r/whowouldwin • u/[deleted] • Feb 26 '15
Jackie Chan walks into the Marvel Universe, not wanting trouble. Who's the strongest he can beat?
He is also holding expensive vases containing babies.
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u/greenserpent25 Feb 26 '15
Is he also in a ladder and expensive furniture store?
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Feb 26 '15
That's where most of the street level fights take place.
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Feb 26 '15
Then by some wacky set of circumstances he continually gains control of increasingly powerful objects (pym particles, cap's shield, Mjolnir, etc.) until he's wielding the infinity gauntlet.
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Feb 26 '15
I could see Jackie Chan being worthy of Mjolnir.
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Feb 26 '15
Then handing it back to Thor holding it between thumb and forefinger saying, "sorry... sorry."
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u/AncientSwordRage Feb 26 '15
He's be accidentally destroying buildings... 'I don't want no trouble! ' first...
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u/Grandy12 Feb 27 '15
It would happen mid-fight and he wouldnt even notice it was an important moment, either. They would do some acrobacies mid-air, then Jackie is suddenly holding Mjolnir while Thor suddenly has the vase with the baby in it.
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u/OK_Soda Feb 26 '15
Only if Mjolnir is about to fall on a vase or a baby and Jackie Chan has to catch it and immediately swing it into a bad guy who's coming at him.
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Feb 26 '15
[deleted]
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Feb 26 '15
Thing is, if he gets drunk, he might want trouble.
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u/AVeryWittyUsername Feb 26 '15
He'd definitely want trouble if drunk
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u/Alakazarm Feb 26 '15
Somebody make the part where he massages his head with the arm ring into a gif
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u/Eyezupguardian Feb 27 '15
his early stuff (and middle and later) stuff was so good
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u/AVeryWittyUsername Feb 27 '15
You got that right. My grandad got me into Jackie Chan, he was a big Kung fu nut, loved all his movies ever since.
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u/Eyezupguardian Feb 27 '15
i had armor of god on vhs since i was a kid. favourite film ever, watched it hundreds of times
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u/AVeryWittyUsername Feb 27 '15
Damn, I haven't seen that in ages. I used to go over to my Grandad's and watch an episode of Monkey Magic then he'd put a kung fu on. I think he still has a copy of Armor of God.
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u/Ziazan Feb 27 '15
I knew Lei Wulong was based on JC but I didn't know it was specifically this scene.
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u/jhnhines Feb 27 '15
His nickname is even Super Cop, which is a famous series from Jackie Chan.
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u/Ziazan Feb 27 '15
Yeah he's directly modelled on him but that scene in particular just had sooo many of his moves!
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u/clawclawbite Feb 26 '15
No, he is a friendly/silly drunk, not an angry one.
Have you not see Drunken Master films?
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u/Eyezupguardian Feb 27 '15
this is a catch 22.
drunk jackie is OP
sober jackie that wants no trouble and has a baby is just as OP
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u/somekindawizard1 Feb 26 '15
I think Jackie Chan could beat anyone by somehow making them punch themself in the face or some stupid shit like that
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u/AncientSwordRage Feb 26 '15
With non-fan-wankery probably Capt. America.
With fan-wankery engaged I bet he gains Mjolnir and becomes the new Thor, but with kung-fu.
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u/irrationalskeptic Feb 26 '15
Is it bad that I want this?
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u/Shmangit Feb 26 '15
Jackie Chan Adventures in Valhalla???
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u/AncientSwordRage Feb 26 '15
I'm sure they must have been covered in one of the episodes... Right?
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u/Isord Feb 26 '15
Is being able to pronounce Mjolnir a prerequisite of wielding it?
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u/OK_Soda Feb 26 '15
Well now I kind of want Darcy to get her own enchanted hammer that's actually called Mew Mew.
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u/MystyrNile Feb 27 '15
If you didn't know, the J is pronounced like a Y. As in Jaeger or Johan.
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u/Maggruber Jul 02 '15
"Hey this is Halo Follower here, and today we are going to talk about Master Chief's Manure armor!"
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u/anroroco Feb 26 '15
And now I'm sad because there's no kung-fu Thor :(
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u/rileyrulesu Feb 27 '15
No way he could beat cap... In fact, I doubt there's a single, serious, named hero that jackie could beat.
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u/Grandy12 Feb 27 '15
I think he could "beat" some melee fighters, but only in the sense would hold off losing until both realise they are on the same side.
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u/JKBUK Feb 26 '15
Does he get the talismans?
Edit: ONE MOREEE THING
... I don't actually have anything else.
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Feb 26 '15 edited Oct 24 '17
I choose a dvd for tonight
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u/TheFudgeKing Feb 26 '15
I think you might be thinking of the Dog Talisman which grants the bearer Immortality, but a combination of this and the Horse's healing abilities you would be pretty much invincible, in a way.
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Feb 26 '15
I think all talismans would put him at city level, could probably take mcu thor
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u/TheFudgeKing Feb 26 '15
If he possessed all the talismans I feel that he could take most of the MU purely because of the versatility that all 12 talismans provide. For example, combining the Rooster's Levitation and the Rabbit's Super Speed one would create a type of flight.
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u/Krazen Feb 26 '15
Flight, Super Strength, Invulnerability, Heat Vision
... Can't put my finger on it, but I feel like I've seen this powerset..
Oh also -
Shape shifting
Astral Projection (dream invasion & possession)
Dragon blasts
Animating of objects
Splitting into two
Invisibility
Yea this Jackie is pretty badass.
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u/s2514 Feb 27 '15
The splitting into two is not really as useful as it sounds on paper. Neither is Astral Projection since there are other people that can take his body and/or talismans.
Still the other ones make him pretty OP.
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u/Green_Skye Feb 26 '15
TOAA
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u/funwiththoughts Mar 11 '15
How did I know someone would say this? Oh right, because someone says that in every goddamn "who's the strongest he can beat" question...
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u/skiser777 Feb 26 '15 edited Mar 10 '15
Jackie Chan can bruise Bruce Banner. Even if the fight started with Hulk, Jackie Chan can put anybody in a good mood. Jackie can survive until Hulk Banners down then, whap, Chan-strike.
Edit: http://imgur.com/gallery/Ra8QSAd Edit 2: A word.
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Feb 27 '15
He beats thanos by using both of his "i don't want trouble" powers and thanos' subconcious desire to lose.
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u/Etonet Feb 26 '15
He beats squirrel girl and they later befriend each other. So i guess everyone
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u/shroomenheimer Feb 26 '15
I'm thinking him vs the anti moniter would be a draw
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u/Zankman Feb 26 '15
He is so powerful he crosses into the DC universe?
By god...
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Feb 26 '15
I'd say he's about Batman-with-prep-tier
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u/TommaClock Feb 26 '15
Is that above or below speedforce tier?
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Feb 26 '15
Come on, man. Below. Batman can't prep for death. Flash can outrun death.
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u/Panda_Boners Feb 26 '15
I wouldn't doubt Batman could prep for death
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u/Superomegla Feb 26 '15
The argument in another thread was "Batman hasn't outprepped batman, but the Flash has outrun the Flash". So speedforce is above Batman-with-prep.
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Feb 27 '15
Wait but doesn't that mean that Batman-with-prep is indefeatable?
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u/ibbolia Feb 26 '15
The last will and testament of Batman just ends up being a list of dates, times, locations, and suspects. It is 100% accurate.
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u/Ziazan Feb 27 '15
Fully searchable codex of everything that ever will be. Always 100% correct once read. Bookmarked searches for crimes, topless women at unobscured windows, that kind of thing. Results sortable/filterable by date/time, etc.
But Batman doesn't die, ever, as he has prepped sufficiently.
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u/glarbung Feb 27 '15
Lazarus pit, dionesium, vampirism, being trapped in time. Just on the top of my head the few ways that Batman could use to cheat death and that have been linked to him in the past few years.
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u/ThatPersonGu Feb 26 '15
Where does it compare against Squirrel Force and FanCalc Goku? Can it beat EU Luke and Elsa if the two did a fusion dance? How many fingers and I holding up? What time is it? Where am I? Why are you still reading this? Who are you?
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u/pm2846 Feb 26 '15
I would say that in hand to hand combat Chan should be able to take out Starlord.
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u/Imperium_Dragon Feb 26 '15
Squirrel Girl.
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u/chixelpix Feb 26 '15
What part of 'Unbeatable Squirrel Girl' you you not understand guh
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u/SirRonaldofBurgundy Feb 27 '15
Are you insane? Do you realize how powerful Jackie would become if he were attacked by an army of hilarious squirrels? They would constantly be getting under his clothes, biting his feet, and making him run into stuff. He would be functionally omnipotent.
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u/totes_meta_bot Feb 27 '15
This thread has been linked to from elsewhere on reddit.
- [/r/nocontext] Are you insane? Do you realize how powerful Jackie would become if he were attacked by an army of hilarious squirrels? They would constantly be getting under his clothes, biting his feet, and making him run into stuff. He would be functionally omnipotent.
If you follow any of the above links, respect the rules of reddit and don't vote or comment. Questions? Abuse? Message me here.
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u/chixelpix Feb 27 '15
Aye tis a scary concept but even if something is Omnipotent how can it beat something that is in it's very nature unbeatable, it boggles the mind to think of these two things clash
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u/cdos93 Feb 27 '15
Bonus power to Jackie if the fight takes place in a shop full of very expensive and very breakable things or a ladder warehouse.
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u/Imperium_Dragon Feb 26 '15
But Jackie Chan beats the Unbeatable. He is "I do wunna have no trubble" lusted.
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u/s2514 Feb 27 '15
Ah the age old question of what happens when an unstoppable object meets a Chan that doesn't want any trouble.
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u/s2514 Feb 27 '15
He can only beat those that are unable to make a list of three things that are not him.
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u/ThreeStarUniform Feb 27 '15
Jackie Chan holding a baby/not wanting trouble/holding an expensive vase is basically Amadeus Cho with better physical stats. He'd crush anyone below Spiderman. Maybe Spiderman, too.
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u/ideletedlastaccount Mar 09 '15
Where is he? Store? Warehouse? Construction site? Anywhere with a staircase or ladder really. Is he in a goofy costume? Is he partnered with a dim-witted side-kick Owen Wilson or Chris Tucker?
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u/Fuzz-Muffin Jul 17 '15
He could easily beat the ever-loving shit out of Hawkeye, I know that much.
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Feb 27 '15
spooderman
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u/AukeXI Feb 27 '15 edited Feb 27 '15
Get back to /r/whowouldwincirclejerk! Edit: /r/whowouldcirclejerk
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u/Thefrankman Feb 26 '15
I like how every character brought up on this sub is assumed to be at peak strength when bloodlusted expect for Jackie Chan who is assumed to be at peak when he is the opposite of bloodlusted.