Character Scramble IX Round 0: Folly of the Grand Inferno

[u/7thSonOfSons]

The Character Scramble is a bloodmatch tournament where people compete to analyze unique matchups and scenarios and write the best story they can. At the beginning, everyone submits characters that meet the guidelines, then those characters are randomized and distributed evenly. From then on, each week there's a new writing prompt for everyone to follow. At the end of the week, everyone votes for who they think should advance, until we have our winner at the end. The winner at the end of the tournament gets to choose the theme, tier, and rules of the next scramble, along with a sweet custom flair as their reward. The current theme is based on the mobile game Fate: Grand Order, and the current tier is anywhere from 2/10 to 8/10 DCEU Wonder Woman, using only feats from her standalone movie.

Without further ado, here we go!

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A flash of light. That is the first thing your master sees after the events of their "candidacy test". Their sense slowly come back. How long has it been since the test? Hours? Days? Weeks? Perhaps even longer still. A glance at their surroundings tells them very little. Sterile white walls and minimal decorations beyond the bed they're laid out in. No sooner do they awaken, perhaps take notice of the new red tattoo they're sporting, than a few oddly dressed individuals enter the room, escorting your master out and through the halls. Answers given to questions like "where am I" and "what's going on" are limited, should they even be answered at all.

After being escorted through this "facility" for a time, your master is given back their clothes and their equipment, as well as three objects unfamiliar to them. A summoning, they're told, to call forth "Heroic Spirits". Champions of ages and worlds and tales not of this World. Maybe it comes naturally to them, or maybe they require direction, but eventually it happens: the summoning ritual! But no sooner does your master get even somewhat aquainted with their new Servants than they're whisked off on your very first "mission": Singularity L.

London, England, 1666

Not much instruction is given to your team as they're directed to the singularity. Not much is even known what's happening, other than an anomalous appearance of great power having arrived. As your master and their servants is pulled into the past, it quickly becomes clear that all is not right. First and foremost: Everything is on fire.

The Great Fire of London rages around your team. Buildings collapse, debris rains down upon the street, smoke fills the air; It's hardly the time or place for getting to know the people you'll have to entrust your life to. But after some searching, the anomalous great power reveals herself: The King of Knights, Arturia Pendragon. And, well, your job is to get rid of her so...

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Normal Rules

Who Art Thou: Look at all these obscure characters in the scramble! Give a brief summary of your characters in your post. Be sure to mention things like powers, personality, weaknesses, just stuff that the average reader should know before reading.

Crit Happens: The Scramble is a game, and in the end the player always wins the game. This time the player is you, champ! That means that when your write your story, your team always comes out victorious. Even if the odds of you winning are 1 in 100, explain those odds in the analysis and then show us that 1 miracle run.

Unfamiliar Arms: Characters are assumed to be at the same power level they started the tournament at at all times. To clarify, this means you would not be able to loot Wonder Woman of her lasso if you beat her in a previous round, or otherwise gain a competitive advantage based on anything that happened in a previous round. This is to aid your opponent in research of your character.

Thou Art My Master: Such powerful servants and such fragile masters, how could the master hope to survive? Well, they had better, at all costs. If the master dies, all their servants go with them. So like it or not, your servants might have to put in the extra work to protect the master. But those command seals on their hand are a powerful tool...

Due Date: Round 0 is due December the 16th, Two Weeks from Now! Keep in mind that while this is a warmup round, failing to participate will still get you kicked out. It’s highly recommended that you put your best foot forward, but don’t take it too seriously- we’re just getting started!

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Round Specific Rules:

• Round Goal: God Save Our Queen King: For whatever reason, the Saber known as King Arthur has appeared during the Great Fire of London, and it's your job to kill her. Better learn some teamwork fast!

• A Man Chooses, A Slave Obeys: Even in this bizarre timeline, Arturia is still a heroic spirit, and as a heroic spirit, she still needs a master. Who are they? And why is it she can't seem to muster the strength for Excalibur?

• Trial by Fire: Your master has awoken in a strange place, performed a strange ceremony, awoken strange "servants", and now you're on a strange mission. For as off putting and daunting as all this must be, it doesn't look like your master has much of a choice in this. How it goes down may vary case by case, but that it all happens is undeniable.

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Flavor Rules

• Team Building: Awoken from who knows how long and forced to work besides one another, how do your servants get along? And your master? How do they acclimate to the fact they hold three lives in their hands? And how do your servants feel about their survival being intrisically linked to someone so much weaker?

• The Answer: So... Who are these people? Who are you working for? What do they tell you, if anything? Why you? Why these servants? Why any of this? How many of these questions do your characters ask, and what kind of answers do they receive?

[u/Emperor-Pimpatine]

Flowey awoke in a stark white room. Nothing lay inside but the bed he was resting on. Where am I? The last thing I remember is completing the master's tes- "Wait," he said aloud. He looked down. He wasn't in a bed, but a plot of soil. A- "Flowerbed." Flowey spat through gritted teeth. He had always hated puns. He had no more time to think before hooded figures entered his room silently, one brandishing a common gardening trowel. "Hey, what gives? And what do you think you're doing with that thing?"

After being transferred to a small pot, Flowey began to shout at his kidnappers. "Who are you people, and why am I here?! Answer me!" The hooded figures ignored him as they stopped at a door, opened it, and dropped Flowey inside before slamming the door. That really bothered him; he wasn't used to feeling so powerless. "I can move on my own, you know! The pot was unnecessary!" Flowey continued to yell at his captors for several minutes, then finally turned to examine the room he was locked in. This room was bare save for an odd altar with three items inside: A sword in an odd cloth sheath, a pair of glasses, and a . . . woman's swimsuit?

"When that bright light mentioned the Holy Grail, this is the last thing I thought I'd see. Eww." Flowey examined the items, trying to piece their meaning together. "Hm, do these items belong to one person?" He looked back to the swimsuit. "I hope not. Otherwise I'd summon some kind of exhibitionist ninja." Summon. The word has just wormed its way into his mind, but now he was sure of this room's purpose. Flowey grinned as the realization struck him. "I'll summon three warriors using their possessions, like the one from my candidacy test. And if I summon them, then I am their master!"

Flowey laughed. He was going to enjoy this. "Now, let's play!" Flowey quickly recited the chant, eager to use his servants. In a flash of smoke, three figures appeared in the place of their possessions, staring at the bed of bright yellow flowers, with Flowey at the center, bobbing his head from side to side as he grinned. Let's be as disarming as possible, and then we can start the fun!

An older looking man in an undershirt, shorts, and sandals sat cross legged, adjusting his glasses. He looked to his fellow servants with disinterest. Flowey looked back at him with equal apathy. Did this old fart just get out of bed?

Next to him was a tall gaunt figure in a robe, his face highlighted by his dark facepaint and a bizarre yet ornate piece of headwear. This figure gave the flower his undivided attention with wide, eager eyes. Flowey wilted under his uncomfortable gaze, feeling as though he were being scrutinized under a microscope. Of course this creep has the sword. So all that's left is-

The girl was exactly what Flowey expected. She wore a pink tracksuit, with her swimwear visible underneath. She looked to her fellow servants with hesitation and confusion as her long ponytail twitched. Underwhelming, but not as bad as the old guy. Well, this won't be my first time guiding simpletons or psycopaths.

"Howdy! It's me, your master and new best friend, Flowey the flower! I guess it's up to lil ol' me to show y'all how this works!" Flowey winked at his new servants.

Mayuri leaned closer towards Flowey. "A sentient flower, how fascinating. You will surely yield fantastic results." He took a step forward.

Flowey kept grinning. "Let's not get ahead of ourselves, pal! I'm your master, and you three are my servants. If I go, you all go too!"

Mayuri scoffed. "If you think I can not keep you alive during your dissection, you greatly underestimate me."

The older man rose to his feet. "If all of our lives are tied to this flower, it would be in our best interests to keep it from harm."

"What makes you think he isn't bluffing?"

Flowey raised a tendril with a red tattoo embedded on its surface. "This. It's called a command seal. It means that I can control you three whenever I feel like it. Will you play along, or be cast back into the void, awating your calling?"

Mayuri thought a moment, then shrugged. "Very well. So, flower, why have we been summoned?"

"Golly, I thought you'd never ask! You three are gonna help me look for something special. Something truly powerful. It's called the Holy Grail! It's an artifact that can grant our greatest desires! Just imagine the many souls that have tried to claim it . . ." Flowey's grin became noticeably sharper. "We just have to get it before anyone else can!"

Mayuri rested a hand on his sword. "This Grail sounds powerful indeed. The effects it could have on life . . ." He trailed off for a moment. "You have my interest, flower. I am Mayuri Kurotsuchi, captain of the 12th Division. May my medical knowledge and many tools be of use to you."

The old man stepped forward. "Are people as powerful as us trying to find this Grail?"

Flowey smirked. "You think I'm the only one with servants? Hundreds of powerful fighters are all itching to claim the Grail's power."

The old man grinned. "Excellent. As long as there are foes to challenge me, I shall serve you. I am known simply as The Beast, and I am the world's top killer."

Flowey forced back his surprise. But its clear from his tone that he's serious. And if he's seriously just looking for a fight, reeling him in will be easy! this day couldn't get any better!

"Um, this has nothing to do with Keijo, doesn't it?" The girl spoke quietly, waiting for her more sinister cohorts to finish.

"What's that?"

Aoba was confused. Seriously, how could these three have never heard of Keijo? "It's one of the greatest Japanese sports to ever exist. Two ladies on a land surrounded by water, and the only way they can try and knock each other off is with their butt or boobs."

“It sounds exactly like the sort of entertainment a country with such low birth rates would create.” Mayuri interjected.

The Beast chuckled.

Aoba was getting heated. "Hey, Keijo is a serious sport, you know. I'm pretty good at it too. You jerks wouldn't last a minute in a Keijo match!"

The Beast narrowed his eyes. "Is that a challenge, child? Do you think your shameful style can match my raw power?"

Mayuri bared his teeth as he stared down at the girl. "A mere human isn't worth my time. Besides, your techniques couldn't compare to the tools of my trade."

Flowey couldn't help but feel that the situation was spiraling out of his control. "H-hey! I'm your master! Listen to me and stop arguing!"

Before his servants could pounce on each other like wild dogs, the door opened loudly. The hooded figures from before ushered the four outside without a word.

[u/Emperor-Pimpatine → u/Emperor-Pimpatine]

Flowey wouldn't admit it, but he was relieved the strange figures dragged his team out of the room and dissolved the tension, if only temporarily. The four were unfortunately thrust into a far stranger situation. They were left in a room with a half ring of seats, a mysterious figure in each, their hooded heads facing the new master and his servants. Flowey couldn't even see their faces, their hoods were pulled so far down. But he could feel their harsh glares beyond their hoods. He was sure they were already underestimating him.

Flowey couldn't wait to prove them wrong. "Well," Flowey started, smug grin firmly on his face, "What is this all about? We haven't even done anything yet!"

A figure spoke, its voice impossibly deep. "Now that you have assembled your servants, we have a task for you."

"What?! We've done plenty of crap to get here, why any more? You're just keeping us from hunting for the Grail!"

"No," Another figure spoke, this ones voice was dry, almost mechanical in tone. "You have each been tested separately. Now you must be tested as a team. Complete this small task, and you shall begin your quest for the Grail."

"Now that's more like it! So, what do we have to do?"

"A Master and his Saber have gone rogue. His Saber is exceptionally powerful, and the Master is . . ." The figures looked amongst themselves. "A liability. They must be stopped. We do not care if you stop them through force or coersion."

Well, I know how I wanna do this! Flowey's grin stretched uncomfortably wide. His teeth became noticabely sharper. "So we take these two out and we can start snooping for the Grail, huh? Looks like we got a deal, fellas! So, where are these rogues?"

"Not where, when?"

Flowey rolled his eyes. Smartass mystic types. "Fine. When are they?"

"London, 1666. Do any of you know what happened then?"

Flowey couldn't care less about whatever happened to mankind ages ago. "Nope." His servants also didn't seem to know.

"Let us give you a hint." A fire flashed to life in the middle of the room. First it was small and faint, like a lit cigarette. It steadily grew larger, exponentially increasing every second. Flowey felt himself wilt. Aoba and The Beast weren't doing much better, sweating heavily and on the verge of fainting. Mayuri was eerily calm as the fire spread. The fire was inches away, and Flowey screamed as it engulfed him. Suddenly the fire was extinguished with a soft fwoosh. The room felt much cooler, as though it hadn't exploded into an inferno just moments ago. The hooded figures looked completely unharmed. "That was merely an illusion, but we are cerain you can infer what happened then. Do you think you can handle this?"

"It'll take more than a little heat to scare us away! We are getting the Grail, and nothing's gonna stop us!" Flowey laughed. "So, are these two in hiding? Will we have to hunt for them?"

"The Master is not at all subtle, finding him will be easy. His Saber won't be far behind. If you accept, go out the door you entered, then take a right. You will find a shaft of light that will take you to London."

"Oh, we accept. Next time you see us, we'll have that Grail!" Flowey whistled, and his servants fell in line and followed him out of the room.

The figures sat amongst themselves quietly, until the figure with a deep voice spoke up. "So, do you think this master will succeed?"

One with a soft, lilting voice spoke up. "And if he does, should we intervene?"

"No," The mechanical voiced one replied. "All Masters have their reasons for pursuing the Grail. This flower is certainly no different. We shall not interfere until it is absolutely necessary."

"But you admit that it might be necessary."

The room grew quiet.

Flowey and his team made their way down the hallway towards the portal. "So, are you three ready to take down another Master?"

"You've already made the decision for us, Master." Mayuri's words dripped with venom. "But I have faith in my abilities. I cannot say the same for the rest of you."

The Beast cracked his knuckes with a sound like rock being shattered. "I will crush any foe underfoot, I promise this."

Aoba . . . had doubts, to say the least. "I-I must be here for a reason. I'll do my best."

"Great!" Flowey gyrated from side to side, eager to fight. "We can trash these fools, and then our adventure will really begin!"

The four finally reached the portal, in awe of its light. "So, if there are no objections, lets go!"

[u/Emperor-Pimpatine → u/Emperor-Pimpatine]

As Flowey and his servants exited the wormhole and entered 1666 London, It became apparent just how on fire everything was. Flowey couldn't suppress his joy at the various human structures burning around them. "Those hooded wise guys weren't kidding about this place, it's so intense! These pathetic fools . . ."

"Enough basking in the glow, we have a fellow master to find."

"C'mon, Mayuri. Destruction like this doesn't happen every day."

"I've seen many people combust in my studies. Eventually it gets boring."

"You have no idea how right you are. The hoods said the Master would be obvious, but none of these panicking townsfolk really stick out, do they? Would've been great to get some more info from our mysterious benefactors."

Suddenly there came a loud, unexpected noise. The honk of a car's horn, and it was close. There was no mistaking that sound for anything else.

Flowey cleared his throat. "I'm no expert on human history, but cars aren't supposed to exist yet, right?" Everyone nodded. "How much do you wanna bet that car's being driven by our rogue Master?"

The Beast stepped towards a burning building and swiftly kicked a hole through it, causing it to collapse. "It sounds very close, and tearing through these damaged structures is easy. I suggest we pursue the car directly. But if we're lucky, the blaze will consume the master and do the work for us." The Beast lept in the direction of the car's horn.

"Sounds like a good enough plan to me! Let's go!" Flowey surprised his servants by shrinking into the ground and popping up several feet away. "Well, what are you waiting for?" He popped back underground.

Mayuri grunted as he and Aoba ran after their teammates. Wherever the car was, it had gained quite the headstart, leaving The Beast to knock over any fire damaged building he thought was in his way. Mayuri suddenly caught up to The Beast and blew some kind of powder in his face. The Beast tensed up and keeled over.

"As much fun as I am having in this pointless chase, I am afraid I must put a stop to this nonsense."

Aoba stared at Mayuri and the downed old man. "Wh-what did you do to The Beast?"

"I just used a mild anesthetic powder. Don't worry, girl, I am beyond capable of reversing its affects. I merely wished to end this silly display."

Flowey popped up a foot away. "Hey, what gives? What are you guys fighting about now?"

Mayuri turned to his master like he was a particularly loud gnat. "I was wondering if there were some simpler way to track our quarry down. One that preferably won't announce our presence to them."

"What do you have in mind?"

"Simple, flower. I possess flawless camouflage. I am willing to scout ahead and report back when I have located them."

Flowey thought. "Hm. That's a wonderful idea! Go on then. But first, you should probably fix The Beast."

"Oh, if I must." Mayuri looked to the slumped over man. "Will you not be so hasty next time?"

The Beast grunted weakly.

"Understood." Mayuri reached into his robe, pulled out a small pouch of powder, and threw some onto The Beast, who quickly rose to his feet. "Before you do anything rash, keep in mind I stopped you dead in your tracks with a small dose."

The Beast mumbled to himself as Mayuri ran off, vanishing after several steps.

"Well," Flowey began "No way I'm just sitting on the sidelines and waiting. I'll see if I can follow Mayuri." Flowey popped back underground, Leaving The Beast with Aoba.

"Hm. So what does that leave us to do?"

"Maybe we could help some of these poor people?" Aoba offered.

"It won't matter."

"What do you mean?"

"Think about it. This is hundreds of years before any of us probably existed. What difference does a few insignificant lives make in the grand scheme of things? No point in helping them, even if I wanted to."

"So you're just gonna sit here and do nothing?!"

"What could you do, Keijo player? Smack the fire with your ass until it retreats? This town burning all around us is out of our hands. Hell, it's not even why we came here. Which means this town's destruction is set in stone."

"All of you are despicable. People are dying."

The Beast snorted. "Flowey enjoys their suffering, Mayuri couldn't care less about humans, and unless one of these people can give me a challenge, I agree with Mayuri."

"Is fighting all you care about?"

"It's all I have. I became the strongest killer of my time, eagerly awaiting the thrill of being challenged by a worthy foe. Unless this enemy Saber is legendary, I will find no such foe among this dying town. Therefore, I do not care about it or its people."

Aoba's expression grew determined. "No. We have to do something. We can't just sit here and do nothing when we could be making a difference."

"Don't give yourself such delusions, Aoba. That attitude will have you dying for nothing one day."

Aoba slumped to the floor and groaned. "I-it's not fair. I've worked so hard to become a skilled Keijo player, and now I'm stuck in a place where none of that matters. I can't even help people that need it. W-what if I have to fight another servant? Could I stand a chance? W-what if I have to ki-"

The Beast sighed as he rose. "Worrying will change nothing, child! If you must fight, then you fight! If you must kill to stay alive, then you kill! I despise weakness. So, if we are to work together, then you will have to become stronger."

Aoba had no idea where this was going. "Do you mean . . . You're going to train me?"

The Beast laughed. "I am certainly no sensei, but I can teach you how to fight like a real warrior."

[u/Emperor-Pimpatine → u/Emperor-Pimpatine]

Flowey was stalking Mayuri as quietly as he could. He had a hard time keeping up, as Mayuri often leapt from rooftop to rooftop, and Flowey traveled best through dirt. Still, keeping up with this guy is easy! He gloated to himself as he slithered after the camouflaged servant.

Suddenly Mayuri stopped. He tilted his head back, as if he were sniffing the air. He descended out of Flowey's view. Flowey impatiently slid forward between two buildings, almost running into a blade. Flowey looked up to meet his servant's analytical gaze.

"I do not recall asking for your help, Master." Mayuri used the word as though it were a particularly strong insult.

"C'mon, oh great Assassin, why should I just wait when I can just follow you and get a front row seat to the action?"

"Maybe because following me after I explicitly told you not to would put you at risk, my wise yet fragile master."

"Whatever. You are close, right? This wasn't just for some cheap scare?"

"I can hear the engine running. Just down this street, I think."

"Sweet! Shouldn't take long to end this. So, should we get the others, or do you think we can handle this?"

"We have no clue what this Master and Saber are capable of. I will stay back and study them, you inform the Beast and Aoba."

Flowey saluted with a vine as he sank into the dirt. Mayuri slowly approached the car. He could still hear its engine idle, before suddenly dying with a sputter. He could finally see the vehicle, a large light blue van with a license plate reading "BI GUY." Mayuri wasn't sure what it meant. Before he could slither back to his master, the driver's side door busted open, smoke rushing into the open air. Out stepped a black man in a blue hoodie and matching sweatpants. Mayuri took note of the black tribal-looking tattoo running along one side of the man's face, and he became sure that this man was the master when he saw a similar tattoo on his other side, but in the vivid red of a command seal.

The Master clutched his knees as he coughed heavily for several minutes before he started swearing. "Fuck! Now we're outta gas! We haven't passed a single damn gas station here!" The Master turned towards Mayuri, his anger seemingly turned off like a switch. "Oh, hello there! You don't look like a peasant or whatever you call these ancient guys. You must be with those weird fellas that paired me up with that Saber chick. Oh sorry, I'm forgettin' to introduce myself, I'm Mike Tyson, from the Mike Tyson Mystery Team." Mike gave Mayuri a business card he didn't bother looking at. "So, do you guys have some gas, or like, a gas station? My mystery mobile needs gas, basically."

Mayuri tried to play along, wondering what was taking Flowey so long. "Ah, you mentioned a Saber, yes? Where is she?"

"Oh, I sent her to look for gas. I gave her a phone so she could text me when she found some, but I guess cellphone towers don't exist yet. She'll probably be back soon though."

"Right. Why are you here then, Mr. Tyson?"

"I don't know either, man. Me and Saber just woke up in the mystery mobile without the rest of my team, and everything was on fire. So, first I figured we could solve the mystery of why everything was on fire, right? Maybe they were trying to get rid of poltergeists or somethin', but everybody is too busy panicking to help us. Maybe because their houses were burning down, who could say? So we've just been driving, hoping we could find a portal home or some cool shit like that."

Mayuri nodded. He had lost interest immediately after he'd asked his question. But where is Tyson's Saber? And where the hell is Flowey and his other servants?

[u/Emperor-Pimpatine → u/Emperor-Pimpatine]

Flowey burst out of the dirt and saw what would easily be in the top 7 strangest things he had ever seen. The Beast and Aoba, locked in combat. The Beast's fists were flying rapidly, so fast Flowey could hardly see them. Flowey rubbed his eyes. This can't possibly be real. Aoba was . . . Aoba was striking with her butt, matching The Beast's speed and countering his punches. The Beast was just as confused as Flowey, but he continued his attack, launching blow after blow, punch after chop, and Aoba's butt strikes were becoming more rapid in return. Flowey could've sworn he saw smoke form whenever the fighters made contact.

Flowey was shamefully enraptured by the display, and sat for several minutes, until he heard a car's door loudly shut. "Oh shit, the enemy Master!"

That got his servant's attention, and they stopped mid punch before the most embarrassing cross counter in history could ever take place. "What?!"

"I-I was coming back to get you guys. Mayuri found the enemy Master, and wanted us to pitch in."

"Ah, now we are needed!" The Beast lunged forward, eager for a real fight.

Flowey motioned to Aoba. "So, what was that about? I'm not even sure what to call that."

Aoba blushed. "I-I guess that might've seemed a little weird. The Beast said that he was going to train me, make me stronger. He wanted to compare our attack rushes, so I just used my Keijo training, and . . ."

"Are you okay, Aoba?"

"Hm?"

"You're really quiet, y'know? It just seems odd that you'd suddenly be fighting a teammate, especially when he's an old guy that goes by The Beast, the world's top killer."

"I feel so out of my element here. The rest of you are willing to kill. You all seem to take pleasure in it. I'm just an athlete. What can I do in a real fight, one without any rules?"

"Don't beat yourself up, Aoba. You must be here for a reason, after all. You're more capable than you give yourself credit for." Aoba was surprised to see a warm smile on the flower's face. "If we work together, we can end this. And when we get that grail, you'll never have to worry about fighting again."

Aoba studied the flower. Sure, he was trying to be friendly now, but she remembered how callously he laughed at the people burning around them. Of course he'd be friendly when he needed her on his side. She quietly nodded, then followed The Beast.

Flowey muttered to himself as he slithered through the dirt after his servants. "Try to be nice, and look where it gets ya."

The Beast smashed into the ground meters away from the van. It looked plain, and if it were back home it wouldn't have caught his eye. Here however, it was the only motor vehicle in the entire world, and it shouldn't even exist yet. Even stranger than the car was the two figures looking under the hood. A man with facial tattoos in a blue hoodie, now stained with grease and oil. Next to him, holding a lug wrench with an indifferent look on his face was Mayuri. The Beast gestured to the Assassin, who quickly sprinted towards his ally.

Mayuri dropped his wrench when he was within earshot. "Oh good, you've made it. I need your help."

Before The Beast could ask any questions, Mike Tyson turned towards them. "Hey, man, I need that wren- Oh, is that a friend of yours? He looks pretty damn old. Ooh, is he your master? He looks like a wise-ass old guy type."

The Beast stood quietly. Mayuri smirked. "Trust me, he is not wise. We are humble servants, and we are on a mission."

"Oh, that's cool. Are you guys solving mysteries too?"

"Not exactly." Mayuri gestured to The Beast, and the two advanced on Tyson.

"Well, if that's not it exactly, then why are you here? No offense to the peasants or whatever that live here, but this place kinda sucks ass."

A loud clattering made everyone lose focus. A blonde girl in a suit of armor strode out of an alley, lugging a broadsword in one hand, and a red gas can in the other. "Master Tyson, I'm sorry to say that I couldn't find any gaso- who are these people?"

"Oh, hey, Saber. Guys, this is my Saber, Saber. Apparently she's King Arthur or something, isn't that cool?"

The Beast turned towards Mayuri, who only shugged in response. "Um, sure."

"I know, right?" Mike turned towards his Saber. "Just so you know, the mystery mobile's out of gas. Don't worry about it though, I'm sure you did your best to find gas."

Saber slumped over, dropping the gas can. "But how will we get home now?"

"Don't worry about it, its just another mystery to solve. Hey, these guys are servants too. Maybe their Master can help us."

"Where is their master?"

Flowey sprung from the ground. "Right here, pals!"

Mike recoiled. "Holy fuck, that's some Veggie Tales shit. Man, you guys lucked out, I bet no one's expecting to fight a flower."

Flowey was pretty sure the first part was an insult. "Haha, you must be the Master, huh? And the girl with the sword is your Saber, right?"

Tyson was shocked. "No way, how did you know? Is that your master power or something?"

This guy is way too easy. Flowey smirked. "Yeah, sure it is. What's yours, pal?"

"Well, I have years of mystery solving experience, and I was a heavyweight champion. Wait, you guys still haven't told us why you're here."

"You remember the creepy hooded figures that run this Grail hunt?"

"Yeah, they're pretty creepy. Why?"

"Well, we're working for them. See, you two aren't supposed to be here, and we've been hired to take you guys out."

"See Saber, these guys just wanna take us out of here, ain't that nice?"

Several small white pellets materialized in front of Tyson, but were quickly smacked down by Saber. "Hey! Which one of you fiends tried to attack us?" Flowey laughed. "You pitiful rogues just want the Grail for yourselves! Prepare yourself, Master Tyson!"

"Ok!" Mike gave a thumbs up while pulling on a pair of boxing gloves.

Saber rushed towards Flowey's servants, sword held high. Mayuri quickly raised his sword to block hers, and was quickly pushed back by Saber's strength. As Mayuri struggled for dominance, The Beast fell to all fours, his feet and hands digging tightly into the dirt. His throat bulged suddenly with no explanation, and he rocketed forward into Saber's side with explosive force. Saber grunted as The Beast launched them into a building.

Saber quickly got up and swung her sword in a horizontal arc. The Beast ducked under, readied himself and launched them into the air, through the damaged building's roof and high into the sky. Saber swung down at The Beast, who quickly grabbed onto the top of the blade and forced himself upward. He raised his arms over his head, gearing up for a hammer blow. Saber grinned as she thrust her blade upward, launching a gust of wind at The Beast, sending him flying farther.

"Good riddance, you beast!" Saber used another wind gust to slow her descent. As she reached the ground she searched for the enemy servants, ignoring The Beast's laughter as he continued his flight.

"I am no mere beast." The Beast would never admit defeat, but he had to admit he wasn't sure how he'd safely reach the ground. The Beast was slowing, which he realized meant he would soon stop, and then fall. "I could safely land using my Toad Style, but there's nothing to launch myself off of." The Beast turned towards the heavens and finally saw his chance. A flock of birds. The Beast reoriented himself so his feet pointed upwards. He tried to assume his stance. His feet touched two birds, and he quickly pushed off, launching himself at the ground. He quickly picked up speed, a cone of flame surrounding him akin to reentry. The Beast cackled.

Saber felt confident. One of three enemy servants were already gone. "But where have they gone? And where is my master?" She shuddered as she felt a blade suddenly thrust into her side. She looked down to see the end of a katana sticking out of her side.

"Ah," came a chilling voice behind her, "I found an opening in your armor." Mayuri twisted the blade before pulling it out, winding Saber. She turned towards her attacker and swiped at him, only for him to parry flawlessly. She thrust her blade forward, again he parried. Saber launched another windblast, throwing Mayuri back. She quickly followed up with a slash that removed his sword arm, and used another gust to launch him into a burning building. Saber heard the man scream and relaxed, leaning against her sword. That fight had left her unreasonably tired. What did that bastard do?

Just as Saber caught her breath, She heard the laughter from above. She looked towards the heavens and caught a glimpse of hell. A flaming man bearing down on her quickly for the mother of all headbutts. She desperately raised her blade to block the attack, and was horrified by the force of the impact. The clash threw fire in all directions, turning any remaining scorched structures to ash. The Beast continued to cackle as his head forced Saber's blade back.

"I am The Beast! Face the wrath of my Toad Style: Meteor Variant!"

Saber pushed back desperately, but her strength had been sapped by the previous fight. This unbearable heat . . . My aching body . . . Dammit all! Saber desperately fired several wind blasts, which only fanned The Beast's flames. All she could do was stand her ground or wait until The Beast's fire died down. But she was growing weaker every second.

[u/Emperor-Pimpatine → u/Emperor-Pimpatine]

Saber held out as long as she could in the center of the inferno. Finally, The Beast's flames gave way to smoke and cinders. The two finally dropped their clash and collapsed with no clear victor. They rose unsteadily. Saber's muscles felt as though they were putty stretched to the point of snapping. Yet she mustered the strength to raise her sword, little by little, bit by bit.

The Beast's attempt to regain his stance left his head and neck exposed. It won't take much force to end this. Saber's sword rested on her shoulder. She took a deep breath, and hefted it high. As the ringing in her ears subsided, she heard an irritatingly familiar noise. The Beast was laughing. It was much quieter now that his flame had burnt out, but he was laughing, all the same. "What's so funny?"

The Beast's clothing and body were thoroughly singed. Soot had caked his glasses, and his sandals had melted. But he was still on his feet, giving Saber a defiant yet tired grin. "Ah hah ha . . . I did not imagine that would have worked so well . . ."

Saber raised her sword, eager to end this. A loud whistle cut through the air, as a familiar katana was plunged into Saber's back.

Mayuri twisted his blade. "Forgive my absence, I had to regrow an arm. Hm, I see my anesthetic has taken hold. And yet, you are able to resist its effects? This will require further study."

Saber groaned. So this bastard managed to poison me? Her trusty sword felt so heavy in her hands, her body so sluggish. But she couldn't back down. She launched a wind blast at the ash near Mayuri's feet, flinging it into his eyes. He dropped his guard, trying to rub them clean.

Saber hefted her sword, and swung as hard as she could in her exhausted state. This time, he won't get the chance to fix himself. Her sword made contact with crackling electricity. Saber screamed as the current ran through her body.

"I never mentioned my electricity field, did I?" Mayuri taunted as he wiped at his eyes.

Saber finally dropped her sword. Between Mayuri's numbing anesthetic and the electric shock, she couldn't gather the strength to swing her sword. I've given it my all. But I cannot let Master Tyson down! She had to do something. She clenched her fists. She took a step forward.

A loud crack echoed through the air as Saber finally hit the ground. While she was focused on Mayuri, The Beast had clawed his way towards her and cold clocked her in the back of the head. The two stood silently for a minute.

The Beast coughed. "Mayuri . . . you said you grew back an arm. How?"

"Just a simple drug I concocted. Why?"

"Could you spare some for me?"

"But you have all your limbs intact. Just superficial burns and some strained joints. Possibly a concussion."

"If the Saber recovers from that attack, you will need my aid." Mayuri dropped a small vial. "How do I use this?"

"Just pour it onto your wounds." The Beast poured a few drops on his hands, which immediately bubbled and smoked. The Beast grimaced, sweat dripping down his face. "Ah, I forgot to mention that particular drug can cause intense pain while it repairs the body. Your responses will be valuable to my research."

Flowey laughed at the bedlam forming in front of him. A loud crunching came from behind, and he turned to see Tyson cracking his knuckles. "Y'know, I thought you guys would be cool, but you're just a bunch of dicks! I'm usually a nice guy, but I can totally kick a flower's ass."

Flowey screamed as Tyson kneeled down to punch him. "S-somebody, help!" Mike threw a brutal uppercut, uprooting Flowey. Before he could punch again, Aoba rushed forward in a bizarre roll, smashing her ass into the back of Tyson's head.

"Giant Ass Wheel!"

Mike was flustered. "W-what the?! Did you just literally bum rush me? That's nasty!"

"Yes, now you face the power of a Keijo prodi-"

"Man, I don't care, that was weird! Ick. Look, I don't care about this Grail bullshit, I just wanna go home."

Flowey squinted through his new black eye. "Then why are you here?"

"I. Don't. Know. It's a mystery, and I'm just the boxer to solve it."

"How's that working out for ya so far?"

Mike gestured to the flaming ruins surrounding them "Besides all of those, just fine."

Flowey rolled his eyes. "Sure, whatever. Aoba, be a dear and kill this poor Master."

"Oh my god, you want me to just kill this old guy?"

"I'm not that old, y'know," Tyson interjected.

"I'm not asking you to break his neck, Aoba. Though that would be pretty cool. Just use one of your butt wheelies or whatever you call it on him."

"The Giant Ass Wheel is a dignified technique!"

"How can you say that with a straight face?"

Mike Tyson raised his gloved hands in a time out gesture. "Hold on, hold on! She doesn't wanna kill me, and I don't wanna die. We can work something out. You're an athlete too, right? What was it, Cujo?"

"Keijo?"

"Yeah, that. Is it like MMA?"

"Um, sort of?"

"Perfect! You and me can fight. Three rounds, and if you win I'll give up."

Aoba grew determined. "A-alright, we can try."

Flowey rolled his eyes. "Whatever, Aoba. Just don't go too easy on him, we gotta leave at some point. I'm gonna check on everybody else."

"Right." Aoba crouched into a Keijo stance. Mike slammed his gloves together. The two sized each other up, then nodded. Somewhere a bell rang out.

"Here we go!"

Mike threw up his guard, unsure of what Aoba was capable of. Wait, don't tell me that booty bounce was part of her technique. That'd be weird. Aoba rushed Tyson, stepping to his right. Tyson turned to meet her, but Aoba was faster. She maneuvered behind him easily. Before Tyson could turn, Aoba goosed him. Tyson was speechless, allowing Aoba to slam her ass into his back. Tyson fell hard, grunting loudly.

Aoba helped him to his feet. "Are you okay, sir?"

"Oh, I've had worse falls. At least this one wasn't a hoverboard."

"Do you think you can keep this up?"

"Yeah, I can handle this." Tyson was now on the offensive, rushing towards Aoba and taking several quick jabs.

Aoba was confused. So, this guy clearly isn't using Keijo techniques. How would that even work? Let's see if I can copy his style to my advantage. Aoba weaved left and right to avoid Tyson's strikes. She got in his face and threw a jab of her own. Tyson shook off the punch easily and responded with his own, knocking Aoba down.

"What, is there no punching in Keijo?"

"Nope. Guess I've never really had to throw a punch."

"Hey, we all make mistakes we gotta learn from. On the plus side, we're even. Which makes this the final tiebreaker round. Good luck, kid."

Aoba was taken back by how polite he was. God, my team is mostly bad sports. "Sure, you too."

Mike rushed in quickly, launching blow after blow. Aoba dived out of his range, then rushed him ass first. Mike rolled out of the way, then threw another punch at her. Aoba bent over, allowing him to punch her in the cheek. To his surprise and horror, his fist bounced off with a soft boing. His fist flew back into his face, striking him square in the nose. He hit the ground hard, and saw stars.

". . . Shit, I guess I lost."

Aoba reached her teammates, who had gathered their fair share of scrapes and bruises. "Sorry, Mr Tyson."

"Nah, just Mike. This is the end of Mike Tyson's Masteries. Now where the hell is Saber? I'll need help pushing the van."

"Here ya go, pal." Flowey dropped the fallen Saber at her master's feet. "Don't worry, she's probably not dead, just beat to hell. And we're done here. Later, loser." Flowey laughed as he and his team were whisked away into the light.

"Yeah, you too. Bye guys." Mike hoisted Saber, carrying her to the van. "I can totally push the van on my own for now. But when you wake up, its your turn, Saber." Saber groaned from the passenger's seat.