r/whowouldwin • u/mrcelophane • Jan 10 '17
Special Character Scramble VII Round 1C: Reclaiming Ass-ets
The Character Scramble is a bloodmatch tournament where people compete to analyze unique matchups and scenarios and write the best story they can. At the beginning, everyone submits characters that meet the guidelines, then those characters are randomized and distributed evenly. From then on, each week there's a new writing prompt for everyone to follow. At the end of the week, everyone votes for who they think should advance, until we have our winner at the end. The winner at the end of the tournament gets to choose the theme, tier, and rules of the next scramble, along with a nice custom flair as their reward. The current theme is based on the Wii game MadWorld, and the current tier is 3/10 Spider-Man with no Spider-sense to 7/10 Spider-Man with Spider-sense.
Without further ado, here we go!
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This round is for matches 15-21. After this, Round 2 will progress as normal, with all writers still in the scramble competing as usual.
(♫)
One way or another- be it exploration, chasing prey, or a pitched battle on the highways- your fighters have made it to Asiantown, the district due north of downtown Varrigan City. This hustling and bustling mecca of Asian culture boasts the world’s largest bowl of fake noodles attached to a sign among other highly specific accolades, and everything seems set to-
“MUTHAFUCKIN’ BROKE-ASS PUNK-ASS THIEVES JACKIN’ MY GAT DAMN MONEY I’LL FUCKIN’ SPLIT THEY WIG IF I DON’T GET BACK MY SHIT NAW IT’S ON NOW THEY GON’ SEE WHY THEY CALL ME THE BLACK MUTHAFUCKIN’ BARON I’LL SHIT FURY ALL OVER THEY BITCH ASSES FOR STEALIN’ MY SHIT NAW GIRL I DON’T WANT NONE RIGHT NOW THIS IS SOME GAT DAMN FUCKIN’ SERIOUS SHIT RIGHT HERE DIG I AM SICK AND MUTHAFUCKIN’ TIRED OF MY SHIT GETTING STOLEN ALL THE TIME BY THESE GAT DAMN NI- oh what’s that baby the mic is on?”
After a moment of brief shuffling and hushed curses, the speakers crackle with life once again as a similar but significantly more composed voice issues forth across Asiantown.
“Uh, alright, um… PIMPS, PLAYERS, AND PAIN PURVEYORS! I’d be the first to welcome y’all to Asiantown, but before I do that, we gots ourselves a problem. Well, ya boy The Black Baron has a problem, which automatically MAKES it your problem, ya dig? Make a long story short, ya boy the Bishop of Blood and Carnage has a lot of side businesses in order to make that muthafuckin’ money, and one of those joints is a brothel in this part’a town built on top of a restaurant. Businessmen with fat wallets get crunk on sake and want some sucky-sucky, ya feel me? But it ain’t all sunshine and happy endings for ya boy, ‘cause the Black Baron just found out that his bitches’re being stolen away by a bunch of muthafuckin’ thievin’-ass, dirty-ass, dumb-ass, hatin’-ass, BITCH-ASS NINJAS! ...Naw baby, it’s cool, I’m an eighth Chinese, I can call them that.”
“...Anyways, the Baron needs to you kill those punk-ass ninjas before they take all his hoes, ya dig? Head on over to La Lusty Geisha and cap those ninjas so ya boy can make papes offa that sweet oriental ass. Save the geishas that’re still there, kill every last muthafuckin’ dirty-ass ninja you find, and you’ll get all ranked up an’ shit for your efforts. Now ya boy cares about his hoes, but the bottom line is I don’t give a fuck who saves them, ya feel me? Whoever walks out of the front door with one of my girls gets the rank-up, whether they saved the bitch or not. Now get movin’- there’s hoes in danger!”
(For details on the geishas and their locations, be sure to read the Environment section!)
Normal Rules
Character Select: Look at all these obscure characters in the scramble! Give a brief summary of your characters in your post. Be sure to mention things like powers, personality, weaknesses, just stuff that the average reader should know before reading.
A Winner Is You: This Scramble is based on a game, and in the end the player always wins the game. This time the player is you, champ! That means that when your write your story, your team always comes out victorious. Even if the odds of you winning are 1 in 100, explain those odds in the analysis and then show us that 1 miracle run.
Looting Disabled: Characters are assumed to be at the same power level they started the tournament at at all times. To clarify, this means you would not be able to loot Jack of his sweet chainsaw arm if you beat him in a previous round, or otherwise gain a competitive advantage based on anything that happened in a previous round. This is to aid your opponent in research of your character.
Due Date: The night of Tuesday, January 17th.
Please Vote: If you don’t vote, you don’t win. Simple. Voting qualifies you for each round, which means forgetting to vote gets you kicked out, regardless of whether or not you would have won. That means that when voting goes up, you should probably take care of it pronto-like.
Round Specific Rules
Round Goal: Save The Geishas. Black Baron is rewarding anyone who brings a geisha safely through the front door of La Lusty Geisha. Note that he specifically said bringing them out safely- if your fighters aren’t the saving type, maybe they can wait for others who are more heroically-inclined to save the geishas and poach them before they reach the exit…
Oh, and kill all the ninjas. There’s a lot of them, but this shouldn’t be too difficult for you.
Environment: La Lusty Geisha Restaurant. Okay, it’s also a brothel too. La Lusty Geisha is a two-story building, with geishas hidden on each floor as well as the roof. The entire place is decorated with a mixed Asian theme, and each floor has its own features, hidden geishas, and exciting deathtraps.
The restaurant floor is the ground floor, and features an open dining area surrounding a conveyor belt of sushi and fish dishes. An automated sushi cutter whirs along the line slicing and dicing the food with a pair of enormous, lightning-fast sword arms. It’s an incredible spectacle and a big draw of the restaurant (that is, the biggest draw that doesn’t involve the upper floor), and it’s totally safe… so long as you don’t fall onto the conveyor belt. The geisha is hiding amongst crates and boxes in the back kitchen area- you can’t miss her, she’s in the storage area just past the prep table and the enormous cauldron of boiling fry oil.
The brothel takes up the second floor, and is designed to resemble traditional Japanese homes with sliding doors, padded floors, futons, and the occasional wall covered in posters of half-naked anime girls. That’s… what Japanese homes look like, right? The arrangement of the bedrooms themselves resembles a hotel, with long hallways all branching off of a center hub dominated by an enormous gnarled old cherry blossom tree. While the blossoms themselves are beautiful, the tree’s branches have been sharpened into deadly spikes, making a fall into the tree a pretty fatal affair. As for how the Baron got a tree onto the second floor of a building… don’t, uh, don’t think about that. The geisha is hiding in the bathroom of one of the rooms at the end of a hallway, behind altogether too many ninjas.
The roof of the building has been made into a zen garden, complete with those little rakes, stones, and plenty of ninjas. Beyond that the zen garden isn’t actually that dangerous, except for the cannons. Did I mention there were cannons? They’re designed to shoot fireworks, but easily fit men, catapulting them into the air to explode in a shower of lights, sounds, and internal organs. Better get comfortable with them quickly, because it looks like someone strapped the last geisha into the furthest launcher, and even rigged her with C4! Save her from the cannon and disarm the bomb strapped to her ample chest if you want that sweet, sweet rank-up!
Mook Type: Aside from a surprisingly large influx of ninjas, there have been a few strange additions to the melee breaking out inside the whoresturant (resturothel?). Some of the ninjas running around seem a bit strange- they’re a monotone gray with weird gunk covering their hands and feet, and every time they take or receive damage, a burst of sparks emits from their bodies instead of blood for some strange reason. Maybe they’re robots? Whatever. Aside from them, the fighters drawn by the Baron’s call aren’t the only heroes on site- while their physical prowess is certainly lacking, a few white knights of the internet have taken up the call to arms, with their glorious nippon steel readied in a desperate attempt to save the one they care about most. Also they keep saying the word “waifu” over and over. Dunno what that’s about.
Flavor Rules
Announcers: DeathWatch is a show broadcast for the entertainment of millions, and as such comes with play-by-play commentary provided by a team typically consisting of Howard “Buckshot” Holmes and Kreese Kreeley. However, you’re free to use any announcers you’d like, or not use any at all.
Wildcard, Bitches!: Teams that were in Round 1A have already received their wildcards, but anyone else who hasn’t will get them in this round. For whatever reason, your fighters find another unsponsored fighter at La Lusty Geisha and, remembering the Baron’s words, your sponsor chooses to recruit them. How that fateful meeting comes to fruition is up to you.
2
u/SirLordBobIV Jan 10 '17 edited Jan 17 '17
Vs The F.I.S.H
Team [Name Pending] / X n' ShitMeenah Peixes, Actual / Metaphorical Troll
Signup Post + Justification + Tribunal Clarification
Series: Homestuck (Webcomic)
Bio: There are people who can tell you what Homestuck is about, but I'm not one of them. Nearest I can comprehend is that Meenah used to be a princess, NOPE'd the fuck outta responsibility, went to the moon and found a reality-affecting video game, convinced her friends to join her, caused as much conflict as she could among said friends which kinda lead to the game nearly resetting and ending their existence at which point she blew the fuck up out of everyone in her party so that they could live forever as ghosts. Besides seeming like an overall bitch, she enjoys fish puns and loot.
Abilities: Literally all her stats are being powerscaled to at least 4 other characters since she's only been in one fight. Fuck that vague research bullshit, I'm copy-pasting Kaio's analysis: Thanks Kaio
Shit she actually has:
2x3dentkind: Her double-sided trident which is apparently made of gold.
Thief of Life powers: The aforementioned life drain which has been set to take a minute to kill Spidey.
Conditional Immortality: Having ascended to god tier, Meenah will revive with a delay if her death has not been judged either
(Irrelevant) Fun Fact: All of Stranger-er's submissions have been pitted against each other: Dresden vs Octoganopus in Round 1A, Meenah vs Proto Man + Palutena now, and the winner going up against Octoganopus next round.
Plague Knight, Arcane Alchemist
"The bigger the explosion, the better the alchemist!"
Signup Post
Series: Shovel Knight (Video Game)
Bio: One of the eight members of The Order of No Quarter whom Shovel Knight faces, Plague Knight is a man who brews all manner of potions in the name of SCIENCE! In his own campaign, Plague of Shadows, he's looking to craft the Ultimate Potion, though the key ingredients are held by his "allies"...
Abilities: While Plague Knight does have a few potions for buffing, most of his arsenal is comprised of the many different ways to follow the path of EXPLOSIONS ҉ He's capable of customizing his many types of potions on-the-fly: homing potions, boomeranging potions, flame-producing explosions, spark-producing explosions, and explosions that make bigger explosions are only a small part of his kit. There's also the different types of Burst (read:Rocket Jumping) he can utilize and his stockpile of Arcana items. If all else fails, that staff he's holding isn't for show...
Luigi, Green 'Stache
King of Second Bananas"I don't give my name to strangers. Watch Luigi punish you for your badness!"
Signup Post
Series: Super Mario Bros. (Video Game)
Bio: Mario's younger brother, Luigi is a bit more shy and cowardly which causes his reputation to take a hit: reactions go anywhere from "Well, since Mario isn't here..." to "Who are you again?". That said, he's known as Player Two for a reason; he's been in just as many adventures as Mario for the past 30+ years even if he had to be dragged along for some of them.
Abilities: Besides the ever famous ability to jump, Luigi has been submitted with his Super Smash Bros. Brawl moveset and his iconic Poltergust 3000 ghost-catching vacuum. The former includes his gravity-defying fireballs and his Final Smash Negative Zone, a dance that causes a variety of status effects including, but not limited to: spontaneous dancing, tripping, or sleeping. The latter is made for spirit catching and the ability to suck up and return attacks, notably the elements of fire, water, and ice.
Penny Polendina, A Real Girl
"I'm combat ready!"
Signup Post
Series: RWBY (Web Animation)
Bio: A rather excitable girl if a bit "odd", it turns out Penny is secretly the world's first AI with an Aura aka a soul. While she's currently a visiting competitor from the Kingdom of Atlas in the Vytal Festival tournament, she believes that she has the destiny of saving the world.
Abilities: Fighters in the RWBY-verse can manifest their souls into Aura, a personal forcefield that buffs up the user's physicals and prevents physical injuries. Being a top-secret military android, Penny is able to effortlessly control 14 swords via the wires from her back compartment and shoot laser beams from them. If pressed, she can also charge up a huge laser cannon capable of ripping through airships.
Milo Amastacia-Liadon, 3.5e Optimizer
"I like it! [Quidditch] has everything. Magic, danger, and rules blatantly skewed for the PCs to shine. Harry, make sure to write this down."
Signup Post
Series: Harry Potter and the Natural 20 (Harry Potter / Dungeons and Dragons Fanfic)
Bio: An 11-year old Wizard adventurer who found himself summoned into the Harry Potter-verse by Death Eaters; he managed to escape and make his way to Hogwarts where he became a student and decided to stick with Harry to follow the plot for XP.
Sponsor Capabilities: As a seasoned Adventurer, Milo has experience in organizing a party and is rather Genre Savvy about how the story rolls along. In addition, there's the innate creativity he has as a DnD character in carefully exploiting the rules as much as possible though never to the point of angering the forces above (The DM).
Mayhem Dispenser Drops:
Source -> Ctrl + C -> Ctrl + V. Thanks Aqua.
Regular Stuff
Grappling Hook + 50 Feet of Silk Rope
Flask of Holy Water, 5 lbs of Garlic
1x Liquid Sunlight
Anti Toxin
5x Flasks of Oil, Flint and Steel
Bag of Caltrops
An 11 Foot Pole
4x Filter Masks
25 square feet of fishing net
Masterwork Quarterstaff - It's just a big heavy stick
Cold Iron Dagger - It's just a dagger
Noteworthy Stuff
1x Feather Token (Tree) - Once the command word is said, it instantly spawns a 5-foot wide, 60 feet tall oak tree. It pushes anything above of it upwards, and it is not stopped by things like ceilings. He's used this to smash enemies up and through ceilings.
Robe of Arcane Might + Fire Resist 5 - Magic Equipment resizes to fit the wearer. This robe acts like hardened steel in response to attacks, and it also doesn't catch fire.
4x Amulets of Protection from Evil - Magic Amulets with passively granting 'Protection from Evil'. Attacks from evil characters are more likely to block, miss or be resisted (+2 AC and +2 Saving Throws). Character wearing it cannot be possessed or mentally controlled by anyone (doesn't matter if the possessor is good or evil). And non-good summoned creatures cannot directly touch the character under the protection.
Headband of Intellect +4 and Mirror Move (CL3, continuous) - The +4 Intellect is fairly self explanatory. Mirror Move is an official, online published spell that allows the caster to "reproduce any general feat with an obvious physical effect that you observed another perform within the past 10 rounds, providing you meet the prerequisites for that feat." Example not copy-pasted for character space.
+1 Elven Thinblade of Warning w/Lesser Crystal of Returning - It's a basic sword that gives +5 to Initiative (makes you more likely to act first) and immediately appears in the owner's hand.