r/teenagers • u/Mean-Wishbone-8635 14 • 1d ago
Serious My girlfriend told me she’d kill herself if I ever left her. What do I do.
I am 14M my girlfriend is 14f and we have been together for almost a year (10 months) and the past few months she’s barely spoken to me, she is scared to tell me things again, I have made sure to make her comfortable with coming to me. I went into this relationship trying to help her and heal her and care for her and try to provide some stability in her life. Nearing the middle of the relationship she felt so empty and wanted to kill herself and I was there for her through all of it. I have given her literally every part of me I don’t have anything left to give. We just sit on FaceTime in silence. She is the reason I get up in the morning I don’t have anything else to live for. And the past few months I’ve felt like shit and debated killing myself and I tried to talk to her and she just changed the subject or laughed about something I said. She always has Flamingo on in the background and she’ll just say “I’m sorry, but flamingo just said: insert some bullshit here” when I try to talk to her, she lives in an abusive household, her mom is barely home and treats her like shit, and her dad died when she was 6 and he treated her like shit too. That is why I tried to provide stability in her life. She doesn’t have anyone to rely on. Whenever I say I want to kill myself she gets mad at me and I get her to yell at me on purpose to remind myself someone cares. I am a fan of Eminem and never thought I’d ever relate to his song “Stan” but I have. There’s a line on it that says “Sometimes I cut myself to see how much it bleeds the pain is such a sudden rush for me”. That is the same feeling I get when I get her to yell at me. I have also started cutting myself just to feel something. I’ve gotten so close to killing myself I cut myself on the neck. I don’t know what to do because the only person in the world I thought I could trust, the person I gave everything to, the person I felt safe with doesn’t care anymore. I don’t know what to do because I hate talking good about myself but I am really good at reading people, and it’s evident she still cares but it doesn’t feel like it. She still needs support and I keep giving her even though I’ve already given her literally everything I have and I’m just giving her what I have that isn’t even there. There is a void in my soul when I’m not with her, she makes fun of me sometimes for having no life and yet she is my life. I have given her everything I have I don’t have anything left, I’m not saying that for dramatic effect I am literally completely and fully drained. Because we used to have genuine conversations with each other, and now all she doesn’t talk to me anymore. I am so unbelievably drained I don’t find things I used to find fun fun anymore. I don’t know what to do. What I am trying to give context for is how one sided this is, I have needed help and support but she won’t give it to me, and even when she tries she just gives up immediately. I love her but I feel like it’s healthier for me to leave her but I don’t want her to kill herself, and I know she is serious when she says that, and it scares me. I don’t know what to do I just need advice or emotional support, I can’t talk to anyone else. I feel entirely alone in this world. I know I probably shouldn’t be venting to a bunch of strangers on the internet but it feels like this is the only way I can talk to someone.
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u/Key-Charity-2795 1d ago
Holy shit dude, tell someone fast and get away from her, she's crazy dude. I get you love her and all, but holy shit. Good luck dude, I hope shit turns out fine for you
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u/Mean-Wishbone-8635 14 1d ago
I can’t tell anyone else
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u/Leaf_Swimming125 13 1d ago
Tell a teacher or school counselor
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u/Mean-Wishbone-8635 14 1d ago
I can’t talk to them either they’ll just make the situation harder
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u/Turbulent_tydes 1d ago
You have to tell them anyway. I know it's hard but you said you can tell she's serious when she says it so if she actually does something that's going to be a lot worse since you know about it now. You have the opportunity to do something about it and get her actual help, you can tell the counselor you want to be anonymous and you are worried about her. It won't make it worse than if she actually hurts herself.
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u/Leaf_Swimming125 13 1d ago
You need to. Even if the only thing you tell them is she threatened to kill herself.
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u/avidflatearther 1d ago
Telling the school or school counsellor about mental health crisis' even if it isn't their own will almost always make the situation so much worse.
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u/Turbulent_tydes 1d ago
Please don't say this, I know it seems worse but it's worse if you loose them. I lost my friend because of this. It won't make it worse, it makes it worse to know you could've done something to help and keep them safe and watching it slip away. I lost my best friend when I was 15, no one should have to handle that hard of a burden.
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u/avidflatearther 1d ago
Schools do infact not provide very good help to children going through a mental health crisis. I'm not saying op shouldn't reach out to someone about this. I'm saying that a school related one would most likely not do very well to help their girlfriend.
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u/Turbulent_tydes 1d ago
You literally said it will "almost always the situation much worse", that will make them think no one will help. It doesn't matter, someone can help them both in this situation but your gonna make them feel like nothing will ever help. How about instead you give them actual advice like who they can go to OTHER than a school person.
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u/avidflatearther 1d ago
There are many helplines that I would be more than happy to direct this person to. I just don't know what region they're in.
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u/Turbulent_tydes 1d ago
Then ask them where they need help? Why are you making this so hard. Just give the advice don't look for someone begging for it. This is them literally asking for help since they don't know what to do and care about her. So help them don't just agree with them that they'll get in trouble if they ask for help from someone at school.
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u/avidflatearther 1d ago
I didn't say they'd get in trouble nor did I insinuate that.
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u/Leaf_Swimming125 13 1d ago
That isn't true at all
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u/avidflatearther 1d ago
I'm afraid it is infact
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u/Leaf_Swimming125 13 1d ago
It's not and it's really wrong to tell people that because you're risking them listening to you and not getting help which could be deadly. Yeah being hospitalized sucks but it's a lot better than letting a friend die.
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1d ago
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u/Mean-Wishbone-8635 14 1d ago
You might want to read some of it, it will provide much needed context
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u/rainvens 1d ago
Every situation is different, every person is different, but I myself was thrust into this exact scenario. When i broke up with her, she revealed she was never going to do that. Suicide is a serious and tragic topic, and one that can easily be used as a manipulation tool. Please talk to your parents or a trusted adult
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u/Jolly-Letterhead-894 1d ago
If you love her that much, you have to tell someone. Even her parents. That shows her that you care about her that much and that she is lucky to have you. And you don't have a body on your hands so.... like it or not you need to tell someone
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u/dogsandcatslol 1d ago
i have alot of bpd friends this is very typical of people with this gonna be honest, it's not your issue what she does its her choice and manipulative behavior should never be tolorated no matter what issues you have
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u/qwertyuiop648275 1d ago
I know you really don’t want to tell someone but you have to. this is weighing on you so much and you shouldn’t have to deal with this. please, try to find someone you can trust, good luck
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u/imafyb 1d ago
Been in your exact shoes. I am 24, this just for whatever reason popped up on my feed.
I was a very troubled teens, with a very longterm, troubling relationship. I dealt with self harm from 9, to 16, never thought I’d stop at the time. Now that I’m a little older, it makes sense that I stopped. You are young and have so much life to live. I know it doesn’t feel like it, I still very much so suffer from intense depression and anxiety inducing thoughts, but, with time, age, and lessons, it does in fact get easier. Reading that “it gets easier” shit used to piss me off as a kid.
Anyway. I had a very toxic, bad relationship, that honestly ruined my mental state even more. I didn’t know it at the time, I was just a kid. But it felt like she loved me so much, like I did her. It wasn’t true.
The first thing I did to get help was reach out to my school counselor. It didn’t make it easier. I wouldn’t say it made it harder, though.
Be brave and stick your chin up. It will be alright, focus on the things you need to right now.
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