I am 14M my girlfriend is 14f and we have been together for almost a year (10 months) and the past few months she’s barely spoken to me, she is scared to tell me things again, I have made sure to make her comfortable with coming to me. I went into this relationship trying to help her and heal her and care for her and try to provide some stability in her life. Nearing the middle of the relationship she felt so empty and wanted to kill herself and I was there for her through all of it. I have given her literally every part of me I don’t have anything left to give. We just sit on FaceTime in silence. She is the reason I get up in the morning I don’t have anything else to live for. And the past few months I’ve felt like shit and debated killing myself and I tried to talk to her and she just changed the subject or laughed about something I said. She always has Flamingo on in the background and she’ll just say “I’m sorry, but flamingo just said: insert some bullshit here” when I try to talk to her, she lives in an abusive household, her mom is barely home and treats her like shit, and her dad died when she was 6 and he treated her like shit too. That is why I tried to provide stability in her life. She doesn’t have anyone to rely on. Whenever I say I want to kill myself she gets mad at me and I get her to yell at me on purpose to remind myself someone cares. I am a fan of Eminem and never thought I’d ever relate to his song “Stan” but I have. There’s a line on it that says “Sometimes I cut myself to see how much it bleeds the pain is such a sudden rush for me”. That is the same feeling I get when I get her to yell at me. I have also started cutting myself just to feel something. I’ve gotten so close to killing myself I cut myself on the neck. I don’t know what to do because the only person in the world I thought I could trust, the person I gave everything to, the person I felt safe with doesn’t care anymore. I don’t know what to do because I hate talking good about myself but I am really good at reading people, and it’s evident she still cares but it doesn’t feel like it. She still needs support and I keep giving her even though I’ve already given her literally everything I have and I’m just giving her what I have that isn’t even there. There is a void in my soul when I’m not with her, she makes fun of me sometimes for having no life and yet she is my life. I have given her everything I have I don’t have anything left, I’m not saying that for dramatic effect I am literally completely and fully drained. Because we used to have genuine conversations with each other, and now all she doesn’t talk to me anymore. I am so unbelievably drained I don’t find things I used to find fun fun anymore. I don’t know what to do. What I am trying to give context for is how one sided this is, I have needed help and support but she won’t give it to me, and even when she tries she just gives up immediately. I love her but I feel like it’s healthier for me to leave her but I don’t want her to kill herself, and I know she is serious when she says that, and it scares me. I don’t know what to do I just need advice or emotional support, I can’t talk to anyone else. I feel entirely alone in this world. I know I probably shouldn’t be venting to a bunch of strangers on the internet but it feels like this is the only way I can talk to someone.
