r/theirdrinking • u/[deleted] • Aug 05 '25

Partner/Spouse/Ex Partner thinks I’m ridiculous for using the CDC’s definition of heavy drinking

[deleted]

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u/mmcgrat6 Aug 06 '25

The therapist’s question about what you consider light to moderate drinking is a fair question. The CDC definition in and of itself was not ridiculous. But introducing it at this point might be received as unilaterally changing the goal. If you haven’t already created and shared your vision of what a successful relationship with your partner looks and feels like you need to find a better therapist.

If the drinking is a problem then what amount of drinking, if any, would be acceptable? If you want more date nights with your partner, what would you like that frequency to be?

The purpose isn’t to shift the burden for policing behavior onto you. The purpose is for you and your partner to have a way to measure progress toward your shared vision of success. It’s not fair for either of you to have to guess what the other wants or needs to be happy.

2

u/Esc4pe_Vel0city Aug 06 '25

My world started to shift toward a positive direction when I stopped trying to analyze the severity of my partner's drinking. Whether she had a problem with alcohol was irrelevant. I had to admit that I had a problem with her drinking. This focus on me, what I was feeling and what impacts I was experiencing was irrefutable. It was simply my reality. And with time I've been better able to act on the situation and improve it, regardless of my partner's willingness to join me.

1

u/-chaigirl- 21d ago

Ugh that sounds so frustrating. They missed the whole entire point!!