Tdlr:

We both mutually liked each other. He was more unsure about becoming official. I was open either way. I just finally felt like someone could accept me romantically as a trans person with an anxiety disorder that affects my life intensely. But we had different values and he has internalized homophobia and grief about biological children. ( I do not want to carry children)

Long version:

Basically, I was dating a cis man for the second time. I felt more secure because he's been with mostly men in his life. Compared to being with someone in highschool who was in the closet about being Bi but always ambiguous when asked if he had a gf saying, "something like that". Which was nice but funny. But I constantly felt insecure about being seen as my gender in that relationship. He gendered me very well tho, same with the recent person I was with for a month.

The issues we had, we have very different experiences. The two main important ones was religion for him and me being trans for myself. Everything else that was different about is was fine and I enjoyed learning about his experiences and cultures and interests.

He's dealt with severe internalized homophobia for a long time until he was an adult. He also has grief about not being able to have biological children and wishing he had parts to do so. Me being trans led to that subconscious strength of grief about biological children coming to his mind. I am female, so it would be possible for us in the future. But do not want to carry children, it is very dangerous, I horrible mental health so it would make it worse, pregnancy is very traumatic for everyone, I would also have a lot of dysphoria personally. He knows that. So I guess me having the parts led to him thinking about that grief a lot. Like finally he's with a man and he could have children of his own possibly but the man doesn't want to have children that way. He places a lot more importance on straight relationships between men and women (I'm not specifically sure why but yeah society does that but also it could be because of religion which is usually not made for queer people being accepted in it). Mind you he rarely has attraction to cis women. So, the possibility of him marrying and making a family he wishes to is very unlikely. I think deep down he wants to be recognized by the church and have his potential family recognized by the church and not just the government.

Anyhow that kinda led to the downfall of our relationship. Our different views on abortion was the nail in the coffin.

I just want to be with someone that's mentally available. Is on the same level of queer journey, and sees me as a man or adjacent (I believe I am man adjacent but I just don't feel very much likely because I am agender but also pre T). I feel like a liar. But that's probably because of how often I get misgendered because I'm not 100 percent out all the time. I do dress very masc and I can pass 70% of the time if I don't talk.

I just also struggle with my attraction to men, it makes me feel like I'm a straight woman but I'm not. But it's the way people look at us in public or the shame I feel and the way people react to me dating men, they see it as feminine. I don't want my relationships to be seen as feminine or gendered at all honestly. I know that I like to let myself be feminine, androgenous, or masculine in my relationships as I please if I feel comfortable with them seeing me as my gender. With cis friends or peers, I feel less than and awkward, out of place, when I try my best to match their energy. I feel like I don't belong around them. There are some cis people I feel like they see me for me no questions asked which is nice and I feel not less than. But maybe that's just how deep down a lot of people aren't fully intact with how they feel about queer people or even trans people specifically. I guess this aspect of being trans always makes me struggle and feel less than and like I'm asking for too much.

I think I would ideally like to date a woman of any sex, next time. But I'm open to whoever is going to accept me as I am. I just feel like this is another layer to relationships I constantly struggle with but most of my friends won't understand and I don't really talk about it to people outside of my romantic relationships. I just feel like being trans is seen as baggage much like my anxiety disorder. Like I should be ashamed and feel like I need to compensate for being trans and my anxiety. It's hard and I feel like this is a niche issue cis people would very unlikely understand firsthand. I'm friends with mostly cis people. Thought mostly queer people but it's still hard. I have very few trans friends. Maybe one I'm close to that I could talk about this to. Which I'm very lucky to have.

Hello! I had been avoiding Reddit for a bit due to mental health reasons, but I want to do more for this community.

So, here’s a thread for anyone to share about recent experiences they have while being trans in a relationship! The good, the bad, and the weird all welcome; just give a content warning for any really serious subjects.

I’ve been happy with my relationship recently. It’s been boringly good! We did both decide that we’re okay with an open relationship that’s romantically monogamous recently but not monogamous in other ways recently. I really want to learn more about my local ENM community. That’s exciting, though a bit intimidating. How’s everyone else here?

I feel really lonely in my relationship with my partner. And I'm not trying to be rude when I'm venting here, but there actions and words are very much of a blond person. And an airhead. I always have to explain everything in to much detail for them to understand and they still don't get it. And remind them to do stuff like a child over and over again. And when I asked nicely to do something together, they say sure let's do something, then go off in there own world and forget about me. We don't even make time for date nights, or even play games. And I'm more upset with myself for being with them instead of being with the last person I was with, due to them unable to see me due to, to many tickets and not making the effort to come see me somehow and wait after a year to see them.

Now I'm stuck in a place I don't want to be in, a state/city with no family or friends, in a bedroom all by myself (we sleep separately too my own choice) but feels better in my own mental/emotional space. And them getting a job before me, and when that starts I'll feel even more alone. Yes I have hobbies. But I just want to be seen, heard, understand and excepted by my partner and I feel none of this, more each time I'm around them. Part of me feels so alone, that I just want to go back and hitchhick all the way back to my hometown. I truly hate my life here, in this new state/city and feel like I'm going insane from all the pain I live out each day, it's like we're a fake couple in our own fake little lives. Idk what to believe in anymore.

I hear so many negative things about how hard it is so date while trans and, while it certainly can be hard, it can still work out! I see some trans people despairing that they’ll never find the relationships they want and it makes me sad.

For me, I’m a demifluid trans guy in a long term relationship with a queer cis guy. We’ve been together more than 5 years and it feels so good to be with each other. People talk about the honeymoon phase at the beginning of a relationship, but it feels like in many ways it never ended for us. Life is hard but my relationship is very good and my partner is very supportive of my trans identity. He’s made it clear he wants to be with me no matter my gender identity and is supportive of my medical transition. He’s so handsome and sweet.

Even back when I was dating around, being trans wasn’t all bad. It helped me weed out many bad people who would have made bad partners very quickly.

What positive experiences have you had? Have you found silver linings to dating while trans? Polyam, ENM, monogamous, T4T, QPR oriented, single, whatever, everyone is welcome to share their positive experiences and silver linings on this thread!

If you’re new to the community, introduce yourself!

I just shared this sub in transcirclejerk so I hope there will be some interest. It’s a new sub and I’m very open to feedback and new mods. Just make sure it’s clear it’s a joke if you jerk in your intro and keep it pretty safe for work.

Please share how you want to be referred to, relevant gender/sexuality labels you want people to know, and why you’re interested in this sub! Also, you can mention feedback you have if you want, just be respectful.

Sincerely, Your mod team of (currently) one

Hello! I just made this community because I felt there was a need for it. I’d be happy to take on more mods. If you are:

• transgender
• not hateful toward other kinds of trans people
• have experience modding LGBTQ and/or relationship subreddits

Then DM me if you’re interested in becoming a mod!

What kind of posts would you find helpful or interesting in a subreddit for trans people about relationships?