To say I want to see you feels far too small. Those words collapse under the weight of what my heart really feels. The truth is, I crave your presence with a desperation that seeps into every corner of my day. It is not just that I want to see you... it is that the very rhythm of my heart seems incomplete when you are not near.

When I think of you, the world sharpens into color. The thought of your smile makes me feel like I could walk through fire and not be burned. Yet when you’re away, everything feels slightly wrong, like a song played out of tune. The streets feel emptier, the nights colder, and even the small joys of life seem dim. You are the missing piece that makes everything feel whole.

I dream of you constantly...oh god I dream of you everyday, and no... not only of the way you look, but of the way you make me feel. I dream of your voice softening the harshest day, of your hands grounding me when the world feels too heavy. I even dream of the simple things: the curve of your messy hair in the morning, the warmth of your laugh echoing through a room, the way you can turn silence into comfort just by being in it.

If we were together in the most beautiful places on earth, I wouldn’t waste my time with sights or monuments. What are those compared to the sight of your eyes? What is a painted sunset compared to the music of your laugh? Even heaven itself seems like something I already know, because when I saw you in your unguarded, ordinary moments, I realized I had already touched a piece of paradise.

I want to see you not just in your brightest hours but also in the moments you feel your weakest. I want to be there when you doubt yourself, so I can remind you of the strength I see in you every day. I want to carry pieces of your sadness until joy comes back and floods your heart. And when you do shine, when you stand in the fullness of your beauty and your spirit, I know I will still be left in awe... because even in your quietest state, you are enough to amaze me.

You are the thought that lingers when I wake, and the last warmth I hold before sleep takes me. Every corner of my being is tuned to you, every hope stretched across the distance until it reaches your hands. I want to close the space between us, to finally breathe the same air, to feel the nearness of you that I have imagined a thousand times.

Until then, I will keep you alive in every dream, every heartbeat, every whispered prayer. And when I finally see you again, the world will fall back into place...because you are the place I have been searching for all along.

All yours. I love you a lot.

How about you believe how amazing of a person you are and stop allowing your thoughts and emotions that are difficult to deal with to pilot? You are brave, damaged in the process of rebuilding, growing even if you might feel small, big and shiny, warm, misunderstood, comprehensive, subtly magical, elegant, smart, intelligent, considerate, and even if you might feel bent or broken, or incomplete, all that together is what made me, one who already had surrendered, have a reason to live.

Loves from afar Smile! You have a sexy one 🙌❤️‍🔥

Yesterday was rough for me. The day itself wasn’t inherently bad, nothing broke, nothing needing my immediate attention, kind of a status quo sort of a day really. But thoughts of you crept up from the beginning, and pressured my brain all day long.

I spent way too much free time doing things I’ve tried so hard not to do, pushing me closer to you in this imaginary world I now live in. Searching for glimpses of you in a fantasy world here on this app, knowing we can’t, or at the very least, we shouldn’t.

But my self control was non existent, that itch that needs scratching so very badly was so persistent. That tickle in the back of my throat that you think if you just cough might go away, but it never does.

Reading through so many different things here, wondering if they are you, finding a reason to believe they aren’t. But still, always, searching.

Many speak of wanting to let go, “why won’t you get out of my head”, or “I hate that you have this hold on me”. In the short term it’s nice to know I’m not alone, but none are you and I don’t want you to leave the last place you exist for me. I’ve chosen the torture of memories over the peace that might be moving on. I’ve chosen a ghost and so maybe I need to just accept it.

Even the thought of letting your memories escape brings a pain and sadness. I wonder if that’s the last step I really need to take, but I know I have no intention of doing it. It feels cruel to do to you. Somehow, if I was able, it makes me feel like it cheapens what we were.

Everything I read is through your voice. Sometimes you are mad, sometimes you’re sad, and other times you tell me how much you miss me. Some tell me the silence and distance are necessary, the only way we can move forward and out of this valley we find ourselves in. Other times your hungry for me and wish we were together.

I know none of them are you, I know you aren’t here. I know I’m choosing delusions over reality.

I know it, but I still don’t believe it.

You see, my love, I’ve never been called romantic before. I’ve never had the gift of writing eloquent letters, or been able to gush words of affirmations over anyone easily. Before you, it was forced, trying, and felt cheesy. But life keeps teaching, and I keep learning.

All the things I’ve written you, all the things I’ve told you while looking into your beautiful eyes, all of the words you’ve heard me say, they are all new, they are all special and they are all real.

You are the one who makes them real, and telling them to you is easy because you are the fairytale that makes me believe.

I didn’t know you existed, I didn’t really believe this did exist. Songs, romantic movies, love stories? I would have said they were all what we want but nobody actually gets. But you’ve changed that for me, and I can’t unsee it.

So I’m sorry I can’t let you go. I can’t just push you out of my head, and I can’t easily move on without you.

I’ll be delusional, just like the characters are in the movies, or the writers are on their songs, because I know now that it exists.

I miss you a whole bunch

I love you

I’m sorry I can’t stop, but I’m also not, because I know our connection is that special and it’s worth this unknown agonizing amount of pain for me.

my mind rests a little bit more easily with the knowledge that our paths will no longer cross.

but despite everything. despite all the pain, hurt and anger, i will still miss you.

yet i'm still left with questions that will most likely never be answered.

what was all of this? why did it consume me so much? was it the same for you? why has it been so difficult to pry you from my senses despite this never actually having ever amounted to anything?

the invisible red string that has kept me tied to you despite everything that has happened.

but this was never meant to be. and i need to keep moving forward.

so i'll keep you tucked away in the dark corners of my mind.

my biggest what if.

But who is the cat, and who is the mouse? Perhaps, rather, the mouse is a bird? Always flitting just out of reach. Singing so sweetly in one's ear. And sightings becoming ever so rare as the winter looms closer.

And perhaps a hound, rather than a cat? Approaching with curiosity, but frightening the bird something fierce. Both hearts racing along for different reasons. The bird, now safe, curious from afar. And the hound left wandering along once more.

But perhaps if nature had made things slightly different... The bird would gladly land upon the hound to remove its fleas. And the hound would keep the bird safe, enjoying their beautiful song. Each grateful for the helpful company and shared journey.

Hey you,

You were the first thing on my mind when I woke up this morning I must admit. I couldn’t stop thinking about this weekend. You are finally back and we actually managed talk to each other this time around. I know I keep my mask on around you but I really hope you could feel how overjoyed I was we finally had a normal conversation. I know it was probably unexpected but I even tried to make you laugh at one point too lol…

Honestly I’m still surprised that things even went this well. I wasn’t sure if we could pick up where we left off before you left for your trip but it seems like you are warming up to me again…you even came to me for help over something I felt was minor in hindsight. The important part is that you came to me first; you must know I’ve always wanted to be your knight in shining armor. That shy look in your eyes honestly made me melt and your smile still sends a shock all throughout my insides…

I’m doing my best not to get too far ahead of myself like I usually do when it comes to you but I’d like to believe that we are closer to truly making amends. Maybe in due time we can finally have a conversation about what we felt for each other in the past, I’ve said it before that’s all I ever really wanted from you. I don’t think there will ever be a “right time” to bring this up but I feel like you would be in the head space to hear me out if I tried. I will keep my eyes peeled for any signal from you but I think this was a good start for us personally.

For now, I’ll just be in bed gushing over you while wishing you were here laying with me…I can’t wait to see you again, I promise I won’t give you the cold shoulder anymore. I think I did a good enough job of convincing you of that the last time lol…anyways I hope you have a good week. See you soon!

Love, SM 💘

Not when snark is in the air that scents the kisses that bind is. And not when our affection is a lexicon of small sarcastic motions, like the tides of the oceans that keep us apart. But I want you to know: I need you and I want you, my fire, my muse, my creative partner, my best friend, my closest confidant, my motivator, my navigator... I think of you endlessly. I think of what I'd say to you. Of how you might motivate me to sit and suffer through all these trials, how your hair might be the company my hand needs, or your shoulder my head.

I know I'm not perfect. I know I can be impulsive. I know I am easily distracted. And I know I hide away parts of myself like a child hyperventilating beneath an antique desk but I long for you. I want to hear your voice, to run my fingertips along your smooth, supple, skin. To be naked with you. To feel reassured. To write together. To run together. To fast together and to eat together.

I want to hear your thoughts on the movie I just watched. I want to kiss your shoulders and collarbones and leave you notes. To whisper in your ear as you sleep, grabbing a hold of you and never letting go.

Your intuition is the language I speak, your heart is the palace of my dreams. It's not infatuation if it never has to end, it's not a dream if you remember when it started. I will find you because you are mine.

Are you aware of how perfect you are?
Inside and out you radiate perfection
I'm caught in an image of you
Tracing your sweet smile
Missing your everyday charms
I never feel down with you around
Your presence is supernatural healer
I can't breathe without you here
I require your atmosphere my dear
You are every awesome memory
Can we make a million more please?
Just to hold your hand on a walk
Would be a perfect memory
How have you been?
I'm wondering what you're doing
Wishing that we could chat over fresh coffee
Images of you baking bread
Dance around inside my head
If you said my name I'd melt like butter
I do anything to make it seem like you're here I listen to your songs
I watch your movies
I hold the leftover clothes you have here
Just to feel close to you again
My heart cries out for the woman I love
My lips crave to touch your lips
Your skin is perfectly soft and succulent
Aching to be in your life again
I'd never ever let you go!
Gazing in your eyes I find paradise
Whispering your name in the wind
The wonderful feelings you bring
Dragonflies in my stomach prancing
I'm whisking the stellar jays off
With poems tucked under their wings
This is the greatest love of all
I dream of going on new adventures with you
You're my angel of eternity
I'm calling out to you
Reaching out to hold you in my arms again
This is definitely not delusional
Right?!!

You are not your thoughts, you are not your nightmares either! It may be rainy up there but keep your sheen and clumsy warmth alive! Do it for me, it's cute haha.

Loves for whoever needs it Reach out!❤️‍🔥🙌

You were never supposed to mean this much.

I wasn’t supposed to fall for someone who showed up fast, intense, and full of possibility and left just as suddenly, with silence where there used to be spark. I still don’t understand how something that felt so alive could die without warning. Without dignity. Without even a goodbye.

I keep replaying it all, not because I want you back, but because I want to understand how I lost myself so quickly. I keep thinking that if I just turn it over enough times in my mind, I’ll find the moment it broke, find the clue that tells me why you left, or why you even came in the first place.

But maybe that’s not the question anymore.

Maybe the real question is: What did I learn about me in all of this?

Because as much as I miss the rush, the flirting, the way you looked at me like I was everything, I also remember how I shrunk. How I spiraled. How I waited for texts that never came and twisted myself into softness just to feel close to you again.

You made me feel chosen. And then discarded.

And somehow, I still missed you.

That part is the hardest to forgive in myself.

But here’s what I know now: I wasn’t crazy. I wasn’t needy. I wasn’t too much.

I was open. I was tender. I was brave.

You were avoidant, inconsistent, charming, and incapable of meeting me in the light. You ran the moment things got real. You fed me the fantasy, then disappeared when I stopped performing ease.

You didn’t want the real me. And still I wanted you.

That’s the part I’m healing now. Not from you, exactly, but from what I thought your attention meant.

You were a beautiful lie wrapped in possibility. But you did teach me one thing: That I still have the capacity to feel deeply, to want wildly, to hope again.

You woke something up in me. And then you left.

So I’m taking that spark with me. You can keep the ghost.

I usually dont post in these types of subreddits. I honestly don't really know why I am doing so now..But I want to say im sorry. I know you dont want me to contact you for a week so you can calm down. I understand what I did was immature. I regret my actions so much. I miss talking to you. Talking to you put a smile on my face. 

I do take full accountability for my actions and how I behaved towards you. I am fixing my mental health. I wont make excuses for what happened. Im working on myself, im truly getting better.

I truly hope we can work this out, and you will give me another chance. I do appreciate you. I know you will see this, and i hope you dont get angry that i posted.

please dont go.

You know who you are..

All my hopes were centering around you, the one person I wanted to love, the one person I wanted to reach out forever but never understanding how to even talk with you.

I didn't knew how can I break the silence. Beacuse all along I was the silence, the void.

You're the only hope, only thing that would ever felt real. You're so close but never reachable. Maybe I was the one who never had knew what was love, what was caring. A fear that stops you to think, a fear that stops you to write.

How could I understand you when I couldn't understand myself. I wanted to be strong, even if it required killing the soul inside of me. May be I never understood what true strength, what true courage looked like.

I hurt myself again and again. I will never forget how I avoided everything even running after your friend, so I don't face you. I tried to create a fake emotions to others realizing, How much I never had the courage the show my real emotions towards you.

Your rejection was more painful than my silence. When I am dying every moment embracing the silence, you never thought of give me any real thing. I looked for you in every place every corner, but I never felt I was welcome.

Yes it was sometimes a false ego, self respect that didn't exist between us. But I was afraid if you would ever like me or think of me the way you were present in my thoughts.

I couldn't possibly express my love with a feeling of broken, with a life where I couldn't make sense of anything. Call me philosopher or comedian, but you reminded me of death on my thoughts and still I could smile with a happiness.

I wanted to accept and be with you as you are. But I was afraid if you would even look at me as the person I am. I started to do things that would kill the time in hope of a time when I could show the inside of me. How you're there, How I kept suppressing thoughts of you.

I made everything over due. But when I went to, I was unable to produce anything, I was afraid, I was afraid of not messing up. I don't why it's and why this way things would go.

I am sorry for hurting you. You will remain the same person who taught me to find myself in the void, when nothing made any sense of me.

If I had anything to do about the physical appearance, it wasn't ever about yours then mine. Nothing could make me feel alright with myself.

I did terrible things which provided nothing but aches inside me on those moments and created new scars and another new reason to hate myself and another reason to feel unworthy.

With time I felt to start a respect towards that just increased everyday without any communication. Yes I remained the same silence from the day one.

The way you showed up in my email draft, in the day. It makes sense how you wanted to see new beginnings in me.

The way I feel dumb, I don't know if I could ever make sense of everything. I had a budding emotion which sometimes felt love, sometimes a longing.

I wish I could die with that hesitation. Then facing everything from which I wanted to escape. I still love you but it hurts me how I handled everything. I was never concerning your materialistic reality, and was hopping to accept you with any of your flaws.

I don't know why you're making me suffer things those are killing me every moment. I had no idea about anything and when realized I have got no knowledge of how can I make things al right.

You always said my feelings were nothing more than positive feelings and it's how much wrong only I know. How I tried everything even hurting people around me to change everything to better direction, was not for a positive feelings but a fear of loss what I never wanted to lose. But all along I made everything worse for others.

I didn't know things would come to me like this. My stubbornness costed everything for me, that once gave the courage to live for.

The way I loved you unknowingly, not caring about anything but you, will not die. You're something couldn't realize or anticipate in reality but made shadows of you in my mind everyday.

How things went on from last month to me, I couldn't make sense any of that. Nothing was hard that much in my life. That drived me to look for meaning to look for a consolation in things that would let me just complete my study for now with a bit of hopes that would let me live. These things were like the usual fantasies I made, sins I do to feel how much of a devil I am and How much I deserve my life and it's pain.

I don't know what's really going on your mind. How is your situation or did you ever loved me or anything. I might never know or realize what truly love is.

I always have the courage to accept you in any of your forms, any of your flaws. It was never a thing for me to look at your past and exteriors.

In my wildest dreams I couldn't think of what you're really going through. What were you or turned out to be to me with each moment passing, only I know. I never wanted to impose things but always dreamed to make everything meaningful, which in my reality only you could project.

I could never love flowers or bring any positive feelings like you say. But you're the only wallflower I would keep loving.

I don't know how would I ever apologize for the things I did to you and people around.

Ive thought of a million possibilities, in each what I could say and still. All the outcomes remain the same. The same outcome I knew it to be from the start. But I loved being consumed by you. Id like to believe in a lot of ways we are the same and that like me, drawing on all of my restrain to hide, know there are lines we simply cannot cross. I fear I see you ever again, fear I wont be able to help myself. Ill break my own heart.

will you read this one day? i miss you. i just miss you so much and i cannot tell you - what are we, what is this? strangers? surely not but why do i miss you then? love, i longed to hear that word from you. i miss the sound of your voice

It’s been 2 years. How am I not over you yet? How am I not interested in a single man, and just cannot move tf on? You ruined my life.

When you would be drenched in sweat and the droplets would hit my skin.

When I looked into your mouth and I could see the plaque coating your teeth.

How your ego would get bruised when I was able to out-do you in what you saw as masculine roles.

When you spoke like you had food in your mouth and couldn't get enough air.

When you met my friends and family and I would have to step in and try to control the conversation because of how cringe you were.

When you'd try to act like you were sure of a situation but it was clear you were not.

I'm mostly repulsed with myself for staying for so long. I met you when I had no self-esteem and settled. I shouldn't have had to show a grown man how to wipe clean. I really hope you got it together dingleberry.

One day it’ll all make sense. Everything that has been and everything that is yet to come. Someday they say you’ll look back and will finally understand why. But right now in this moment I can’t see any reason for all the chaos and pain. The confusion. The constant fear of this being it. There may not be more. This is it.