Anyone struggle with gendered terms?

[u/Sensitive-Insect5809]

Its so difficult to explain what I like and appreciate as a transmasc and nonbinary person. Idm husband, wife, spouse, son, daughter, child/kid… I just no matter what would like to see some variety or some effort to affirm me,

I prefer casual masculine compliments, like “pretty boy” or “handsome” and I use he/they for my pronouns

But then we get into the territory of “man” or “woman” and I’m like “dont call me that”… If i had to be out into one of those boxes I’d way rather be a man, but its still kind of uncomfortable.

And then we get into other territories like i don’t wanna be called a mom or a dad, and have been perusing gender neutral parent titles… my favorite so far is Dama (combo of dada and mama but sounds very smooth to be able to use casually). And then I don’t like Ms. or Mrs. or Mr. And am way more gravitating towards Mx. or other alternatives.

I feel so nitpicky for not being able to choose any one catagory 😭😫 but its like I cant help but like what I like. Is anyone out there genderfucky in terms of this too?

[u/Meowtuitive]

Alot of nonbinary people feel that way for sure, I know you're wanting input from people that are actually nonbinary but from hearing it second hand yes, people have described feeling the exact same way as you

[u/KoloAce]

Neutrois Girlthing here ! I can explain my gender experience and find a perfect term for it. But The gendered language in terms will REALLY bother me tho. Yet,,,, if I go into a territory where it’s not gendered enough, I feel the same thing.

Gender terms are hard for me. Nothing stays satisfactory for long.

[u/Sensitive-Insect5809 → u/KoloAce]

Same! Im Demiboy/Genderfaun/Pangenderfaun, so… partially boy,

partially not really,

on a fluctuating spectrum through a variety of different internal genders that I usually dont go in depth on, as it is usually more microlabels lol like rosboy, juxera, proxvir, androgmasc, A-Faunic.. butch, transmasc, trans man, femboy… and sometimes I’m multiple of these things at one time.

At the end of the day I just know I’m a masculine nonbinary entity and keep it at that for most people LOL

but because of the constant internal changes… some things just feel better neutral and some things feel better masculine. My girl-childhood and sapphic connections are the main reasons wife and daughter are still acceptable and sometimes even positive experiences for me to be called.

[u/KoloAce → u/Sensitive-Insect5809]

For me I was just looking for a term that said I was a woman and not a woman, which is kinda impossible. No matter what it seemed these terms would have girl, woman, etc. I’m fine with Girlthing for now tho, because I feel like the girl in Girlthing doesn’t really mean anything.

Kinda like how lesboys like being call boys, but some don’t consider them selves men.

I completely understand how a fluid gender can lead to never being satisfied. Sometimes I get genderspikes and it makes me bonkers. In fact I just picked up a xenogender due to a genderspike for the first time. And….ngl it feels so perfect.

[u/Sensitive-Insect5809 → u/KoloAce]

Interesting… I feel like juxera is kind of close in the sense of being woman-adjacent or relating to womanhood, plus it doesnt say “girl” in the name the way demigirl or azurgirl does :) maybe feel free to look into it, not sure if you’ve heard of it before or not

[u/KoloAce → u/Sensitive-Insect5809]

Yeah, I’ve tried it out before. Had it for a long while too. But then it was giving too ‘not a woman’. Like I said before, even though gendered language in terms will REALLY bother me, labels where it's not gendered enough, I feel the same thing. It’s really something you can’t satisfy. I’m picky af. I kinda wish I was cis

But I think Neutrois Girlthing is working for now. Thanks for the suggestion !! I think Girlthing is like one of those exceptions for once due to how much it fits.

[u/Sensitive-Insect5809 → u/KoloAce]

Thats totally fair! Its interesting how our brain decides what we like and dont :) for what its worth Neutrois Girlthing is honestly really intriguing

[u/bumbleebird]

I’m transmasc nonbinary and feel the same way

I fluctuate between masc and neutral terms because almost all feminine terms feel dysphoric. I dislike mom/dad and man/woman. The only time I’m comfortable with “man” is if it’s casual like “what’s up, man!” but calling me a man in regards to gender would be inaccurate. I also don’t like Mr./Ms./Mrs./Mx. or sir/ma’am, but settle for Mr. and sir since it’s better than Ms. and ma’am. My favorite option for honorifics i’ve seen is actually M. (though i’m unsure of how it would be said out loud or what it’s short for, so I haven’t used it) I prefer sibling over brother/sister, but don’t mind brother either. I’m not a fan of the gender neutral options for aunt/uncle or niece/nephew that I’ve seen so I like uncle and nephew. I would like to be called a boyfriend, but not a husband. I don’t think this will be an issue since I don’t plan to get married, but if I did I think I’d prefer partner

I think a lot of nonbinary people feel the same in regard to gendered terms, partially because gender fluctuates so heavily on the nonbinary spectrum and partially because most languages weren’t made with us in mind

[u/eyes_died → u/bumbleebird]

M. Is usually the abbreviation for monsieur, but I have occasionally seen it used as an abbreviation for master (as in a young boy).

[u/bumbleebird → u/eyes_died]

Oh okay, thank you for telling me!

[u/EspeciallyWithCheese]

I like mawpaw for gender neutral parent names personally

[u/Sensitive-Insect5809 → u/EspeciallyWithCheese]

:3 mawpaw is cute

[u/EspeciallyWithCheese → u/Sensitive-Insect5809]

Ty! :)

[u/wonder_woman2506]

I usually make it clear that I use she/her as pronouns. Yeah I like getting called a mom or a pretty lady lol. I think you really want a mixed identity and more like a non binary type. But like I am different, I prefer more feminine pronouns haha. And both are completely fine. I dont think I'll be a non binary person but its all upto u

[u/Sensitive-Insect5809 → u/wonder_woman2506]

Yeah, more than likely I am nonbinary:) i don’t personally relate with manhood which someone has told me probably has an impact on how i feel about traditional masculine terms/titles

[u/crispie_critterz]

yup! and honestly, it's entirely normal and valid.

i, too, as a nb person have my own preferences on different gendered terms and whether id like them to be used for me. sometimes those terms directly seem to refer to me as a woman/man, but it doesn't matter because language is made up and it's all apart of my identity and gender expression.

i would be happy to be referred to as a gf, but not bf. but if someone called me a girl, i would be upset and feel misgendered because i am not a girl. and that's fine because girl romantic partner you aren't married to ≠ girlfriend.

also, i find it extremely beautiful how gender identity and expression is so complex and unique among so many people and how we all have our own preferences! it's like an intricate map of your personage to have all your preferred terms and ways you'd like to be perceived laid out. it's something so uniquely human and sometimes precious to our identites, yet sometimes it's entirely meaningless to who we are, and some people might feel strictly that it entirely defines them or that it has nothing to do with who they are. keep being you and find people who accept that. <3