r/technology • u/Choobeen • 9h ago

Society Research shows the 'compliment sandwich' is no longer effective - University of Western Ontario

https://phys.org/news/2025-08-compliment-sandwich-longer-effective.html
1.1k Upvotes

96% Upvoted

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291

u/Berova 9h ago

How about treating people like adults and maybe with some openness and honesty as well as a measure of consideration and respect for a change? Just come from a constructive place. Empty platitudes ring pretty hollow.

184

u/GregTheMad 4h ago

Being treated as an adult requires that you can handle feedback like an adult, which a lot of people over 18 can not.

If I had an euro for every time a person I've met immediately took negative feedback personally I could eat out way more.

7

u/TheLifelessOne 4h ago

I feel like if you're too delicate to take feedback, you shouldn't be working.

Like, I understand that we need to work to live and that every adult in your life has failed to prepare you, but at some point you need to understand that you're an adult and you'll be treated like an adult.

41

u/lordaloa 2h ago

Tbf the line between constructive feedback and being a dick thinking your own opinion is gospel is very thin. That is why the way one words his critique and feedback is the most important aspect of this exchange.

5

u/TheLifelessOne 2h ago

I don't disagree.

10

u/pm_dad_jokes69 2h ago

As an older millennial, I hate being all “kids these days!”, but holy moly some of the younger gen is super sensitive. A while back I was on a work trip to Vegas (ugh) and everyone was going out to a hosted party that night. I stayed back in my room to finish work that I was told was urgent and needed to be in my first thing in the morning for publication. Ok, fine, I can take one for the team and work and not go out w everyone. But what happens after I bust my butt all night? My project gets sat on for like 3 days before they do anything with it, proving that I didn’t have to skip the fun night out. I got annoyed and said in an annoyed tone, “if I’m asked to stay late for an urgent project, I expect that project to be taken care of immediately when I hand it in”, this being said to a co-worker who was responsible for it once I handed it off (and happens to be about 10 years my junior). The next day, I went to their office to talk about how we can better work together, and I apologized for getting upset. Their response was “yeah, that was pretty harsh!” This is a long way of me thinking “holy crap, you’re soft”. Me being angry and expressing why I’m angry without screaming, profanity, or threats is “pretty harsh”? Really? Toughen up, buttercup

3

u/EconomicRegret 47m ago

LMAO

Grew up in a super blunt and open culture. So when I moved to a super polite country, basically Canadians100 , I didn't notice their subtle criticism, invitations, ask for help, nor polite, non-genuine smiles for a long time. I thought everyone was so sweet and friendly. I even took as a win their sandwiched criticism layered with tons of fake appeasing smiles.

God! People must have thought I was a mentally deficient douchebag!

2

u/Wizzle-Stick 29m ago

the funny part about this is the fact that they dont address the irresponsible behavior. they are so focused on you making them feel small and trying to say you did wrong that they completely gloss over the feeling that they didnt take you serious. ive had this conversation far too many times in my career, so i have learned to turn it back onto them. "but what about me" makes HR shrink, especially when you are in the right.

2

u/ak_sys 1h ago

Sounds like you would be a horrible boss.

These are tools to get the most out of your subordinates, and just saying "well they should be able to handle criticism better" does not get you better results (even if it may be true).

1

u/EconomicRegret 1h ago

This!

Also, it doesn't necessarily mean you're an "adult" just because you've been alive for over 2 decades, nor that you and/or your caregivers failed. Many things (but not all) that can negatively affect your brain and personality are out of your control (e.g. psychological trauma, head injury, genes, and other health issues; badly managed company; etc.)

That's why people should talk with care to each other and adapt their criticism within reason to the person they're interacting with. If it doesn't work, better fire the employee than unleash your frustration and harsh criticism on them.

-1

u/braiam 40m ago

Wow, there are many people that think that people can't take feedback. The problem is that feedback often sucks. It criticizes something that doesn't matter or shouldn't matter. The receiving part is like "why the heck is this important?" and when asked it's often met with the "I just don't like it".

1

u/GregTheMad 12m ago

Both can be true.

-25

u/Specialist_Ad9073 4h ago

Your wife charges you?

Most women are happy to let a dude do it for free.

No wonder you’re upset.

2

u/Waterfish3333 1h ago

I thought it was funny and gave you an upvote. I think the sub you’re on might be an issue when trying to make an oral sex joke unfortunately.

-2

u/Hackwork89 2h ago

People still think "hurr durr wife sandwich make" is funny? Wow.

4

u/stierney49 2h ago

I think they were implying that the person’s wife charges them to “eat out” wink wink

1

u/Hackwork89 2h ago

Ah, hilarious.

1

u/Specialist_Ad9073 2h ago

What does sex have to do with the drivel you just spouted?

Or do people not know “eating out” is a euphemism for oral sex?

Y’all are weird.

1

u/your-favorite-simp 1h ago

Quite literally has nothing to do with "making a sandwich" The joke is about "eating out"

Youre trying so hard to see sexism in places it doesnt exist that youve become a caricature of yourself.