Content warning for the following topics: sexual assault, domestic violence, eating disorders, police brutality, suicide, pregnancy loss
Throwaway account. I just need to get this off my chest, as I have very few people I can talk to this about in any capacity. This will also probably be all over the place with my ramblings.
I'm a non-binary transmasc, realized I was trans about eight years ago and transmasc about four years ago. My experiences since coming out from both the reality of living as a trans person, along with seeing what other trans people and people who are supposed to be "allys" say about us and our experiences has been so soul crushing and devastating that it's destroyed my mental health and destroyed my trust in most people.
Let me talk about my experiences as a transmasc prior to getting into my struggles I've had with the community and people who are otherwise supposed to be allys. There seems to be this conception about transmasculinity that it's essentially an "easy mode" of being trans; you see it repeated by cis people, other trans people, and even other transmascs who seem to treat their transmasculinity as almost a privilege in a sense. You'll often see transmascs downplay and preface their experiences as lesser compared to the rest of the community due to them being transmasc. This could be further from the truth for me. Ever since I came out, the judgement, marginalization, and violence has raised significantly in my life.
I've been sexually assaulted many, many times since coming out as transmascā particularly regarding people groping my chest and genitals without consent, or making incredibly inappropriate comments towards me. I had been sexually assaulted in the past unfortunately but this only skyrocketed when I started openly talking about being trans.
My experience in medical spaces has gotten so much worse, particularly given that I have chronic illnesses pertaining to my reproductive organs. Getting healthcare has not only been harder, but I've had to jump through many more hoops to get care that I need. I get disparaging comments of disgust from doctors and especially my OBGYN. Medical misogyny is not only still apart of my life but it has been further compounded by medical transphobia.
I have been treated much worse by authority figures (mainly the police) , with me being arrested, physically assaulted and having weapons pulled on me while I was in active crisis. People are less kind to me and less trusting, they see me as threatening and will cross the street to get away from me. I am not white for context, which probably compounds my experiences with the police being worse.
Regarding my family, I've been completely isolated from them besides my siblings who support me. I had to not wear a suit to my sibling's wedding out of fear of violent backlashā and I was not able to go to the funeral of one of the most important people in my life due to the fear of that exact same violence. I was the only one in my family who wasn't given that privilege to grieve and say my goodbyes out of the very real fear of physical violence.
I feel isolated, alone, and scared. I've tried to kill myself multiple times and I struggle with constant suicidal ideation. I'd already struggled with mental health issues as a traumatized and multiply marginalized person; with the marginalization from being transmasc just making it worse.
Meanwhile, I genuinely cannot trust my fellow trans people and cis ally's to genuinely stand up and give a shit. I constantly see trans people talk about how much easier it is to be transmasc; how much easier it is to pass and that people don't really "care" about transmascs or bother them with transphobia. How transmascs are able to live much easier and more privileged lives. Even from other transmascs of color I've seen this same sentiment of how much easier it is to be transmasc. That nobody cares that you're transmasc and that many see it as a positive since you're transitioning away from being a woman.
Any time I've talked about my experiences or tried to counteract this I've been shut down. That transmascs actually have it much easier and that we should sit down and shut the fuck up. Any attempt to bring up the fact that transmascs have unique struggles and marginalization is met with backlash, mockery, and doubt. I talk about my experiences with sexual violence, medical abuse, police violence, and other marginalization and am met with people telling me to sit down and shut up and that other trans people have it harder. That being a transmasc is more of a privilege compared being transfem or an unaligned nonbinary person.
Any attempts to bring up how transmascs are marginalized by reproductive care bans and poor reproductive health care and how marginalized pregnant transmascs are is met with people telling transmascs to stop centering themselves in issues mostly faced by cis women. Same with rates of sexual assault; same with domestic violence and any other issue that's seen as "women focused". It seems like even cis women, people who are not transgender, are given more of a voice and a platform within the trans community than that of transmasculine people. The idea that transmasculine people are still heavily impacted by misogyny is a topic that people will fight you tooth and nail on; you're not a woman and you're masc/a man, how could the realities of misogyny and sexism still impact you? Yet the statistics don't like, transphobic and misogynistic violence still overwhelmingly impact transmascs.
Transmascs, particularly TMOC, face either the highest or some of the highest rates of sexual violence, domestic violence, medical abuse, reproductive abuse (including blockage from abortions, stillbirths and miscarriages), eating disorders, and suicide attempts not only in the entire trans community, but within the general population. There is an endemic of transmasculine people (especially TMOC) facing severe sexual, domestic and medical violence; along with suffering at elevated rates of eating disorders and suicide attempts in a community where all of these statistics are already alarmingly high due to how marginalized trans people as a group are.
With all this, it seems like few people genuinely care. The idea of transmasculinity is an easy mode of being transgender where you pass as a cis man just by taking t for a bit and instantly are much more privileged without any of the material reality of transphobia impacting you. The statistics say otherwise. The lived experiences of transmascs say otherwise.
Transmascs are overwhelmingly marginalized much like the rest of the trans community. The proof is there; yet both cis allies and other trans people still fight to deny it and shoot down any attempt to actually describe this marginalization. In nearly a decade of realizing I'm trans, I've seen transmascs harassed, threatened, and even doxxed for talking about these issues or trying to come up with terms for them such as transmisandry, transandrophobia, isomisogyny, and anti transmasculinity. The idea of the community having to not only accept the experiences and struggles of transmasculine people, but look back and alter the lens of how they view marginalized genders seems like too much and they'd rather resort to harassment and denial of marginalization.
I've had to cut off people who I had considered close friends for mocking transmascs for talking about these experiences, or making comments stating that we don't know what we're talking about and that we don't really experience unique forms of transphobia or even misogyny. I had to cut out one particular friend who had stated that she wasn't surprised that a school shooter had turned out to be a trans man given that "they're men, that violence is innate and testosterone makes it worse". The way that people that I had even considered close to me talked about transmasculinity as something that made you stupid or dangerous, and how transmascs didn't have any notable tangible issues were the last straw in destroying my trust, and made me repress my transmasculinity for years.
As a transmasc of color, the trans community and cis allys have severely failed transmasculine people. They not only ignore but actively downplay the endemic levels of violence and suffering transmascs are subjected to. Within my own struggles as a transmasc, I have ended up being greeted by a community belittling my experiences, denying that transmascs experience anything particularly unique, and have harassed and mocked me. People who were supposed to be my family and support especially in unprecedented times of transphobic violence have shown themselves not to care and have had me struggling with suicidal ideation due to my guilt and disgust towards my own transmasculinity. Even when violence and bigotry against transmascs is actively being used by transphobes and TERFs especially to put out legislation globally against HRT and gender affirming surgeries that'll impact all of us, people can't be bothered to care.
I don't want to continue rambling, as I've gone on for far too long. But I just ask to please listen to transmascs and take them seriously. Especially transmascs of color; Black, Indigenous, Latine, Pacific Islander, Roma, Asian, and SWANA transmascs (amongst others) are not only subjugated to much higher levels of sexual, medical, and domestic violence, but are some of the most erased members of our community. We suffer greatly in silence with little to no support.
Support transmascs, support TMOC. Fight for them like hell alongside unaligned nonbinary people and transfems. Learn how to spot transphobia specifically targeted at transmascs and teach others how to do so too. We all need to fight like hell for each other amongst waves of worsening transphobia; if we leave some trans people behind, we're going to all crumble. Trans unity is vital. Don't leave transmascs behind.
