invalid, so phrasing it as a question gives me an out as well. "Maybe I'm just stupid" is a real possibility here. I'm nothing more than thinking meat, after all.

1

u/strawgerine 33m ago

Well it’s usually what’s between the sandwich that decides if it’s an edible sandwich or not. A shit sandwich with amazing buns still tastes like shit.

-1

u/EntropyFighter 2h ago

The new way is the ChatGPT way that South Park made fun of, right?