Sorry for the wall of text. I don't have anyone to talk to about this and its me unloading. Thanks for letting me do that.

My wife has turned into an alcoholic since COVID. Prior to COVID we would drink socially and it wasn't a problem. During COVID she went into menopause and had trouble sleeping, so she would drink a glass of wine every day before bed to help her sleep. We have a lot of stress in our lives including a sister-in-law who abuses her kids and one of them has moved in with us, her parents that live with us half the year, and we also have a 13 year.

All of this has transformed my wife into an abusive alcoholic in the last couple of years. She now drinks 2-3 bottles of wine a night. She's not a fun drunk, she's a very mean drunk. I'd say at least twice a week she will get herself in a tailspin and take it out on me. She won't let me disengage from these conversations and if I try to go to bed she'll just yell at me while I'm laying there. She will yell at me, threaten to divorce me (or suggest I should divorce her), threaten to take my son away from me (then deny she said it), tell me she hates me, and has on a couple of occasions told me she would "like to punch [me] in the face" (though it has never been physical abuse).

On weekends and during vacations she starts drinking earlier in the day, and is often drunk by 5PM. This is a problem because if our teenager acts like a teenager, it sets her off and she's really mean to him, then when he gets upset, she is now pissed off at me because "She's always the asshole". This leads to an almost guaranteed fight later in the evening. Sometimes she remembers the fights (and is still mad at me in the morning even if I didn't do anything wrong -- I expect because she feels guilty), other times she doesn't.

She is also hurting herself physically on a weekly basis. She has broken multiple bones from trips/falls she's had while drunk. She's constantly got new bruises from falling and its impacting our lives even when she's sober because she doesn't want to go places with the bruises (e.g., she won't go swimming with just my son and I because she has a huge bruise on her leg). She slept outside in the garden one night. She got so hammered on a work trip she cut her arm on a wine glass she broke and honestly it was pretty close to her artery in her wrist. During that same night, she was on the phone with me and her phone died. I waited up an hour for her to call me back, and I actually fell asleep on the couch waiting. When she called me back, it took 2 calls before I woke up and answered and when I told her that she absolutely snapped, screaming "I hate you" and hanging up on me over and over again.

I'm not saying I'm never at fault during any of our arguments. I make mistakes like everyone else, but I don't think her reactions are ever proportionate and she wants to beat it to death for hours. I'm now experiencing severe depression (I work from home, but most days I don't actually do anything, I sleep hours upon hours and im still exhausted) and anxiety (I dread when the wine comes out, and I'm dreading any future vacations because I'm trapped and guaranteed to get screamed at.

Its also impacting her relationship with our son. She spent most of last year passed out until at least 10AM, but usually noon. That left me solely responsible for all morning responsibilities with our son, and he definitely noticed. He'll also tell her about things he's doing and she'll be dismissive. Recently he created this photo collage of screenshots he took in a video game. We don't love video games, but its important to him and he plays with friends from school so its one of his big interests and her response wasn't "thats really cool" but rather "why don't you make a collage of something that matters? No one cares about video games" and it breaks my heart. When she's drunk she repeats herself, so this can go on for an hour of the same shit.

I finally had enough one night about 6 months ago and I called her on her behavior while she was drunk. She didn't want to take accountability, but now when she's drinking she tells me "you're judging me" and "you just think I'm a drunk ass". We stayed up until 6AM with her screaming at me.

Most nights I'm just apologizing over and over again, even if I didn't do anything wrong, so she will calm down and stop yelling at me and so she will go to sleep. She dictates when we got to bed -- if she's tired we go to bed. If I'm tired, I don't get to go to bed until she is ready (she reaffirmed this a few days ago).

About a month ago, she got hammered because my son was mad at her, and so she took that out on me until like 2AM. I went to bed, and she took this as me "abandoning" her. She ended up sobbing in my son's bed.

I don't know what to do. I love my wife when she is sober and she's a great mom when she is sober, but the Alcoholism is killing me. I hate her when she is drunk, and the depression and anxiety are destroying me. I'm afraid and I don't know how to talk to her about this because she gets defensive and tells me "its just a phase I will get through and this is who I need to be right now". Despite being the main breadwinner (I make about 20x what she does), I feel trapped because I don't want to let my son and niece down if I leave. I'm also terrified she will fight me on 50/50 custody if I leave (based on her threats) and take my son from me. I'm supporting her, my nieces, my son, and my inlaws financially and I love all of them and I don't want to destroy that or them.

I've been planning to have a major conversation with her about this, but my son had several stressful try outs lately and I didn't want to potentially not be there for him during that time. Now that those things are out of the way, I want to have a conversation with her when the kids are at work. I don't want to make it an ultimatum, but it kind of is -- I need her to go to therapy (possibly in-patient) and stop drinking or I can't be here any more.

Having a hard time right now. My partner drove home drunk this evening, this is not the first-time, the last time (in June) he secretly guzzled a lot of vodka before getting behind the wheel with our 4 year old and myself in the car and he was driving erratically, we ended up pulling over in a town I have never been to and he ran off after I took the keys, I ended up having to report him missing. After that he admitted to having a problem with alcohol and said he would get help, but hasn't done anything to get himself help. The lying is what's really driving a hot spike through our relationship, severing and cotterizing any connection. I can't trust him, especially to keep our child safe. I feel angry and pathetic. The stress is causing health problems for myself, I feel so tired and lost and alone.

My boyfriend drinks and has a lot going on at the moment but won't seek help because he says it's not going to work. Instead he wants me to do everything, support him, and help him get better. I feel like I'm drowning and it's getting worse every day.

this is a burner and im asking some questions about my partner. we’ve been together for a couple years, and when we met they were an alcoholic. i never realised the extent, they’d be hiding bottles and drinking a bottle of straight spirits daily, or a large crate of lager, and drinking a lot more than they let on.

at the start of the year, we spoke about it all, and they told me they were going to cut down, not go sober but keep it to small amounts. from then, the drinking crept up until a few months ago then said they wanted to go sober, after being inspired by a lot of straight edge people we met at a festival. they quit smoking and hasn’t gone back, and they’ve had a couple odd drinks on special occasions like our anniversary.

i am so proud of the changes they’ve made, but i do have some concerns. their mental health seems worse, and they are consistently tired. they cry often and id only seen them cry a couple times before.

they also are struggling with frequent lapses in memory and forgetting things. they’re a hypochondriac and hate seeing the doctor or having medication but i feel concerned.

another issue is lack of libido, when they first cut down, our sex lives went from very active, varied acts, to now we go months at a time, and even then they don’t like to do half as much as they used to, and frankly it’s not the same as it used to be. this is a massive sticking issue with me because a lot of my previous relationships didn’t work as we didn’t mesh well sexually and when we met it was like i was finally being seen to. i don’t want to pressure them to have sex with me, i don’t want to make them feel bad, but i do want to feel loved, recognised, and desired in our relationship

i obviously value their sobriety and health, but these other things are causing me anxiety and i want to ensure they’re okay in other ways, and would like to see our intimacy have some life again.

has anybody else noticed any of these things with partners? how long into sobriety did it happen, and did it go back to normal? if so how?

Im currently dealing with my husband's alcoholism. Promising change and lying and sneaking it instead. Im ready to divorce over it, but feel stuck because our kids suffered during our recent 5 month long separation due to the drinking, which resulted in a temporary restraining order and CPS involvement to make sure they were OK and not involved.

We decided to reconcile under the promise of honesty and both of us being more understanding to the other. I didnt make him quit cold turkey, we drink beer together. But I keep catching him sneaking liquor lnowing how i feel about it because of how it causes him to behave. I feel as I've lost any and all trust in him and dont feel safe anymore. Im struggling to decide if I can continue this marriage with someone who's actions disgust me and I cant trust.

I lost my father and best friend to alcoholism, it strikes the worst nerve for me. It matters to me SO MUCH, and he knows this. Being betrayed involving alcohol feels like I found out he cheated, and he keeps doing it. Hes only ashamed when hes caught, obviously.

I feel empty, numb, and fed up putting myself through this, but i feel stuck because during our separation and if I decide to leave him, he will have to move in with family out of state 10 hours away, and my son struggles not having his father. Hes his step-dad too which is a double whammy for him, he feels abandoned by 2 dads and hes a very sensitive 11 year old. I feel like im failing as his mother because of the daddy issues he absolutely already has and will only be added to regardless of what I choose.

I'm posting here since this honestly is just a vent and has nothing to do with Al-Anon. Feel free to read my post history, but long story short, my wife vacillates between anorexia and binge drinking. She's been in ED inpatient treatment eight times in the past 3.5 years, gotten two OWI's (the latter of which is still pending sentencing despite it happening 10 months ago), and most recently spent six weeks at a super cushy alcohol rehab in SoCal. Constantly posted pics from the beach and deleted comments asking why she was in SoCal (we live in flyover country). We separated last Thanksgiving, and she had me served divorced papers last week since I wasn't giving her any of my income--by saying she needed money for the kids, whom I've supported 100% on my own for the last seven months, with zero help from her.

Unfortunately, her grandpa died last weekend, right as she supposedly graduated from treatment. She had planned to do a couple weeks of PHP out there but decided to fly home for the funeral and then fly back. She got the kids all excited to see her when she called them Monday, supposed to pick them up Wednesday morning. No call on Tuesday (red flag #1), no call on Wednesday (#2), but she did text me to delay picking them up by 24 hours because her flight got in late (#3).

So this morning I'm sitting at the designated exchange waiting... waited 15 minutes, sent a text, waited 15 more minutes... she hadn't even read the text. Brought the kids back to my house and went back to work. Let my sister-in-law know the kids likely wouldn't be at the funeral because their mom didn't pick them up and is not responding to me. Come to find out, she isn't responding to my SIL either.

All that to say, she completed 6 more weeks of inpatient treatment for nothing. She's probably passed out drunk in a hotel room. She's spent a cumulative year and a half gone at inpatient treatment since 2022. Insurance has spent millions on her at this point. All for nothing. And because she hasn't crashed a car when the kids were in it or beaten them, she'll probably still get 50% custody.