I want to see a show where Tony survives the Holsten's hit, goes into WitSec, becomes a Mob Youtuber, and retells the series in the most self-serving way possible.

[u/Burnnoticelover]

"And so I says to Paulie, I says to him 'make sure Puss gets off that boat alive, we just wanna scare him outta town'. But that Paulie, he never fuckin' listened, shot him right there. It was dicked up."

"...And if I had used the sponsor of this video, BetterHelp, my uncle Jun never would have found out I was seein' a shrink. Cunnilingus and lack of access to discrete online counseling brought us to this."

[u/Heel_Worker982]

"And so I asked him, are you sure you want sugarless? But then Pussy starts shooting like its a carnival game!"

[u/Oso_the-Bear]

Sometimes I think The Sopranos IS that self-serving story. For example...

"Sure the wire at the Bing had me ordering the hit on Richie, but it was a actually my sister that killed him. But since it was my sister, I still had to help with the cover-up, that's why the DNA at Satriele's."
"...and I'm sure she fucked somebody when we were separated. Probably that twerpy teacher."
"...I know for a FACT that my own mother put Junior up to ordering the hit on me, because it turned out that the FBI did have the retirement home bugged after all and they played the tapes for me. It was also the FBI who helped me find Phil; Butchie would never."
"...I don't know how my mom died; one minute I'm worried she'll testify against me and the next thing I know she turns up dead"

[u/DigitalBuddhaNC → u/Oso_the-Bear]

That's interesting. The unreliable narrator on a 3rd person omniscient POV? Maybe that explains why we only see Tony's hallucinations and dreams. I totally forgot Christopher's, Melfi's and Carmela's. Top of my fuckin class. The pilot uses a Tony voice over but only when talking to Melfi. It sounded like a very meta gangster film intro in the vein of Casino and Goodfellas.

Problem is that we know way too much information that Tony would never be privy too.

[u/Oso_the-Bear → u/DigitalBuddhaNC]

"...and I'm sure Phil's friends pretended not to get the joke when I called him the Shah..."
"...and I'll bet Chris was blabbing family business all the time to JT Dolan and his other hollywood friends! I couldn't take that chance..."
"...and if it was Paulie who told John that joke, then he was probably trying to increase his profile with Carmine, and you gotta question why..."
"...who knows where he got the money? Probably smothered an old lady with a pillow, the sick fuck. You know Chris told me he sniffed his fiancee's panties?"

[u/DigitalBuddhaNC → u/Oso_the-Bear]

It'd be a stretch but it's possible. David Chase was his ghost writer. Helped him fill in the blanks based on character outlines.

[u/Oso_the-Bear → u/DigitalBuddhaNC]

In my head cannon Doctor Melfi sells the story after he gets shot, so it comes through two unreliable narrators. Tony says "he was still moaning when I found him; an ambulance couldn't have helped," and Melfi, just like Chris, assumes Tony beat Ralph to death over a horse. It was actually NY because of the Tony B thing; Tony was right about that but nobody believed him including our author Doctor Melfi. Or it's Chris narrating from hell.

[u/jbeer1 → u/DigitalBuddhaNC]

I feel like they should have kept Tony narrating each episode but covering up his crimes/issues

[u/DigitalBuddhaNC → u/jbeer1]

It would have gotten tiresome eventually.

[u/rasnac]

"...l tried to pull Chrissy out of the car, but he died in my arms. lt was the worst day of my life. He was like a son to me...(starts crying)"

[u/Fun_Intention9846 → u/rasnac]

I got no idea what it’s like to make the number 1 comment.

[u/conradcervantes → u/rasnac]

He’d have to imagine Christopher was a dog or a horse or a camel in order to shed tears over a human being.

[u/Rohml]

Paulie is the better choice, imo, he's more entertaining but he'll need a handler to arrange everything while Paulie just does the talking.

Tony's panic attacks may be an issue, cookies shit make him nerhvous.

[u/polymorphic_hippo → u/Rohml]

You'd have to get AMA's Victoria back in the game to wrangle Paulie. He would require a real, battle-hardened professional. 

[u/El-Jalapeno → u/Rohml]

He would just start rambling about flying saucers over East Rutheford

[u/okraspberryok]

Nah, goes into Witness Protection and AJ becomes the man of the family providing for everyone with his movie job. Tony would hate that. AJ giving him pocket money.

AJ yelling at him like "jesus christ you spent all that money on gabagool already"

[u/bravo_ragazzo]

‘And Paulie said to him “Take those cookies and shove them up your ass!!” Which brings me to this episodes sponsor. Are you worried about cookies tracking your online activity? Well, it’s time to protect yourself online….’

[u/PorkyWallace]

I tell ya, T, I wanted ta throw acid in his face, right on the Podcast steps.

[u/SaeedMobayed]

And those nice people at the Chinese restaurant, they gave me a nice orange peel beef, for free mind you. I was very happy that day by their kind gesture, I mean, can't we all just get along and buy each other orange peel beef from time to time. The world would be a better place.

[u/robbwes61]

And I want to fuck Angie Dickinson. Let's see who gets lucky first, OP…..

[u/TopicPretend4161]

‘Here I was in my own home, minding my own business, cooking up a delicious bowl of Uncle Ben’s…when BAM! This Noah punk rolls up and KICKS my ASS! Can you believe it?’

[u/timmymcsaul]

“Pick up a gabagool cutting board, only $49.99. Forget about it. And for the VIPs? Patreon subscribers get exclusive stories about ‘business meetings’ in Jersey. Hypothetically. Allegedly. Whatever my lawyer tells me to say.”

[u/DrGeraldBaskums]

He’d mention the fuckin HUD scam every 30 seconds talking about how he made 12 million a month or some shit like that parakeet Franzese

[u/southsidekc34]

Lil Tone Tortellini like follow subscribe !!! How ya dooooin

[u/conradcervantes]

This can work for multiple reasons: Dexter proved that you can literally kill the main character and then revive the franchise because “oops just kidding”, and David Chase demonstrated his VFX savvy in “Proshai, Livushka” so having Gandolfini be resurrected via AI and recycled lines should be a piece of cake.

[u/Tchukachinchina]

/r/sopranoscirclejerk is leaking again. And that’s an impressive feat on this subreddit

[u/Royal-Pay9751]

I’m sure in a few months time you could just ask AI to generate a whole new series for you

[u/SupermarketOk2281]

I hear Tony the Bull is having a sitdown with Phil Franzese at a remote location. Can't wait!

[u/Aggressive_Fee6507]

"Diddja, evah see blue bloods?"

[u/Jaxsso]

This could probably done via AI as a parody show nowadays. Would be hilarious.

[u/WatercressExciting20]

Yeah sure, I’ll just get some smelling salts and wake the guy up from his grave to reprise the character.

[u/xChiken]

On a related note, Lilyhammer is a TV show that centers on Steven Van Zandt as an ex-mobster moving to Norway under witness protection. Completely different vibe, but pretty fun.