r/teenagers • u/personthatisapersons 17 • 2d ago

Advice My mother keeps insisting I wear this hoodie, cause she bought it

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I can't stand it, partially because it had something to do with a baby shower which was before I was born anyway

But mostly because it's AI slop, probably made in a sweatshop, and it's not even that warm or comfortable

Any reason I give is instantly shut down, per usual

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u/personthatisapersons 17 2d ago

I tried to bring up that I had a warmer one, which I do, and is significantly more comfortable, but "Since I bought it you're gonna wear it" whenever she says that I really don't know what to say back, I could think of all the things I want to say but just bite my tongue and go quiet

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u/oceanicwave9788 13 2d ago

tell her "you bought it so you wear it" then just give it to her. Or you could just bin it or 'magically' lose it.

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u/personthatisapersons 17 2d ago

I know that if I did either of those things I'd be skinned alive, when I would lose things like a water bottle as a 3rd grader I'd get screamed at and berated for hours, and any back talk, attitude etc is also reason for hours of beratement and punishment.

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u/Ok_Prior_4574 2d ago

This was exactly my experience coming up. I've learned that, no matter how reasonable your argument, you will never convince them because their mind is closed. You can't control what they say, do, or demand. All you can control is your reaction and your choices. On this, you can be unwavering, if you choose.

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u/personthatisapersons 17 2d ago

I try my best to just stay quiet when it happens, so many times do I think I have a point and I just keep it to myself, some other user asked about "physical strength" which I mentioned the scuttle we got in, she layed her hands on me and got mad at me for defending myself, which has happened multiple times before, not often but 5-6 times.

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u/Historical-Gap-7084 2d ago

I know this is a sub for teens, but it came across my feed.

I'm a mom myself, and what your mom is doing is abusive. I'm so sorry. Talk to a trusted adult, possibly a school counselor or teacher, if you can.

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u/Due-Independent-7565 2d ago

You can tell her, your "bully" destroyed it when he made fun of you having it on. And you can throw it away.

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u/Cookie_hawk 2d ago

So that sounds like abuse. Threaten to call police, not over the hoodie, but over the fact she chose violence and the fact she sounds narcissistic

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u/personthatisapersons 17 2d ago

Weird thing was she threatened to call the cops on me last time...is that okay? She came onto me first, I only yelled a bit cause I was getting upset and she started attacking me

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u/Cookie_hawk 2d ago

She is trying to scare you with the police. She knows what she is doing is wrong

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u/Cookie_hawk 2d ago

Record her. She puts her hands on you, she will be the one in trouble no matter what

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u/personthatisapersons 17 2d ago

Noted, thanks

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u/Krasna_Strelka 1d ago

That. And at least in adulthood if OP will want to go no contact with her, if they'll be able to gather the evidence they can try for restraining order. Because - coming from someone growing up in such environment as OP - she most certainly WILL try to control his life still even as an adult

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u/toweljuice 1d ago

Shes abusive...try recording as much of these interactions as you can.. Shes intimidatingbyoi with the cops but they would go after her if anything.

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u/oceanicwave9788 13 2d ago

maybe act like you never had it in the first place?

My tiny ass brain is running out of ideas rn

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u/personthatisapersons 17 2d ago

Don't worry, talking about it is helping, as for that I've tried, hid it in a drawer, and she kept bringing it up, cause to her its about the baby shower she had, and some costume I was made to wear as a 1 year old. She persistantly asked about "the monkey hoodie" and for a period she wouldn't let me wash clothes until I wore the hoodie

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u/Kush_the_Ninja 2d ago

Wear it once to school and then come back and say everyone made fun of you for it

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u/Fit-Director-4715 2d ago

This is actually psychotic, I'm sorry. Atp I would cut it into tiny pieces and sprinkle it over her bed like confetti. How are you putting up with this? I'm so so sorry.

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u/personthatisapersons 17 2d ago

And that's the weird part, I kind of tried to ignore this until today when I just felt a bit fed up about it and wanted to see what others thought, I thought it might've just been a normal thing or something

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u/Fit-Director-4715 2d ago

No its not normal. I'm so glad you posted this. I would hate for you to think this treatment is ok and let more people in your future do this sort of thing to you. You're probably a really good kid and shes taken advantage of that.

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u/personthatisapersons 17 2d ago

Thank you, I really appreciate your words

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u/SadInterjection 2d ago

For her next birthday buy her something completely ridiculous to wear and make hear wear it in public, only cause you like it of course.

Buy some goth clothes or something 

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u/Jsc_TG OLD 2d ago

Sorry to jump in randomly but truly as they said, its psychotic behavior, or in my opinion more accurately its extremely narcissistic behavior.

Once you are 18 you truly have that right but even now you can absolutely put your foot down. Only issue is yes, you are still a minor and they do have power over you in some way shape or form. When she says “Well I bought it so you’re wearing it.” You can still refuse. Im sure it leads to consequence of some kind like you said such as not washing other clothes. Pro tip, learn to wash them yourself, if you can do it when she isnt around.

Honestly if you dont like it that should be it. Know you arent crazy, and if you cant manage to get through to her and shut her down, soon you will be an age where you can possibly move away and set proper boundaries. I would recommend seeking some form of counseling/therapy about healthy boundaries and relationships, normally I would say for both of you but as the kid in the situation thats very hard to make happen, easier the other way around.

I wish you the best in this.

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u/oceanicwave9788 13 2d ago

Maybe ask for a substitute to that one like one less- like that?

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u/personthatisapersons 17 2d ago

She likes it too much...I had to point out it's AI, she keeps buying stuff from temu or whatever cause it's cheap, I have other hoodies from that godforsaken company and they're horrible, uncomfortable, and they have this weird material that will wick any sort of sweat.

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u/Patient-Ad-4274 OLD 2d ago

As someone whose mom also used to do the same (mostly guilt-tripping though), I'm not sure if there is a peaceful, guaranteed way to resolve it. She, in fact, can't make you wear clothes you don't like, but I don't think it's possible for you to change her views, so there could be either a groundbreaking, eye-opening confrontation or just a slow pace of finding some middle ground.

And for everyone who is saying "you're practically an adult" - you can be a 40-year-old manchild and still depend on your parents. It's not always about the actual age but what age you are perceived by your mom and your sort of a status. usually adult=freedom=responsibilities, and many don't see their child as an adult as long as they don't act like one

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u/Blepikko 2d ago

I hear you. I’m 19 and my mother is the exact same way, and if you say you don’t like it she acts like you just shot her. I’d wear it out and then take it off when you leave and bring a back up, then just put it back on before you get home. Or tell her that you were made fun of for wearing it, and you’re embarrassed. If that doesn’t work, I’d honestly just throw it out and tell her someone at school stole it/ you lost it.

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u/J_lio719 2d ago

What I'm about to say it's very malicious, but could work.

Try to get your mom banned from Temu by creating multiple accounts from the same network or device and using them to buy things with the new account offers.

It might not work 100%, but at least could make your mother won't buy you more dirt clothes or garbage items.

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u/Krasna_Strelka 1d ago

I don't think temu would ban for any of that

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u/J_lio719 1d ago

I'm talking from experience.

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u/gr33nnight 2d ago

Tell her that people at school said it was racist and you’re afraid of violence if you keep wearing it.

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u/whatvlone 2d ago

Maybe find a good YouTube video exposing the bad sides of buying off temu and wish. May or may not help

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u/personthatisapersons 17 2d ago

I actually did a school presentation on I think it was Shein, while wearing a Shein shirt

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u/whatvlone 2d ago

That’s hilarious 😂 I’ve heard horror stories of those sites sending items with bugs in the bags

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u/DressOwn2877 2d ago

you need to learn to stand up for yourself, tell her to stop wasting her money, and stop letting her train you to be a (future) doormat.

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u/Krasna_Strelka 1d ago

Yeah they are made with mostly polyester. Unfortunately women are used to it bc our clothes are produced mostly with it. It's hard to find women clothes with natural fibers (that's why I decided to start making my own) as shops in girls sections are swarmed with plastic outfits. They even advertise them as natural often to deceive the buyer and then you look on the tag and it's plastic... So meh, unfortunately girls got so used to it that we forgot better clothes are available (well for us not so much available. You need to put a good work to find them).

Anyway, I really hope you'll be able to solve this matter, and after adulthood get into more safer and positive surrounding then your mother

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u/ladyofthesunray 2d ago

You could always just wear it around her every once in a while .. just long enough to make her think you started wearing it. You could even put it on just before leaving the house and then take it off and put it back on when getting home. It sounds like it's sentimental to her.. obviously it's not to you and you don't like it. But if like you said that just telling her no or you don't like it won't work.. then I think the only solution is to make her think you actually wear it and don't mind it. You just have to be clever about making it seem like you actually wear it out and about

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u/SuperPlays123 2d ago

how can she… not let you wash clothes? how could (or did) she stop you?

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u/personthatisapersons 17 2d ago

If I get clothes ready she'll just make me stop basically.

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u/SuperPlays123 2d ago

how? does she block the machine? threats? something else?

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u/Average_gamer1234 2d ago

Try washing it if u do it might shrink and then u can tell her its too small

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u/Krasna_Strelka 1d ago

It's made of plastic it won't shrink.

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u/mycatissenorfloof19 16 2d ago

That last bit what the hell she wouldn’t let you wear other stuff that’s insane

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u/hoom4n66 2d ago

Keep a hidden spare shirt/hoodie in your bag and change as soon as you get to school?

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u/HeavyStinkFinger 2d ago

Makes total sense then as to why you have reservations about expressing something as simple as a clothing preference to your mom. I’m sorry this has been your world. I hope if you are able to, that you talk to a professional and work through this. Took me almost 30 years to identify and work through parental trauma, if you are able to start now you will have a good head start.

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u/Fanatic_Atheist 18 2d ago

Tell her to fuck off. Straight to the face.

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u/personthatisapersons 17 2d ago

Only if you'll come to my funeral 😭

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u/90sGabber 10h ago

i think we could get the whole comments section there without much trouble, to be honest

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u/Flimsy-Plate7426 1d ago

Sounds like you need to get a roommate and leave ASAP man. I know that's a rough road but she's abusive and you don't deserve that shit. When she tells you to "just wear it" tell her you will wear the sweater when she goes to therapy.

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u/Jessica_Iowa 1d ago

Hey, as a former teenager who survived a home very similar to yours I just wanted to reassure you your Mom’s behavior isn’t normal & her behavior is in fact horrible.

Just keep on keeping on, keep your head down, & start planning your escape. I’m rooting for you.

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u/not_falling_down 2d ago

wear it inside out.

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u/Krasna_Strelka 1d ago

Outside of other things that were already said in this thread, you can also try to gaslight her and tell her things "I wore it today to school" you can follow that up with describing how your classmates were laughing/mocking/disgusted by it. You can carry this in your backpack or smth, she can't really prove if you did it didn't wore that

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u/gihdor 15 2d ago

Cmon bro, you're 17, not 12. You're definitely physically stronger than your mum

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u/luci_0le 2d ago

Are you advising him to physically fight with his mother ?

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u/gihdor 15 2d ago

🤷

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u/Walker0807 2d ago

Tell me... what does that have to do with anything? Are you saying he should beat her for it?

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u/personthatisapersons 17 2d ago

We got into a scuttle before, nothing really came of it, yes I could but I don't want to be violent

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u/Glittering_knave 2d ago

Ok, so your Mom is being a terrible adult. And I feel bad for you for that. Wear the stupid thing out, change into your nicer one as soon as you are out of her sight, and then put it on again to come home. She's being stupid, you get to be sneaky. Also, wreck it, Get it super dirty, wipe your feet and pits on it so it smells and needs to be laundered. If you use skin care that has benzoyl peroxide, accidentally wipe your face on it, leaving bleach marks.

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u/personthatisapersons 17 2d ago

I'll give this a try, I have alot of skin medications and I'll check if any has that ingredient in it, Thanks

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u/Glittering_knave 2d ago

Do you have friends that wear makeup? Oh, no, they leaned their face on your shoulder, and now you need to wash it again! If a friend asked me for help becoming the dirtiest person ever, each time they brought out that stupid shirt, I would 100% help. In fact, I would "get cold" and borrow it and never give it back.

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u/Wombatseller 2d ago

I meant w friend

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u/MaxTheRealSlayer 2d ago edited 2d ago

May I suggest just asking to go shopping with your mom whenever you need new clothes?

Then if it's Christmas or whatever and she wants to gift clothing, she will know your exact preferred style.

Also, for this specific shirt: point out that Mr grumpy monkey has 6 fingers on each hand... And... The toes, idk what's going on there. It's certainly AI made, then printed on cheaper textiles.

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u/personthatisapersons 17 2d ago

Everyonce in a while I can get something I really like usually a band t-shirt or something, although most of the time when we're shopping I really have no control, she sometimes orders me stuff (like the hoodie) and I have no knowledge of it until it gets here, and I'm basically forced to wear it because she payed for it

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u/luvJuuzou 17 2d ago

She can't make you put on a shirt. If she gets pissy over it, it's her problem not yours

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u/Be_The_End 2d ago

You don't "say" anything apart from "I'm not wearing it." And then you don't put it on.

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u/Redditor28371 2d ago

"No thanks!"

Maybe followed with an "I do appreciate the thought, but I feel really uncomfortable being told what to wear" if she insists.

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u/SenpaiKiseki OLD 2d ago

Buy her a very explicit hoodie and tell her SHE has to wear it. Either that or make HER wear the hoodie since SHE bought it.

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u/Astralcloroxcat 12h ago

“Since you gave this item to me it’s now under my ownership and if I don’t want to wear it I’m not. You can either attempt to sell this shirt since you did buy it for me. Or let me throw it away.”