Manager who replaced me is being shady…

[u/racheyrach_]

Hey everyone,

I recently stepped down from a manager role (completely my choice) and transitioned into another management position. I’m happy with the decision, but my replacement has started coming to me with questions about processes and decisions I made while managing. On the surface, that’s fine, I’m willing to help when needed.

The issue is that while asking for input, they’ll make small digs about how I previously handled things. It’s not outright rude, but more like subtle comments that make it clear they would’ve done it differently, or imply my way wasn’t good enough.

I’m not looking to get into conflict, but it does feel uncomfortable. I want to help them succeed, but I don’t want to be in a position where I’m defending my old decisions every time they ask me something.

Has anyone navigated something similar? How do I set boundaries so I can be supportive without feeling undermined or second-guessed about the past?

[u/ombudstelle]

It is all about structured feedback and boundaries here.

The new Manager has to understand that you are happy to provide context and fill in blanks on how things were done previously, but the role is now theirs and they will need to decide how things are done going forward (without your help).

The recommendations would be to:

• Batch Process Requests
  • The new Manager should not be coming to you with one-off requests, they should be referring those to their Manager, or grouping them together and bring them to you in batches
  • If batched, this should be able to be handled as an email, which would help with preventing the new Manager's negative behavior
• Time Deadline
  • This transitionary time period should not go on for an extended period of time and it would be best to have some soft deadline established with the new Manager and their Manager
• Don't let it get to you
  • When the new Manager makes a comment which is clearly made to undermine you or your previous decisions do your best to not let it effect you
  • If you wish to make it clear that the behavior is not appreciated, you can address it semi-directly:
    • "Okay [new Manager's Name], I'm happy to help you fill in the blanks and add context where I can, was there any other questions you had on [the specific subject]?"
  • If you wish to make it clear that the behavior is not appreciated, you can address it more directly:
    • "Okay [new Manager's Name], so now that you have an idea of how it was done before, you are the Manager of that [department, group, etc.] now and you can decide where you want to go from here. Was there any other questions you had on [the specific subject]?"

The overarching aspect here is that you really want to structure the communication and ensure that they understand that you are not going to engage with them on discussions, outside of providing information and context on how things were done before.

Don't feel guilty about your past decisions, feel the need to defend them, or be manipulated into having a discussion you do not need to, u/racheyrach_!

[u/Familiar-Range9014]

Time to start ignoring them as it seems a case is being built against you

[u/racheyrach_ → u/Familiar-Range9014]

What if they’re working within the same company, and I may have some interaction with them on future projects?

[u/Familiar-Range9014 → u/racheyrach_]

You need to cover your butt. Speak to your manager to make sure there are no issues.

[u/bullfeathers23]

Often these processes are affected by outlier conditions or what ever that really means fuck off. Or maybe “perhaps it will help if you see me next quarter/year/whatever when things make a bit more sense to you. Anything else?” (You fucktwad) or to the Uber boss “I’m trying to help junior bonner but I wonder if he understands… that plans do change all the time with market conditions” Or what would Queen Elizabeth say to Harry?

[u/zxvasd]

It sounds like you already now how to do it. Why are you asking me?