r/teenagers • u/personthatisapersons 17 • 2d ago

Advice My mother keeps insisting I wear this hoodie, cause she bought it

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I can't stand it, partially because it had something to do with a baby shower which was before I was born anyway

But mostly because it's AI slop, probably made in a sweatshop, and it's not even that warm or comfortable

Any reason I give is instantly shut down, per usual

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u/personthatisapersons 17 2d ago

That's what everyone keeps telling me but with my mother it's harder than I thought, every year since I was 14 I thought it'd be like "Yeah I'm closer to an adult now I'll be able to stick up for myself" But with her it feels very impossible to just tell her no, I've even told her it's AI and the response was basically "So?"

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u/oceanicwave9788 13 2d ago

it is easier said then done maybe I recommend not wearing it at all and if she brings it up say something like it's uncomfortable or another point.

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u/personthatisapersons 17 2d ago

I tried to bring up that I had a warmer one, which I do, and is significantly more comfortable, but "Since I bought it you're gonna wear it" whenever she says that I really don't know what to say back, I could think of all the things I want to say but just bite my tongue and go quiet

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u/oceanicwave9788 13 2d ago

tell her "you bought it so you wear it" then just give it to her. Or you could just bin it or 'magically' lose it.

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u/personthatisapersons 17 2d ago

I know that if I did either of those things I'd be skinned alive, when I would lose things like a water bottle as a 3rd grader I'd get screamed at and berated for hours, and any back talk, attitude etc is also reason for hours of beratement and punishment.

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u/Ok_Prior_4574 2d ago

This was exactly my experience coming up. I've learned that, no matter how reasonable your argument, you will never convince them because their mind is closed. You can't control what they say, do, or demand. All you can control is your reaction and your choices. On this, you can be unwavering, if you choose.

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u/personthatisapersons 17 2d ago

I try my best to just stay quiet when it happens, so many times do I think I have a point and I just keep it to myself, some other user asked about "physical strength" which I mentioned the scuttle we got in, she layed her hands on me and got mad at me for defending myself, which has happened multiple times before, not often but 5-6 times.

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u/Historical-Gap-7084 2d ago

I know this is a sub for teens, but it came across my feed.

I'm a mom myself, and what your mom is doing is abusive. I'm so sorry. Talk to a trusted adult, possibly a school counselor or teacher, if you can.

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u/Due-Independent-7565 2d ago

You can tell her, your "bully" destroyed it when he made fun of you having it on. And you can throw it away.

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u/Cookie_hawk 2d ago

So that sounds like abuse. Threaten to call police, not over the hoodie, but over the fact she chose violence and the fact she sounds narcissistic

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u/personthatisapersons 17 2d ago

Weird thing was she threatened to call the cops on me last time...is that okay? She came onto me first, I only yelled a bit cause I was getting upset and she started attacking me

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u/Cookie_hawk 2d ago

She is trying to scare you with the police. She knows what she is doing is wrong

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u/Cookie_hawk 2d ago

Record her. She puts her hands on you, she will be the one in trouble no matter what

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u/toweljuice 1d ago

Shes abusive...try recording as much of these interactions as you can.. Shes intimidatingbyoi with the cops but they would go after her if anything.

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u/oceanicwave9788 13 2d ago

maybe act like you never had it in the first place?

My tiny ass brain is running out of ideas rn

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u/personthatisapersons 17 2d ago

Don't worry, talking about it is helping, as for that I've tried, hid it in a drawer, and she kept bringing it up, cause to her its about the baby shower she had, and some costume I was made to wear as a 1 year old. She persistantly asked about "the monkey hoodie" and for a period she wouldn't let me wash clothes until I wore the hoodie

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u/Kush_the_Ninja 2d ago

Wear it once to school and then come back and say everyone made fun of you for it

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u/Fit-Director-4715 2d ago

This is actually psychotic, I'm sorry. Atp I would cut it into tiny pieces and sprinkle it over her bed like confetti. How are you putting up with this? I'm so so sorry.

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u/personthatisapersons 17 2d ago

And that's the weird part, I kind of tried to ignore this until today when I just felt a bit fed up about it and wanted to see what others thought, I thought it might've just been a normal thing or something

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u/Fit-Director-4715 2d ago

No its not normal. I'm so glad you posted this. I would hate for you to think this treatment is ok and let more people in your future do this sort of thing to you. You're probably a really good kid and shes taken advantage of that.

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u/oceanicwave9788 13 2d ago

Maybe ask for a substitute to that one like one less- like that?

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u/personthatisapersons 17 2d ago

She likes it too much...I had to point out it's AI, she keeps buying stuff from temu or whatever cause it's cheap, I have other hoodies from that godforsaken company and they're horrible, uncomfortable, and they have this weird material that will wick any sort of sweat.

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u/Patient-Ad-4274 OLD 2d ago

As someone whose mom also used to do the same (mostly guilt-tripping though), I'm not sure if there is a peaceful, guaranteed way to resolve it. She, in fact, can't make you wear clothes you don't like, but I don't think it's possible for you to change her views, so there could be either a groundbreaking, eye-opening confrontation or just a slow pace of finding some middle ground.

And for everyone who is saying "you're practically an adult" - you can be a 40-year-old manchild and still depend on your parents. It's not always about the actual age but what age you are perceived by your mom and your sort of a status. usually adult=freedom=responsibilities, and many don't see their child as an adult as long as they don't act like one

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u/Blepikko 2d ago

I hear you. I’m 19 and my mother is the exact same way, and if you say you don’t like it she acts like you just shot her. I’d wear it out and then take it off when you leave and bring a back up, then just put it back on before you get home. Or tell her that you were made fun of for wearing it, and you’re embarrassed. If that doesn’t work, I’d honestly just throw it out and tell her someone at school stole it/ you lost it.

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u/J_lio719 2d ago

What I'm about to say it's very malicious, but could work.

Try to get your mom banned from Temu by creating multiple accounts from the same network or device and using them to buy things with the new account offers.

It might not work 100%, but at least could make your mother won't buy you more dirt clothes or garbage items.

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u/gr33nnight 2d ago

Tell her that people at school said it was racist and you’re afraid of violence if you keep wearing it.

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u/whatvlone 2d ago

Maybe find a good YouTube video exposing the bad sides of buying off temu and wish. May or may not help

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u/DressOwn2877 2d ago

you need to learn to stand up for yourself, tell her to stop wasting her money, and stop letting her train you to be a (future) doormat.

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u/Krasna_Strelka 1d ago

Yeah they are made with mostly polyester. Unfortunately women are used to it bc our clothes are produced mostly with it. It's hard to find women clothes with natural fibers (that's why I decided to start making my own) as shops in girls sections are swarmed with plastic outfits. They even advertise them as natural often to deceive the buyer and then you look on the tag and it's plastic... So meh, unfortunately girls got so used to it that we forgot better clothes are available (well for us not so much available. You need to put a good work to find them).

Anyway, I really hope you'll be able to solve this matter, and after adulthood get into more safer and positive surrounding then your mother

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u/ladyofthesunray 2d ago

You could always just wear it around her every once in a while .. just long enough to make her think you started wearing it. You could even put it on just before leaving the house and then take it off and put it back on when getting home. It sounds like it's sentimental to her.. obviously it's not to you and you don't like it. But if like you said that just telling her no or you don't like it won't work.. then I think the only solution is to make her think you actually wear it and don't mind it. You just have to be clever about making it seem like you actually wear it out and about

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u/SuperPlays123 2d ago

how can she… not let you wash clothes? how could (or did) she stop you?

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u/personthatisapersons 17 2d ago

If I get clothes ready she'll just make me stop basically.

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u/SuperPlays123 2d ago

how? does she block the machine? threats? something else?

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u/Average_gamer1234 2d ago

Try washing it if u do it might shrink and then u can tell her its too small

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u/Krasna_Strelka 1d ago

It's made of plastic it won't shrink.

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u/mycatissenorfloof19 16 2d ago

That last bit what the hell she wouldn’t let you wear other stuff that’s insane

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u/hoom4n66 2d ago

Keep a hidden spare shirt/hoodie in your bag and change as soon as you get to school?

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u/HeavyStinkFinger 2d ago

Makes total sense then as to why you have reservations about expressing something as simple as a clothing preference to your mom. I’m sorry this has been your world. I hope if you are able to, that you talk to a professional and work through this. Took me almost 30 years to identify and work through parental trauma, if you are able to start now you will have a good head start.

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u/Fanatic_Atheist 18 2d ago

Tell her to fuck off. Straight to the face.

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u/personthatisapersons 17 2d ago

Only if you'll come to my funeral 😭

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u/90sGabber 10h ago

i think we could get the whole comments section there without much trouble, to be honest

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u/Flimsy-Plate7426 1d ago

Sounds like you need to get a roommate and leave ASAP man. I know that's a rough road but she's abusive and you don't deserve that shit. When she tells you to "just wear it" tell her you will wear the sweater when she goes to therapy.

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u/Jessica_Iowa 1d ago

Hey, as a former teenager who survived a home very similar to yours I just wanted to reassure you your Mom’s behavior isn’t normal & her behavior is in fact horrible.

Just keep on keeping on, keep your head down, & start planning your escape. I’m rooting for you.

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u/not_falling_down 2d ago

wear it inside out.

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u/Krasna_Strelka 1d ago

Outside of other things that were already said in this thread, you can also try to gaslight her and tell her things "I wore it today to school" you can follow that up with describing how your classmates were laughing/mocking/disgusted by it. You can carry this in your backpack or smth, she can't really prove if you did it didn't wore that

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u/gihdor 15 2d ago

Cmon bro, you're 17, not 12. You're definitely physically stronger than your mum

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u/luci_0le 2d ago

Are you advising him to physically fight with his mother ?

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u/gihdor 15 2d ago

🤷

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u/Walker0807 2d ago

Tell me... what does that have to do with anything? Are you saying he should beat her for it?

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u/personthatisapersons 17 2d ago

We got into a scuttle before, nothing really came of it, yes I could but I don't want to be violent

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u/Glittering_knave 2d ago

Ok, so your Mom is being a terrible adult. And I feel bad for you for that. Wear the stupid thing out, change into your nicer one as soon as you are out of her sight, and then put it on again to come home. She's being stupid, you get to be sneaky. Also, wreck it, Get it super dirty, wipe your feet and pits on it so it smells and needs to be laundered. If you use skin care that has benzoyl peroxide, accidentally wipe your face on it, leaving bleach marks.

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u/personthatisapersons 17 2d ago

I'll give this a try, I have alot of skin medications and I'll check if any has that ingredient in it, Thanks

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u/Glittering_knave 2d ago

Do you have friends that wear makeup? Oh, no, they leaned their face on your shoulder, and now you need to wash it again! If a friend asked me for help becoming the dirtiest person ever, each time they brought out that stupid shirt, I would 100% help. In fact, I would "get cold" and borrow it and never give it back.

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u/Wombatseller 2d ago

I meant w friend

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u/MaxTheRealSlayer 2d ago edited 2d ago

May I suggest just asking to go shopping with your mom whenever you need new clothes?

Then if it's Christmas or whatever and she wants to gift clothing, she will know your exact preferred style.

Also, for this specific shirt: point out that Mr grumpy monkey has 6 fingers on each hand... And... The toes, idk what's going on there. It's certainly AI made, then printed on cheaper textiles.

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u/personthatisapersons 17 2d ago

Everyonce in a while I can get something I really like usually a band t-shirt or something, although most of the time when we're shopping I really have no control, she sometimes orders me stuff (like the hoodie) and I have no knowledge of it until it gets here, and I'm basically forced to wear it because she payed for it

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u/luvJuuzou 17 2d ago

She can't make you put on a shirt. If she gets pissy over it, it's her problem not yours

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u/Be_The_End 2d ago

You don't "say" anything apart from "I'm not wearing it." And then you don't put it on.

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u/Redditor28371 2d ago

"No thanks!"

Maybe followed with an "I do appreciate the thought, but I feel really uncomfortable being told what to wear" if she insists.

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u/SenpaiKiseki OLD 2d ago

Buy her a very explicit hoodie and tell her SHE has to wear it. Either that or make HER wear the hoodie since SHE bought it.

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u/Astralcloroxcat 12h ago

“Since you gave this item to me it’s now under my ownership and if I don’t want to wear it I’m not. You can either attempt to sell this shirt since you did buy it for me. Or let me throw it away.”

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u/AggravatingFee591 2d ago

As someone who grew up with a mother who had similar over controlling habits as ops mom. A simple no would mean spending weeks grounded, if she didn't like my tone maybe a night outside. Everything in my room? In a trash bag. Parents who abuse power like this will continue to do so and unless OP has somewhere else safe to go saying no might not be an option

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u/Few-Affect-6247 2d ago

You better get your head on straight when it comes to this because this won’t ever stop simply because you’re an adult in the future. If you allow her to control you she will. This is textbook controlling behavior and if you’re too afraid to stick up for yourself it’ll continue indefinitely.

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u/Krasna_Strelka 1d ago

With some parents it will continue even when you learn to stick up for yourself unfortunately. I am forced to leave town to be finally able to go no contact with mine, bc staying in the same one as them? They'll always force themselves in and try to put the blame on you.

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u/nameui 2d ago

Tell her that wearing that hoodie is basically advertising sweatshops and slavery. Its kinda true. Also, make sure she knows why ai is bad (if possible to tell her) cause she definitely doesn't understand why

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u/boundzy_ 2d ago

It took me until I was 30 to get a backbone with my mom involving myself and my own family. Trust me when I say the sooner the better.

I've lost a car because of my mom. She wasn't listening to me when I said no to things involving my daughter.

I strongly recommend being polite but stern about it.

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u/personthatisapersons 17 2d ago

Thank you, I'm really going to try, as a lot of the comments have basically been trying to get me to stand up for myself a bit more, it's just a mix of fear and genuinely hating the confrontation, I appreciate your input and I'll definitely try my best

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u/boundzy_ 2d ago

Oh I was absolutely terrified to stand up to her. It took the right support system to finally do it.

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u/Low-Couple7621 2d ago

its normal to feel fear. they are supposed to be your protector. and they know you feel fear, thats what they are counting on actually. you must be fine with feeling afraid, we all experience it. its not a reason to not stand up for yourself.

you seem quite aware of it at 17, which is a great sign. im sure youll figure it out broski

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u/Senior_Line_4260 17 2d ago

possibly try to explain to her what's bad about ai generated "art"?

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u/Comfortable_Egg8039 2d ago

Response to this So? is that it's ugly as fuck, my god this hands and feet 🤢

People will think you have zero taste, it's more than justifiable reason

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u/personthatisapersons 17 2d ago

I think I'm gonna go to Michaels or something, get some oversized white t-shirts and draw or whatever on them myself. It really is ugly...

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u/Fit-Director-4715 2d ago

Literally just dont put it on. Just say I dont want to and dont put it on. Whats she going to do, force it over your head? I'm sorry shes treating you like this and not respecting basic boundaries.

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u/Trademarked07 2d ago

As OP said, they get yelled at and physically berated for hours

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u/Fit-Director-4715 2d ago

Yeah it's ridiculous. Sounds like the mother needs therapy.

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u/Trademarked07 2d ago

And that the mother has one hell of a locked up opinion

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u/Then_Product_7152 2d ago

Yeah those comments are unrealistic. More and more people are living with their parents into their 20’s now because rent is crazy

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u/jerf42069 2d ago

you're gonna need to learn how to say no to her. It's a right of passage you need to go through before youre really an adult

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u/tessia-eralith 2d ago

Just say “it’s not my style mom. Don’t push me to change my style, or I might become cologne guy”

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u/bbqnj 2d ago

It can’t be from a baby shower from before your birth and also be AI, which one is it

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u/personthatisapersons 17 2d ago

It's not from my baby shower, it relates, was a monkey themed baby shower and I wore a costume when I was a baby

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u/Lontology 2d ago

Take it to school and “lose it” or say you lent it to a friend. Get creative and figure out a way to ditch it if you’re not up to telling her “no” yet.

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u/Conscious-Truck7959 2d ago

Throw it away. That's what I would do and then forget it ever existed

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u/PrDJeje 2d ago

So it burns, if it wants you to use it so much, then use it as fuel

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u/Distinct-Address3392 2d ago

“so? i’m not wearing it, you sure can though if you like it so much! but i’ll wear one of my own quality made hoodies thank you☺️”

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u/slkb_ 2d ago

You got 2 options. Wear it only at home to make her happy. Or wear it to school and "oops it tore to shreds when I was in p.e."

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u/Dnoxl OLD 2d ago

Yeah at 21 i still can't say no to my mom either. With her it's easier to just do than to get screamed at

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u/Particular_Gap7536 2d ago

As someone who was just randomly suggested this post, set boundaries now. She will continue to treat you like this even when you’re an adult. 😔 it’s hard rn but it’ll help you in the future

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u/IdealDesperate2732 2d ago

does she physically dress you? Just don't put it on... come on... grow the fuck up.

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u/Trademarked07 2d ago

OP says they get yelled at and physically berated for ours after simple "no's" and physical strength is not an option because of fear.

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u/LR4Eva 2d ago

It is all about control. Good luck!

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u/bonobomaster 2d ago

When you stand up for yourself, you don't discuss things. It doesn't matter if it's AI or whatever

You are confident. You communicate a fact! You don't leave room for your mom to bully you into submission.

"I'm not wearing this hoodie."

Then you follow through. No discussion, no aggression. You are cool as a cucumber.

BUT as every action, this one will have consequences as well. Be prepared. Growing up and standing up for yourself can change the mother / child dynamic quite a lot.

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u/Tadiken 2d ago

Just throw the damn thing away if she won't return it.

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u/Low-Couple7621 2d ago

shes realizing shes wont be in control soon so shes trying to establish that clearly lol. dont let her unless you want to be a door mat

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u/Nibzoned 1d ago

Buddy. Long term it's best if you just tell her no. If you know she doesnt care about your reasons then you don't have to bring them up. Remember, "No is a full sentence", and the sooner you start establishing clear boundaries with your parents the less you'll have to put up with their bullshit. Believe me, I've tried being conflict-averse with mine and all that's accomplished is they've never started treating me like an actual person.

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u/Flimsy-Plate7426 1d ago

Tell her to wear it if she loves it so much then. Say "i appreciate you getting this sweatshirt for me, it is a thoughtful gift. But it is uncomfortable and I dont like the design. Either you wear it or im taking it to goodwill". If she shuts that down, burn it.

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u/just_a_weird_girly 14 1d ago

Well, how the fuck is she going to force you to wear it? Like how is she physically going to make sure that that is on your body the whole damn day if she’s not at school with you. If she is going to use physical force to keep it on your body at home that’s crazy but then just take it off whenever you get to school and put it in your backpack.

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u/Starkfault 1d ago

You’re basically an adult. Throw it in the trash. Cut it in half.

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u/Astralcloroxcat 12h ago

“So?” And your response is “so it’s slop and I’m not wearing it. I’m sorry but no.l

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u/sorry-not-tory 2d ago

14–15-16 are children lol

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u/personthatisapersons 17 2d ago

Yeah I know, but when I was younger I'd always thought that from those ages it would be easier to stand on my own two

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u/Jvniper_kvlt 2d ago

So give her a reason. None of your reasons to not wear it will stand to scrutiny if you can’t back it up. If you tell her you don’t want to wear it because it’s ai and she says “so?” And you just shrug then you don’t have a reason to not wear it because it’s ai. Tell her you don’t ethically support ai because it tarnishes real human expression, and the companies that are responsible for Ai are morally objectionable. Come up with something. Damn bro if you’re 17 you ARE almost an adult legally. Act like it or you won’t be treated like it. If you can’t actually think about anything in depth to come up with any real answers you’re going to get walked all over, not just by your mother but by everyone.